Live from the Kellog Arena in Battle Creek, MI!

After EAW Mayhem's televised intro ends, the cameras immediatly shift to the crowds, showing such... colorful works as...

"S&M... Always Pounding Ass?"

"yOU cAnnOt stOp thE gEntlEmEn, wAnkEr!"

"Lilith, see you backstage! -Kevin"

and "Booker T: The Greatest There Ever Wasn't!"

Cue one insta-pan to the Announcer's table to reveal the token ex-flowerpot of the WCW and the token ex-wrestling stoner of the WWF, geared up in the EAW finest and ready to work.

Paula: In a flash of pyrotechnics and a roar or heavy metal, Mayhem is open for business at the Kellogg Arena, and the sold-out crowd here couldn't be happier! Hi, I'm Pamela Paulshock...

Dogg: ... and it's me, it's me... it's that D-O-Double G! Ready to get bu-sy upin the EAW hizouse!

Paula: Good to see you're eager about this... anyway, we've got a truly spectacular card laid out tonight! Our newest tag-team problem, the Experimentals taken on tried-and-true EAW veterans Chainsaw!

Dogg: That wacky broad Red puts her Cruiserweight strap on the line against the Mad Man from Sudan in a Extreme match, baby! And there ain't nothin' wrong with that!

Paula: Right to Censor's frontman takes on the Jolly Gentlemen's frontman in a Bullpen Cage Match! Someone's gonna get their manacha mangled... or something like this.

Dogg: Hell, what *IS* a manachan? I need to ask him that one day... never mind. Aaaaand... in our main event, everyone's fave amalgam, Derek Walker, takes on the inNOVAtor one-on-one. That's definitely gonna be my Road Dogg Match to Watch!

Paula: But first up, Booker T seems eager to retrace the steps of Bret Hart, and finds himself starting off his quest against Rik Felstrom. We've been watchin' their words, and we've only got one thing to say about that match...

Dogg: Bloodbath! I doubt either of 'em are gonna hold ba--

Suddenly... "D.N.R." begins to thump out of the speakers and the crowd instantly reacts, pouring on the heel heat while starting up the chant that seems to be the one they hear the most... "F***ots, f***ots, f***ots!!" Seemingly ignorant of their 'adoration', the tag team of Spike and Morty make their way to the ring, mikes in hand and in casual dress, complete with "Got Hurt?" S&M t-shirts.

Dogg: Awww, damn, this outta be good.

Spike dutifully holds up a hand.

Spike: Good evening, Battle Creek! Normally, I'd be berating you all on how utterly pathetic of a town this is, but me and Morty have a few things to discuss with you and with the EAW fans in general.

Morty: Right-o! It seems that Nova's made some rather pointed accusations concering which way we swing, and we' honestly can't blame him. Spending one's life in tights does make one think of others in such a manner to try and not focus on their own... shortcomings.

Spike: But we're not gonna get into that. You all wanna know which way the wind blows for S&M, I imagine.

The (repeatedly) edited chant gets louder from the crowd, and S&M look between each other, shrug, and wait for things to cool down.

Morty: So we decided to come out here and set the record straight. You all can think whatever you want about us. Frankly, what you all think means not-a-thing to us... but if you insist on an answer, we dug up an old college friend and decided to let her tell you all about us.

Pamela: ... bet they had to scrape the bottom of the barrel to do that.

Dogg: No bottom's deep enough for there two.

Needless to say, Morty looks towards the entranceway and waits, as does Spike. They wait... and wait... and wait... and slowly look at each other.

Morty: Ahem. College babe-friend, get your skanky ass out here!

Dogg: Hah! They got stood up!

Pamela: I'm not su--

Suddenly, a warped bass line begins to play through the arena, followed by a full-out heavy metal ensemble, a teenage girl crooning...

"I look at her in that paper dress... I wonder why she won't burn... She's just a paperdoll, that's all Just a paperdoll..."

Pamela: Hoboy, look who's back in business!

Spike and Morty's jaws DROP as one tallish curly-haired blonde in tight leather cutoffs, a tied-up white t-shirt and a familiar riding crop makes her way down the ramp, ever-so-slowly, garnering an impressive response from the crowd. They do nothing save stare when she rolls into the ring and slowly walks around the two, taking Morty's mike as she rounds them... and lightly licking the length of the thing before stopping behind the two.

Beegee: Hiya boys. Sorry about the slut... dealt with her backstage. Someone in the guy's lockerroom's gonna find her bound and gagged to a bench. Probably Lilith, so I say that she's probably gonna be one very happy little trailor-trash gal.

Pamela: They're not looking back at her... I guess some of her 'conditioning' stayed with our leather-loving buddies here.

Dogg: Pu**y-whipped in and out, Pammie-P.

Beegee: But I'll talk in her place, since you both seem so intent on informing people on your... preferences. When I found you two in some backwater college at a fetish party, you two were the meekest mice I'd ever seen. I *enjoyed* making you both my bitches... but apparently we've had a recent break in the chain of command.

Dogg: Whoawhoa... she's all over them, Pammie-P. Didn't Spike nearly end her career a while back? Something's fishy...

Beegee smirks broadly and leans against S&M's chests, looking for all the world to be teasing the hell out of them.

Beegee: See, I know you won't touch me because you know I'm... popular now, and 'cuz I've got some important friends and all. But... just to prove that you two are straight... I won't have a problem touching you...

