The salvo of fireworks exploding signals the opening of another edition of Mayhem, as the fans cheer at the top of their lungs. In the crowd, along with various Spider-Chan and "Elroy" signs, are ones that read: "MY EXPLODING BACK WEIRLDING KNIFE IN THE BOOTY HEADED JUMMY LUV THAT CHEESE, JIM!", "Hey Mikey, any New Boyfriends?" (with a picture of Michael Connelly behind prison bars), A bunch of "Angel Likes Feet.", "Hokuto: New CHampion. Nuff Said.", "Michael Connelly: Wrestler of the Future", and, surprisingly, some pro-Hogan signs.

Megan: Welcome everyone, to another edition of EAW Mayhem! Megan Eko, along side Paul Heyman here...

Heyman: And let me just inform everyone: You're looking at the next great tag-team here...Brock Lesnar here, and yours truely!

Megan: ...you've been getting into Booker Wolf's stash, haven't you?

Heyman: And what's that suppossed to mean?

Megan: Nothing, nothing. ^^

Suddenly, the lights go out in the arena.

Heyman: Oh no, not again.

OOONNNNNE STEEEEEP!!!!

Heyman: Rrrr…

Eighteen comes out with the same entrance as last time, the whole laser light-show deal and column of light. The crowd gives her a pretty impressive reaction.

Megan: We're starting this show with a great match between two powerful female superstars…one making her debut and the other going to prove herself. Gary, take it away.

Capetta: Our opening contest is scheduled for one fall with a 20-minute time limit. Introducing first, hailing from the Red Ribbon Army, standing 5'8" tall and weighing in at 125 pounds…"The Digimortal"…EIGHTEEN!"

Heyman: I don't understand how someone who killed so many people can get this great a reaction.

Megan: Heyman, that's bullshit and you know it. Even more than you being an accomplished grappler.

Heyman: Like YOU'RE one to talk, going against that innocent girl Kelly Connelly.

Before the announcers can continue, "Digimortal" fades out, and the sounds of "Bombshell" by Powerman 5000 cue up in the arena, as a very statuesque female makes her way out.

Megan: And here is the girl that sorta…well…unofficially ended my match with Kelly. Nice moves on her too.

Heyman: How DARE this PWF lowlife get involved in matters that don't concern her.

Megan: Well, let's get the official intro done.

Capetta: Her opponent, making her EAW debut, from Memphis, Tennessee, standing 6' tall and weighing in at 215 pounds, Glenda "UNIBOMB" JACOBS!"Heyman: Man, and I thought Chyna was an intimidating looking she-male.

Megan: I wouldn't want to make her or her husband mad…who knows what they could do to you.

Heyman: Bah…I'll show them up like I will when Brock and I beat the Hardy Boyz.

This gets a good chuckle from Megan as Glenda gets in the ring, the two girls staring each other down as the bell rings.

Megan: Well in all seriousness now, we are ready for a big war of a match right now. Glenda and Eighteen now going nose-to-nose with each other, and tension has filled the air.

Heyman: And Glenda's the first to strike, with a HARD right hand to the face of Eighteen!

Megan: And that's not gonna remove any tensions between these two superstars during this match. Eighteen retaliating…and this match has already degenerated into a slug face.

Heyman: Hey, nothing wrong with a good brawl at times. Some of the best matches in history are started that way…and Glenda with a knee to the gut of Eighteen.

Megan: Glenda now getting an early advantage…sending Eighteen off of the ropes, but getting caught by flying chop by the Digimortal. Eighteen waiting for Glenda to get back up to her feet right now…going for a tie up…no, a sucker kick, followed by a DDT.

Heyman: A cheep move by Eighteen, but an effective one. Cover now….only a two count though.

Megan: Eighteen picking Glenda up to her feet, the Unibomb caught off guard by this offensive…Eighteen setting her up now onto her shoulders…attempted Electric Chair drop blocked though…

Heyman: SH*T! Hurricanrana by Glenda! That came out of NOWHERE!

Megan: Glenda staying on top of Eighteen for the pin…another two count only though.

Heyman: These two are being really resourceful right now, not wanting the other to get an advantage.

Megan: Well Eighteen getting back up to her feet now, but Glenda there for her with a hard knee shot to the gut. Eighteen is doubled over now, and Glenda grabs her…Cradle DDT!

Heyman: Possible big mistake here though, as Glenda Jacobs deciding not to go for a cover, instead sending Eighteen into the corner.

Megan: Glenda with vicious elbow-strikes to Eighteen's face…now what's this?

Heyman: The classic Nash set up pose! One more…NO! Eighteen moves…and throws her Jujitsu style out of the corner!

Megan: Eighteen getting a quick chance to gain an advantage…Glenda getting to her feet though…Eighteen with a Springboard body press onto Glenda! Cover made…….yet another two count!

Heyman: One second away…ONE SECOND AWAY! And Eighteen doesn't look too pleased about that.

Megan: Eighteen isn't pleased at all about that, and the android girl looking to try to find something to put Glenda away. Grabbing Glenda now…hard headbutt to Eighteen's gut by Jacobs though. Glenda trying to get back to her feet, but Eighteen putting a nerve-hold onto Glenda now.

Heyman: This is smart wrestling by Eighteen right here, weakening Glenda so she can try to get something onto her.

Megan: Glenda Jacobs trying to get back up to her feet once again though…is up to her feet…and…woah.

Heyman: Nicely placed dropkick to Eighteen's chest, and that sends the Digimortal rocking there!

Megan: Glenda making a great showing now, grabbing Eighteen and sending her off the ropes…Big Boot attempt missed by Glenda…and falling neckbreaker there by Eighteen! Glenda is down and…

Heyman: Uh oh…Eighteen is signaling for it!

Megan: Glenda doesn't know what's about to come up here…Eighteen hoisting her up for the TSF…

Heyman: BUT LOOK WHO IT IS! IT'S NOVA! NOVA IS DISTRACTING THE REFEREE!

Megan: Eighteen has just hit the Total System Failure onto Glenda Jacobs…but the referee is distracted with Nova! Eighteen notices now, and going after Nova.

Heyman: But look what Nova has in his hand…

Megan: Shit! Nova has a car battery, and nails Eighteen in the head as the referee goes to check on Glenda…who's back to her feet…and catches the falling Eighteen…

Heyman: And there's the G-Bomb by Glenda Jacobs! Glenda is gonna win her debut match!

Megan: Cover by Glenda now, Nova laughing……and there's the 3-Count. Glenda has NO IDEA what happened.

Capetta: Here is your winner, Glenda "Unibomb" Jacobs!

Heyman: What an impressive win by this girl making her EAW Debut! Glenda is gonna go far in this company!

Megan: You forgot to mention the interference by Nova…and Glenda leaving the ring, Nova…what is Nova doing?

Heyman: Look at this! Jumper cables are attached to that Car Battery!

Megan: No…he wouldn't!

Before Megan or Heyman can say anything else, Nova attaches the jumper cables to Eighteen's nipples, where she screams out as her shirt catches on fire and she writhes in pain. Nova just watches on, grinning sadistically as he grabs a mic.

