We start off with some clips from EAW Razor's Edge 2k1!!!

Wish for a happy new year to everyone...

R.I.P Zarbon ???- December 30th, 2001

Intro for Mayhem...

After this, we cue into the EAW arena...the Jumbotron wishes everyone a "Happy 2002!!" as fireworks go off. The arena is the newly designed hellish/post Apocalyptic set...columns of fire seem to rise up following the fireworks...and we head directly to the ring, where BG Hyde and the Road Dogg are...

"Welcome NEW ORLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEANS...do the DOGG HOUSE!!!" Road Dogg greets, and the fans pop in reply.

"Ladies and Gentlemen...one half of the men who RID US of the JOLLY GENTLMEN--the ROAD DOGG..JESSE...JAMES!!"

The crowd cheers again...

"You're DAAAAAAAAMN RIGHT!!" Road Dogg yells, then climbs to the 2nd rope and raises his arms up in the "X" formation.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls--CHILDREN OF ALL AGES!! The EAW is proud to present...tonight's MAYHEM COMMENTARY TEAM, one of the best in the WOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD--or sure as hell better than any team with Michael Cole in it--THE ROAD DOGG JESSE JAMES...the nice-assed B.G. Hyde!!--Happy NEW YEAR EVERABUDDY!!"

*CHEER!!*

"Now let's get this shiznit started!!"

Road Dogg and BG take their seats at the announce desk as "nWo TRIUMPH" is heard cuing up in the background, as the lights dim to usher in the former EAW champion.

Dogg: WHoo-EEE!! I'm glad to be here tonight...and she'll be back on the next Mayhem, but I don't mind sitting where normally Megan's plush buttocks would be seated...

BG: Yeah, but HEYMAN's was, too...

Dogg: Kinda puts a damper on it, don't it. :P From the sounds of things, seem that Whitey's gonna bitch some more.

BG: Heh...that's a pretty safe bet.

As if on cue, the fans start up a chant of, "WHITEWIND SUCKS!" The chants are almost unanimous through the arena, and, when the actual song starts, spotlights focus on the entering White-- Dressed only in a black shirt, loose jeans, and combat boots. As he walks forward, the fans get a good look at what it says on the back of his shirt: "I'M A CONSPIRACY VICTIM!!!"

BG: Hmm...seems that White's going to take up the schtick of the current WWF Undisputed Champion...

Some fans laugh, but the majority just start booing and/or starting another chant: "WHITE'S A PUSSY! *clap! clap! clap-clap-clap!". He jumps onto the apron and looks around at the crowd, face an image of stone-like seriousness. He steps into the ring, and shouts out to someone, "Give me a f*cking mic!" He catches the mic, and begins another spiel-- this time, much more urgently.

WHITE: Let's make this point first and foremost: LORD GOKUO SCREWED ME OVER!!

Dogg: Jericho...check...Bret Hart...check...

WHITE: You saw what happened at Razor's Edge! Yeah, you all did. But of course, for the total f*cking morons hidden under a ROCK for the last week or two, roll the clips!

Footage of the run-ins by Kane and Bullwhip play-- the chokeslam, the table spots, and the TD '91. The fans seem to LIKE watching White get beaten by the other two superstars, which infuriates him.

WHITE: Typical! You sadistic freaks LIKE that! Well, let me tell you something: That was not part of my match plans! Gokuo damn well knew that!

BG: Well, NO S*BLEEP* it wasn't part of your plans to get your ass handed to you! It happens when you make enemies...

WHITE: It's all a conspiracy! He hates me, he always has! Consider the fact he BOOKED ME to lose to a little teenage girl with all the brains of Moppy-era Perry Saturn. Yeah, lots of respect for me there, Gokuo. I started out just like you: Doing shows in Japanese independant feds. I was not some pathetic, no-talent Mr. Pogo wannabe. I was a great-- popular for my technical skills. Yet, I get disrespected by losing the title in a huge fiasco to BLINK. THANK YOU, Gokuo! I like being disrespected! [He spits.] I want you to pay for what you've done. Consider this not just a threat, but a PROMISE: I will bury you!

