Live from the Los Angeles Convention Center in Los Angeles, CA!
The outskirts of the Black Forest in Germany is the setting as we see Morrigan fly overhead, then land to her feet. She looks around, then enters the Forest.
After a moment, she finds a clearing... within it is Shaed Bloodgrave, busy training as hard as he's ever trained. Watching him is the woman who came between Shaed and Morrigan, albeit reluctantly, Torai Aroi Setio. Torai glances up, seeing Morrigan, letting out a soft gasp.
"Shaed-sama..." she whispers.
Shaed stops his kata in mid kick, looking to Torai, then turns to see Morrigan... and he just freezes.
"... Morrigan..." Shaed says in a hushed tone. "I thought I wasn't going to see you in a century..."
"Things came up, Darling..." Morrigan answers. "Dae ye know about what happened?"
Shaed hesitates, then shakes his head. "I haven't watched any TV since I departed."
"The Undertaker has gone daft," Morrigan says. "... He's harmed Lilith, ye know that... but he's also hurt Oseiko as well, crucified the poor lass... was going tae set her ablaze..."
"... Dark mist..." Shaed can't believe what he's hearing as Torai places a hand to her mouth in shock.
"And that's nae the half of it..." Morrigan adds. "... Shaed, he's kidnapped little Ariel... the wee lass needs our help. Kaye, Kane, Sasori, and I are going tae Stygia and we're going tae rescue her so that the Undertaker doesnae have any Trump Cards tae play with."
"You want me to help..." Shaed says.
"Aye... I know ye still care for your Knight Cross.." Morrigan sighs deeply. "... Please, Darling... help us..."
"... You don't even have to ask," Shaed walks up to a boulder, grabbing up his black duster and slipping it over his shoulders. "... When do we leave?"
"I'm going as well."
Both Shaed and Morrigan turn to Torai.
"... Torai?" Shaed questions, but Torai holds her hand up, wanting to speak.
"We all know Stygia is virtually next door to All Hallow's Eve..." she says. "... I'll help you save the child... but I'm not returning. I'm going to stay in Stygia and locate the portal to All Hallow's Eve and return home."
"... Torai, I..." Shaed is at a loss of words as Torai gazes at him with her lovely green eyes, which are welling up with tears.
"... This was all my fault... my coming here... wrecking your marriage like I did..." Torai says. "... It was something I regret doing. You've been nothing but miserable and broken-hearted since you and Morrigan broke up, Shaed-sama. I live to see you happy... and you were happiest when you were with Morrigan. I don't have a place in your heart anymore."
Shaed... moves to Torai, hugging her close. Morrigan looks a little uncomfortable, but does nothing.
"... I'm sorry things didn't work out the way we wanted..." Shaed says softly.
"Me too..." replies Torai. "... But you found someone new when you believed me dead... I'll just have to find someone new as well...only... I know you're alive... it will be... difficult... loving someone new, knowing you still live..."
"I'll always call you my Precious Treasure, Torai..." Shaed whispers.
"... Tadamaceia..." Torai says in a hushed voice.
"... Forever..." translates Shaed.
"... Uhm... Torai..." Morrigan steps forward. "... Ye know... there are other realities out there... alternate Earths, alternate Heavens and Hells... alternate All Hallow's Eves..."
Torai blinks, then looks to Morrigan. "... Morrigan-megami-sama...?"
"... Ye still love Shaed... ye'll nae love another like him... so... I could use all the power I got and send you to an All Hallow's Eve where ye did die... and Shaed hasnae found anyone there..."
Torai blinks. "... You... you can do that?!"
Morrigan nods. "... I saw it back up in Heaven... afterwards we can go up there so I can take ye directly tae that All Hallow's Eve."
Torai smiles brightly. "Thank you, Morrigan-megami-sama..."
"Well, enough prattle... we got a child to save," Shaed says.
"Aye! I'll pick up the parents and big brother along the way..." Morrigan throws her hands up, green hair whipping about as she summons her interdimensional energies. "Let's go!"
And with a sudden flash of green light, all three disappear from the Black Forest.
From here, we cut to a live shot of the inside of the LA Convention Center, as Michael Cole and Pamela Paulshock are standing in the ring, mics in hand. Michael Cole isn't wearing anything out of the ordinary--black pants and a buttoned up shirt with the EAW logo. Pamela is dressed a little more for the weather, with a skimpy tube top, sandals, khaki shorts, and a backwards pink baseball cap.
MC: Hello everyone...fans of the EAW, and welcome to this very special edition of EAW Tuesday Night Mayhem!
The crowd roars in approval.
PP: And I'd like to thank President Gokuo for this opportunity to be here and call the action for tonight's show...and fill in for tonight, at least maybe once--hopefully more if I do well--for guys such as Jerry Lawler, Lilith, Joey Styles...but anyway, how many of you are imagining me naked right now?
A number of guys and a few girls (!) roar their approval to that.
PP: Okay...not bad. Now...how many of you are...imagining MICHAEL COLE naked?
A few guys whistle and catcall in response. Cole himself is a little shocked and speechless.
MC: *Ahem* Well, tonight we've got an amazing show in store...a Scaffold Match, a stairway to hell match, and a CASKET match will all take place tonight.
PP: Plus a tag match and a People's Title match...all next!
We cut away from the in-ring introduction for the opening promo...
After the introduction, we pan around the crowd and some interesting signs catch the eye:
"We're here, we're queer, and we wanna see some rassler rear!!"
"LG = DA MAN *smootch*!!"
"Undertaker = a stiff stiff?"
"TIFA HAS BIG BOOBIES!!"
"Funk as Druck"
"Can Rik really land on his feet?"
"GIMME BLOB JUICE!"