Pamela: Beegee's dropped the mike... she's.... HOLY...

Dogg: Hand in the pants! Hand in the pants! Hands in th-- YOW, she's got them by the sack! Crotch Claw! Crotch Claw

Pamela: Spike and Morty are DOWN and screaming like little girls! Look at Beegee's face... she's *enjoying* this! Talk about sweet revenge, Road Dogg!

Dogg: Sweet, sweet revenge... but did she hafta go that route? Daaaaaaaamn...

Beegee finalyl lets go, leaving S&M to whimper and clutch their fresh-squeezed grapefruits while "Paperdoll" roars to life again. Beegee raises her fists to the crowd and saunters down the ramp, passing out a few high-fives (and a black-lipstick kiss to the forehead of some lucky kid) on the way out.

Pamela: Talk about crushing one's ego... I almost feel bad for S&M. Almost.

Dogg: Heh! Stay tuned, folks, this is only the beginning! Booker T! Rik Felstrom! Next!

[---]
Commercial Break
[---]

Pamela: We're back, and it's time for our first match of the night... and this one promises to be a beatdown on both ends!

Dogg: I don't get what's up with Book's Bret Hart fetish, but I suppose the man's got a right to live how he wants. That does put him up against one of the more seasoned EAW wrestlers, thought, so this will be a lesson in pain either way!

"Back In The Days" starts up and one Booker T, in his black tanktop and black jean shorts, makes his way down the ramp, a singapore cane resting on his shoulder. The crowd gives him a mixed, yet boo-heavy reaction.

Pamela: Booker T steps into the ring... and takes a few practice swings with the cane before setting it in his corner and waiting for...

*STOMP STOMP CLAP*

*STOMP STOMP CLAP*

*STOMP STOMP CLAP*

*STOMP STOMP CLAP*

The crowd readily follows along with the first bits of "We Will Rock You" as Rik purposefully stomps down the ramp, eyes locked on Booker T... and he doesn't decide to wait, charging down the ramp.

Pamela: Rik and Book immediatly exchanging blows! The ref calls for the bell and this throwdown is on!

* DING DING! *

Dogg: Neither of 'em givin' up and ground... Rik goes down from a nasty right to the jaw and rolls to the ropes to take a quick breather. Book's lookin' no better from that exchange, though.

Pamela: Tie-up... fighting for it... quick hip toss on Rik. Book follows fast with an elbo--misses the elbow! Rik's up in a hurry... *beautiful* dropkick to the side of Booker T's head, putting him right back down!

Dogg: And Big Kitty's not letting up, either... pulling Book to his feet... whip to the ropes... and a shoulderblock puts Book down. Bounces off the ropes and a quick-ass elbowdrop to Book's knee!

Pamela: Rik's probably trying to keep Booker T from his normally-mobile style...
Booker's up, and we have another tie-up... Booker with a knee to Rik's gut... and a textbook suplex. Booker rolling over, grabbing both sides of Rik's head... lifting him to his feet... and throwing him right back down!

Dogg: Hello! Break out the Excedrin, he'll feel that one in the mornin'! Booker's got Rik up... hitching him up for another suple--nothing doing! Rik reverses.... right into the ropes, nearly snapping Book in half before he takes a trip to the floor!

Pamela: Rik's backing up... waiting for Booker to get up... bouncing on his toes... Booker T's up! Here comes Felstrom-- suicida Hobbes Pounce on Boo--Booker T CAUGHT Rik! My Go--FALL FROM HARLEM! FALL FROM HARLEM! My God, what a counter!

Dogg: Rik's down and prolly out, but Book's a bit slow to pick him up and roll him back in... they're in, Book covers!

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ONE!

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TWO!

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THRE--foot/paw/whatever on the rope! Book had him too close to the ropes! The ref breaks up the pin, and Book's bitchin' him out for it!

Pamela: Giving Rik time to get his bearings back! Rik's up... Book's not paying him any mind at a-- Rik wheels him around! KICK WHAM STUNNER and Book goes flying! Rik's not done... NO-HAND top-rope asai moonsault! Going for the pin!

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ONE!

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TW-- Book kicks out! He's up... Rik's all over him like a bad date! Backing him into a corner with repeated kicks to the midsection! Book on his butt and Rik backing up... charging front dropkick to the fact of Booker T!

Dogg: Didja see Book's head bounce off of the turnbuckle? Damn, I bet that'll sting for days!

Pamela: Rik seems to be going for anoth--- Book catches his feet and flips him over! The hell?! SHARPSHOOTER! SHARPSHOOTER! Rik's got to be in hell right now!

Dogg: But Big Kitty's trying to move... Book's fighting it... Rik's hand's up... Kitty might tap, to Bret Hart's finisher! Ain't that something?

Pamela: ... he reaches out! Rik grabs the nearest rope! An amazing effort by Felstrom! Now if only Booker T will let the hold go! The ref finally breaks the hold... and Rik kicks him in the crotch! And I don't think Rik's done with him yet... Rik has Booker T up... scoop and a fallaway slam! Rik with another elbow to Booker T's knee... and another... and another! Book rolls away before Rik can hit a fourth, and Rik pursue--the hell?!

Dogg: SPINNERONIE! Book rubber-bands and kicks Big Kitty right in the face, sending him down! The player's up... and lets Rik know that haters get to taste the bottom of his shoe!