He throws the mic at the person who threw it to him, and storms out of the ring-- dodging pieces of trash along the way backstage.

Dogg: Hmmm...I don't think White got a Christmas bonus--think that's what's eating him?

BG: Nah...but he's no happy camper at all...

We open up as we find Rash carrying two trashcans full of weapons. Michael Cole runs up for a quick interview.

Cole: Rash, tonig-

Rash: *Shoves Cole aside* Shaddup, Cole. I got two bitches to beat. One honor to defend.

Dogg: Wow...I may just become a Rash fan at this rate...even though I GOTTA GIVE Cole his props for making sure the Jolly G are gone for good.

BG: Hell, in this match, I'm ALREADY a Rash fan...

SKIN THE F***ING BITCHES ALIVE, RASH!! HELL, chow down on their brains too, while you're at it...I'll scoop them out with a spoon for ya!

Cut back to the ring.

"Here Comes The Pain" by Slayer cues up as Rash makes his way to the ring.

"The following HANDICAP MATCH UP is scheduled for one fall..with a ten minute time limit...introducing first...standing 6'9" and weighing in at 268 lbs...RASH!!"

Rash dumps everything from the two cans as he then demands a mic.

"CUT THE MUSIC....Ladies and Gentz, Tonight you're gonna witness an execution. Tonight, you're gonna see a wrong righted. Tonight, this match might not be for some people, so Parents, put the kids to bed early tonight so you don't have to bitch at us tomorrow. Now that we gotten that crap outta the way. Bitches, get your genetic-asses out here, and get what's coming to ya."

"Bodies" by Drowing Pool hits as the crowd boos. However no one comes out.

"And his opponents......" the announcer begins, but neither of them step out onto the stage.

"What? Nobody's home? FROSTI....SAVVY....COME OUT AND PLAAAAYAAAY!"

BG: Oh man...I can't believe this--odds are in the favor, and they turn yellow...GRRR...

"Bodies" cues up for the second time. Again, no one comes out.

"That's it. If you don't come out in exactly 10 seconds, I'm gonna go back there, and personally bring your ass out there and whip you in front of all these people!!

"TEN!"

"NINE!" Rash says, the crowd joins in this time...

"EIGHT!!

"SEVEN!

"SIX

"FIVE!!

"FOUR!

"THREE!!

"TWO!

"On--

On that, Frosti and Savvy come out from the back, and "Bodies continues where it left off..."

"And his opponents, from Los Angeles California...at a combined weight of 261 lbs....Savvy and Frosti--DEADLY EXTREMITY!!"

Dogg: Neither of them seem to anxious...Deadly Extremity, of course, getting their ASSES handed to them at Razor's Edge...after which, we found out, they're actually CLONES of Chainsaw!

BG: But they inherited NONE of their charm. :P Look at 'em...don't even want to get in the ring and face the music.

Dogg: Nope--uh? Well, Frosti getting in now....asking for a microphone...

"Rash...I don't know why you wanted this match--well, I do..but, we told you already, we're sorr--" Frosti begins, but Rash yanks it from her hand.

"BULLSH*T!" and shoves her to the mat, tossing the mic aside.

*ding, ding*

Dogg: Frosti seems to be trying to reason with Rash, but he's having none of it...WHIPS HER INTO THE FAR CORNER!!

BG: YES....now they're gonna get what the deserve--again! Rash standing on the first rope now...1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...aaaaaaaaaaand 10! for good measure. snapmares her over--pulls her up--full nelson--SLAM! And Rash is a helluva lot more agile than most wrestlers his size *cough* Kevin Nash *cough*

Dogg: Well, Rash just friggin' dwarfs both these gals. Even if they do got fighting in their bloo, how they gonna take on a huge pissed-off symbiote?

BG: Scream really loud and hope for the best....now digging out a 2x4...Frosti heading the hell outta--OOOOOOOOOW!! Right down across the back!

Dogg: Rash pinning Frosti in the corner...boot across the throat....now--stomping at her in the midsection!! Man, she's not even trying to get much offense in...

BG: Rather shocking--maybe Rash outta turn his back, THEN they might decide to...