Nova stands over Eighteen, slapping her face mockingly, then says into the mic: Nova: So Eighteen...thought you could get away with it?

Paul: YEAH YEAH!! YOU TELL HER, NOVA!! TELL THAT CHEATING BITCH!!!

Nova: Maybe everyone out here couldn't tell...or maybe they didn't care. Hey...I may not have been the cleanest fighter in this ring lately, but I know damn sure I don't go to those lengths in a match. Hell, against Molly, I just restrained her...I didn't actually use my super strength in my offense. YOU...you powered up to win that match against me--*points to Crysta*--and so she didn't EARN you, Crysta. *Looks back down towards Eighteen* In fact, I think I deserve a rematch, same deal...Crysta on the line. Roll the tape...

Styles: EIGHTEEN GRABBED NOVA OUT OF THE AIR AND DELIVERED A WICKED TSF RIGHT OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!!! HOLY CHRIST!!!! COVER! ONE!! TWO!!! THREE!!!!!!

Heyman: FOUL!!! FOUL!!! FOUL!!!!! THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL ANYONE COULD HAVE DONE THAT!! DID YOU SEE THE HEIGHT SHE JUMPED?!!! SHE USED HER POWERS FOR A SPLIT SECOND TO PULL THAT MOVE OFF!!!!!

Styles: No doubt a controversial finish, but still Eighteen's the winner of Crysta's tournament! And she wins Crysta! AND THERE SHE IS!!

Crysta runs out from the backstage area, sliding into the ring and embraces Eighteen happily. Eighteen hugs back, spinning her around in the air once, then sits her on her feet as Crysta raises the arm of her new wrestler!

Nova: As you can see...Eighteen definitely broke the rules in that match, and used her superstrength in a NON-AAA match...I think Co-Commissioner Donnie B AND Morrigan could both plainly see than this must be corrected immediately. If not the match simply awarded to be by default.

Paul: YEAH!! Nova is definitely a take-charge kinda guy.

Megan: Well...even if he DOES have a legitimate claim, I think that he could have done something other than this first. He didn't HAVE to attack Eighteen first.

Heyman: Well, he did, and I for one am proud of Nova for taking this initiative!

Megan: (sigh)Well, as Eighteen gets some medical attention, we're going to go to commericals. We'll be back.

Heyman: Shouldn't Eighteen get mechanics insted of medics?

*COMMERCIALS*

Megan: Welcome back everyone…we're still trying to get word on the condition of Eighteen, but…

Heyman: Blah, blah, blah. Big deal, let's move on.

Megan:…uncaring fat bastard.

Heyman: She's an android…she'll be fine. Let's get on with things.

Megan just sighs a bit as the camera shifts to the entryway, as "Martyr" by Fear Factory cues up, Arana making her way out.

Capetta: The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is for the EAW Cruiserweight Championship! Introducing first, the challenger. Hailing from the Darkside, standing 5'7" tall and weighing in at 122 pounds…Arana!

Megan: Well, we're gonna try to move on, as we're about to start a Cruiserweight Title match here.

Heyman: And here's a girl I think is very deserving of the title.

Megan: I thought I heard you singing Hurricane's praises.

Heyman: I'm supportive of BOTH these stars!

Megan: Well we'll have to see how well they fare against each other.

Heyman: One thing I don't get was what that shopping was…

VERTIBREAKER!

Megan/Heyman: THE HELL?

As Helms' last official WCW Theme plays, Molly Holly comes out first, wearing a pink top similar to her old Molly Holly one, but showing belly…and black leather pants. After a bit, Helms comes out, wearing white boots, black short tights with the word "Sugar" on the back of them…and black elbow and kneepads.

Capetta: Aaaand her opponent, being accompanied by the Sugar Baby Molly Holly, from Raleigh, North Carolina, standing 6' tall and weighing in at 191 pounds…he is the EAW Cruiserweight Champion…"Sugar" Shane Helms!

Megan: How about that Paul! Shane Helms going back to the gimmick he won his first major company lightweight title in!

Heyman: (looking at Molly)Mmm…Molly, you look so fine. Not as much as your WWE Counterpart…but still…mmm…

Megan: (sigh)Well, Helms now in the ring, handing the belt to referee…and we're underway now!

Heyman: Let's see some ass-kicking!

Megan: And Arana wasting no time in getting this match started with a hard kick to the side of Helms' head. Shane Helms caught off guard with that one, and Arana is trying to end it early…Venom Fang attempt…Helms ducking through, and pulls at her feet as he gets up to his.

Heyman: Already off to a great start here, now Helms with something…OUCH!

Megan: Helms with a forward roll onto Arana while holding on to her legs. And Arana wracked with pain now!

Heyman: The Sensation of Innovation Strikes again!

Megan: Helms now waiting now, Molly watching on outside of the ring…Helms rushing in, but Arana tripping him up as he does, and wrenching away at his leg now.

Heyman: Smart maneuvering there by the dark spider girl, as she works away at Helms' legs.

Megan: Molly looking a bit worried as Shane Helms is screaming a bit…but he's fighting through the pain of this move, and he manages to grab the rope…Arana waits to let go of the hold though, tempting a disqualification.

Heyman: Hey, as long as she breaks it before a 5 count is given, she's OK.

Megan: Point there…now Arana pulling Helms back to the center of the ring, working away at the legs…a rather methodical pace by Arana here as she wrenches away at the legs of Shane Helms.

Heyman: A perfect strategy…and look at this! She's going for a modified Texas Cloverleaf here…and Helms is trying to fight…

Megan: Look at how Helms is fighting this move! Using his flexibility to grab Arana's chin…and Arana lets go in pain, as Helms' just falls back for a reverse facebuster!

Heyman: A not-so-typical format for a Cruiserweight Championship match right here, and Helms now kip-upping to his feet. Arana slow to get up though, and Helms seems to be confident.

Megan: Helms setting Arana up…but Arana with a hard kick to the jaw of Shane Helms, taking the champion down to his back.

Heyman: Arana ready to prove her worth now…and she's signaling for something…

Megan: Arana going up to the top rope right now…could this be the Venom Fang Neo? Arana waiting…Helms back to his feet…she's going for it…but Helms…

Heyman: DAMN! Helms taking a page from Angle's book with a top rope Belly-to-Belly suplex off of the top rope! Arana caught off guard big time there…and now is rolling outside of the ring.

Megan: Arana trying to get a bit of a breather right now, but Helms noticing her on the outside of the ring…and going for a suicide dive!

Heyman: But Arana aware of him, and DAMN! Helms' head just smashed right against the barricade!

Megan: Shane Helms may have just cost himself the match right here, and Molly Holly going over to check on her friend and sometimes partner.

Heyman: And Arana none to pleased, as she was trying to attack Helms as he was down.

Megan: But this is uncalled for! She's kicking at Molly now, and Molly wasn't expecting to have to fight tonight!

Heyman: She should have thought about that before getting in Arana's way!

Megan: But look at this…Shane Helms noticing what is happening to Molly…reaching into his tights…

Heyman: This is wrong! Helms is going to resort to what William Regal is accused of!

Megan: No he isn't…that's a watch he's putting on…he presses a button, what's this about?

