Your hosts are Megan Eko and Paul Heyman!
We open to the MGM Grand after an impressive display of fireworks...
Signs in the crowd tonight: "WHY, BLINK, WHY?!" "DRAFT ME!"...a few "NANI?" signs, "HEADQUAM McDOODYFACE LOVES HIS BACON IN THE SOCKS, JIM!!" (Gee...who could that be?), "Nooooooooova!! NOOOOOOOVA!! AT LAST YOU'RE ON YOUR OOOOOOOOOOWN!" "Angel: My #1 Pick...for latrine duty" "No Split Necessary" "Be Like Mike(y)!" "Kirk got no rhythm" "Mighty Molly = 1 Bootyful Lady" "Kirk Angel: The Real Superhero of EAW." "Gen NEXT = WE WANT OUR PEPSI!!" "Arana: Does whoever a spider can..." "ELROY!" among others...
Megan: Welcome everyone to the MGM Grand LIVE for EAW Tuesday Night Mayhem!! And while EAW suffered a great loss as of late, we're all doing our best, as are you, to cope with the passing of Shaed Bloodgrave. And I hope that whatever it takes, that Morrigan will be able to recover...
Paul: Yeah..although, I'm single, you know?
Megan: But you're hardly a Shaed replacement...
Paul: Who is?
Megan: The rare bit of praise for someone who deserves it...thank you, Paul...
"Dare" by Stan Bush cues up...
Megan: And a definite favorite of Paul Heyman to challenge for the Cruiserweight Title first...
Paul: WHOOO-HOOO!...you bet!
Cappetta: The following match is scheduled for one fall with a 15 minute time limit, and is for the EAW Cruiserweight Title! Introducing first, the challenger. Accompanied by Mighty Molly, he stands six foot even and weighs in at 191 pounds. THE HURRRRRRRICANE!!
Paul: LOOK! UP IN THE RING!! IT'S A BIRD!! IT'S A PLANE!! NOOOO..it's the Hurricane!
Megan: Say it, Paul...don't spray it. *Holds up an umbrella*
As Hurricane gets in the ring, "Sinner" by Drowning Pool begins to play...
Megan: And here comes the champ! Ninja X announcing recently he plans to take a vacation once he's lost the Cruiserweight Title...
Paul: Well, good--hope he already packed and booked his flight, cause he's gonna lose it TONIGHT!
Megan: A bold prediction, but both Nova and Akiko have said the contrary...I suppose we'll see...
Ninja X comes out next, holding up the EAW Cruiserweight Title...
Capetta: And his opponent...he's a member of Da Pac and is the reigning EAW Cruiserweight Champion. He stands 6'1" and weighs in at 226 pounds. Niiiiiiiiinja X!!
Megan: Ninja X experiencing some ups and downs as of late...going from three titles to one, and currently planning a rest...but still an amazing competitor--and who can blame him for that loss to Arana?
Paul: Not me--and we'll see her in action tonight as well!! But first...GO HURRICANE!!
*ding, ding*
Heyman: Here we go, another high flying fight! HURR-I-CANE...
Megan: Hurricane locks up with Ninja X, Hip Toss! X quickly to his feet, Dropkick! Hurricane back up, X with a Forarm Smash!! Hurricane is down, X runs against the ropes and hits a Quick Leg Drop!! Ninja X is really giving to the Hurricane here!
Heyman: Come on Hurricane! He's all yours! Use your Superpowers!!
Megan: ...not in a non-AAA match I hope. X stands up Hurricane, he throws him into the corner, JUMPING BODY SPLASH!!! Hurricane is dazing forward, X hits a Snap DDT! He heads for the turnbuckle... What the!!?? WHAT AN ELEVATION!! SHOOTING STAR PRESS!!... NO!!! Hurricane moved outta the way!! Ninja X just bounced off that mat!! The ref begins the count...
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Two!
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Three!
Heyman: Here comes Hurricane. He is making it up.
Megan: Hurricane is on his feet, he quickly stands up Ninja X, Swinging Neck Breaker! Immediately following a Spinning Leg Drop! Cover!!
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Two! KICKOUT!
Heyman: To early in the match this time Hurricane.
Megan: Hurricane takes X and tosses him to the outside. Ninja X quickly rises to his feet, but dazily. Hurricane hops up on the turnbuckle, SUICIDE DIVE OFF THE TURNBUCKLE!!! BOTH MEN ARE DOWN!!
Heyman: Did you see the impact on that? Hurricane is down, X is down. Hurricane appears to have been hurting his side. X is starting to make it up.
Megan: X makes it up first. He walks over to the side of the ring, he sees Hurricane on his feet, X runs, he jumps off the stairs.. HURRICANRANA!! X has the momentum, he runs back into the ring, Hurricane is pulling himself to the ring apron... X WITH A BASEBALL SLIDE!! X heads out and tosses Hurricane back into the ring, he climbs up on the ring apron, he jumps over, he tries a Body Splash but Hurricane moves!!
Heyman: He got lucky, and that would've hurt like hell!
Megan: Hurricane slowly stands to his feet, he grabs X's legs, Knee to the Groin! Hurricane is heading to the top, MOONSAULT!! COVER!
One!
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Two!
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.Thrrrr!! NO!!! Near fall!
Heyman: That one was close! Come on Hurricane, pick it up here! Bring home that Crusierweight Title!
Megan: This is quite an exciting match. Hurricane whips X into the ropes, Cross Body Block! NO! Fall Away Slam by Ninja X! Both men are down, Ninja X is slowly making his way up before the ref can start counting, up comes Hurricane. Right hand by Hurricane! Right hand by X! They are exchanging right hands! Hurricane tries again but X blocks it.. X-ECUTION!!! COVER!!