Dogg: Irish Whip coming up by Rash--counter--Rash into the ropes...springs off with a back elbow! Frosti inching away...Rash pulling her up the hair--elbow shot...fires her into the ropes--HEAD FIRST into the midsection of Savvy...is that a tag?

BG: I think it's good enough to count as one for Scott Dickinson...and here comes Rash...SUPLEXES SAVVY into the RING!!

BG: Ooooo...onto the trash can too--pulls her back up...ready to ram her to the turnbuck--blocks it with her foot--slips through--shoves Rash to the turnbuckle--back up--spinning heel kick across the chest...spinning back kick...charging in now--MONKEY FLIP out of the corner--onto that 2x4's debris...

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ONE!

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Kickout!

Dogg: Savvy fighting furiously...pulls him up by the arm--armwringer--back kick--NO--blocked!!--INTO ANKLE LOCK!! Savvy reaching for the ropes--tags in Frosti!

BG: Frosti back in--stomping on the arm of Rash to break it up...and trying to tell him something...Rash shoving her away...back on the attack to Savvy...Frosti--dumped over the TOP ROPE!!

Dogg: Man, this is getting ugly--wait, Frosti with that mic that Rash tossed to the outside--she going to use it as a weapon?

Frosti gets in the ring and yells, "STOPPIT, RASH!! STOPPIT!!"

Rash shoves Savvy out of the ring and starts walking in Savvy's direction. "RASH!! PLEASE DON'T," she begins crying, "I....LOVE YOU!!!"

Dogg/BG/much of the crowd: WHAT?!?!

Rash stops...dead...and looks wide-eyed--his jaw dropping open...

BG: Did she just?

Dogg: And--oh sh*t...MEANIE OUT FROM THE BACK...

BG: And--tackles Rash to the mat!!

Dogg: But Savvy and Frosti on the attack now...pulling Meanie off of him...driving Meanie back against the ropes....Rash up now--pushing through--SETTING UP MEANIE--SYMBIOTE SLAM!!!

BG: Oh great, I guess this means they're back together now. :P

Dogg: Well....no...Rash is...LEAVING?!

BG: Hmmmm...

Dogg: He looks like he doesn't know what to think...I guess this match is called off...not like there was ANY order in the first place--well, when we come back, Oseiko and Stevie Richards--NEXT!

**Commercial Break**

As we come back from break...

"Everybody Jump Around" from Jet Grind Radio cues up as we come back from break...

Dogg: Welcome back everyone, to the Dogg House! It's the D-O-Double G here with the B-single G here for Mayhem!! Up next we got Stevie Richards vs. the bootylicious Oseiko Connelly one-on-one!

BG: Hmm...so, is she getting your vote?

Dogg: Still haven't made up my mind yet as to that...look over the list--feel like a kid in a candy store...wanna vote for 'em all--hell, wish I could GET WITH 'em all...well, Lilith shouldn't be the problem--rest could be.

BG: Our drooling potheaded friend of course referring to the hottest EAW diva poll on the EAW website.

Dogg: Yer DAMN RIGHT--anyway, here's a guy that I'm glad once again can appreciate such fine things--Stevie Richards!

"The following match is scheduled for one fall with a 10 minute time limit! Introducing first, from Philidelphia, Pennsylvania...standing 6'2" and weighing in at 220 lbs... he's a member of the BLUE WORLD ORDER...Stevie Richards!"

Stevie hops over the top rope with the greatest of ease, and asks for a mic once he gets in the ring, and his music fades out....

STEVIE: ... Whoa, I finally have another match in the E-A-W! Hey ladies, gents, and the occasional neuter and herm! S'been a while! Seems we've gotten 2 world title changes, and the Olympic Jackass has become the best friend of Blink! My bud Bri seems to still be rather hot under the collar about Jasmin...he's alright now, though...And it also seems that my buddy, Mike Connolly(sic), has kept that tag title for a while now! Good job! Now, speaking of Mike... I gotta fight his S.O. (That's significant other, if you didn't know) right here, right now! Now, it's been a while since I've been wrestling, so excuse the rust... At least I get to go up against someone I like! Hope I don't hurt her, too.. Mike and Akiko'd be pissed if I did that! Now, then, let's get this party going!