STAND BACK! THERE'S A HURRICANE COMING THROUGH!

Heyman: HOLY SHIT!

Megan: And right before our eyes, Shane Helms has once again become the Hurricane! Arana noticing…and pushing Molly aside…and Molly noticing, turning into Mighty Molly.

Heyman: Arana rushing in for a flying kick to Hurricane's head…but he catches it!

Megan: Hurricane modifying his hold a bit…and a T-Bone suplex onto the floor! Arana caught off guard there, and she COULD be out of it right now!

Heyman: This can't be right! There HAS to be something against Shane Helms becoming the Hurricane here.

Megan: Nothing that I know of. Hurricane tossing Arana back into the ring now, and looking SO ready now.

Heyman: Well…I guess that you don't hurt the girl that Hurricane has a crush on…and Arana going off the ropes…Hurricane catching a jumping spin-heel attempt thought…slamming her onto the mat!

Megan: Hurricane is focused right here now, and he's not about to give Arana a chance. She's getting up to her feet now…Hurricane grabs her by the throat…

Heyman: BIIIIIIIG chokeslam by the Hurricane. Hurricane has dropped Arana like sack of potatoes…

Megan: But Arana getting back to her feet…Hurricane grabbing her now…

Heyman: HURRIBREAKER! Hurricane has dropped Arana right on her head.

Megan: Hurricane going for the cover now…

One

.

.

.

TWO…

.

.

.

THREE!

Capetta: Here is your winner, and STILL EAW Cruiserweight Champion…The Hurricane!

Heyman: And once again, the mighty superhero Hurricane conquers all!

Megan: Mighty Molly now getting in the ring, and handing the title to Hurricane, and on that note, we'll be back!

*COMMERCIALS*

***

Megan: And we're... uhm... back, folks! ^^;

Heyman: ... That commercial was just so wrong...

Megan: I agree with you, there. --;

Heyman: Yeah. That mouse should've just hacked that cat-rabbit thing's head clean off.

Megan: ...

Heyman: ... What?!

Megan: ... *sigh*

Suddenly, "It's Love" cues up! Dropping down from a cord, hanging upside-down Spider-Man style is the EAW Extreme champion herself, dressed in her dark camo pants, special padded boots, Hardyz-style gloves, part-see-thru top, and an unzipped bullet-proof vest!

Megan: Wow! Who needs Spider-Man when we have our own Black Widow! Oseiko looks ready to fight here tonight!

Heyman: What's with the bullet-proof vest?! Is she afraid Crash might pull out an AK and blow her brains out or something? I know it's an Extreme match, but for Pete's sake, we're not going to go THAT Extreme, are we?! o_O;

Megan: I... think it's more of a fashion statement than anything else, Paul. ^^;

Heyman: Great, Oseiko might delve into gangsta rap then with that get-up. >=P

Oseiko has already backflipped to her feet and released herself from the cord, skipping to the ring and sliding in, going to the top rope and gesturing in a mix of a ninjitsu/Hardyz Gunn-style as the fans cheer... but as "Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck" cues up the cheers turn to jeers as Crash steps out, stopping as the fans start the chant of "EL-ROY! EL-ROY! EL-ROY!" Getting angry, Crash stomps his feet in a tantrum and turns to walk away!

Megan: Wha--?! I guess Crash is fed up with the fans!

Heyman: And rightfully so! I guess we WON'T have a match tonight-- wait, Oseiko's got a mic... ohh, crap. She's not gonna sing, is she?!

Megan: I don't think so, but don't knock her singing! I have three of her albums already and she's very good!

Heyman: Hmph. Right.

Oseiko: OI! CRASH-SAN!!

Crash stops... then looks to Oseiko.

Oseiko: Crash-san, don't you want the Extreme title? *she holds it up into the air for all to see* You're a Super-Heavyweight, ne? You could squash me easily if you want! Show me what you can do, Crash-san! Fight me with all you have!!

Megan: And Crash seems... well, for lack of a better term, inspired by Oseiko's words! He slides into the ring and--

Suddenly, "Bad Blood" cues up!!

Megan: O_O!!

Heyman: o_O! WHAT THE HELL?!

Both Oseiko and Crash turn to the entranceway as they see the cloud of smoke rise from the stage! It then swirls around like a tornado, and bursts into nothingness, revealing--

Megan: IT'S... Sasori...?!

Heyman: o-O; Geez! He... he looks different! The tattoos on his face is different! He almost looks like a member of KISS or something!

Megan: Look at the ring! Oseiko looks overjoyed!! Crash's the complete opposite, though! And... Sasori is sliding into the ring!

Heyman: What could he possibly want?!

Megan: Well--

Megan is suddenly interupted by the all too familiar disembodied wind-like voice of Sasori!

~... oseiko... i challenge you... accept...~

Megan: Oseiko nods, then goes to senior referee Teddy Long, talking to him... what could she be saying... now Teddy Long is talking to our ring announcer, Gary Michael Cappetta...

Cappetta: Ladies and gentlemen, I have been informed that through Oseiko's wishes, this EAW Extreme title match is now a TRIPLE THREAT title match!!

Megan: WOW!!! This is unbelievable!! Oseiko's answering Sasori's challenge by letting him have a shot right here tonight in this match between her and Crash!!

Heyman: BUT... SHE CAN'T DO THAT!! CRASH IS LIVID!

Megan: None the less, it's done! Teddy Long calls for the bell and this newly christened TRIPLE THREAT match is underway!!

Megan: Crash charges at Oseiko! Oseiko jumps over him, though! Sasori moves in! Grabs Oseiko and whips her to the ropes! Sasori-- WHOA, HE JUST MADE A... SOMETHING OUT OF WHITE CHITIN AND STRUCK OSEIKO HARD IN THE GUT WITH IT!!

Heyman: o_O;; Can he do that?!

Megan: It's an Extreme match and apparently Teddy Long's allowing it! OH, AND CRASH CAPITALIZES! DDT ON OSEIKO! DUCKS A SHOTEI FROM SASORI-- CLOTHESLINE TO SASORI BY CRASH! He's sliding out... ohhh, he's got a chair now! Looks like he's about to smack Oseiko with it-- NO! SASORI KICKS IT OUT OF HIS HAND, GRABS HIM-- BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX!!! OSEIKO RUSHES IN! GRABS SASORI--NO, IRISH WHIP INTO THE CORNER, FOLLOWS IN--

Megan: AHH!!!! WHAT A SPEAR!!!!

Heyman: VINTAGE RHYNO! Only... that ain't Rhyno.

Megan: Crash jumps in! Grabs Sasori and HURRICARANA-- INTO MOUNTED PUNCHES!!! And Oseiko is beginning to recover quickly! Crash sees her! Grabs her and-- TEXTBOOK SUPLEX! He's got the chair again!! Waits... winds up and-- TURNS AND HITS SASORI AS THE WRAITH ADVANCES!!! WHAT A SHOT!! He turns back towards Oseiko, who's up and-- ... o_O;;;

Heyman: HOW THE HELL DID SHE DO THAT?!

Megan: QUICK! REPLAY!!