One!
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Two!
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Three!!! NO!!! Right at the last second!
Heyman: Damn 2 counts, starting to annoy me Megan.
Megan: Hurricane is holding his head from that DDT, Ninja is smiling. He might have this match won. He delivers a Knife Edge Chop to Hurricane! Another! The fans are hearing that smack to the chest. Ninja X quickly runs to the turnbuckle, SPRINGBOARD SPINNING HEEL KICK!! Ninja X is just toying around with Hurricane right now. He helps Hurricane up, looks at the fans, but Hurricane Low Blows X!!! He sets Ninja X in the corner, DIAMOND DUST!!! NEW CHAMP!!
One!
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Two!
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Three!! NO!!! Another nearfall!
Heyman: We could've had a new champion!! Come on Hurricane, keep this up!!
Megan: Hurricane throws Ninja X into the ropes, Sleeper!! Hurricane has a Sleeper on Ninja X right now... The fans are getting behind X, X is building up momentum once again! Elbow to the gut! Again! Again! SIDE SUPLEX!! NO!! Hurricane lands on his feet, Ninja turns around, Hurricane hits a Flying Head Scissors into the corner! Hurricane rises up quickly and heads to the other side, Hurricane with Super Hero speed running at Ninja X into the corner, he jumps up for a Body Splash...NINJA X JUST SUPERKICKED HURRICANE BACK TO THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!!! Ninja X slowly climbs the turnbuckle, he jumps off with a 450 Splash!! He rolls off and then slowly pushes his arm over Hurricane!!! What's this!!??
From over the guardrail, Nova appears, standing behind Mighty Molly, who is consumed with cheering on Hurricane. She turns her head to see what the ruckus is about...and gets NAILED with a superkick from Nova.
Heyman: It's NOVA!!!..? What the hell is he doing here! Hurricane seeing Nova...and is Mighty upset at Mighty Molly's assailant. Ninja X from behind--PUMPHANDLE SPIKE!!!
Megan: Thanks to that distraction...Hurricane had the Cruiserweight Title won!
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ONE!
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TWO!
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THREE!!
Winner by Pinfall and STILL EAW Cruiserweight Champion: Ninja X
Nova in the ring now...attacking Hurricane, NOVACAINE!! What the hell? He seems to not be done yet, KRYPTONITE KRUNCH! That's enough Nova! Ninja X left the ring with his Cruiserweight Strap. Nova is sick!
**Commercial Break**
"Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck" by Grinspoon cues up as we return...
Megan: Welcome everyone back to EAW Tuesday Night Mayhem! Coming up next, the Extreme Title will be on the line!
Capetta: The following match up is scheduled for one fall with a 15 minute time limit, and is for the EAW Extreme Title! Introducing first, from Antioch, California...he claims to be 6'6" and weighs in at allegedly 400 pounds. He's a member of Generation NEXT, CRAAAAAAASH HOLLY!!
"Um...excuse me," a man says, tapping on Megan's shoulder from behind the guardrail.
Megan: Who are you? Leave me alone, I'm trying to..
"You left your toothbrush at my house last night."
Megan: I--wha? Uh...I'm afraid you're mistaken. I don't even kno--
"Yes, you are...here--"
Megan: GO AWAY!! *piefaces him off camera*
Paul: Someone you know Megan?
Megan: No...*ahem* well, obviously we should expect to see a brutal match here, but considering neither champ nor challenger are exactly fan favorites, I wonder who the fans will be behind?
An "Elroy" chant starts as Crash appears on the entranceway.
Paul: Augh...I guess we see now...
El--er, Crash makes his way to the ring, covering his ears to block out the chant as best he can, and clearly getting infuriated. He shouts at the crowd several phrases that needed to be censored for TV...
Paul: Not a happy camper is Crash Holly, and the champion to be out here any moment now...
"Martyr" by Fear Factory cues up. There is still a majority of the fans booing, but this time it appears that there are a few sparse cheers mixed in.
Cappetta: And his opponent, from the Darkside...standing 5'7 inches and weighing in at 122 pounds. She is the reigning EAW Extreme Champion..Arana!!
Megan: Arana seemingly out of nowhere defeating Ninja X to become champion, and now her first scheduled defense on TV...and heavily favored, it seems.
Paul: One should NOT UNDERESTIMATE ANY OF GEN-NEXT!!
Megan: Yeah...considering they have Rash, Crash, Big Show, Donnie B, David Flair, apparently Ric Flair...
Paul: Okay, okay...
Megan: Thing is, I wonder if even all of them have the courage to possibly enrage Spazz, who wouldn't hesitate to put them "on a slab" as he puts it.
Paul: Well...they'll keep out of this match likely--out of pure respect...
Megan: I'll believe that when I see it...Arana handing over the Extreme Title..
*ding, ding*
As the bell rings, the champion immediately goes after the challenger with kicks across the midsection as the "ELROY!" chant continues. A side headlock by Arana, but Crash with an attempted backdrop. Arana lands behind--shoves Crash to the ropes. Arana goes for a spinning heel kick, but Crash ducks, grabs her left leg, and Dragon Screws her down. Crash picks her up, and drops her throat first across the top rope, before going up top and driving an elbow to the sternum. Cover by Crash...one count--and Arana is back up in a flash. She charges at Crash--he attempts to throw her over him to the floor, but Arana lands on the apron. Grabs him by the neck--yanks the back of his neck down across the top rope as he drops to the floor!!