He tosses the mic aside, does a few stretches, and waits for Oseiko to enter the ring.

"Ride on Shooting Star" by the Pillows then begins to play...

Dogg: And one of our new nominees for hottest EAW diva out here next...yet Stevie STILL wears shorter shorts than her. :P

"And his opponent, from the forests of Hokkaido in Japan, she stands 5'7" and weighs in at 117 lbs...she's one half of Kyouki Shoujo...Oseiko!"

Oseiko slides inside the ring, and rushes up to a ringpost, snatching the mic on the way, and posing a la the Hardyz.

"BOKU WA KAWAII, DESHO?!"

"HAI!!"

"NANI!? I caaaaan't hear you? NANI?

"NANI?!....HAI!!"

Oseiko chuckles and sets down the mic as she hops off the turnbuckle.

Dogg: And Oseiko as popular as ever--I like the new look with the hair, too...

BG: Nani?

Dogg: Sorry...it's way cuter when she does it, and you doing that is only SLIGHTLY less annoying than Austin's version.

*ding, ding*

Dogg: Right now Oseiko's tag team partner's on the injured list...and Lance is nursing a few injuries...tie up center of the ring--hiptoss by Stevie--

BG: And maybe nursing each other...

Dogg: Pure speculation right now, but that was kinda freaky...Oseiko back up--kick caught by Stevie--reverse by Oseiko catches him in the back of the head!! Oseiko up...off the ropes--FRONT DROPKICK to the face!! Has the legs--flips over--

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ONE!--kickout!

BG: Nice one there...Stevie doesn't have a bad ass, either...

Dogg: Neither does Oseiko, hehheh...Oseiko up...pulls up Stevie--Stevie with a quick backdrop on the go behind--Oseiko flipping over--DRAGON SLEEP--NO--Stevie reversing--scoop and a slam!

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ONE!

Kickout!

BG: Nice one there...Stevie's a better wrestler than you'd guess he is--looking like an utter goofball.

Dogg: It isn't just the look...Oseiko getting back up...kneebreaker coming--wait, roll through by Oseiko--into a leglock submission!!--Stevie gets to the ropes!

BG: Oseiko back up...waiting on Stevie--chopblock--dragging him by that leg--legdrop into the midsection--back up--senton splash off the ropes--rolling on top...

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ONE!

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Kickout again!

Dogg: Oseiko pulling him up into a headlock...Stevie fighting free--sends Oseiko to the ropes--STEVIEKICK--ducked--hits the far ropes again...DROP TOE HOLD by STEVIE!! Hits the side ropes--DRIVING ELBOW smash to the sternum!!

BG: Youch...elbow to the boobs--that ain't fun. :P

Dogg: Pulls her back up--spinning neckbreaker now...Dragon Sleeper of his own now...fighting it--and short reverse DDT--a lazy cover...

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ONE!

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T--NO!

BG: Not bad...but can't be so lax if he's gonna win this...

Dogg: Pulling her back up--snap suplex from Stevie Richards...catapult coming up...about to vault her to the--BLOCKED IT--grabbed the top ropes just before impact--vaults off--and...balancing on the top rope!!

BG: Right outta Ultimo Dragon's playbook--look out Stevie!!--too late...

Dogg: Both feet into the chest of Richards...back up now--2nd rope moonsault!!

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ONE!

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TWO!--SHOULDER UP!!

BG: Stevie in trouble here...Oseiko pulls him up--to the ropes--reversal--SPINEBUSTER center of the ring!! Stevie back up--standing moonsault from Richards...pinning combination--

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ONE!

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TWO!

NO!!!

Dogg: Stevie doing a little showboating there...back up...flexing a bit for the crowd...

BG: Well, he isn't out of shape, but hardly a physique that's gonna impress me... :P

Dogg: Rather self-centered today...Oseiko up--SCHOOLGIRL ROLL UP!!

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ONE!

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TWO!

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Stevie escapes!

BG: School...girl?!

Dogg: Well, that's what she IS, you know, part time...looks like she accidentally gave Stevie a wedgie in the process...