Quick replay of Crash swinging the chair at Oseiko, who counters by kicking the chair out of Crash's hands, jumping up, grabbing the folded chair by the seat and driving the end right into Crash's temple!

Heyman: That... I've never seen ANYONE do that!!

Megan: Oseiko's ninjitsu skills paying off here-- AND SHE PINS CRASH! ONE! T-NO! Sasori yanks her off! Oseiko gets up, throws a kick-- SASORI DUCKS! GRABS AND-- VENOM STRIKE!!

Heyman: It's just a reverse DDT. =/

Megan: And Sasori is the proven master of all variations of the reverse DDT! Sasori picks Oseiko up... Crash is just coming to and he's busted open already-- WHOA!!! OSEIKO COUNTERS THE TIE-UP WITH SASORI WITH A ROLLING BUTTERFLY LOCK!!! SHE'S GOT IT IN LOCKED TIGHT, BUT... Sasori's not registering any pain?!

Heyman: Whoa, just like when he first debuted!

Megan: Oseiko keeps it locked in... OH, AND CRASH STOMPS OSEIKO RIGHT IN THE HEAD AND BREAKS THE HOLD! Sasori gets up... CRASH WITH A RUNNING DROPKICK!! BUT SASORI ROLLS TO HIS FEET AND GRABS CRASH WITH A HEADLOCK TAKEDOWN! Crash gets up, getting angry... WHOA, AND OSEIKO WITH A FACECRUSHER FROM BEHIND! SPINS AROUND AND THROWS SASORI WITH A JAPANESE ARM DRAG! KEEPS A HOLD OF THE ARM AND-- LEG DROP ONTO THE ARM!! AND-- OH, HER STEAM GETS CUT SHORT WITH A CLOTHSLINE BY CRASH!

Heyman: It's just going back and forth and back in this match! Incredible!!

Megan: Crash now raining punches down on Oseiko's cranium!! Sasori gets up... CRASH RUNS AND SLIDES UNDER HIS LEGS, GRABS HIM AND... SLEEPING NECKBREAKER!! Crash picks him up... SNAP SUPLEX BY THE SUPER-HEAVYWEIGHT! CRASH WITH A CRUCIFIX PIN NOW! ONE! TWO! NO!! OSEIKO FLIPPING LEG DROPS CRASH RIGHT IN THE BACK!! Oseiko grabs him and throws him out of the ring! She backrolls out... sets him up... could it be--

Megan: KUMO NO SASU!!!! OSEIKO WITH THE PIN! ONE! TWO! TH--... o-O!!!

Heyman: WHAT DID SASORI DO?!

Megan: SASORI... HE JUST... HE GRAB BOTH OSEIKO AND CRASH AND THEY VANISHED IN A BURST OF SMOKE?! WHERE-- *Megan pauses, listening through the headset* ... They're in the lobby?! *she stands up and shouts to Teddy Long* THEY'RE IN THE LOBBY!!!!

Heyman: Well, he's headed down there! Can we get a camera over there, too?!

We switch to the lobby of the arena, just as Oseiko hits Crash with a leg breaker!

Megan: Teddy Long's just arrived! OSEIKO WITH THE ENZIGURI TO CRASH! And SASORI MOVES IN-- INVERTED ATOMIC DROP TO OSEIKO! CRASH WITH A BULLDOG TO SASORI! CRASH COVERS SASORI! ONE! TWO! WHOOP, SASORI KICKS OUT! OSEIKO MOVES IN-- MAHISTROL CRADLE TO CRASH! ONE! TWO! NO! SASORI WITH A KARATE SLIDE TO OSEIKO'S HEAD!! CRASH IS OUT AND-- WHOA, ROLLING BOSTOM CRAB TO OSEIKO! BUT SASORI SMACKS CRASH IN THE HEAD WITH A KICK! Sasori capitalizes... STANDING LEG LOCK ON OSEIKO! Crash recovers quickly enough.. SWEEPS SASORI'S LEGS OUT FROM UNDER HIM! SASORI-- whoa, kippups! GRABS CRASH-- SUDDEN IMPACT REVISITED!!! PIN! ONE! TWO! NOO! OSEIKO-- OH, STIFF KICK TO SASORI'S HEAD! Oseiko grabs Crash... SITDOWN JAWBREAKER, HARDYZ STYLE!!

Heyman: Hey, think Oseiko might actually have a chance against Brock, here?

Brock: Hmph.

Heyman: Yeah, neither do I! HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! >=D

Megan: No ideas, Paul... SASORI ATTACKS! OHHH!!!! VENOM STRIKE³ OFF THE WALL TO OSEIKO!!! PIN! ONE! TWO! NO!!!! CRASH MANAGES TO PULL SASORI OFF!! Sasori stands up, kicks Crash-- STANDING CORNER TRAP! And Sasori grabs Oseiko's legs... PARALYZER!!! PARALYZER!!!!! OSEIKO'S SCREAMING IN PAIN!!! Crash... OHH, DREADED EYE POKE TO SASORI!!! THE HOLD'S BROKE BEFORE OSEIKO TAPS! CRASH FOREARM SHOTS SASORI! GRABS OSEIKO--

Megan: HOLLYCAUST!!!! COVER! ONE! TWO! THR-- WAUGH!!

Heyman: NOT AGAIN!!!

Megan: THEY VANISHED IN SMOKE AGAIN! AND THEY-- THEY'RE BACK IN THE RING!!! Crash is REALLY pissed now! Grabs Sasori and-- BLOW TO THE HEAD! AND-- HOLLYCAUST TO SASORI!!! PIN! ONE! TWO! TH--HOLY--!!

Heyman: THE LADDER'S OFFICIALLY IN PLAY!!!

Megan: OSEIKO WEILDING THAT LADDER LIKE IT'S AN ACTUAL MARTIAL ARTS WEAPON AND SHE CLOBBERED CRASH IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH IT!!! SASORI GETS UP! HE'S FORMED A WHITE CHITEN BAT-- my God, I can't follow the action here! It's like watching a Jackie Chan movie!! AND OSEIKO'S GETTING THE UPPER HAND!!! SMACK TO THE GUT! THE JAW! SIDE OF THE HEAD! SWEEPED!!! AND-- DOWN ONTO THE HEAD!!! AND OSEIKO... HAHA!! Oseiko flipping the ladder onto its side and sitting down on it! Just like Jackie Chan himself!

Heyman: ... Okay, check please! What the hell just happened?!

Megan: Oseiko stands up and sets the ladder up and-- WAIT A SECOND!!! IT'S ARANA!!! ARANA'S EMERGED FROM THE RING AND SHE'S GOT A LEAD PIPE!!! DOWN ONTO OSEIKO'S HEAD!!! AND-- MY GOD!! SHE'S WHAILING DOWN ONTO OSEIKO WITH THAT LEAD PIPE!! OVER AND OVER AGAIN ONTO HER HEAD!! SHE'S BUSTED HER OPEN!!! SHE'S SCREAMING AT OSEIKO! SHE THROWS IT DOWN ONTO HER AND SLIDES OUT OF THE RING!!! CRASH SLOWLY COVERS... no, NOT LIKE THIS!! ONE! TWO! THR--NOO!!!!!!