Arana pulls out a heavy-looking trash can, and tosses it in the ring, bonking Crash in the back of the head as he attempts to get up. Arana rolls in, then uses the trash can to nail Crash across the back repeatedly, before running to the far ropes, leaping up and smashing Crash in the head once more. Arana goes up top, waiting for Crash to recover, and hits a Hurracanrana from the top, rolling up Crash...getting a two count only.
Crash kicks out, and as he gets up, Arana goes for a sleeper--Crash counters with a snapmare, and as Arana gets up he hits her with a dropkick, then another. He sends her to the ropes, then drop toe-holds her onto the trash can, collapsing it. He then grabs the lid and slams it against the back of her head.
Crash picks up Arana and sends her to the corner, charges in, and leaps up and dropkcisk the trashcan lid to her face.
Crash then snap suplexes her onto the remnants of the trash can and rolls onto her, getting a two count.
Crash slides out of the ring, grabbing the ring bell, then rolling inside the ring. He goes to nail her in the back with it, but she rolls over on her side and spin-kicks him in the back, then drop toe holds him. She then combines it into a modified STF. Arana wrenches back on it, but Crash refuses to give it up. Arana lets go, then takes the ring bell and clocks Crash across the head with it. She picks up the dazed Crash and sends Crash to the ropes, hitting a Spider's Bite. A cover...long two...and a kick out.
Arana dumps Crash to the outside, then hits the far ropes, attempting what appears to be a Sasuke Special--HITS IT on Crash, and pins him out on the outside. The referee slides out to make the count, but Crash kicks out at two.
Arana picks him up, and Crash stops her short with a knee to the midsection, a thumb to the eye, then slams her onto the announce table. He uses some nearby cables to choke her with, then takes the steel stairs and rams them across her head. Crash stands up on the announce table...set up--PILEDRIVER onto the steel stairs!! Crash stomps away at her chokes her with a foot across the throat before going for a pinfall. She BARELY kicks out just about at the three count.
Crash pulls up the padding around ringside, and attempts a bulldog--Arana shoves him head first into the ringpost, and fallaway slams him onto the floor.
Cover...long two, kickout. Arana rolls Crash into the ring...
Megan: Arana tosses in a pair of steel chairs, then goes up top on the apron. Crash reaches for one, as Arana springs onto the top rope--goes for a Springboard Dropkick, and attempts to block!--
Paul: OOH...smart move there by Crash!! Crash falls to the mat, and Arana has her left ankle caught between the folds in the chair!
Megan: Crash takes advantage, stomping away at the knee of Arana, then grabbing the second chair and slamming it across her leg. Crash working a smart game here, and picking up Arana...set up for a RUNNING POWERSL--No, Arana escapes..TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER SET U--No, Crash fighting free of it and lands on his feet--bridging up..reversing now--and...a DDT on the steel chair!!
Paul: And a beautiful DDT at that!! One that even Jake the Snake would be proud off--but it would probably look like a Double DDT to him.
Megan: Crash picking up Arana, and whipping him to the ropes.
Paul: And Crash standing up those chairs and readying them...this could be a THOROUGHLY EXTREME end for Arana's title reign...
Megan: Crash setting up Arana for a Suplex--NO...Arana fighting back..VENOM FANG NEO!!!
Paul: ....HOLY ****!!
Megan: Arana slowly rolling over onto Crash...
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ONE!
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TWO!!
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THREE!!!
*ding, ding, ding*
"Martyr" plays again...
Capetta: Here is your winner by pinfall, and stiiiiiiill EAW Extreme Champion--Arana!
Megan: And Arana retaining that Extreme Title...and perhaps maybe something that Oseiko may decide to vy for--if she doesn't decide to go after the World Title, what with challenging Kirk Angel...
Paul: Bah...it's non-title, remember? And she can't beat him anyway...
"Umm...you forgot...th-this, Mistress Megan," a male fan says, holding out a riding crop.
Megan: YOU LYING...Grrr...that certainly isn't mine. This is twice tonight...and it is really getting annoying. Maybe Lilith's playing a little prank on me...
"Oh, Lilith...man...what a ba--"
Megan: Shut up..and get out of here, before I call security..
"R-right..."
Megan: We'll be right back, folks...the MPRW Mountaineer Tag Titles will be on the line next...
**Commercial Break**
As we come back from the commercials, "Nobodies" by Marylyn Manson is playing over the speaker system, and the Girls of Goth are making their way to the ring.
Capetta: The following contest, scheduled for one fall, is for the MPRW Mountaineer Tag Team Championships. Introducing first, from Roswell, New Mexico, at a total combined weight of 272 Pounds…Sin…Shade...The Girls of Goth!
Megan: Well, we're back for the MPRW Tag Title match, and here comes the challengers…who I've gained a lot of respect for in the recent weeks.
Heyman: That's because they attacked either member of Deadly Extremity over and over, right?
Megan: Exactly. ^^
Heyman: (sigh)Biased girl.
As soon as the Girls enter the ring, the sounds of "Click, Click, Boom" by Saliva cues up, and out comes the Champions with manager.
Capetta: And their opponents, being accompanied to the ring by Arianna, from Venice Beach, California, at a total combined weight of 464 Pounds…They are the MPRW Mountaineer Tag Team Champions…CHAINSAW!
Megan: The Champions here are going to have to be very careful if they want to hold on to their titles…the Girls are great athletes and a serious threat.
Heyman: Especially if Chaynz and Shade are in the ring at the same time. Methinks that this could be a good plan by the GoG.
Megan: We'll find out soon enough…the bell has rung and we're underway!
Megan: And it seems that Sin and Buzzsaw will be the ones starting this match off. Sin locking up with Buzzsaw, Buzz having no part of it though and pushes Sin down to the mat. Buzz moving in now, Sin with a quick trip on Buzzsaw as he comes in though, and rolling up to her feet.