BG: No doubt gave Stevie an unpleasant flashback to HIS school days...

Oseiko up--ducks the clothesline--go behind by Oseiko--suplex blocked...back elbow--discus elbow shot! Oseiko dazed--Stevie fires him to the ropes--PILEDRIVER!!! FOLEY STYLE!! Stevie kinda repays the favor on that...

BG: Part of the reason I don't wear panties...cover now...

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ONE!

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TWO!

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Kickout by Oseiko!

Dogg: Oseiko looks alright...but definitely not a move her tag partner would want to take right now. Back up...charges at Stevie--ducks down--catches her up on his shoulders--Samoan--NO--reversal into a CRUCIFIX PIN!!

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ONE!

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TWO!!

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NO!!

Up now...Stevie back up to his feet--scoops up Oseiko...SHOULDERBREAKER!!

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ONE!

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TWO!

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NO! NO! NO!!...so close!

Going for a Boston Cra--no-Oseiko kicking him off--back up--goes for a Queen Arm Sciss--Stevie powering her down to the match...sends her to the corner--vaults over--back kick by Stevie, though! Oseiko with a tack--springs up--split by Stevie...Stevie hoists her up--aaaaand POWERBOMB out of the corner!! Stevie crawling over--pinning her legs now...

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ONE!

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TWO!!

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--NO!!!

Kickout!!

BG: Yeesh...talk about competitive...

Dogg: Stevie and Oseiko both up...hammerlock by Richards--reversal by Oseiko--Richards with a back elbow--counter...to the ropes--Oseiko off with a LIONS--Richards drops down--Oseiko lands on both feet--Richard up--PHEONIX DROPKICK from Oseiko!!

BG: WoW!! That's a helluva move...going for the cov--no she isn't...going up top...Swanton?

Dogg: Looks like it...wait...Stevie back up--Oseiko going for it--NO!! Catches him--SPINNING KUMORANA!!

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ONE!

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TWO!!!

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KICKOUT!

BG: Stevie dazed as he shoves Oseiko off of him...heads to the ropes--SPINNING HEEL KICK on Oseiko!! To the corner now...Oseiko up...from behind--scoops her up--BACK DROP!!...to the opposite corner...and...we've seen THIS before...

Dogg: Stevie Richards, the HBK wanna-be, warming up the band, and the bWo alive and well in the EAW arena!!

BG: Oseiko up...STEVIEKICK!! That could be it--Stevie on top of Oseiko now...

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ONE!

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TWO!!!

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THR--NOOOOOOO!!??!?!

BG: DAYUM!!! Kick her in the face and she STILL gets up!!

Dogg: Richards can hardly believe it either...back up to his feet....set up from behind--Oseiko wiggling free...trips up Richards from behind--Richards kippup--Irish Whip from Oseiko--reversal--Oseiko puts on the brakes--Toe Kick to the chest of Richards after the telegraph...Irish Whip from her now...And off the ropes--KOMU NO SASU by Oseiko--and the head of Stevie Richards just SNAPPED back on that one...Oseiko dragging him to the center of the ring!!....Kumo No Amimono!! Locked on with no place to go!!

BG: I'd say this is the end of the road for Stevie-kins--or whatever she called him again. :P

Dogg: Stevie trying to find a rope...but no go--and this ain't no wussy "Walls"--this is the real deal, and--Stevie taps!! Stevie taps!!"

*ding, ding*

"Ride on Shooting Star" cues up...

Dogg: And we gotta winner!! Oseiko pulls it out with that NASTY-lookin' submission...but she certainly looks anything but...

BG: Fortunately, "wiping pothead's drool from chin" isn't in my job descriptions. :P

Winner by Submission >>> Oseiko

Dogg: We'll be back after these breaks...soooo...stay tuned!!

The referee raises Oseiko's hand, but she bows to Stevie as we go to break...

**Commercial Break**

Dogg: Welcome back to the Dogg House, ladies and gentlemen...

"Gonna Fly Now" cues up in the arena, and out comes, now without his PWF Universal Championship, Kirk Angel.

BG: Is this on the intinerary?

Dogg: Well, didn't stop White, so why would it stop Kirk?