"One Warrior Nation--Thank God There's No More"
We then cut to a shot of the announcer's desk, where Pamela has a large pink bubble gum bubble blown.
PP: Mmmm..mmm...
Michael Cole takes the cap of his pen, and uses the sharp edge to pop it, causing it to cover her face.
PP: AUGH!! *Tries to pull it off* Why'd ya do that?
MC: That was for getting them to throw their underwear at me.
PP: Guess we're even...
MC: Anyhow...this will be my very first chance to commentate an EAW show, and I consider it an honor.
PP: Me too. *Gets most of the gum off* Now that they've removed that chip from my brain that WCW installed, I can stop being a ditzy WCW shill and become a bright, wiseass EAW shill!!
MC: Oh come on...you are exaggerating...
Pamela leans in front of Michael and pulls up her hair.
MC: ....
PP: Well...I still have this little flaw..I love to mug for the camera!
Pamela lays on the table, blocking Michael from view, and waves.
PP: HEY, DADDY!!! Little Pam is on TV again!! WHOOOO!!!
MC: *getting her to sit down* You seem to have a bit of a grudge against your former employers.
PP: Well...they have an odd system of job security for the females. If they want to make cuts, they can let go promising interviewers/commentators, but for useless ho's who are screwing the karate teachers of the sons of higher ups...or gals who sleep with main eventers...well. Let me put it to you this way: Lilith probably wouldn't get fired if she was with WCW.
MC: I see...
"Reclaim my Peace" by Korn cues up....bringing out "The Wild One" Dax Clark. A quick scan of the ringside area reveals stacks of tables set up for "cushioning."
MC: Our first match of the evening will be Dax Clark and Rik Felstrom in a Scaffold Match!!
PP: You gotta think Dax's outmatched here...I mean, challenging a CATMAN to a scaffold match?!?!
MC: Obviously Dax has a great deal of confidence...
PP: Or a death wish...
Dax gets a bit of a mixed reaction as he comes out, and then determinedly begins to climb up the ladder leading to the scaffolding set up.
PP: OoooOOOooo..I'm afraid of heights. I may not be able to stand watching much of this match, Mike.
MC: Well...don't worry, I could handle it myself.
PP: Ummm..sure.
"We Will Rock You" by Queen cues up, and the crowd begins to clap in unison with the tune as Rik Felstrom comes out in his skin-tight psionic bodysuit.
PP: Is this a match or a pajama party? Why does Rik look like a Jetsons reject?
MC: That's a suit he wears when he uses his telekinetic powers...Rik could very well not fall if he keeps close attention to where he is at all times by floating in the air.
PP: Cheating, isn't it?
MC: Maybe...but the rules don't say anything about it...and Rik looking to climb--NO...he's floating up in the air...and....flew straight up on top of that scaffolding! Fortunately we have cameras set with mechanically that will allow us to see this whole match...but this is very dangerous--more for Dax.
PP: Yeah...I know. I guess it pays to look into things like that when you work for a fed as weird as the EAW.
MC: We've got a referee positioned on the floor to be ready to call for the end of the match if needed...and...there's the bell!
PP: Man...kitty's vicious!
MC: Rik Felstrom immediately begins taking it to Dax--he rams his head on that railing!! Dax returns the gesture...and these two are fighting it out!
PP: Kick...punch...it's all in the mind!
MC: Rik with a suplex now onto this catwalk. What irony...now stomping away...Dax covering up but not much room to roll away...
PP: eeeeeeeeargh...how can they do that?!
MC: Dax up...Irish whips Rik to that corner!! Dax charges in now...DROPKICK!!! Rik flips over now....and...flies back onto the scaffold!!
PP: CHEATER CHEATER TUNA EATER!!
MC: Dax with a boot to the mid--caught by Rik!! Now an inverted Atomic Drop! Rik tries to shove Clark off the scaffold with his foot--a kick to the groin by Dax stops it!
PP: Right now, maybe it wouldn't have been to bad for ol' Rik to be neutered.
MC: Dax back up now...Rears up...ANOTHER low blow!! Now Dax grabbing Rik's tail...pushing his foot down on Rik's....uh...
PP: Ass...
MC: As he yanks on it....Rik in obvious pain now.
PP: Well...he can't fall, he's survived having a building toppled on him. His nightmares include vicious dogs and rocking chairs.
MC: Dax now tying Rik's tail to that railing!
PP: Well...he can't fall then, so is that a good idea?
MC: Maybe so...maybe not. Dax now grabbing a CROWBAR!! He strikes down onto Rik's back!! AGAIN!!! Now a hard kick to the ribs..and....
PP: AAAAAAHH!!!
MC: RIK IS DANGLING BY HIS TAIL FROM THE SCAFFOLD!!
PP: And if Rik doesn't find a way out...Dax will treat him like a pinata!
MC: Rik shakes it off...starting to move up...and quickly unties his tail as he hovers...now....HOBBES POUNCE!!!
PP: Hobbes? As in "Calvin and" or Thomas?
MC: Rik pounding away on Dax Clark!! Getting up now...and pulling Dax to his feet..rams his head to the railing again--thumb to the eye from Dax....Rik now being set up--Belly to Belly Suplex onto the scaffolding!!
PP: *feeling queasy* Ungh...how much more can that scaffolding take?
MC: I'm not sure...but it may be a miracle it stood up to this much punishment. Dax pulls up Rik--there's a taste of his own medicine!! Low blow from Rik. Rik now scoops up Dax...Dax could be going for a long hard ride...
PP: HE'S GONNA TOSS HIM OFF!!!
MC: DAX TOSSED--DAX GRABS THE RAILING!!! He's saved himself!! Now flips up...trying a headscissors on Rik...Rik hoists up Dax by his leg....now....could be a reverse powerbomb coming up...
PP: uh oh...