Heyman: Chainsaw definitely have a power advantage in this match, so the Girls will have to resort to their speed advantage in this match. Buzzsaw coming in now, Sin with a nicely placed kick to her stomach.
Megan: Buzzsaw has the advantage now, and makes a tag already to Chaynz. Buzzsaw holding Sin, and Chaynz with a shot into her ribcage. Sin hurting now, Chaynz grabbing her, going for a suplex, Sin wiggles out, grabbing him from behind around the head, modified Frankensteiner there. And Sin makes a tag to her sister.
Heyman: WHOO! NOW things are going to get interesting. Let's see what these two do.
Megan: Chaynz getting up to his feet, and sees Shade across the ring from him. It seems…he's going for a tag, but Shade grabs him from behind, reverse DDT on Chaynz! Cover already…only a 2 count.
Heyman: Shade has an advantage over Chaynz in this match, seeing that Chaynz does not really want to attack her. But…she's tagging Sin back into the ring now. Weird strategy…but Sin takes advantage, flipping over the top rope and landing squarely on Chaynz. Another cover, only a 2.
Megan: Sin picking up Chaynz now to his feet, measuring him up…superkick attempt caught by Chaynz, and sweeps Sin down to the match, and drops an elbow right into the inside of her leg. Now wrenching up on it, but Shade pulls her sister out of the ring, and the girls are regrouping.
Heyman: A good move by the Girls of Goth, getting a chance to regroup, but I don't think that Chainsaw will let them.
Megan: No they won't, as Buzzsaw runs towards them on the apron, and tackles both girls down to the floor. Chaynz seems a bit worried about Shade apparently.
Heyman: Chaynz is letting his lust judge his actions, which could cost him and Buzzsaw the match. Now…what the? Arianna helping Sin back into the ring?
Megan: Apparently she wants this match to be ended in the ring. Now Chaynz will have control in this match, picking Sin back up to her feet now, and a quick snap suplex. Chaynz tagging in Buzzsaw now, who's on the top rope…and dropping an elbow hard on her. Shades of the Macho Man there, but only gets a two count here.
Heyman: Buzzsaw will need to help his partner keep focused here, and the best way is to keep Sin in that ring. Buzzsaw now picking her up, and gives her a nice gutwrench powerbomb! COVER!
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TWO
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No, kickout.
Megan: Chainsaw now firmly in control of the match, and Buzzsaw makes a tag to Chaynz, who rams his arm hard on Sin's forehead. He sends Sin off the ropes now, going of the ropes himself, and…
Heyman: GOOOOORE! GOOOOORE! GOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!
Megan: (sigh)Anyway, going for a cover now.
One
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TWO
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And Sin kicks out again.
Heyman: Sin, as well as Shade, wants a chance to be called the MPRW Tag Team Champion. Chaynz tags in Buzzsaw again…they're setting Sin up now…
Megan: Uh oh…this could be it. They've got her…DETONATOR. This could be all she wrote…cover by Buzzsaw.
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TWO
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THRE…NO! Sin kicks out…and Buzzsaw is shocked. He's not about to give up though. He's picking Sin up now…but Sin manages to catch him hard in the chest with a dropkick.
Heyman: Both Sin and Buzzsaw rocked from that move right there, and both wrestlers need to make a tag. Both inching to their corners…and both make a tag.
Megan: Chaynz sees that Shade is back in the ring now, tries backing off, and nailed with a flying forearm by Shade. Buzzsaw coming in towards her now…caught…Double arm DDT. Now Buzzsaw set up…whipped into the corner…what's this?
Heyman: Sin back in the ring, on all fours…POETRY IN MOTION by the GoG!
Megan: Shade going for a pin on the fallen Buzzsaw, but he's not the legal man. Chaynz going into the ring, pulling Shade from his brother…Shade kicks him square in the jaw, and Chaynz now in the corner. Shade up…what is she doing…pointing to her chest…oh no…
Heyman: Sin pulling her top down ever so slightly…BOOBIE FACE ON CHAYNZ! CHAYNZ GETTING A BOOBIE FACE HERE ON MAYHEM! AND LOOK AT THE SMILE ON THE FACE OF CHAYNZ!
Megan: Well, an unorthodox move by Shade just then on Chaynz, and smartly going for a pin right away…
One
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TWO
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KICKOUT!
Heyman: Is he NUTS? Why WOULDN'T he want Shade on top of him.
Megan: This IS a match Paul, and for the titles as well. Shade tagging Sin back in…and what's this?
Heyman: That's called the Dark Illusion! Rear naked choke by Shade, Figure Four by Sin! They've got the match now!
Megan: No they don't…Buzzsaw going back into the ring now, rescuing Chaynz from possibly submitting. All four wrestlers in the ring now, pandemonium…Sin knocked out of the ring by Buzzsaw, Shade being set up…Possible Smash Hammer here…
Heyman: SHADE DUCKS WITH A SPLIT! Both members of Chainsaw run headlong into each other, and both are down and out now! Sin getting back up onto the apron…both going to opposite corners.
Megan: This could be the beginning of the end for Chainsaw…both girls going off the top rope…BLACKOUT! The Girls hit that, now Shade adjusting for a pin…huh?
Heyman: 69 POSITION PIN! THE COUNT!
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TWO
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THREE!
Capetta: Here are your winners, and NEW MPRW Mountaineer Tag Team Champions, Sin and Shade, The Giiirls of Gooooth!
Megan: A great display by both teams here, and in the end the Girls managed to win their first EAW owned tag team championships!
Heyman: With a pin like I would want.
Megan: You would say that…but wait a damn minute!