Heyman: IMPOSSIBLE!!!!

Megan: OSEIKO JUST BARELY GOT THE SHOULDER UP!!!! ARANA CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! CRASH CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!! AND HE'S... channelling Christian.

Heyman: LOOK AT THE TEMPER TANTRUM HE'S THROWING!!! WHAT A BABY!!!! WAIT... waaiiit, he's seen the ladder!

Megan: He climbs up onto it... it looks like he's about to body splash Oseiko off of it-- NO!! OSEIKO KIPPUPS! JUMPS UP AND HITS CRASH! AND-- I THINK-- YES!!! YESSS!

Megan: KUMO NO AMIMONO ON THE LADDER!!!! CRASH IS WRITHING! SASORI IS STILL BARELY GETTING UP! TEDDY LONG RUSHES BACK INTO THE RING AND CHECKS CRASH AND-- HE GIVES UP!!! HE GIVES UP!!! OSEIKO WINS!! SHE RETAINS THE EAW EXTREME TITLE!!! WITH AUTHORITY!!

Winner and Still EAW Extreme Champion: Oseiko

Oseiko pushes Crash off and jumps off the ladder... her face covered with blood but the cut is already healing... she sees Arana who's staring at Oseiko with contempt... then sighs sadly...

Megan: Oseiko's got a mic now! What's she going to say to Arana?!

Heyman: She's probably going to challenge her! Get revenge, Oseiko!

Oseiko stares at Arana... raises the mic to her lips, and says only...

Oseiko: ... I forgive you, Arana-san.

Arana's eyes widen, in shock over what Oseiko has just said. Oseiko keeps talking though...

Oseiko: My hand is still outstretched to you, Arana-san... onegai... don't hate me... because I won't hate you.

Arana stares in disbelief at Oseiko... tears beginning to well up in her eyes... then turns and rushes away, fading into the shadows.

Megan: Unbelievable! Arana almost cost Oseiko the title but she's not holding a grudge at all!

Heyman: ... But she's SUPPOSED to!! This is pro-wrestling! Not some martial arts show! This isn't WMAC Masters!!! That show got canceled, dammit!!

Megan: Heh... well, we'll be right back! Don't go away!!

***

This is a commercial. =p

***

Scene switch to Sasori as he walks down the hallway... seemingly none the worse for wear in his grueling Extreme match...

"SASORI!!!"

Sasori blinks, then is suddenly embraced by a crying Kaye. His face showing emotion finally, he smiles, hugging back... and the reunited couple kiss passionately. As they kiss Sasori's disembodied voice whispers throughout the hall...

~... i missed you...~

Kaye doesn't answer with words, merely kissing Sasori's lips more passionately as she cries...

"Click Click Boom" by Saliva cues up as we come back to a shot of the arena

Paul: Welcome everyone, back to EAW Mayhem!! Coming up next, as part of the tag title unification tournament, S&M defends the EAW Tag Team Titles against...who again?

Megan: *sigh* CHAINSAW, Paul. Chainsaw, by the way, is the only team to hold both the EAW Tag Tag Championships as well as the MRPW Mountaineer Tag Team Titles, so it is only fitting they be in this tournament.

Capetta: The following tag team match is scheduled for one fall, with a 20 minute time limit, and is part of the EAW and MRPW Tag Team Title Unification Tournament. In this match, the EAW Tag Team Championships WILL be on the line. Intruducing first, at a combined weight of 464 pounds, Chaynz and Buzzsaw--CHAINSAW!!

The fans go wild at the team is intruduced and make their way out towards the ring.

Megan: Chainsaw's career path was a bit misdirected, as winning the MPRW Mountaineer Tag Titles obligated them to hold onto and defend them...and, well, they had a difficult time ridding themselves of it until coming back to EAW, and being upset by the Girls of Goth--half of which is Chaynz new love interest, Shade.

Paul: Who conspired with each other to THROW that tag match last week on Mayhem, in an act of defiance against Donnie B.

Megan: The whole booking of the match was Donnie B's way of trying to cause problems between the two teams--nevertheless, they could be headed on a direct course with each other again if Chainsaw wins here and the Girls of Goth retain against Deadly Extremity.

Paul: No and NO! S&M vs. Deadly Extremity in the finals!!

"D.....N.....R"

Megan: Speaking of which, here come the champs now, in fact, ready to put those belts on the line. Who have held those belts for what seems like several months now...

Paul: They're just THAT damn good, Megan...and don't really have too much competition except for Deadly Extremity, who have been repeatedly SCREWED by the bookers. Heck...they BEAT S&M before, so I don't see why they have to face the GoG for a title shot.

Capetta: And their opponents, at a combined weight of 555 pounds...the EAW Tag Team Champions...Spike and Morty--the team of S&M!!

Paul: Ah...finally, some REAL talent graces the ring.

Megan: Well, this certainly isn't going to be easy for either side, but both have held these titles before, and have perhaps the most experience as tag teams than any other teams in EAW. Chaynz and Morty ready to start out for their teams...and..

*ding, ding*

Megan: Staring each other down...Chaynz charges with a clothesline atte--ducked by Morty--elbow to the back of the head--knee into the midsection, and taking control now. Sends Chaynz to the ropes--Chaynz from behind now, reverse facelock--going for a Dragon Sleeper. Morty fighting it--REVERSE SUPLEX--drops Morty stomach first on the mat! Against the ropes--over Morty--far ropes--Morty up--caught--FRONT SLAM my Morty!

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ONE!

quick kickout by Chaynz! Morty picking up, and ramming knees into the side of his head, neckbreaker set up...DROPPed down with great impact there. Pulls him up by the arm...wrenching it back--wait, Chaynz reversing--hammerlock on Morty now--FULL NELSON...going for a Dragon Suplex--blocked--Morty breaking free--sends him to the ropes--POWERSLAM!! Cover now...

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ONE!

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No, kickout again. Morty pulling up Chaynz--piledriver set--NO! a shot bordering on a low blow, and Chaynz with elbows into the midsection, to the ropes...SPINNING CLOTHESLINE!!

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ONE!

Kickout!

Paul: Hmph...I'm pretty sure that WAS a low blow there, but no one trusts MY point of view around here. Morty on the defensive here as the Tag Team of the 3rd Millenium defends the EAW Tag Team Titles, Morty set up for a suplex--drops him down right on his back...pick up..another one--this one with a bit of a delay...now...a 3rd one?--NO! VERTICAL SUPLEX INTO A FACEBUSTER!! And a cover by Chaynz!

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ONE!

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Tw--NO!

Kickout by one-half of the tag team champions!

Megan: Chaynz picking up Morty...to the ropes now, and a...MILITARY PRESS SLAM! Morty hoisted overhead--and DROPPED face-first to the mat. Chaynz makes the tag to Buzzsaw now, and setting him up now...a snap suplex in front of the corner, and Buzzsaw up top, and a SLASHER on Morty!

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ONE!

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TWO!

Kickout by Morty!

Paul: Chaynz back on the outside as Buzzsaw getting back up on the top rope--Morty up--CROSS BODY FROM THE TOP!!

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ONE!

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TWO!