Rik hoists up Dax, dropping him face first onto the scaffolding. The scaffold begins to creak and buckle....
MC: Oh no...I think it is going to give way...
The scaffold then indeed DOES give way..one side of it breaking and dumping Rik and Dax from off it it...
MC: OH MY GOD!!!
Rik and Dax both crash through two tables stacked on top of each other, and snap the third underneath it, which bends but doesn't break right away.
*ding, ding, ding*
MC: I think this match is...yes....it's...a tie?!
WINNER >>> TIE
PP: Whoa...they don't look too good.
MC: Rik should be alright...but Dax may not be. And this match STILL hasn't solved anything...neither of them were able to pull off a decisive win. We're going to go to break folks...we need to clean this mess up.
PP: So we can make another!
**Commercial Break**
When we come back, the tables and bodies have been cleaned away from the ringside area, but replacing it are a ladder and the barbed wire that a referee is stringing up on a hooking in the center of the ring, which is then raised up top...
MC: Welcome back, everyone! Our second match of the evening will feature a pair that have crossed paths several times...
PP: Usually with Crucifix getting the raw end of the deal....although he IS the winner of the last Holy Wars..and he won't let you forget it!
MC: True...he does hold that distinction...as well as being a former European Champion. Crucifix, before losing exposure for a while, was one of the top stars in the EAW.
"Dark and Grey" by Kid Rock cues up, and much of the crowd is a little surprised, considering it is such a long time since Crucifix last wrestled, but they greet him with a "Welcome back! Welcome back!" chant as he walks out onto the stage. Crucifix pulls off the t-shirt he is wearing to strip down to simple ring tights.
MC: Crucifix is making his return tonight in one of the bloodiest matches around! He rushes down to the ring...bound and determined to make the most of this match.
"Black" by Sevendust cues up next, and we cut to a shot of the stage, where the red-eyed, white-haired Lyger, who is wearing a short pair of pants as ring gear, steps out of a shadowed portion of the ramp to a rousing welcome from the crowd. He tightens his wrist taping as he walks down the ramp.
MC: Lyger has been one of the most famous and respected of all the EAW European Champions. And many feel that perhaps losing the title was the best thing that could happen for his career, as it now frees him up to persue higher goals.
PP: He's certainly gained recognition in a hurry...and could even be considered the Rookie of the Year 2000.
Lyger enters the ring, staring across the ring at Crucifix.
MC: This will be a long...brutal...bloody match. So the younger kids and the faint of heart may want to turn off the sets...*ding, ding*
MC: And here we go...Crucifix attacking Kairi now with all the rage that he has pent up since last entering the ring--there's an irish whip...Kairi hits the ropes....Crucifix with a high leg lariat!! Crucifix now hits the ropes...Lyger up...CROSS BODY!! Crucifix with the cover!
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On--no, kickout by Lyger. Lyger up to his feet now...ducks a kick from Crucifix...sleephold on--no, Crucifix slips free and ducks behind....Lyger reverses with a waistlock. Back elbow from Crucifix ducked...Crucifix whips Lyger--Lyger hits the ropes...Crucifix with a back body drop to the outside!! No, Lyger lands on the apron with both feet! Lyger and Crucifix now trading blows on the apron....Crucifix with a HARD Knee to the groin!! Crucifix hits the far ropes....SUICIDE DIVE THROUGH THE ROPES AND AGAINST THE CHAIR!!! Lyger's hit that ladder set up outside!!
PP: DAMN!! Crucifix is trying to kill poor Kairi! Like Chief...yadda yadda...Paul said, we don't need to dish out more money for injuries. I could get a raise!
MC: Crucifix pulls up Kairi--and there's a scoop slam onto that ladder! He shoves him off now...and Crucifix sliding that ladder into the ring. Lyger pulled up...Crucifix drops him jaw-first across the apron!
PP: Now he's reaching under the ring...uh-oh..I think I know what he has in mind.
MC: Crucifix pulls out a chair!! Now setting it up....and pulls up the dazed and weary Lyger.
PP: Have a seat, Lyger! Air Crucifix will be landing his skull into your chest in roughly 10 seconds!
MC: Crucifix climbing up to the top rope...very risky move....and...the FLAMING CROSS--LYGER DIVES OFF THE CHAIR!!
PP: Crash and burn....Crucifix misses it! He was doing so well there...he shouldn't have taken the risk.
MC: Lyger crawling up beside the ring....and trying to get inside. Remember, this match will be a win via pinfall or submission, but that barbed wire up top could aid in that.
PP: Crucifix looks like he's been playing the WCW drinking game.
MC: The WCW drinking game?
PP: Everytime a stupid gimmick comes on, take a drink. Everytime the Cat says "ass" take two drinks. Everytime Steiner botches a word...take a drink. Everytime...
MC: Okay, I get the idea. Crucifix looks to be stirring, but he may have his brains scrambled a bit. Lyger is setting up that ladder now..
PP: And from the position he's in...I think he could end up doing a split on the top rope if Crucifix gets in in time.
MC: Crucifix up...and he slides in...Lyger almost has the barbed wire....Crucifix going for it....he has it!! Crucifix dropkicks the ladder!! LYGER WITH AN AXEHANDLE OFF THE LADDER WITH THE BARBED WIRE!!!
PP: AHHHHHH!!! He sliced him right open! That stuff isn't rubber tipped.
MC: Yes, Lyger pulled off a simple move, but that barbed wire made all the difference. Crucifix has been cut open and is bleeding from his face. Lyger now whips Crucifix to the corner. Sets the ladder against the opposite corner. Lyger now whips Crucifix--Crucifix hits th e ladder! Now he staggers backwards. Into the clutches of Lyger...now a Belly to Back Suplex!!