Pamela: A number of stomps to Rik's shoulder... and Book's got Rik up... knee to the gut and back off the ropes! Going for the axe ki--Rik's up! Catches the leg--CAPTURE SUPLEX! Bridges it for the pin!

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ONE!

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TWO!

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Book makes it out and gets the hell away! Rik's not letting up, though!

Dogg: They're wailing on each other again! A hail of rights from both of 'em! Rik's backing Book into his corner, though... knee to the gut for Rik and Book tosses HIM into the corner, and kicks the catnip outta Big Kitty!

Pamela: Booker setting Rik onto the top turnbuckle... and a nasty-looking superplex from the top! Rik stays down and Book goes back up... Harlem Hangover! Book hooks the leg!

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ONE!

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TWO!

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Rik kicks out! Close one right there!

Dogg: Book's got Big Kitty up... a nasty little powerbomb sends Rik back down! And Book lays in the stomps for a bit before looking towards his corner... think he wants to show Rik his shiny new cane!

Pamela: You're not the only one thinking that, Roadie. Book starts towards the cane... thinks twice about it and picks Rik up and whips him towards... the ref?! The ref gets out of the wa--Book charges in with a clothesline at Rik and bowls the ref over in the process!

Dogg: Oh, that was SO set-up! NOW Book goes for the cane... Rik's in the corner catching his breath... Book swing d--Rik's on him! Paw in the mouth! The cane gets dropped! Damn, Foley would be proud of Big Kitty right now, he's got his old finisher down to a science!

Pamela: The cat's got Booker T's tongue and sweeps him to the ground while keeping the hold on! Booker T's struggling like crazy to break it up, but Rik's not letting go! Book just kneed him in the gut and he's STILL not letting go! The ref's back up... and right down, watching for the tap... and Booker finally taps out, and the ref calls for the bell! Rik pulls off an impressive victory!

Winner by Submission>>> Rik Felstrom

Dogg: Rik's up and his music's playing... and Book's little walk in Bret Hart's shoes starts with him giving up the duke. And ending up with a mouthful of cat hair.

Pamela: Book's up and rubbing his jaw... wait, he's got the cane in his ha--shoves Rik into the corner and wails on him! Stab to the gut and a sharp smacks to the side of the head! The ref's trying to sto--caneshot for the ref! And Book goes right back to working on Rik! And he drops the cane--SHARPSHOOTER! Rik's roaring in pain and tapping like mad! Someone stop this!

Dogg: Damn good timing, Pammie-P! Here's The Man himself and Raven charging to the ring! Booker T doesn't look ready to deal with 'em and hauls ass through the crowd. Heh, how the mighty have fallen.

Pamela: Raven and Bret helping Rik to his feet... ow, looks like I see some blood... and they raise their hands as a group. I think we have a new alliance here, Road Dogg.

Dogg: Gotta agree with ya, Pammie-P. Gotta agree with you...

Pamela: What a match... and it was only the beginning! The Experimentals! Chainsaw! NEXT!

**Commercial Break**

"Game" plays on the P.A. as ChainSaw comes out, carrying a glass table, while The Kat has 2 unshown signs in her hands. She lifts one up that says "S&M really have big balls" which makes the crowd boo. Then The Kat raises the 2nd sign up that says "...IN THEIR MOUTHS". Which gives them a huge pop. ChainSaw sets up in their corner waiting for their opponents. "A Year in the Past Forever" by Grade chimes over the PA and the Experimentals walk out. The crowd boos them as they walk into the ring. Tommy Zen walks down determined, Dave Star smiles as he steals a soda from someone in the crowd.

Pamela: It doesn't seem like anyone likes these jerks.

RD: And with the hizzity to the tizzity, drop the fizzy on the izzy get up shin slip shizznit they be putting out, I can underzip zy wiggy why under stand why.

Pamela: What?

Tommy Zen and Buzzsaw start off. Tommy hits the ropes and Buzzsaw ducks a clothesline, the Extreme One springboards off the ropes and hits a moonsault on Buzzsaw. Tommy gets up and pulls his opponent over to the corner where he makes an early tag. Dave Star gets in the ring and hooks Buzzsaw slamming him hard with a half nelson suplex. Dave gets up and taunts Chaynz. The ref holds Chaynz back from getting in the ring, allowing Dave to slap him. Buzzsaw gets up and waits as Dave Star turns around to celebrate his victory. Dave is met with a spear which sends his head into the bottom Turnbuckle. Dave writhes in pain grabbing the back of his head and neck. Buzzsaw picks him up and tags out. Chaynz comes in and Buzzsaw and Chaynz whip Dave into the ropes. They hit a double snap suplex on him. Chaynz takes over and puts a few punches into Dave Star. He puts Star up onto the top rope. Chaynz signals for the Frankensteiner, but before he can get it off Dave pushes him off the top rope. Dave Star sets up on the top rope and tries to drop kick Chaynz, but Dave just misses. Chaynz grabs star and suplexes him. Dave gets up groggily, but walks into a belly to belly. Chaynz tries for a pin.

Crowd:1...2....Booo! Dave Star barely kicks out. He crawls over to his corner. He tags in Tommy Zen who slowly enters the ring. Tommy hits a high flippling drop kick. Chaynz gets up quickly, he charges Tommy, but Tommy is able to run up the ropes and avoid trouble. He perches himself on the top and leaps off with a flying body press which puts him right into a pin.