Kirk has a slightly somber look on his face as he makes his way to the ring.

Dogg: Hmm...something missing, it seems?

BG: I'd say so...a certain spring in his step, a big shiny belt, but I'm willing to bet Kirk isn't gonna bitch like White did...

After a few minutes, he takes a microphone in hand.

"You know, the year 2001 was an interesting year not only for me, but for the world. There were ups, and there were downs. High points and low points. For me, this year ended on two low points...all on the same day."

"First of all, there was Razor's Edge. Where I thought I was doing fairly well...but then everybody in the world decides to come in and screw the whole match up. Iceberg finally did something right though, in giving Hunter exactly what he deserved. Which is the only reason why I didn't attack her that night and went to pin Helmsley. But then, his manager Flair decides to go out and cost me single handedly the title. I say single handedly because, well...I hardly even felt Michael White's moves."

BG: Well, maybe I wasn't completely right...sense a little bitterness there?

Dogg: Maybe just a little...and MAYBE Hunter did deserve that...

"Then, I went from that arena to the PWF event in Aniheim, California, for PWF End Game, to defend the Universal Championship against The Rattler. It was a hard fought match...but in the end, he got the win. Best of luck to him."

BG: WHAT?!

Dogg: Grr...STOP DOING THAT!!!

"Thus, I end the year 2001 with two losses...two low points, but hey, everyone has them. Life goes on as they say...and I have big plans...both in PWF and EAW. But hey, you're not interested in the PWF ones...so let's start with EAW...and one Richard Flair."

Dogg: WHOOOOOOOOO!!! The man..THE MAN...Ric Flair!! Man, you love to hate him, and hate to love him...

BG: The younger, sexier Hugh Hefner of Pro Wrestling. :)

Kirk listens to the reaction of the crowd at that name. "Flair, I know what's been said from you about what I did to Hunter...and frankly, I don't care whether or not you think it was right. He wants to be a lowlife...he gets treated like one. But you want to mess with me afterwards? Old man, not a smart move. So Ric...whenever, wherever, however. Let's get this done as soon as possible, and get on with both our lives...as I show you what this Olympic Hero can do to someone like you."

The crowd gives a somewhat...mixed response, for the first time in a while..

"After that's out of the way though, I have another person to go for...and that's Clarice "Blink" Ferguson." Kirk smiles as he hears the eruption of cheers for that name. "Blink...congrats on your win at Razor's Edge. Yeah, the critics will talk about you all they want, forget them. They have to find SOMETHING to complain about. But Blink...one thing I've noted: You and I have never stepped in the ring, one on one, toe to toe, mono-a-mono. That's something that I want to change.

"Blink...at EAW's next event...Cataclysm I believe it's called...I want you in a one on one match for the EAW Title. No special gimmicks, nobody getting involved...none of that. Just you, me, and the title. I hope you accept...see you then.

"But first things first. Flair...whenever you're ready old man...I'm ready to get my revenge on you. And that's not only true, that's a promise."

With that, Kirk leaves the ring as "Gonna Fly Now" cues up again.

Dogg: Well...the Olympic Hero vs. the Nature Boy? A real living legend...not a whiny bitch or an old fart with an unprenouncable name.

BG: To steal one of your lines--YER DAMN RIGHT!! That'd kick ass to see...

ADVERTISING! 5 ads for GTA3, 10 for Max Payne, a 1-800-CALL-ATT ad, and a Burger King ad with the Harlem Globetrotters... Oops, wait-- that's a typical WWF commercial break, not one for EAW.

DOGG: Okay, we're back, and just in time for the official Scott's Toilet Paper Bathroom Break Match of the Night! If you didn't do your duty during the commercials, now's a good time!

BG: You're being a little too harsh there, Road Dogg; Code Red's pretty damn good, but, well... We've yet to see David Flair do anything useful. Maybe he's gotten a little more practice for this match-- He'll need it!

"Conflict" by Disturbed cues up, ushering in the first competitor...

ANNOUNCER: Introducing first, from Minneapolis, MN... Weighing in at 210 pounds... David... FLAIR!!