PP: Onto the barbed wire...yeesh...come on, Crucifix!!!
MC: Lyger now firmly in control...makes a cover on Crucifix.
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One
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TWO!--kickout by Crucifix. However, the more blood he loses, the harder it will be to kick out. Crucifix needs to come back strong here...
PP: Lyger looking to end it early....looking for the Lygerbomb.
MC: You could be right--one of his sensei's patented moves.
PP: He's up...and--FACEBUSTER!!! Crucifix pulls a Kidman!! Facebuster onto the barbed wire!!
MC: Incredible counter by Crucifix!! He rolls over Lyger...
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One
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Kickout! From where I'm sitting, it looks like that barbed wire just barely missed Lyger's eyes.
PP: Lucky break for Lyger...but I think this match will end with these two having more holes in them than a Russo angle.
MC: Well, either way, that was just the break that Crucifix needed. Crucifix rises back up to his feet...and pulls up Lyger. Lyger is beginning to bleed a bit himself. Crucifix whips Lyger into the ladder!! Now starts to ram his head into it! Crucifix now taking control...there's a suplex from Lyger onto the barbed wire. Crucifix now setting up that ladder again.
PP: Don't let what happened before happen again, Cru--another mistake like that and you'll be screwed.
MC: Lyger has started to get his bearings, and is up, although he's getting worn down at a quick rate. Crucifix now working on Lyger with right hands!! A haymaker swing coming--ducked by Lyger!! Now a quick series of kicks!! Spinning back kick!! He sends Crucifix into the corner. Now he hooks the head of Crucifix--could be a Tornado DDT or Super Black Thunder--wait, Crucifix hoists up Lyger...INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!!! Now he sets up Lyger in the corner....he climbs up....HELL'S FURY!!! Crucifix goes for the cover...
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One
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TWO
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NONONONO--so close!!
PP: These two are bleeding all over the ring--who do we sent the canvasses to for cleaning, by the way? How the hell do they get stains like those out?
MC: I don't really know that...but I know that both these men are fighting--to the death if need be--for supremecy here in the EAW. Crucifix has the barbed wire again...
PP: Men..*sigh*...so undignified.
MC: Crucifix climbing up to the top...he could be going for the big finish here...
PP: Uh oh...Lyger's up now.
MC: Lyger....is climbing up top with Crucifix--choosing to fight him head on rather than push the ladder out of the way...they're about to meet at the top.
PP: eeeeeeerhw...so high up....so high up...
MC: Now fist to fist up there...Crucifix uses that barbed wire to his advantage!! Lyger with a shot to the jaw--Crucifix drops the barbed wire!! Now they stand up...amazing balance!! Crucifix with a thumb to the eye of Lyger!! Lyger being set up now...
PP: *covers eyes*
MC: Looks like the seventh sin-0-no, Lyger slides down onto that step...hooks the arms--CRUCIFIX LYGERBOMB FROM THE LADDER!!!
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ONE!!
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TWO!!!
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THREE!!!!
*ding, ding, ding, ding*
Winner by Pinfall >>> Kairi Lyger
As "Black" by Sevendust plays, both bloody-faced wrestlers lie down, exhausted.
PP: Is it over?
MC: Yes...you can look now.
PP: Man...what a mess. Is the whole night going to be like this?
MC: Maybe the worst of it is over...until the Main Event at least. By the way...was the person you were interviewing who I THINK it was?
PP: I'm afraid so...
MC: You're kidding...
PP: No.
MC: Well...up next after these commercials...Michael Connelly and Nova team up against Kevin Nash and Mike Action!!
Before we cut to commercials, we get a shot of Nova and Code Red standing in the back before their match. Nova seems to be laughing a bit.
CRMAC: Yeah...3 noctural emissions last night thanks to your "blob juice." When does that crap wear off, anyhow?
Nova: Hee-hee...about three days. It will start to run its course before then, but three days and you should be back to normal.
CRMAC: THREE DAYS?!?!
Nova: Well...one down, two do go.
CRMAC: Ah well...
A knock is heard on the door. Nova shrugs, and opens it, to see Bret Hart, in street clothes and his leather jacket, standing in the doorway.
Bret: Good evening, gentlemen. Just came to stop by to wish you luck on your match tonight.
CRMAC: Oh, hi Bret! Sure, we appreciate it. Yeah...we got a task on our hands here, but I think we can handle it.
Bret gives Nova a high five, then one to Nova, and shakes both their hands.
Bret: I KNOW you can handle it. I'll tell you though...knock him all you like, but Nash is stronger than you think. I know you already have a gameplan in mind, but watch them for weaknesses, particularly their knees. If you see a weakness, don't be afraid to change your gameplan, because you may lose otherwise.
CRMAC: Thanks, Bret. Are you going to be watching?
Bret: *smiles* Of course I will. I'll stay out of it as long as they behave themselves...but if they think about pushing things...
Nova: Ahh...good. We appreciate it, man. I guess not all Canadians are egotistical jackasses. *laughs*
Bret: *slaps them on the back* Good lucks guys...
**Commercial Break**
We come back from break to a shot of Michael and Pamela at the announcer's desk.
MC: Up next will be an exciting tag team match pitting Mike Action and Kevin Nash against the young team of "Code Red" Michael Anthony Connelly and Nova.
PP: And hopefully Kevin will resist the temptation to beg for us to rehire his old buddy Scott...who is currently more or less gone from the company.
MC: That is true...President Gokuo pushed for some roster cuts, and quite a few names were dropped from the roster. However, the best and toughest remain here in the EAW.
"Hellrazor" by Tupac cues up, bringing out Kevin Nash and Mike Action, who hold up each other's hand as they walk out onto the ramp. Nash is shorter pants than usual, and Action is in black tights and a t-shirt.