Crowd: 1...2...YEAH!

Tommy slams his fist on the ground. He stands up and stretches a bit and then goes and sits back in his corner. Chaynz gets up and looks at Tommy, before tagging out to Buzzsaw. Buzzsaw gets in the ring. He watches Tommy Zen sit and stare. He takes a few steps forward a bit hesitant. Tommy stands up. He doesn't move otherwise. Buzzsaw kicks him, and Tommy bends in half. Tommy gets back up and begins to punch Buzzsaw. Buzzsaw is pushed back into the ropes. Tommy around.

"HIT ME!!!"

He screams at Buzzsaw. Buzzsaw is a bit confused, but he complies, levelling Tommy down with a clothesline. Tommy holds his back in pain. He then brushes himself off and gets up. Tommy goes over and tags out. Dave Star comes in and super kicks Buzzsaw over the top rope. Tommy bounces off the ropes and dives over the top taking out Buzzsaw, but knocking the wind out of himself at the same time. Chaynz enters the ring and attacks Dave Star. Chaynze throws Dave over the top rope, and he lands on top of Tommy.

Pamela: What action!

RD: Well drippy drippy off the tippy, he flew over with a flippy. Put this S to the iz to the nit with a h in mid on the shelf, because it looks like chanynz is in the ring by himself.

Pamela: Did Doctor Seuss teach you to rap?

Buzzsaw back into the ring. The experimentals begin to get up. Chaynz lifts Buzzsaw up, and basically throws him out of the ring with a senton bomb variation. It takes out both experimentals. ChainSaw tosses the Experimentals back into the ring. They say it is time for the Sky 3d. Dave star is put on the Shoulders of Chaynz as Buzzsaw goes to the top rope. Tommy low blows Chaynz allowing Dave to get down and pull Buzzsaw into the ring. Tommy goes to the top rope and Dave grabs Buzzsaw. Dave Star puts him on his shoulders in the fireman's carry. Tommy Zen leaps off the tope rope hitting the Edge of Extremity. Dave hits the Omega Wave and both men go for pins.

Crowd: 1...2....3! BOOOOOOOOOOO!

Dave and Tommy get up and taunt the crowd. They walk out of the arena, and Dave gives the crowd the finger.

**Commercial Break**

Cut back to show..

("Haku Blues" cues up as some fans start to boo Sabu. Sabu comes down to the ring with Duke Drosse. Sabu gets in the ring as Duke goes over to the commentation table.)

Megan: Well it looks like it's time for the EAW Crusierweight Title to be put on the line. Sabu being a half member of Definition of Hardcore taking on the Cruiserweight Champion, Red "Rock" West.

Duke Drosse: Yeah, Sabu will overcome this match with great ease.

Megan: Well we will have to wait and see.

("Crushed" comes up as the fans start to give some cheers for Red "Rock" West. She quickly runs down to the ring with the Cruiserweight Title, she drops it and gets into the ring.)

*ding ding*

Pamela: West runs in, Sabu runs over to Red Rock looking for a Clothesline, no! Red ducks it, DIVING SPINNING LARIET! Red quickly picks Sabu back up, Spinning Roundhouse Kick!

Pamela: Come on Sabu! Just a kick, get up!

Road Dogg: Red starts with some Knee Drops to the ribs. Red picks Sabu back up, she whips him into the ropes, INVERTED DDT!! NO!! Sabu reversed it into a Back Body Drop.

Pamela: There we go. Time for punishment.

Road Dogg: Sabu with that smirk on his face, he hits with a Diving Elbow, another, another, another! Quit it! Sabu picks Red Rock West up, kick to the gut, SIT DOWN POWERBO... NO! Red Rock West with a Hurricarrana Toss!! Red quickly stands and climbs the turnbuckle, Sabu up, DIVING SPINNING WHEEL KICK!! COVER!!..

1.....

2.....
KICKOUT!!

Pamela: Sweet!!

Pamela: Red Rock West is upset, she throws Sabu out of the ring. Red gets out and brings Sabu over to the announcers table. Smack! Smack! Smack! Three times into the wood, now four!!

Road Dogg: WATCH OUT!! Bulldog delivered by Sabu. Damn!

Pamela: I didn't do anything.

Road Dogg: Yeah yeah. Sabu throws Red back into the ring. Sabu whips her into the corner, big wind up, full speed run, MAN!! RUNNING SPLASH!! Red fell forward, SPEAR!! SPEAR!!

Pamela: It's over. Congratulations Sabu!

1.....

2.....

3...NO KICKOUT!! RED RIGHT AT THE LAST MOMENT!!!!!!

Pamela: DAMN!!

Road Dogg: Sabu picks Red up, whip into the ropes, looking for a Back Body Drop, NO!! KICK TO THE FACE.. Sabu stands straight up dazed, Red runs to the otherside, slides under the ropes, she jumps up to the third rope, FLYING HURRICARRANA!! WHOA!! SABU BOUNCED OFF OF THE ROPES, TUMBLES BACK TO RED ROCK WEST. Wait!! Red with a Slingshot Back Suplex!! Both are down!!

1.....

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6.....

Road Dogg: Red is getting up! She stands, up comes Sabu.. Sabu tries a Dropkick on Red, RED ROCK WEST WITH A RUNNING LIGER BOMB!!!

1.....

2.....