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Kickout! Morty still in it strong...Buzzsaw up, setting him up for a Bulldog--blocked--BACK SUPLEX by Morty! Back up now, Morty scoops him up, and a Samoan Drop!! Now...tag made to Spike, and the big man coming in...sends Buzzsaw to the ropes...drop toe h--SKULL SPIKE!! And S&M proceeding to stomp Buzzsaw flatter than one of The King's girlfriends, OOOH...hard kick to the ribs by Spike sends Buzz out to the outside!

Megan: Morty back out onto the apron, and Spike...to the far ropes...and...you're kidding me...DIVING SHOULDERBLOCK THROUGH THE ROPES INTO BUZZSAW!!

Paul: INCREDIBLE!! Over 7 feet tall and over 300 pounds of Spike comes crashing into Buzzsaw, and it seems the tag titles are very safe indeed...picking up Buzzsaw by the throat--DRIVING him into the steel stairs, and Spike stomping at the chest of Buzzsaw, and picking him up now...tossing him into the ring like a piece of litter.

Megan: Up on the apron now, and Spike getting inside the ring, picking up Buzzsaw...to the ropes...off the rop--RUNNING KENKA KICK by Spike!! And a cover by Spike!!

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ONE!

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TWO!

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Kickout!

Paul: OOOOH...and he does it better than Buzz's old buddy Test EVER could.

Megan: Spike reaching down now--GRABBING BUZZSAW by the throat...blatant choke...and pulling Buzzsaw up--chokesla--NO--knee into the gut...another--elbow shots by Buzzsaw...to the ropes--RUNNING DROPKICK!! And Spike nearly spilling to the outside--leaning on the ropes--Buzzsaw with a DROPKICK to the knees!! Going up the turnbuckle now...Spike standing up--

Paul: GOOOOOOORE!! GOOOOOOOOORE!! GOOOOOOOOOORE!!! from the top rope!!

Megan: *sigh* I guess I should get used to it by now. And--TAG MADE TO CHAYNZ!!

Paul: Spike getting up dazed...and Buzz and Chaynz off the ropes--BIG BOOT to Chaynz!!--GORE!! GORE!! GORE!! to the kidneys by Buzzsaw--Spike flopping on top of Chaynz!!

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ONE!

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TWO!

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Kickout, and Buzzsaw attempted the save, just in case.

Megan: And ever time you call that move I come just a LITTLE bit closer to wanting to ask LG to ban it. Spike half-breaking up the Smash Hammer, and Buzzsaw ordered back out onto the apron. Spike getting up now, and pullling up Chaynz...an--ATOMIC DROP!! Hoisting him up...and anoth--no--running to the corner--CROTCHING him on the turnbuckle...

Paul: And Spike tying him up in the Tree of Woe, a VERY appropriate move from a man that prides himself on being a Sadist--and that HUMONGOUS boot underneath the chin--over OVER the chin, as the case may be. Spike rushing to the opposite corner...AND A BASEBALL SLIIIIIIDE--OOOOOH!! Goodnight, Gracie!! Shade ain't even going to be able to recognize him after that.

Megan: Spike attempting to drag him away from the ropes for a pinfall--but Chaynz holding onto the bottom rope now! STOMPS him in the stomach, and Spike pulling him up--hoisting him up high for The Rack--Chaynz slugging him hard in the back of the head--again--CHAYNZ landing behind--DIVING TAG made to Buzzsaw!! Chaynz off the ropes--CAUGHT by Spike--NO--slips free--Buzzsaw on top--FLIPPING NECKBREAKER!! Both pulling him up now, and Spike sent into the corner...Chaynz sitting him up on the turnbuckle...and...Buzzsaw joining him...and...the HIT AND RUN on Spike!! Cover by Chaynz...

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ONE!

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TWO!

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THR--Morty makes the save with the Tag Title belt...

*ding, ding*

Paul: *Whew*...that was close.

Morty begins to attack Chaynz, before the referee pulls him off of him as the fans boo.

Capetta: Fans...I've just been instructed that this match is to be restarted; there MUST be a winner in this match, and the winners MUST leave the TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! Either new champions or the current champions. The match will continue...with a NO DISQUALIFICATION stipulation!!

Paul: WHAT??! It's OVER already!! S&M won!...Er..well, they kept the titles.

Megan: Well, they're not going to squeak by like that this time...

*ding, ding*

Megan: S&M pressing their current advantage by stomping away on Chaynz...Buzzsaw in now...well, with no DQ, this has practically turned into a Texas Tornado Match.

Paul: I thought Kerry Von Erich was dead?

Megan: He IS...this is different, though. *sigh* Spike tags in Morty, and a 2-on-2 brawl here...Spike and Buzzsaw going at it--CLOTHESLINED OVER THE TOP by Spike! OOOH...and Buzzsaw hitting his head on the safety railing.

Paul: Heheh...ironic, that. Spike out of the ring now to lay the boots to Buzzsaw as Chaynz and Morty are battling in the ring...LOW BLOW by Morty...from behind now--and the IRON MAIDEN!!

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ONE!

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TWO!

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ONE SECOND AWAY!! ONE SECOND AWAY!!

Megan: Even closer than that, I believe...and on the outside, Spike hoisting Buzzsaw overhead--dropped jawfirst on the safety railing!! And--MULE KICK by Buzzsaw--well, I guess now, in this type of match it's certainly kosher--and RAMMING Spike to the railing!

Paul: Why do they call it safety railing when hitting it hurts so hard? Why not make it out of something a little more forgiving...or coat it with rubber or something?

Megan: Figures you would bring that up when Spike is getting bashed in the head with it--blocked--SHORT ARM CLOTHESLINE by Spike!! Now smashed face first into the apron...Morty picking up Chaynz, and sends him to the ropes...and aNOTHER powerslam, there. Morty going up top, and Spike climbing into the ring, and now Spike picking up Buzzsaw--set up--CHAYNZ ON THE APRON and--CROTCHES Morty now!! Buzzsaw wriggling between Spike's legs--off the ropes--CAUGHT by Spike...Springboard by Chaynz--Spinning Heel Kick nails Spike--Spike dropping Buzzsaw--CLOTHESLINED to the outside...Morty climbing down from his predicament...double team by Chainsaw...Buzzsaw setting him up--and the BUZZCUT!!

Paul: Come on, Spike...get up!! GET UP!!

Megan: Morty laying prone as Chaynz and Buzzsaw ready themselves on the top rope...PACK ATTACK from Chainsaw!! Cover by Buzzsaw...

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ONE!

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TWO!!!

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THREE!!!!

*ding, ding*

Spike back in, but too late. And we have new tag team champions!!

Capetta: The winners of this match...and NEEEEEEEEEEEW Extreme Attitude Wrestling Tag Team Champions-- Chainsaw!!

"Points of Authority" plays again...

Paul: NOOOOOOOOOOO!! Why!! TELL ME WHY?!

Megan: Well, karma came to bite them in the ass, it seems, and Chaynz and Buzzsaw leaving the ring now, tag titles in hand. Stay tuned, fans, because up next...

[Graphic Shown]

Megan: ...Kirk Angel defends the EAW World Heavyweight Title against Hokuto Lyger, who is seeking to get back on behalf of her brother, Kairi--stay with us!