As they walk down the ramp, we cut to a shot of a man near the front row, holding up a sign that says "EAW = Faglovers."
PP: Who the hell is that asshole? Check it out, MC...an gen-u-ine honest-to-God BEEG-OT!
MC: I'm not EXACTLY sure...but I think that man is the same one who has had some clashes with EAW in the past...but I am under orders not to speak his name.
LMBR: EAW is just a bunch of filthy dirty fags and faglovers!! All the men are either love ass or love it up the ass, and all the women want ME!
PP: We'll let anyone have a ticket, won't we?
MC: Well...I guess so. Wait a minute...check that out!
The heckler's sign is taken from him, and a bunch of men in brightly colored shirts begin to beat the hell out of him.
PP: Should we have security break that up?
MC: Naw....anyhow, Kevin Nash and Mike Action are in the ring...and..
"Aces High" by Iron Maiden cues up. While the theme music is unfamiliar, the crowd pops on sight of the wrestleres that it accompanies.
PP: Ahh...its Nova and Code Red. Isn't that guy the one engaged to Black Widow?
MC: Yes, the one with the red hair, yeah.
PP: Ah yes...they did a good dub job with her.
MC: She ISN'T DUBBED! That's her real voice.
PP: Sure...and there's the Cruiserweight champ!
MC: These two are longtime friends, but first time tag partners here tonight, so they may be at a bit of a disadvantage. Action and Code Red get in the ring, apparently they will start out for their respective teams...*ding, ding*...and the bell is rung.
MC: Action and Connelly square off...a tie up in the center of the ring....Action pushes Connelly towards the corner. Connelly pushes back...Action now with a hammerlock...Connelly rolls through and armdrags Action! Action ducks the clothesline--chopblock on Connelly!! He takes out the leg of Code Red. Now grabs the ankles...now buries the knee into the midsection of Connelly. Cover by Action
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Kickout!
PP: No way he'd win that quick.
MC: Action pulls up Connelly now...Connelly ducks behind with a waistlock...there's a belly to back!! Tag in to Nova!
PP: Get ready to see crazy ass insane moves! Flying bodies!! CARNAGE!!
MC: Umm..okay. Nova climbs up top...waiting for Action to get back to his feet. He does...Nova takes flight....sunset flip attempt!! He gets Action down
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On--almost a one. Every one of these competitors are fresh. Action up now...Nova going for a suplex--Action blocks it...another attempt--Action up! NO..he lands behind Nova. Waistlock by Action...a reversal by Nova...spins around Action--kick to the stomach--SIDE NECK BUSTER!!! Nova hits a big move! Now a bounce off the ropes...somersault running senton!
PP: Big weird flippy move--hey! I'm already better thank Schiavone!
MC: Cover by Nova
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One
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Only a one!
PP: Check out Nash...he's standing there. Well...he's about as active as he is when he is in a match, though.
MC: Nova whips Action to the corner. Now climbing up top...delivering shots to the head...
"One
TWO
THREE
FOUR
FIVE
SIX
SEVEN
EIGHT
NINE!!!"
MC: Nova rearing up for a final punch--Action picks him up...drops him face-first across the turnbuckle pad--tag in to Nash.
PP: Here he comes...with the "step-over-the-ropes" routine.
MC: Nova up to his feet...turns around...bumps right into the massive Nash!! Nash grabs Nova....whips him into the corner WITH AUTHORITY!!
PP: Whose AUTHORITAH?!?!
MC: Charges in...there's a clothesline that almost beheads Nova! Now that size 14 boot across the throat of Nova....
PP: Meanwhile, some of these guys are checking to see if what they say about guys with big feet are true...
MC: Nova weakened....Nash fires him to the far ropes...backbody drop telegraphed--NOVA WITH A ROCKER DROPPER!! NASH DOWN!! Nova now tags in to Code Red! Connelly in....Nash starting to get up--swinging neckbreaker!
PP: Yeesh...that must have taken a lot of strength. Sometimes these guys are a lot stronger than they look.
MC: True...very true...Code Red now getting up in a moonsault position...Nash up....Code Red off...
PP: HAHHAH!!
MC: CAUGHT in mid-air by NASH!!! RUNNING POWERSLAM!!! Nash hooks the leg
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One
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TWO!
Kickout by Code Red. That move was swift and deadly...Nash tags in to Action to take over.
PP: I don't really favor either side in this..but I'm leaning towards Nova and Code Red.
MC: Connelly up....Action with a front backbreaker! He pulls up Code Red now...scoop slam. Hits the ropes...knee drop into the chest. Now stomping away at Connelly...pulls him up...whip to the ropes....caught....suplex could be coming up--headbutt from Connelly!! Now a T-Bone Suplex from Code Red!! Connelly rushes backwards...charges at the rising Action....back body drop--Sunset flip from Action--no, Action drops down onto Code Red's chest....Action now looking for a tag in to Nash....Code Red reaches for a tag to Nova--both make the tag!!
PP: Oooooh craaaap.
MC: Nova and Nash in!! Nova with a dropkick!!! Another!! Whips Nash to the ropes!! NASH catches Nova--side salto!! Nash pulls up Nova now...whip to the ropes...BIG BOOT from Nash!! Nova rises back up though....ANOTHER BIG BOOT!! Cover by Nash
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One
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TWO!
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But no!
PP: Nova....tip: avoid Nash's big honky stinkin' foot!!
MC: Nash pulls up Nova...grabs his arm...now shoulder thrusts from the massive Nash....but wait...NOVA HOOKS NASH!!! NOVACAINE!!!
PP: Whoa!! Outta nowhere!! That could be the match, Michael!!
MC: Nova manages to drape an arm across....
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One
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TWO!!!
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.NO!!!!!
PP: Damn...