KICKOUT!!

Pamela: Yeah!! Keep going Sabu! Hehe. You cute!!

Road Dogg: Red Rock West picks up the dozey Sabu, whip into the corner, Running Tumbling Splah, NO! Running Tumbling Dropkick!?!? The hell? Never saw that move before.

Pamela: Oh well. It's Red Rock West, she is nuts, she'll do anything you say. Even.. Na, won't go there.

Road Dogg: Good things. ^_^. Red picks Sabu up, Red Rock climbs the turnbuckle, 450 SUMMERSAULT SPLASH!!! WAIT! Red must've hurt herself, she is on the ground in pain along with Sabu. Sabu and Red Rock West are rolling around.. They both start to go out of the ring.

Pamela: This match never ends.

Road Dogg: Sabu is up first, Sabu heading over to Red Rock West. Sabu rolls Red into the ring.. Red stands up, Sabu rolls under the ropes, BRAWL!!! Red and Sabu are exchanging left and rights, Red stuns Sabu first, SUPLEX!! NO!! Sabu counters, turns Red around, SIT DOWN POWERBOMB!!!! Red is outcold with her face on the mat. Sabu quickly climbing the turnbuckle, ARABIAN FACE BUSTER!! ARABIAN FACE BUSTER!!!

1.....

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3!!!

Road Dogg: New Crusierweight Champion!!! Sabu did it!!

Winner and new Crusierweight Champion: Sabu! **Commercial**

**Commercial Break**

We come back from commercial with reply of the ending of our last match, showing Sabu hitting the Arabian Facebuster on Red West, covering her, getting the pinfall, and then the win and the title.

From there, we cut to the announcers desk...

Dogg: WELCOME BACK..ladies and gentlemen...boys and girls who should probably be in bed now,
but we've still gotta show you some more Mayhem, and how. William Regal's an uncool limey, his friends are slimey, and I hear tell his equipment's tiny...Double P..know anything about that?

Pam: Why is it just because I'm blonde everything seems to think I'm a SLUT!?

Dogg: 'Cause you look like one, dress like one, and at the moment I wouldn't mind you being one.

Pam: You aren't going to be burying your bone here, pal, so forget it.

William Regal's theme cues up, interrupting the two's conversation a bit, as William himself comes out, beside him PC Plodder, the former Kamala, and his brother, Cecil Regal. The crowd begins to boo them more viciously than even thought possible.

Dogg: Sheeeeeeeeeeeeee-yit...Regal might as well wear a barrel because everyone's sending their garbage right his way. Oh...there's a real Regal fan for ya...

Camera pans to an interesting sign directed at William:

Pam: Ouch...that's a little further than the typical "such-and-such sucks" sign.

Dogg: Well...gotta believe it's justified. And check it out...I think that's that new guy Rash.

The camera pans over to someone that seems to be wearing a rather odd full-body costume, like Spiderman or Venom, holding up a sign saying "Hey Mikey, I like feet, too."

Pamela: Whoa...flashback to Arachnaman.

The three walk down in front of the ring, where the preparations for the Bullpen Cage are just being completed. The structure is very similar to a normal cage, the exceptions being the three pens jutting out from the two opposite walls, the doors to which open to the ring itself.

Dogg: Now, it isn't that I'm fried or anything, but explain the rules to this hiz-ouse of pain again?

Pam: The Bullpen Cage match allows three semi-partners to participate in a match in a limited fashion. You see...the main, legal man while have electronic wrist devices...

Dogg: Like the ones they're putting on the Regal Beagle right now?

Pam: Yup. Three buttons are on that thing...he can press any of them at any time and allow one of his helpers to come out for...this match it will be about a minute. After which those corresponding bands being put on Cecil, PC, and the large aborigine dude will shock them if they don't return to their "pens."

Dogg: Dunno if Kamala would care...they should've probably put his on his nuts.

Pam: Speaking of which...ech...can you BELIEVE S&M?! Damn...if THAT turns them on, how the hell do you blow them off in a quick, but violent way?

Dogg: That's freaky shiznit, I tell ya...hell, those guys would probably think getting their nuts shocked with those things would be fun!

Pam: *shudder*

Dogg: Don't worry, Pammycakes, the Bigg Dogg here guards his property...I'll be up the ass of any of 'em that tries that freaky sh*t on you.

Pam: Dunno...rumor is that's just where Morty likes it...

As PC, the former Kamala, and Cecil are penned, the bells/sirens/whistles of the Right to Censor theme cue up. The fans near the entranceway cover their ears as Steven Richards makes his way out, mic in hand and in his usual formal attire. Behind him are Dudley Clark II and RTC Man. The crowd response is more favorable than usual, and Steven breaks it up a bit...

Richards: CUT our music...

It stops.

Richards: Regals...Plodder...and our large aborigine friend--you've pushed us too far. Tonight...we...regretably, will have to resort to violent means for our ends...and our reasons are so strong, that even these Michigan fans have enough moral responsibility to KNOW we are doing the right thing.

Mixed reaction.

Richards: Naturally...we needed a capable third person to assist us...and who we turned to shouldn't come as too much of a surprise...cue the EAW-Tron.

"Yo, who the f**k is this" Says Chaynz, in a grumpy mood.

"Pardon me, 'Chaynz,' but if at all possible, we would like to speak to Brian," Dudley asks, politely. "There is an urgent matter we need to discuss."