Heyman: DEADLY EXTREMITY! DEADLY EXTREMITY COMING OUT AND ATTACKING THE NEW MPRW MOUNTAINEER TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!
Megan: Someone get these two sickos out of there. Deadly Extremity taking Sin out with a double powerbomb…have Shade now…Oh no….
Heyman: Demoness Fusion on Shade! Deadly Extremity has taken out both members of The Girls of Goth.
For some reason, Frosti asks for a microphone.
Frosti: YOU BITCHES WANT TO F*CK WITH US? YOU F*CKED WITH THE WRONG PEOPLE! WE WANT YOU AND THOSE F*CKING BELTS AT NO ESCAPE! AND…
Before Frosti can continue, Chainsaw both get back up to their feet and spear and gore both members of Deadly Extremity out of the ring. Chaynz takes Shade into his arms, and carries her out of the ring to the back. Buzzsaw and Arianna help Sin up and out...
Another male fan comes up near the announcers desk, "Uh..Megan...right? Yeah...I was wondering how much you charge for *whispers...*
Megan: H-how DARE YOU?! Grrrr...LISTEN!! I AM NOT SOME DIRTY WHORE!! AND WHOEVER IS BEHIND THIS--IT ISN'T FUNNY, SO STOP IT!!! GET OUT OF HERE, GET OUT OF HERE!! *Gets up in a fight-ready pose, and scares the man off*
As Frosti and Savvy pass the table they get pissed and yell at Megan...
Savvy: Stay away from Rash!!
Megan: I AM you lousy bimbo!!
Frosti: YOU CAN'T FOOL US, YOU WHORE! WE KNOW HOW MUCH OF A SLUT YOU REALLY ARE!
Megan: THAT'S A DAMN LIE, YOU FILTHY...
They continue to bicker as the camera fades out for commercial**
Back to the show, where Oseiko is walking down the hallway, adjusting the stockings along her arms. She looks pretty focused for her match tonight. She suddenly pauses... eyes narrowing... then suddenly--
Megan: WHA--?! BLINK CAME OUT OF NOWHERE!! OSEIKO BLOCKED THAT KICK, THOUGH! HER SAKKI SAVED HER FROM GETTING CLOBBERED!
Heyman: The Enforcer of Kirk Angel has arrived to do some enforcing!!
Oseiko expertly blocks several of Blink's punches and kicks, backflipping away--
*BLINK!*
Megan: BLINK TELEPORTED BEHIND OSEIKO! OSEIKO WITH A SPIN KICK AT BL-- she just teleported away... Oseiko must have driven Blink off...
Heyman: Don't sell this mutant mercenary short, Megan... she might--
*BLINK!**KKRAKKK!!*
Megan: OMIGOD!!! BLINK FROM OUT OF NOWHERE WITH THAT CINDERBLOCK RIGHT INTO OSEIKO'S KNEE!!!!
Heyman: WHAT I TELL YA!!
Oseiko collapses to her side, crying out in pain as Blink smiles evilly... she then pulls out her retractible steel bo and extends it to its full length...
Megan: NO!! BLINK WITH THAT WEAPON!! SHE'S WHACKING AT THAT INJURED KNEE!!! SOMEONE STOP THIS!! NO! Oh... now she's separated the bo into a three-sectional staff! She's wrapping it around her leg! MY GOD!! SHE'S YANKING AT THE LEG!! I THINK SHE'S TRYING TO TEAR OUT HER KNEE!!
Heyman: Smart strategy by Blink, weakening Oseiko's strongest asset, her legs!!
Megan: THIS ISN'T A WRESTLING MATCH!! THIS IS AN OUT AND OUT ASSAULT!!! THIS IS A TRAVESTY!!
Blink finally releases Oseiko's leg; Oseiko can't even bend it to hold it close as she whimpers in pain. Blink smiles evilly, despite the tears welling up and falling from her cheeks, then turns away, walking down the hall as security and referees go to check on the badly injured Oseiko.
Back to the ring, where abruptly--
*KRAK-KOOMM!!!!*
"A Violent Reaction" cues up as Kane walks alone to the ring, adjusting his gloved hand as a determined look in his mismatched eyes is set within his mask. He rolls into the ring and looks at the entranceway... then raises his arms upward...
Heyman: Heads up!
*BOOOMMM!!!!*
Megan: Wow! There's no denying the power of Kane! But tonight he's facing someone who may be just as powerful as the Big Red Machine!
"Bad Blood" replaces Kane's theme as smoke rises from the stage... forming into a humanoid appearance and taking flesh and blood... transforming into Sasori Shirono!
Heyman: ... That's just damn freaky there.
Megan: Sasori... whoa, he's wasting no time here! He charges into the ring and referee calls for the bell!! Let's go!
Megan: Sasori ducks a clothesline from Kane--OH, and a belly to belly suplex from Sasori! Kane gets up, a punch... no, Sasori blocks! KANE blocks! And a punch from Kane rocks Sasori! Kane statches him up... TILT-A-WHIRL SIDE SLAM!!!
Heyman: That's the unbridled power of the Violent Reactor!!
Megan: Sasori manages to force himself up... Kane's grabbed... Irish whip by Sasori! Kane comes out as Sasori runs... he tries a Corner Trap, but Kane catches him! AND DOWN WITH A BODYSLAM! Kane picks him up... measures, and... CLOTHESLINE!! Kane with the pin! One! NO, just a one count! Sasori manages to get up... QUICK HEADLOCK TAKEDOWN BY THE WRAITH! Kane sits up though! Sasori waits patiently... grabs him and THERE'S A SUPLEX! Kane gets up again and Sasori meets him with an INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!!
Heyman: He's only making Kane angrier!