MC: Nova pulls himself up....Nash standing up now...kicks Nova in the midsection...hoisting him up now....SHARPSHOT--WAIT, NOVA IS FIGHTING BACK!!! Nash drops Nova!! Nova with a boot to the midsection of Nash--and..
PP: I..I...don't believe what I'm seeing....Nova is hoisting up NASH!! He's a CRUISERWEIGHT!!
MC: Code Red stands behind him....Nash up in position...springboard spear from Connelly and THE CATASTROPHE!!!! Nova with the pin on Nash!
PP: This is it...
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One
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Two!!
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STEEL CHAIR ACROSS THE BACK OF NOVA!!!
*ding, ding*
Winners by DQ >>> "Code Red" Michael A. Connelly and Nova
MC: Now Action with a powerbomb on the referee!! What is wrong with these two....but...wait..here comes Bret Hart down the ramp...he slides into the ring...ducks the chair from Action--dropkicks it into his face!! Now Bret going toe-to-toe with Bret!! Whips Nash...Big Boot!! Action and Nash taking off now...
PP: Well...Code Red and Nova get the win by DQ...but weren't able to score the pin. Up next folks, the People's Title will be on the line...Derek Walker defending against Lupe!--Don't miss it!
**Commercial Break**
As we come back from break, a tired Nova is walking down the hallway, he lets out a deep breath.
Nova: *whew*...rough match. Although we'd surely have pinned Nash if Action hadn't interfered...damnit...
As he walks past a corner, he's struck in the back of the head with a steel chair.
MC: What the?
PP: Nash?
Nova is knocked off balance, and turns around to face the assailant, and it struck again, this time right between the eyes.
PP: Action?
The attacker stomps away on Nova, then drops the chair as pulls up Nova.
PP: BRET?
The attacker hits a Deep Impact onto the chair, and rolls him over to reveal his bleeding head. We then get a clear shot of the attacker.
We scan up from his feet...pasts his jeans, and red and white t-shirt...up to a buzzcutted head.
Lance Storm: Let's finish what we started in ECW, at No Escape, Mike.
Lance says that...and nothing more, as he turns around and walks down the hall, exiting through a door that leads directly to the outside.
PP: LANCE STORM??!?!
From there we cut to a shot of the rampway, when "Return to Innocence" by Enigma cues up, and Lupe's video package plays as a moonbeam of sorts lights her path.
MC: Coming up next will be a People's Title match, featuring two of the more unique of EAW's stars--Lupe and Derek Walker--squaring off.
PP: And I thought the men around here were wolves...so how do these two stack up, Michael?
MC: Derek Walker is the current EXTREME and People's Champion, with quite a record...Lupe doesn't have a title yet in the EAW, but had quite a streak going after debuting, and still has quite an impressive record.
Lupe climbs into the ring, twitching her tail a bit as she awaits her opponent.
"Travel Theme to Crystalis" cues up, bringing out the oddly-dressed Derek Walker, who is cosplaying as the pirate Vyse from Skies of Arcadia, sans the sword.
PP: Whoa...is there a costume party after tonight's show?
MC: No, just Derek apparently getting creative with her ring attire. Since shi technically isn't a guy, shi doesn't have to follow the rules laid out for men for tonight's event.
Derek walks out and down the ramb with both belts around hir waist, and walks down the ramp as shi is cheered by the fans.
MC: The highly decorated Derek Walker is ready for her title defense tonight!
PP: Yeah...shi's a very nice guy...gal...oh, I don't know what'd you would call her. But don't listen to bigots like the Rock preachin' hate for hermaphrodites!!
MC: Yeah...the Rock does do that...
PP: Yeah...he's the guy who would make you wear T-shirts on your face while he stood there and RAN HIS MOUTH...remember?
MC: I try not to. Derek is in the ring now and handing her belts over to the referee--however, only the People's Title is on the line...now, the match is about to begin...*ding, ding*
MC: Derek and Lupe now get ready to square off...Lupe ducks that swift kick from Lupe..Lupe with a dropkick the midsection!! Lupe fires the champion into the corner--shi springs away...hitting a flying back elbow into the snout of Lupe!! Derek now slings up to the top rope....Lupe's up....Derek flies...spinning headscissors takeover!! Lupe takes a spill to the outside!!
PP: I just realized, if Derek uses her finisher on Lupe..shi could have a bad case of the hairballs later on--ick!
MC: Lupe though, very agile, tough as nails...she quickly rolls back in...pouches on Derek!!! Right and left jabs to the face of Derek as shi's pinned down!!! Lupe now hits the ropes--Asai Moonsault!!
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One!!--and a kickout!!
PP: These two are FAST!!
MC: Derek is known for that, and Lupe has the natural strength, grace and agility of a wolf. Lupe pulls Derek up now....another Irish Whip...
PP: Derek ducks between her legs!! PUMPHANDLE SLAM from the double-genitaled double champ!!
MC: Hee-hee...cute nickname for hir. Derek now going up top again!! And--DIVING HEADBUTT!! That move is made even more devastating with Derek's horn!
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One
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NO! These two are fighting quite literally tooth and nail.
PP: I'd hate to be Derek's dentist....
MC: Derek taunts Lupe as she shakes off hir last offensive flurry...Derek with a spear--REVERSED INTO A REVERSE CHOKE!! Submission hold applied!! Derek may have a hard time getting out of this....but she squeezes free! Derek's soft body allows for trememdous flexibility!! Shi grabs the ankles of Lupe, and flips forward in a figure four pin
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One--and kickout!
PP: Unbelievable...Derek did eat hir Wheaties, though. And Cheerios, Capt. Crunch, Lucky Charms, Frosted Mini-Wheats...
MC: Lupe now ducks under the clothesline from Derek...whips Derek into the ropes...HURRACANRANA!! Pinning combination!!