"All right, I'll get him." Chaynz says, albeit bitter. "Yo Heffron, the RTC wants some words with you."

The crowd cheers as Blue Boy walks out, with a "Blue Bath" T-Shirt. "OK Guys, what's up?"

"Good afternoon, Mr. Heffron," Dudley says, extending his hand. "Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Dudley Clark II...Esq."

"And me, you undoubtedly are familiar with," says RTC Man. "We need to speak to you about a few things."

Dudley adds, "Correct."

"Ok, but can you speed it up? ChainSaw does not like you one bit, so the longer you hang around here, the more likely they'll snap at you."

"Very well," Dudley complies. "I'm questioning the nature of your appearance on Friday's Riot Rulz on my behalf. You haven't announced publicly what it was. Was it simply a matter of not wanting to owe us for our aide in your match or a genuine interest in our offer?"

Blue Boy responds, "I did it for 2 reasons: 1) Because I want total revenge on Cecil for what he did to Jasmin, and 2) It was nice to help out an old buddy, better yet, an old buddy who hates Regal as much as I do."

"Excellent," RTC Man says, shaking Blue Boy's hand. "So, would you be able to aide in our Bull Pen Cage Match against William Regal and three of the 'Gentlemen?' I assume you'd be anyhow, since you still have a score to settle with them."

"I wasn't going to get too involved with this, knowing how much crap I've taken from my teammates for even talking to you guys, already. But when I heard that Cecil was going to be in the match..." Blue laughs, "As much as I want to totally cripple him, how can I refuse?"

Dudley says, "Thank you...this will prove beneficial to all of us," then shakes Blue Boy's hand.

RTC Man also shakes his hand. "Thank you...thank you. Remember though..this doesn't have to end..." RTC Man then produces a cassette tape, giving it to Blue Boy. "Remember...we welcome anyone willing to step forward and aide our cause." With that, the two walk off.

Blue Boy now just stands there, with a cassette tape in hand.

"I wonder what's inside. Hmm...can't be to sure though."

suddenly, he eyes Michael Cole. "Hey Mikey. Would you come here for a second?"

"Sure Brian?" Cole says. "What do you need?"

"I have something I want you to listen to..."

Blueboy and Michael Cole walks off to a nother room as it fades out..

Steven looks a slight bit disturbed at that last part, but shrugs it off as he turns his attention towards the ring.

Richards: I give you...Blue Boy.

"Full Nelson" by Limp Bizkit then cues up. The Michigan crowd goes apesh*t as the RTC members step aside, allowing the Blue Boy to drive out onto the stage in the Saturn, with Jasmin also seated in the vehicle, riding shotgun. William can especially be seen fuming.

Dogg: I'd say it's a damn good thing that William doesn't have a mic right now, because from the looks of things, what's coming out of his mouth right now I don't think even we could air.

Richards, flanked by his partners, rush down to the ring as the crowd's cheering rises to a fever pitch. Steven is the first in, followed by RTC Man, Blue Boy, and Dudley. Richards quickly gets his wristband on.

Dogg: I'm still about as much a fan of Steven Richards as I am of the police...but I wish him alllllll the luck in this match.

*ding, ding*

Dogg: Steven's partners secured and this match is now underway...Richards firing away with right hands on Steven! Sends him into the ropes--reversed by Steven--sends him face first into the steel! Now--uh oh...Steven already activating the former Kamala's pen. He's out...Richards back up...former Kamala joining in to stomp away on Richards. Regal setting him up...backdrop suplex laying him square to the turnbuckle! The former Kamala climbing up top....looks to be going for the moonsault--NO!! Richards avoiding the deadly move! Richards and the former Kamala pulling him back up...sends him into the ropes...hoists him up...DOUBLE SPINEBUSTER!! Ol' whitesocks in deeeeeeeeeep shiznit here!

Pamela: But who's bright idea was it to hire Kamala here? I swear Regal will associate himself with anybody. Plus, if he knew English...he'd be kicking their asses right now for what they've been saying.

Dogg: The former Kamala hitting the ropes...SPLASH on Richards! Now..

*BZZZZT!!!*

The former Kamala growls.

Dogg: He's out of time...running back towards the pen, although the damage has been done...and I'd be letting out someone to try to even the score if I were Richards. Of course, if I were Richards I'd be a nerd in bad clothes with a stupid haircut, so that's a big "if."

Pamela: If I were Richards even I wouldn't touch myself. He should really have Ivory take care of that.

Dogg: Damn right...too fine an ass to go to waste. Richards pulling up by Regal...standing dropkick sends him back down to the mat. Richards back up...European Uppercut send him staggering to the ropes. Regal setting him up for a suplex now...lays him out center of the ring. Cover by Regal!

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One!--Kickout!

Another cover!

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One!--Kickout!

Yet another cover!

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One!--Kickout!

Regal putting the pressure on! Pulls up Richards...going for an armwringer--Richards back to life reversing it...cranking it on. Arm drag by Regal...wrenching the arm around in a modified chicken wing, Richards down on his knees.

Pamela: Hard to believe that through the ego, the crass, crude behavior, the stupid accent, the disgusting body...he's actually a good wrestler.

Dogg: Kind of a shame really...but Richards making his way back up into the mat...elbows in the midsection of Regal...escapes! Richards hits the ropes...ducks a clothesline by Regal...coming back...high flipping dropkick into the chest of Regal sends him down!! Regal back up...SPINNING NECK BREAKER by Richards! Richards dropping a pair of elbows...cover...