Megan: I think you're right--! Sasori climbs up the tope rope... KANE'S UP!! HE BEATS SASORI TO IT AND A HUGE CLOTHESLINE FORCES SASORI OFF THE TURNBUCKLE!! Sasori's picked up... and Kane with a backdrop on the back of his head!! Kane gets him back up... a club to the back of Sasori's head!! And the set up for the RUNNING POWERSLAM!! Kane goes for the pin! One! Two! NO! SASORI KICKS OUT! AND ROLLS TO HIS FEET! A QUICK DASH AND THERE'S A STANDING CORNER TRAP!!
Heyman: Wha--?! Where is he getting this energy?! Sasori's got his second wind already?!
Megan: You bet he does! Kane gets up but Sasori grabs him-- URANAGE SPINEBUSTER! SUDDEN IMPACT REVISTED! R.I.P. Shaed! Sasori with the pin! One! Two! NO! KANE KICKS OUT! Kane gets up! He doesn't even look tired! But then neither does Sasori! SASORI DUCKS A CLOTHESLINE! AND... STRAIGHTJACKET SLAM BY THE WRAITH!!!
Heyman: But Kane sits up!!
Megan: Slower this time!! Sasori's actually wearing the Big Red Machine down! Sasori jumps back, charges in-- OH, BUT GETS MET BY A TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM BY KANE!!
Heyman: Yeah... right. "Wearing him down." Whatever.
Megan: Sasori doesn't look wore out at all either!! Sasori's up-- LEG BREAKER ON KANE!! FOCUSING ON THE LEGS AND GETTING HIM READY FOR THE PARALYZER! NO! KANE KICKS HIM AWAY!!! SHOT TO THE JAW!! PICK UP-- wait, he's turning him around... no... WAIT!! WAAIIT!!!!
Heyman: OMIGOD!!! A POWERBOMB ONTO THE TURNBUCKLE!! AND WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT KAYE'S SNAPBACK POWERBOMB!!
Megan: KANE JUST DROVE THE BACK OF SASORI'S HEAD INTO THE TOP TURNBUCKLE WITH THAT POWERBOMB!!! AND KANE WITH THE PIN... ONE, TWO, THREE!! My, God!! That... that was vicious!!
Heyman: But effective!!
Winner: Kane
Megan: Kane's gone out of the ring... wait a second, he's searching under the ring for something... what is he-- ... O_O!
Heyman: Ohhhh, baby!! A barbed wire-wrapped steel chair!! Delving into the late Ryokami's Book of Brutality!
Megan: MUST you mention Ryokami around me?! Kane's rolled back into the ring and... oh, God! He just used his power to set the chair on fire!! Sasori's trying to get up but... oh, no... no, this is getting worse!
Heyman: It's Ariel Bridges!! She's got no business in the ring!!
Megan: For once I agree with you!! She's in-between Sasori and Kane, who still has that weapon!! She's pleading to Kane! Kane's just staring at her... and- OH, he just pushes Ariel away!! HE'S GOING TO SWING!! HE--!!! NNOO!!!!!!
Heyman: WHOA!!!
Megan: ARIEL JUST THREW HERSELF IN THE PATH OF THAT WEAPON!!!!! SHE SAVED HER FATHER AND SHE GETS WALLOPED HARD RIGHT OUT OF THE RING!! My... my God! Parts of her are lacerated... on fire!! I can hear her crying! I... I have to...
Heyman: Hey! Megan, don't-- ah, crap. Megan's running to Ariel's aid! Not exactly professional, but when you got a nine year old in pain like that... Kane's... he's not even registering-- WHOA!! HE JUST SMACKS SASORI IN THE BACK WITH THAT CHAIR ANYHOW!!! AND NOW IN THE HEAD!!! LITTLE ARIEL'S SACRIFICE WAS ALL IN VAIN!!!
The fans boo Kane loudly as Kane throws the lethal weapon down, then backrolls out of the ring as "A Violent Reaction" cues up his departure. He pauses for a moment to see a certain ebon-haired brown-tailed woman shout at him, then goes towards her.
Heyman: Hey... that's Fasha! She's made several appearances on EAW programming and apparently she didn't like how he just treated Ariel! But Kane just brushes her off and walks away! Wow! Kane is truly the Violent Reactor!!
Back to the stage, as Michael Cole approaches the departing Kane.
Cole: Kane! Wait! What kind of a message is this?! Hitting Ariel, albiet accidentally with that hideous weapon! And then Sasori! Why--
Kane suddenly grabs Cole by the neck, snarling.
Kane: It WASN'T on accident. It was all a challenge to Kaye. No Escape. It all started in an asylum... so it'll end in an asylum. HELL'S ASYLUM. I'll make Kaye suffer just as Christina did.. and when it's all done... she'll be just like Christina... RAPED.
Kane leaves Cole as he storms away...
We come back to the announcer's desk to see Megan and Paul...Megan with her head down...
Megan: *sigh* Fans, we'll be going to--
"Um...excuse me...you forgot this..."
Megan: What....now?
Another male fan dangles a black bra in front of the camera...
Megan: WHAT ARE YOU TALK--wait...I get it now. This is all a little ploy by Frosti and Savvy to try to make me look bad.
"Uh...not it is--"
Megan: Just...shut...up. No one believes you. I only have one of those, and I'm wearing it, with the match--WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS?! GET OUT OF HERE!! SECURITY!!!
"Well, actually, you weren't wearing an--AUGH..."
2 EAW security guards escort the man from the building.
Megan: As I was saying...we'll be back after these commercials...
Heyman: We'll be right back!
***
"Put some stink on it!"
***
[Ready in five... four... three...]