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One
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TWO!!
PP: Derek rolls over
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One
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TWO!!
MC: Lupe now rolling back into the pinning position
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One
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TWO!!
and a kickout from the champ!! Derek rolls away--now a kippup from both competitors!!
The crowd claps and "WHOOOO"s in approval.
MC: Derek whips Lupe to the ropes--Derek with a sleeper--NO--Lupe ducks behind!! Applies the Labyrinth!!
PP: AHHH!! She's choking poor Derek!!
MC: Lupe trying to get a tight as a grip as she can on Derek. Derek seems to have given up trying to break free and is reaching hir foot towards the ropes!!
PP: SHI CAN DO IT!! SHI CAN DO IT!!
MC: Only about an inch away...she misses it!! Swings for it again...hooks it with her toe!! That's enough, though...the referee orders Lupe to release the hold!!
PP: Lupe is in control still, now. Now shi heads up the ropes herself...HOWLING MOONSAULT!!
MC: Another pinning combination
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One
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TWO!!
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NO!!!
PP: Lupe nearly did it though...she picks up Derek!!! Holds hir up high in the air...ahhhh....I'd be so sick if I was in that move....
MC: And DROPS HIR DOWN with the Brainbuster!! Now going up top....looks like she's going to attempt the move again....
PP: HOWLING MOON--DEREK CATCHES LUPE IN HER MOUTH!!! HOLY!!
MC: Derek now dragging Lupe as far away from the ropes as possible as shi stands up...Lupe has no clue where she is right now!!
PP: She's making traffic signals I think--oops...there goes her arms...
MC: She's tapping!! She's tapping!!!
*ding, ding, ding*
Winner by Submission >>> Derek Walker, STILL People's Champion
MC: Incredible match!! Derek...uh...spits out Lupe.
PP: Eeeeeeeeww....that's one thing I don't like about Derek. Hir DISGUSTING habit of partially swallowing people.
MC: Well, coming up next after commercials...the main event. The fate of poor Ariel Bridges is on the line....next!!
**Commercial Break**
We cut to a shot back to the announcer's desk, where Pamela is eating some cookies.
PP: *waves*
MC: Why are you eating those now?
PP: Well...my Grams sent them and I suddenly had the urge for them...want one?
MC: Well...if you would, sure!
PP: Here...chocolate chip.
MC: *munch* Well...up next is our main event. Steven Richards of the RTC teams up with unlikely partner JC Stone to battle the Undertaker and a mystery partner.
PP: ....some mystery...
Steven Richards and JC Stone walk out. Steven is wearing shorts, but with his white shirt and tie on. JC Stone is wearing a modified version of his black tights with leather padding. They come out to no music...
MC: A show of partnership by coming out together, but Steven and JC haven't been able to decide on an entrance theme!
PP: No surprise...the RTC theme has caused seizures I hear...and Steven didn't want to come out to any of the themes JC suggested, so their entrance theme will be silence.
MC: They aren't planning to tag anytime soon, or even be friends after this, but they have been brought together by a common enemy...
The Ministry theme cues up next as the lights in the arena dim, and a cold chill runs throughout the building. The Undertaker, in full robes...steps out onto the stage...his demonic eyes burning with hatred and evil. He walks slowly down to the ring...
PP: Why does the Undertaker have an Amish beard?
MC: I don't know...but I don't think he's shaved in months.
When the Undertaker begins to step onto the steel steps, he makes the house lights turn on by raising his arms.
PP: I'll tell you one thing...he's a cowardly d***head, that's what he is!
MC: I'd have to agree....the Undertaker is holding Ariel Bridges, a poor, defenseless young girl, hostage so he can win this match.
The Undertaker removes his robe, revealing his Stygian armor.
Suddenly, the Ultimate Warrior's theme music cues up...
PP: OH MY GOD!!! The mystery partner is Howard Finkel!!!
Well, not really...;) Out from the back comes the (in)famous rope-shaking, face-painted, rambling delusional freak of nature known as THE WARRIOR!!!
MC: Yess...it is....it is...the WARRIOR!!
The Warrior rushes into the ring, but the Undertaker quickly slaps a hand on his throat...hoisting him up, and...
PP: CHOKESLAM FROM HELL!!! CHOKESLAM FROM HELL!!! OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!!!
The Undertaker smirks, staring at Richards and J.C.... then speaks, without the use of a microphone.
UT: You both know what you must do. One of you enter the casket. And I will be there to shut it. Do it now... or the child will not live to see another sunrise.
MC: The Undertaker not wasting any time with threatening these two...
PP: WHAT IS HE LOOKING TO ACCOMPLISH?!?!?
Suddenly the Jumbotron comes on... the scene is a rocky road quite a ways away from the arena, a cliff overlooks the night mountainous landscape... then suddenly a bright flash of green light flashes from the cliff... Shaed, Morrigan, Torai, Kane, Sasori, and Kaye all re-appear... in Kaye's arms, trembling softly... is Ariel!! The Knight Cross has succeeded in saving her!
MC: The Knight Cross just aced the Undertaker's trump!! They've saved Ariel!!
MC: The Knight Cross have aced the Undertaker's trump!! Ariel is safe!!
The Undertaker does not all that happy, then immediately charges J.C. Stone and Steven Richards, as the bell sounds.
PP: Wait a minute...what the hell?! The Warrior is up!!!
MC: He's turning on his own partner!! The Warrior, JC Stone, and Steven Richards are all triple teaming the Undertaker!!
PP: I hope that needle I saw him with early was just his rabies/distemper.
MC: Triple Irish Whip!! TRIPLE DROPKICK to the Undertaker!!! Now a merciless stomping to the Undertaker!!
PP: The Warrior is bragging and spitting in the Undertaker's face!