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One!

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kickout by Regal. Steven pulls up Regal now...sends him into the ropes...drop toe hold on the return...Richards going for a half-crab now. The referee checking to see if Regal wants to give it up...

Pamela: HELL NO!! Regal doesn't want this match to end so soon and I want him to get his ass kicked some more!

Dogg: Regal refusing to give up...Richards releasing the hold--slams the knee of Regal into the mat. Regal pulled up by Richards--Regal with a jawbreaker now...Richard's surprised with that one. Regal sending Richards into the corner. Charging in--clothesline!! Richards staggering out of the corner...Dropkick by Regal! Going up top now....reverse elbow drop into the chest!! Regal pulling up Richards...SPIFFING SLAM!! Going for another cover now...

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One!

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TWO!!--Kickout by Richards...a little too early in the match to put him away. Regal hitting a second button..and...out comes PC Plodder!! Regal with a backbreaker on Richards....Plodder in....drops that nightstick down across the throat of Richards...slamming it down into his chest...damnit, Steven...get your partners to help!

Pamela: He may be trying to save them until later, but if he doesn't use one now, there may not be a later in this match.

Dogg: Aaaand...Richards presses one of those buttons...and...Dudley out now!! Going after Richards--CLOTHESLINE back of the head!! Stomping away on Regal!! Plodder with the nightstick--ducked by Dudley--Dudley scoops him up...TKO!! TKO!!! Richards up again...Dudley pulling up Regal...laying in some jabs and fancy footwork a la yours truly...the hard-hittin' brother from Britain just brutalizing him....UPPERCUT!!! The two of them stomping away on Regal...Regal hitting his last button, the one for his brother Cecil.

Over where Plodder is laying, the electric shock mechanism goes into effect, shocking him although he's more or less unconscious.

Dogg: Richards releasing RTC Man and Blue Boy!! RTC Man joining up with Richards and Dudley to stomp away on William....Cecil ducking the clothesline from Blue Boy and....DIVING FIST DROP to the groin of William?!?!?

Pamela: What the hell?

Dogg: My thoughts exactly...Cecil's actually joining in on the beat-down of William!!

Pamela: Family spat?

Dogg: Don't know...but it seems that Cecil's having words with RTC and Blue Boy....now they're...dispersing? Cecil pulling his brother up now--CECIL CRUNCHER!! The RTC and Blue Boy all on the posts now...DIVING HEADBUTT by Dudley!! Richards with the flying elbow drop onto William!! STARDUST PRESS by RTC Man!! Blue Boy with the BLUESAULT!!! Richards going for the cover!

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ONE!!

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TWO!!

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THREE!!!

*ding, ding, ding*

Winner by Pinfall >>> Steven Richards of the Right to Censor

Pamela: Someone explained what just happened here?

Dogg: I don't know if this is a personal matter or Cecil's just sick of Regal and his homies, but it looks like Cecil has turned his back on the Gentlemen! The former Kamala growling in his pen and PC Plodder still OUT!

The structure shuts down, de-electrifying everything, and allowing Cecil to remove his wristband.

Dogg: He's just....leaving. Not a word to Blue Boy or the RTC....what's on this guy's mind?

Pamela: Guessing by that belly, probably the buffet backstage.

Dogg: Damn...this is some wacked-out sh*t folks. Coming up next after some corporate whoring for about three minutes, we got another homie of mine, Nova, going up against Derek Walker. NEXT!!

**Commercial Break**

"One Man Army" by Prodigy cues up as we come back from break. We get another crowd scan, this one revealing Rash holding a sign that says, "Sex = Ratings"

Dogg: WELCOME BACK!! Coming out here first is Nova...looking lean, mean, extreme, and let us on how Morty likes his ass reamed. Just under 6 feet and at 212, he ain't the biggest guy around, but he proves time and again what a tough little bastard he is.

Nova then walks out to a large pop from the crowd, with Angelina following behind. Out after him, "Code Red," Bret Hart, and Raven all make their way out with him.

Pamela: As you may remember, this guy was initially passed up by the WWF because he went overtime on some of his matches...

Dogg: That ain't cool, Vince, that ain't cool. But hey, we complainin'...glad to have him here kickin' it here the E, to the A, to the Dubba-yooooooooooooo!! He's got the Extreme, he got the attitude, and damn it if he ain't an awesome wrestler...and he got friends you don't wanna f.....with.

Nova climbs up onto the apron, springing over it into the ring. He bounces off the ropes a bit before his theme music fades out, and "Travel Theme to Crystalis" begins to play in it's place.

Rash holds up a sign that reads "All of your brains are belong to me!"

Pamela: Will that damn bad translation gimmick EVER die?!

Dogg: I thought it was dead, but some people can't seem to let it die I guess.

Derek Walker then comes out from the back, the crowd also gives hir a respectful response.

Dogg: Derek Walker out now, one of the weirdest wrestlers in a fed of weird wrestlers. Not a chick...not a dude...but a little bit of both. Plus shi's like a weird grouping of a bunch of animals..

Pamela: Not to mention shi has a cartilage skeleton, allowing her to be faster and more mobile than most of our other wrestlers, although that means shi also isn't as strong. The ones real bone in her body is the horn on hir forehead.