Megan: Welcome back to Mayhem, and welcome back to what's promising to be a quite brutal match... if Oseiko's even READY for it...
Heyman: Bah, she's done for the night! I don't care what kind of powers she has, she's not gonna make it to this one. Blink did what she came here to do, and that's make sure her investment's protected.
Megan: Blink's sudden shift in... demeanor has raised a number of questions about what she's gone thr--
Once again, Megan is disturbed by another ringside fan...
"Megan...hey Megan! I was wondering if...after the show...you and I can...hehe..."
Megan: SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!! I don't know how much Savvy and Frosti are paying you, but I'll pay you 50 bucks to get the HELL out of here!
"Is that the same 50 you sucked my friend off for?"
Megan: O_O Wha-WHAT?!!?
Paul: ....I'll pay you 100!
Megan: That's it....
Megan rears back and decks the man, sending him flat on his back into the crowd again, and Paul shirks away...
Paul: P-please...d-don..
*SMASH* *tinkle* *tinkle*
Megan dusts her hands off as Paul stands in a daze, with his head through his mini-monitor.
Paul: Uh...what...happened...my monitor went o--
Cypress Hill's "Trouble" fires up as Spazz makes his way down to the announcer's table, looking quite smug and amused. He ignores the massive amount of booing he gets as he takes a headset and sits next to Heyman.
Heyman: Well, well, well! If it isn't Powerbomb Paulie! Nice to meetcha, Spazz! What brings you here this fine evening?
Spazz: Simple shit, Heyman. First off...
Spazz slaps Heyman upside the head.
Spazz: Don't call me Paulie again. Second, I'm just here to watch ol' Angel and ninja-girl go at it. Might put my two cents in, too. Arana would prolly be here too, but she's recoverin', natch.
Megan: Well, it's an... honor to have you with us, Mr. Macchio.
Heyman: Of course it's an honor! This is one of the up-and-coming stars of the EAW! I thought you already knew that, Megan. Sheesh, the youth of today!
Megan: No comment, Paul.
"Gonna Fly Now" pumps over the PA as Angel walks proudly down the ramp, all smiles... and already holding a mike. As he heads down the ramp, he gives the crowd a bit of a show, then rolls on in, pops up and grins like a fool.
"The following singles match will be for one fall... introducing first, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, weighing in at two hundred twenty pounds... he is the EAW World Champion... Kirk Aaaaaaangel!"
Spazz: Ah, ol' showoff. Never changes, never changes.
Megan: I thought you hated Angel.
Heyman: He hates everyone, Megan. Get it right already!
Angel: Well... I hate to sound like I'm glad for the fact, but it looks like Oseiko won't be able to compe--
The initial chord from "Ride On, Shooting Star" plays, and the crowd roars as Oseiko appears, limping her way down the ramp. Her eyes stay fixed on Angel the entire time, like she's trying to burn a hole in his head with her gaze.
"And his opponent, from Hokkaido, Japan and weighing in at one hundred seventeen pounds... she is one half of Kyoujo Shouji... Oooooooooseiko!"
Spazz: Well, fuck, Angel's in for it now! Spidergirl looks serious as a stroke!
Heyman: But she's still limping like a wounded dog! Look at her! The ref should just throw the match before Oseiko's hurt even more!
Megan: ... waitasecond. Is it just me, or is Oseiko's limp getting better?
Oseiko lifts herself into the ring and walks over to the astonisned Angel... and doesn't seem to be bothered on her leg much. Instead, she just seems to stare dead at Angel, who finally stares back.
Heyman: No way... this shouldn't happen! Poor Oseiko's going to get herself mangled!
Spazz: You sure about that, Paulie?
Megan: ... and Angel TAGS Oseiko right on the jaw! She staggers... and stands right back up! Oseiko means business! And the bell's been rung!
Megan: Angel right on Oseiko with a tie-up... and Oseiko slips the tie-up and keeps staring! Angel looks incensed! Another tie-up... slipped! Angel complaining to the ref... and Oseiko attacks Angel from behind! A SHARP kick to Angel's lower back!
Heyman: Hey! Aren't ninja supposed to be honorable and stuff?! What the hell was that?!
Spazz: Ninja are moral-free assassins, dumbass. Like me, but nowhere near as effective...
Megan: Angel's even more angry-looking, if that's possible... and rushes in for a grapple, but Oseiko stays out of his grasp... she's refusing to fight his match! Finally... Angel managing to back Oseiko up to a corner... and missed with the haymaker! Oseiko's all over Angel! Kicks to the chest... and a spinkick to jaw sits Angel down... Oseiko backing up... and running front dropkick MISSES and she crotches herself!
Spazz: Angel should, y'know, consider mounting an offensive or something!
Megan: Angel outside... smashing Oseiko's knee against the turnpost! Again! Again! He's trying to reinjure her knee! And he may succeed... a final smash, and Angel's back inside... Oseiko, as strong as she is, looks to be in quite a bit of pain! Angel grapping Oseiko---STRIKE TO THE THROAT drops the champ!
Heyman: Illegal strike! ILLEGAL! Disqualify her, ref! Doesn't she know this is a wrestling match and not some taping of Mortal Kombat?!
Megan: Oseiko rising to her feet... looks like the limp's returned, but I don't think she's letting that stop her... toe kick to Angel's ribs sends the champ rolling away! Oseiko pursues... another toekick! Oseiko winding back for a third ki--CAUGHT! And Angel with burst of speed... and Oseiko escapes the Angel Lock attempt! Angel up... and grinning! Oseiko just glares back at him!
Spazz: Ooooh, this one's gonna get good, quick!