Paul: U-S-A!! U-S-A!! U-S-A!!

**Commercial Break**

[-----]

[ This IS the EAW. We will NOT get the 'F' out. ]

Heyman: Finally... a match where I can root for both of the competitors is only moments away!

Megan: What, are you expecting Hokuto to come out wearing a thong bikini or something close to that? We don't call that 'cheering' in Reality, Paulie. We call it cat-calling.

Heyman: Potato, potatoe! It's all the same to me... and I know the fans would like to see that uptight little girl get stripped! Especially Gokuo!

Megan: Mmmmn... anyway, we've got one killer of a main event lined up! The Beast God's pupil versus the much-despised double-gold champ! Someone's walking away from this match as the EAW World titleholder! Will it be Kirk or Hokuto? We'll find out soon enough!

Oddly enough, "OUTBREAK" cues up, and one Michael White makes his way to the announcer's table, earning a decent crowd pop on his way to join Heyman and Eko. They both look slightly surprised.

White: Hey... what, do I have something on my face?

Megan: No, we just weren't expecting...

Heyman: Street trash like you, Whitewind.

White: ... don't call me that. Please don't call me that.

Heyman: I call you what I want.

'Apathy' cues up, and the crowd's reaction is decidedly mixed as Hokuto stalks to the ring, not even paying the crowd much mind.

"The following match is for one fall, and is for the EAW World Heavyweight Title! Introducing first, the challenger, hailing from Kyoto, Japan... weighing in at 129 pounds... Hokuto Lyger!"

Megan: Hokuto's looking damndably focused, and rightfully so! Angel stole the PWF title from her brother with a dirty, underhanded trick! Typical of Angel... but perhaps his scheming will catch up with him this time!

Heyman: Dirty, underhanded trick? Scheming?! That's called smart tactics, Megan, and don't you forget it! That's what this business is all about: playing to win!

White: Next you're gonna rant and rave about how Angel's gonna take this match to 'the extreme', I bet.

Megan: You mean cheating to win.

Heyman: If you play with loaded dice, it's still playing! And I'm saving that rant for later, WHITEWIND.

White: Nnngh.

Hokuto turns, waits... and "Gonna Fly Now" fires up as Angel, his wife close at hand, makes his way to the field of battle, both belts on his waist and a smug grin on his face. Needless to say, the 'YOU SUCK!' chant has begin.

"And her opponent, being accompanied by his manager Karen Angel... hailing from Pittburgh, Pennsylvania and weighing in at 220 pounds... he is the PWF Universal Champion AND the EAW World Heavyweight Champion... KIRK ANGEL!"

The Angels don't get far down the ramp, however, before the music changes again... this time to "Moonlight". Kirk looks back and starts cursing up a storm as none other than Kairi, in street clothes, appears at the ramp, mike in hand.

Kairi: Don't worry yourself, Angel. I'm just here to keep you and your... *wife* honest. Do anything I don't like...

Kairi grins, and Angel just flips him off, proceeding along to the ring along with Karen. Hokuto just has a small, knowing smirk on her lips as Angel rolls in.

Heyman: ... and who invited him?! Security! SECURITY! Throw that man out of her now before he causes trouble!

White: You worry about Kairi and I'm over here... Jesus, Paulie, you're a blind little guy, aren't you? Mebbe that hat of yours is restricting the flow of blood to your brain.

Megan: You do notice how he's stayed under the Extremetron the entire time? Kairi's just here to keep Angel from screwing his sister like Angel screwed him.

Heyman: Speak not of the hat... and speaking of people screwing people... you have heard the rumors about the Yoshida family, right? Riiiiight? Nudge-nudge wink-wink bed-squeaky-squeaky?

White: Ewwww, Heyman. Just EW.

Megan: You. Are. A. Pervert... and there's the bell!

Megan: And here we go... looks like the two're just getting a feel for one another... nothing but circling now... and we have an arm-and-collar... Angel in control... arm drags Hokuto to the mat, but she pops up pretty damn quick. Another tie-up... and now Hokuto armdrags Angel! Angel up... and he's grinning at Hokuto!

Heyman: See? Cool under fire! The mark of a true double champion! You just can't top that!

White: Yes you can. It's this thing called 'talent'. I think you've heard of it, Paulie.

Heyman: ... hey!

Megan: Hokuto's not impressed, though, and she waves Angel on. Angel more than ready to step in and--OW! HUGE shotei to the jaw of Angel, and he stumbles back! You could hear the smack from that one! Now it's Hokuto's turn to grin! And Angel's livid!

Heyman: See?! NO respect for the champion! The nerve of that woman! She should be glad Angel is even letting her fight him!

White: A piece of crap wearing two shiny belts is still a piece of crap. And that piece of crap ate a shotei that wold make Beast God Lyger proud.

Megan: Angel's in and NOW we see a nasty tie-up... Angel's forcing Hokuto to the ropes... the ref's calling for a break... and gets one... but Angel goes for a chop! And... I think he hurt himself trying to chop at that protector on Hokuto's chest! Hokuto grinning again... and bearing down on Angel--RIGHT into an overhead belly-to-belly! The champ gets back in control and Hokuto's dazed! Angel to Hokuto... has her up and RIPS the protector off...

Heyman: WHOO-HOO! Let's see some skin!

White: Hello, stupid. This is Kirk Angel calling...

Megan: And rains knife-edges at Hokuto! Three! Four! Five! And a *SLAP* to finish... Hokuto's cheek looks beet-red from here! And Angel's just laughing his fool head off!

White: He's no Flair... and the open-hand strike was pointless. And you call this guy a champion---huh. Kairi's moving finally.

Heyman: ... whoawhoawhoa! Look, Megan! Kairi's moving! See?! SEE?! He's gonna cheat, the no-good bastard! Watch him, ref! WATCH HIM!

Megan: Kairi does approach, but stops at the foot of the ramp... Angel and Hokuto locking up again! Fighting for control... and Angel shoves Hokuto away... and ANOTHER slap across the face of the challenger! Hokuto roaring in and Angel reaching--Hokuto OVER Angel's back---fujiwara armbar on Angel! Hokuto grinding her knee into Angel's back before letting him go and catching a breath.

White: Niiiiice wakagatame! Great way to pop someone's shoulder out of socket... she should've wrenched harder, though.

Heyman: Wow, she's looking pretty hurt there... I wonder if Kairi'll kiss her boo-boos and make them all better...

Megan: Heyman, chill! Angel shaking his arm out... and approaching Hokuto--lock-up... Hokuto slipping behind Angel! Angel with an elbow--DUCKED, and Hokuto with a falling armbreaker! Wrenching it in, holding the armbar on the ground! The ref's seeing is Angel'll tap... but Hokuto just lets go and backs off. She's obviously setting him up for the Keishukou!

Heyman: An illegal tactic, might I add!

White: As illegal as a series of kicks to the nuts right in front of the ref, suuuuuuuure. Riiiiiiiight.