Dogg: Still...weird freaky sh*t here. Makes the WWF look TAME. Well...except for some of the stuff I hear about Albert...AAAAAAAANYHOW, Derek on her way down to the ring...Mike Bret and Raven just a hangin' around...watching their backs. Derek in...and this is going to be one helluva match...let's see some asskicking here.aaaaaaaaaaand..

*ding, ding*

Dogg: ...Izzzzon!!

Pamela: Damn...they don't waste any time, do they?

Dogg: Fists a-flyin' here already in the opening seconds of this match! The People's Amalgam dishing out most of the punishment...sending Nova into the ropes now...back now, leapfrogs over...sunset flip! Oh, not even a one! Both of them back up...Nova firing Derek into the corner--Derek quickly stopping--up--MOONSAULT off the second rope onto Nova!

Pamela: Quick thinking...but shi's too light to make that do very much damage.

Dogg: Oh, and shi knows it too. Pulling up Nova by the head now...going for an irish whip--Nova reversing now..cinching up Derek--hits a snap suplex!! Somersault back splash from a standing position onto Derek!! Nova going for an Asai Moons--missed!! Derek rolls out of the way! Nova getting up now but--Dropkick into the left leg of Nova! Derek hits the ropes...Nova getting up again--MASSIVE chop block takes the left leg out from underneath Nova! Derek grabbing that leg and dragging Nova center of the ring--elbowdrop to the inner thigh, and Derek applying a simple leglock.

Pamela: A LEGLOCK?!? Come on, shi should know better than that...these people want to see hir flying around hitting quick moves...not a LEG LOCK!

Dogg: Well, whatever does the trick, slow or quick. Derek's apparently got a bit of a gameplan mapped out here. Yanking up Nova, partly by that leg...Nova going for an Enzui Giri--ducked!! Setting him up for a German Suplex--back elbow by Nova--Derek locking him now...TIGER SUPLEX!! With a bridge!

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One!

.--kickout by Nova just after the one!

Pamela: Incredible timing on those moves...

Dogg: Nova kippups now...Derek getting back up....Nova whipping Derek into the corner...series of kicks into the midsection....springing up onto the top rope now--FAMEASSER from the top!! Nova springing up there now..FROG SPLASH onto the back of Derek!! Cover now

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One!

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Kickout by Derek!

Pamela: Two two, I think, should just go back to their roots and try to get the ref to make this an all-out Extreme Match, because you know they're holding back a little on what they could possibly do...

Dogg: Only since they can't use a chair, chain, bat, cheesegrater or whatever else is the popular deadly household device of the day...they ain't holding back any other way. The two of them up and brawling right now...Nova sending Derek into the ropes again...coming off...spinning heel kick!! Nova back up...charging at Derek--POWERSLAM counter by Derek!! Derek pulling him up...sends Nova into the corner...charging in after...Nova springing off...has Derek locked in a headscissors variation. Springing off...takeover! Nova bending down...Derek up...thrust kick!--ducked!! Walker grabbing Nova...RUNNING BULLDOG!!

Pamela: *Whew* These guys...er...persons...er...individuals definitely can go in a tight match like this.

Dogg: Yeah...although they each have their strengths. Derek can roll with the punches like the Dogg can with a reef, although they don't pack all that much punch. Nova may just have a slight advantage just plain wrestling--Derek dumps Nova to the outside!!

Over at the ringside area, Rash's large tongue smacks over his lips.

Derek following him out..first time this match has strayed from the ring, surprisingly. Irish whipping him--into the guardrail!! Derek flying at him--up and over the guardrail!! The two brawling out there on the floor...both up now...rights answered with lefts and vice-versa...Is Nova's stragety to absorb those punches with his face til' Derek punches hirself out? Ooop...catches that one...armwringer...now hooking her up--WHOA!! Almost like a Cobra Clutch Atomic Drop!!

Rash stands ready...his tongue dripping drool onto the safety mats.

Dogg: And Nova still holding on to the hold!! Back to the steel barricade now...and...COBRA CLUTCH SUPLEX over the guardrail back into the ringside area!! Nova biding his time...Derek back up..Nova going for a springboard--DROPKICK by Walker connects!! Walker setting up Nova now..Russian Leg Sweep!!

Nearby, the mysterious Rash hops over the guardrail...

Pamela: What the? What's Rash doing? Is this a triple threat all of a sudden?

Dogg: Rash is...WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU*blllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeep*?!?! Rash has Walker...and is literally trying to swallow her head-and-torso first...slurping on her like...what the hell?! Nova attacking that...thing now....Raven, Bret, and Code Red coming over to aid now...

Pamela: He spits out Derek....against the ringpost!

Dogg: Damn...now I know what vomit feels like hitting the porcelein king in the morning...

Pamela: Rash making a hasty exit...this match has, unfortunately, been thrown out...a disappointing way to end an exciting match...

Rash skulks his way through the crowd as the well is rung and the decision made.

Winner by Disqualification >>> Derek Walker

Dogg: Damn...and I was looking forward to this match most of all...

Pamela: Well, this may be another fight for another day....but until then, goodnight fans, and be sure to check out the next Riot Rulz...scheduled for this Saturday...

(Opening segment and Rik/Bret written by Shelby
Experimentals/Chainsaw tag match written by Kevin
Sabu/RRW match written by Kevin
Rest written by Andrew)