MC: UNDERTAKER PUTS HIS HAND ACROSS THE THROAT OF THE WARRIOR!! HE HAS HIM!! Undertaker rising up....he scoops up the Warrior--TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER!!!
PP: Steel chair to the back from Richards!!
MC: Undertaker turns around...another shot...another shot...another---how the hell is the Undertaker still standing?! He whips Richards into the corner!! The Undertaker stomping away now at Richards as JC Stone pounds on his back in vain!! The Undertaker holding that boot across Richard's throat...now tosses off JC Stone!!
PP: Uh oh....
MC: Irish Whip now....JC Stone caught with a big boot! The Warrior is up again now?!??!
PP: Goes for a clothesline on the Undertaker....barely moves him....now another--still no effect. One more--caught with a big boot!!
MC: The Undertaker pulls up the Warrior...Richards is rising up...Undertaker tosses Warrior at Richards!!! Now grabs that steel chair...JC Stone nailed right between shoulder blades!! Now down across the skull!! He lays in down in the ring...now pulling up Richards by the literally short hairs....setting him up now...
PP: EEEEEEEEEEEEKKK!!!
MC: TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR!!! Now the Undertaker rolls the body of JC Stone outside, onto the lid of the casket...he isn't going to....?
PP: The Undertaker steps over the ropes...onto that casket..he pulls up JC Stone?!?
MC: No...no...don't do this, Undertaker--TOMBSTONE ONTO THE CASKET LID!!! That may be it....the Undertaker rolls off JC Stone...lifting the lid now--WAIT..here's Lupe!! It seems the whole locker room is emptying now!! Sonnette!! RIK!! TIFA!! The Undertaker's brother Kane!! Kaye!! Sasori, both Lygers!! Derek Walker!! Code Red!! Nova!! All converging on the Undertaker at once!!! I can't even SEE the Undertaker!!
PP: WHOA!!! Deja Vu for the Undertaker!!
MC: A group of them just shoved down!! HOW THE HELL is the Undertaker fighting these odds?!??!?!
BOOOONNNNNNNG!!!
"Are you scared...?"
"He's here..."
"American Bad Ass" by Kid Rock cues up, freezing the Undertaker in his tracks... coming out onto the stage, on his black motorbike, is... the Undertaker!!
MC: W-What?! H-How?!?
PP: Deja Vu AGAIN!!!!
The Dark Lord of Stygia is REALLY seething now, seeing the American Bad Ass stare right back at him... the Undertaker revs up his bike, then guns it for the Undertaker! Everyone in the American Bad Ass's way quickly gets out of the way, including the Dark Lord of Stygia! The Undertaker then dismounts, and goes up to the Undertaker, staring eye to eye with his dimensional twin. Needless to say, the similarities... and differences between the indentical men is mind-boggling!
MC: Undertaker vs. Undertaker?!?! This isn't an obvious fake folks...these two look EXACTLY alike except for their clothes and the color of their hair...
Then the fisticuffs begin! Undertaker fighting Undertaker! Both men trading punches! But the American Bad Ass is getting the upper hand, throwing boxing crosses into the Dark Lord of Stygia's gut and jaw!
PP: The Underbiker taking control!!
Quickly he shrugs it off, blocking the next punch, and grabs the Undertaker's neck, about to chokeslam him! The American Bad Ass weakens... but suddenly grabs the Dark Lord's neck for a chokeslam!! A Mexican Standoff of sorts is in the works... until MC: LOW BLOW FROM JC STONE!!! He breaks the grip of the Undertaker of Stygia!!
The American Bad Ass completes the chokeslam, driving his evil twin down hard!! He then looks to the crowd, smiling darkly... and draws his thumb across his neck, grabbing the Dark Undertaker up... setting him up...
MC: The Undertaker's new finisher...THE LAST RIDE!!!!!
The Dark Lord of Stygia is all but defeated... but not just yet, as the Undertaker rolls him into the casket, pushing him in. Lupe, Code Red, Derek, J.C., and Richards ALL shut the casket down on him!
WINNERS: J.C. Stone & Steven Richards
"American Bad Ass" cues up again as the Undertaker walks back to his bike and pulls out a black cloth bag, and pulls out some strong looking length of chain. He instructs Code Red, Sonnette, and the just-recovered Warrior :) to help him drag the casket towards his bike, and then he starts to chain the casket with the trapped Undertaker to his bike! He thengets up onto his ride, looks to the crowd, and raises a fist up into the air. The fans cheer wildly; he then revs it up, and rides off, dragging he casket behind him.
MC: I can't believe what we've just seen!
PP: I'm glad I just have to sit here rather than wrestle...
MC: Be sure to tune in for Riot Rulz everyone...until next time, I'm Michael Cole, and good night!
We fade back in to that cliff overlooking the mountainous landscape...the glowing green transportal is still here, hanging by the cliff ominously. We hear a motorcycle drive by... it's the Undertaker, still dragging the casket with the Undertaker inside... he looks back at the casket; even though the rumble of his ride dulls it out, he can still hear his evil counterpart trying to pound his way out.
"Y'know... you're the only one of my counterparts who haven't wised up yet!!" the Undertaker shouts over the sound of his bike's engine. "... This path you're on... it's gonna destroy you!! Believe me! You're a hell of a lot better off where I'm going!!"
The Undertaker revs up his bike, then heads to the transportal, then skids to a halt; the casket flies up and enters the transportal... which immediately closes on it, slicing the chains connecting the bike to the casket in half.The Undertaker smirks as he revs his bike a couple more times.
"What the hell, fits the occasion...." he says. "... Rest in peace."
The Undertaker smiles, then drives off from the cliff, heading down the road as the whole scene fades to black... another evil defeated in the EAW...