Megan: Angel... mocking Oseiko! And Oseiko with a HUGE roundhouse that Angel ducks... Angel charging in--BUZZSAW KICK to the head! Angel stumbling away! And Oseiko's pursuing! Again, the limp is gone! And Oseiko's on Angel like a shark that smells blood!
Heyman: This isn't a goddamn streetfight! This is a wrestling match! Can't she get that through her thick head?
Megan: Angel in a corner... and Oseiko with a kick to the chest... and another! She stands back and whips around--hook kick misses, and Angel slides through her defenses! Elbow strike by Oseiko misses--TOWERING GERMAN SUPLEX HITS! Angel holding it for the pin!
.
.
ONE!
.
.
TW--nothing doing! Oseiko kicks free and RUNNING FRONT DROPKICK to Angel's shoulder! Oseiko's on the rampage! She's not looking for a fair match, just vengeance!
Spazz: Easier ways to do it, but I guess she wants everyone t' see it!
Megan: Oseiko daring Angel to get up, but Angel decides to head outside and take a breather... and Oseiko pursues! Off the turnbuckle with a flying kick and Angel SWATS her out of the air! Oseiko crashing and burning hard there! Angel not choosing to capitalize, however... he's too busy trying to get his wind back to care.
Spazz: Classic mistake right there. Break her while she's down!
Heyman: Yeah! Break her good!
Megan: Angel in... and Oseiko's up! Heading in as well... and met with a stomp from the champ! Another! Dodges a third and kippups--BIG SPINNING HEEL KICK staggers the champ! Oseiko rushing in and takes the champ down! Oseiko's going all-out shootfighter on Angel with fists and elbows! The champ defends as best as he can... and turns the tables! Now Angel taking shots at Oseiko's face--- and Oseiko hooks Angel's waist with her legs and grabs HIM! Oseiko in the mounted guard position and is just WAILING on the champ! This isn't a match, people, this is a brawl!
Spazz: Break 'im open! Bust 'im up!
Heyman: Break her open! Bust her up!
Megan: ... and Angel kicks Oseiko away... and dabs at his bloody nose! Angel's livid! And Oseiko's rushing back inTO A VICIOUS LARIAT! Oseiko landing hard on her back! AND the straps come down... ANGEL LOCK CINCHED IN! Oseiko's got her hands in her hair and looks to be in horrible pain... but she's not tapping! Angel turns up the heat! And... still nothing! Oseiko's refusing to tap out to the Angel Lock! And Angel looks ready to snap her ankle! Oseiko... fights her way to the ropes and grabs on... before kicking Angel in the nose!
Heyman: Hey! She's messing up Angel's handsome visage! How... HOW DARE SHE?!
Spazz: Angel. Handsome. And I'm 7' 1", Paulie.
Megan: Oseiko back up on her feet... and once again, the limp's there, but it seems to be getting better by the second! Angel's attending to his nose while staring Oseiko down... and here they go! TOE TO TOE! ANGEL WITH RIGHTS AND OSEIKO WITH EVERY KICK IN THE BOOK! Both refusing to crumble, but I think Oseiko's getting the upper hand! Spinning roundhouse is CAUGHT! And another Angel Lock, Angel grinding it in and threatening to snap her ankle! Oseiko showing the agony, but she simply will not tap... hands clawing for the ropes... and she has them AGAIN. Angel not letting go... and the ref breaking up the hold!
Spazz: Ooooh, I think someone's angry now. Hehheh... who you think has it, Paulie?
Heyman: My money's on YOUR Olympic Hero!
Megan: Angel being admonished by the ref... and not OSEIKO is being told off for not wrestling! And Oseiko... pushes the ref aside--and they're at it again! Dead center, wailing on each other! Oseiko with a vicious strike that staggers the champ... and she BEHEADS him with a kick! Oseiko staring down at Angel... and reaching for hi--SMALL PACKAGE ON OSEIKO! And Angel hooks Oseiko's boottip under the rope... ref doesn't see it!
.
.
ONE!
.
.
TWO!
.
.
THREE!
And a cheap win by the Champ... but does Oseiko even care?!
"Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match... Kirk Aaaaaaaaaaaangel!"
Spazz: And Oseiko's up... and she's all OVER Angel! Shows him to turn his back on someone to celebrate!
Heyman: Hey, the match is over, she LOST! What's with the sour attitude?!
Megan: I dunno, but Oseiko's hammering away on Angel... and the ref tries to break it up! Oseiko struggling... and ELBOWS the ref in the temple! The ref's out like a light... what is WRONG with Oseiko?!
Spazz: I'd say she just wants to make Your olympic Piggie SQUEAL! Kumo no Amimono, baby!
Megan: Angel's flailing! Trying to escape... but he's fighting it! And Oseiko bears down, driving her knee into Angel's back! She's a woman possessed! And... Angel's tapping! Angel's tapping!
Heyman: Like that means anything!
Megan: ... and Oseiko lets him drop! Oseiko with some sort of pose... I recognize that one from her ninjutsu days... and she's turning to go... WHOA!
Spazz: Ninja vanish! Hehheh, didn't know she had it in her!
Megan: Oseiko threw some kind of smoke bomb down on the mat... and she's gone! Angel's still there, though, and the look on his face is just demon-spooking! Oseiko may have done the damage today, but she's got an angry Angel to deal with! Who will survive?!
Spazz: Eh, my money's on the girl. Barely.
Heyman: Angel, you idiot! And you know it!
Spazz: You like your tongue? Shut up and you can keep it.
Heyman: Yessir.
Megan: For Paul E. and Spazz, this is Megan Eko saying so long from the MGM Grand! We'll see you nexttime at Riot Rulz... and this IS the EAW!
™ & © EAW, Inc., 2002