Megan: Hokuto bouncing off the ropes... and hitting Angel with a front dropkick as he rises! Hokuto kippups and bounces aga--KAREN with an elbow to Hokuto's back, staggering her---RIGHT into Angel's arms! TOWERING german suplex! Rolling into ANOTHER! And a THIRD! A FOURTH! Hokuto trying to elbow out of a fifth... and succeeds, knocking Angel back! All it took was one mistake, and Hokuto *already* looks wrecked! You have to give Angel some credit in that respect!

Heyman: See?! He's an honorable legend, unlike a certain Kairi who's approaching Karen right now! Call security!

White: ... that conniving little...

Karen backs off a bit from Kairi as he lets her have a few words, then just hovers back to the foot of the ramp. Angel notices and goes to the ropes, yelling down at Kairi. Juuust as he turns around...

Megan: Chuugeki Hou! Shougeki Ha! And a kick to Angel's head as he stumbles forward off of the ropes! Hokuto moving to pin the champ! We could have a new champion!

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ONE!

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TW--NO! Angel kicks free, trying to catch his breath! Hokuto herself backs off, trying to find her second wind as well... both look ready for more, and they meet dead center... Angel catches Hokuto with a snap kick! Setting up... belly-to-belly puts Hokuto down! And Angel cinches in a side headlock from where he is, scissoring Hokuto's leg! The challenger's trying to break free... laying elbows into Angel's side... and finally the champ lets go! Hokuto's a bit slow to rise, though, and Angel capitalizes with a clothesline! Hokuto down... and Angel going up top... meeting eyes with Kairi on the way... MOONSAULT CONNECTS! Angel hooks both legs!

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ONE!

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TWO!

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THR--Hokuto kicks free in the nick of time! Angel not looking very happy about that... and mounts Hokuto--

Heyman: Speaking of mounting Hokuto, you've heard of the Yoshida family rumors, riiiiiiii--

White: No, Paul. Just NO.

Megan: Heyman, SHUT UP! Angel with... chops?! Chops to the neck of Hokuto... and he tears off her headband and throws it back down at her! Angel... pulling the straps down! And Hokuto rolls free before he can get to her ankle... counters with a shotei---CAUGHT! CRIPPLER CROSSFACE ON HOKUTO! Stolen STRAIGHT from Benoit's playbook! And Hokuto's trying desperately to get free... or reach the ropes!

White: First Backlund, now Benoit... this guy's got ZERO shame *or* originality.

Heyman: She's caught in the crippler, and there's no escape! She might as well tap so she and her brother can go... recover in private.

Megan: ... Hokuto reaching... reaching... changing direction! She BARELY grabs the bottom rope! A moment more and it would've been over! Angel... taking his sweet time in letting go, but finally does... and lays in a few hard stomps on Hokuto before playing it up for the crowd a bit. The nerve of him...

Heyman: Again, all's fair in love and war. And this is war!

White: No, this is Angel showing his dazzling repretoire of kicks!

Megan: Angel going to heft Hokuto up... and lands a picture-perfect suplex! Rolling... another! And Angel working the neck some more with a quasi-dragon sleeper! Lifting Hokuto... and... Hokuto with a burst of strength! Flipping over Angel and whipping hims around into a guillotine choke! Angel's dead-center in the ring and body-scissored, and Hokuto's got all the leverage! But... KAREN's got the ref's attention! How utterly Angel-ish of her! And here comes Kairi...

Heyman: HEY! He better not touch the sweet, pure, innocent Karen Angel!

White: If he doesn't...

Megan: I doubt he will... but he's got her attention, and the ref's. He's telling them BOTH to leave the apron, and they do... and HOKUTO's trying to see what's going on--SCHOOLBOY BY ANGEL!

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ONE!

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TWO!

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T---Hokuto slips away!

Heyman: ONE SECOND AWAY!

Megan: Hokuto recovering on the ropes, but Angel's on her... irish whip and an olympic clothesline is ducked! Hokuto grabbing Angel's arm... and WRENCHES IT... she RUNS up the turnbuckle... and starts... praying?! She's praying as she walks the ropes! Way faster than 'oldschool'! Aaa---NO! Karen tugs at the rope and Hokuto SPILLS to the outside!

White: ... excuse me. Have to take care of some business.

Heyman: H-hey! Where does he think HE'S going?!

Megan: ... right over to Karen! Pulling her from the apron... somewhat gently, might I add. Hell, he even caught her! But he's having words with her...

White: Normally, I wouldn't harm a hair on your head, but, like before, you HAVE TO GET INVOLVED. If you're planning on being on Angel's side... Be ready to sacrifice your body. This is your LAST WARNING.

Megan: Kairi's noticeably stayed back from it all... and Angel's INCENSED! Following White to the outside as White... starts using camera cable to tie up Karen's wrists and ankles! And here comes.. HOKUTO! Hokuto blindsides Angel as he makes his way towards White and rolls him back into the ring! Grabbing Angel's waist... ENORMOUS german suplex on the champ! Bridged for the pin!

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ONE!

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TWO!

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THREE--NO! So close! Angel's giving it all he's got... and White's just enjoying himself!

Heyman: The... the unmitigated GALL of that upstart! How dare he tie up sweet, innocent, pure Karen Angel?! The pervert!

Megan: Angel rolls away... to the outside... and he's stalking towatds White... but Hokuto follows... Angel... grabbing a chair along the way... winding back... and he CREAMS HOKUTO! He's outside, but the ref calls it anyway! Typical Angel! He'd rather lose than give up his title!

"The winner, by disqualification... Hokuto LYGER!"

Heyman: Well, he was angry! Wouldn't you be angry if someone tied up YOUR wife?!

Megan: Angel's still on the rampage, headed for White! But White's not moving! In fact, he's smiling! Angel back to crack White over the head... and Kairi takes the chair from Angel! Angel turns... and jumps, right into White's arms! The brawl is on! White! Angel! White! Angel! And it spills into the ring! Kairi's not jumping in... but Hokuto is! Two-on-one on Angel! Angel trying to fight back... White with a ULTRA NO--slipped! ANGEL SLAM--countered! And Hokuto weasels her way in... CRUCIFIX LYGERBOMB! And she's happy enough, leaving the ring with Kairi!

Heyman: ... this is a total and utter travesty! I'm telling you!

Megan: White picking Angel up... jaw-jacking away at the champ... Angel slips a punch--belly-to-belly! White quick to rise, though... and waving Angel on! Angel charging--CAPTURE SUPLEX! And White roaring to the crowd! Off the ropes... at Angel---Floatover DDT---CAUGHT! Angel busts out a towering overhead belly-to-belly! They're both up! Where in the HELL did Angel get this second wind from?!

Heyman: Oh, and NOW the officials show up!

Megan: And they separate Angel and White before they up and kill each other, and even that's barely keeping them apart!

White: If Code Red doesn't finish you off, I *WILL!*

Angel: I'll finish YOU off, and that is TRUE!

The officials finally separate them enough to clear the ring... somewhat.

Megan: And... whew, did we run overtime. For Paul E., I'm Megan Eko! This IS the--

The Panasonic "E" Midget suddenly pops in front of the camera. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" He then runs off before security gets him.

Heyman: ... The EEEEEEEEEEEEE-AW! YEAH!

Megan: I hate that guy.