The son of Ric Flair comes out, to a fairly mixed reaction. Absent from his sides are Sin and Shade, left at home-- as he said before. He jumps into the ring and 'WHOO!'s, followed by a yell of, "E-A-FUCKIN' W!"

"There's a Fire in the House" by Steve Vai cues up as Flair's theme fades out, indicating the announcer's second introduction...

ANNOUNCER: And his opponent... Hailing from Mars, PA... Weighing in at 236 pounds... One half of the EAW Tag Team Champions: "CODE RED!" Michael... A... CONNELLY!

"Code Red" comes out to a light show and pyros galore, not to mention a unanimous applause and chants. He is, of course, in his Extreme Match outfit-- an RVD-style singlet, with the R-V-D replaced by his own initials. He hops into the ring and works the crowd a bit before the referee makes the motion to ring the bell and start the match.

DOGG: Yes, a sharp contrast from his opponent, wouldn't you say? Speaking of which, INCOMING! Flair's in for it, as Connelly gets in his first bit of offense with an clothesline! Wait--Flair sees it coming, ducks, and... hits Code Red with a Drop toe hold?

BG: Whoa! Is Davey being EFFECTIVE HERE? He immediately follows up with a half-crab, working on that leg of Code Red's, and trying to keep him to the ground. No-- Connelly shakes his leg free and gets up... Grabs David by the hair and gives him a European uppercut!

DOGG: David's taken aback, but he gets up and keeps his distance... Code Red back on the offensive... Right hand--blocked--punch to Connelly's jaw! Connelly comes back with a punch of his own, Flair with another-- we're getting down to a brawl here... Flair back to his 'extreme' roots with a low blow!

BG: Connelly is down, and Flair taking advantage with some legwork, to his right leg... He's crushing that knee with his heel! Connelly struggles to get away, but is just dragged back! Flair's got him in some hold now.. Is that an Indian Deathlock??

DOGG: I do believe it is! Flair getting leverage, continuing to work on that leg... Drops backwards, back slamming against the mat! Connelly in pain, but he manages to break out of the hold!

BG: Again, who's letting David Flair be at least a very basic wrestler here? Anyway, Connelly's up, as is Flair... Connelly ties up with Flair-- Headlock, cranks a few times... Bulldog! Connelly rolls Flair back onto his back and goes for a cover!

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1! And a kickout by Flair...

DOGG: ...Who's not too thrilled about being out-technicianed in any way whatsoever... He gets in a kick to Code Red's Midsection and sets him up for... A Piledriver? Isn't it a bit early?

BG: Indeed it is! Code Red tries to toss David Flair over his shoulder-- No, he grabs onto his legs! Sunset Flip--Connelly has none of that, and slips away... Though limping.. David Flair grabs that right leg again, and drags Connelly back to the mat! STF-- No, Connelly gets out of the clutches of Flair and composes himself before Flair... Only to pick up Flair, knee him in the gut, and set him up... T-Bone Suplex, out of nowhere! Another cover by Code Red!

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1!

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2--NO! Flair kicks out!

DOGG: Flair's losing his cool here... He's up, dodges a short-range lariat, gets in a kick to the slightly weakened right knee-- which throws Connelly off. Flair sets up Connelly, and hits the EAW Pride, with a resounding E-A-Fuckin'-W! And a cover...

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1!

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2-- No, a kickout by Connelly! He's pissed off, and rightly so! I mean, who would wanna lose to DAVID FLAIR!?

BG: Oh, come on... He's not BAD.

DOGG: No, you're right... He's plain ABYSMAL! Anyway, Flair and Connelly up... Flair drops to his back and goes for another Drop Toe Hold... No luck here, as Connelly forces him back onto his feet... A snap suplex, followed by an Irish whip into the corners, gets Flair stunned... In comes Code Red! Clotheslines in the corner! Irish Whip-- Leap Frog by Code Red... IMMACULATE PERPLEXION! Connelly's not done yet, as he picks up David!

BG: He's setting Flair up for the Condition Red-- No, he slips out of the position, and gets in a... Northern Light Suplex? The Hell!?

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2.5! Connelly's freaked out! He almost lost, here! Flair picks him back up... A knee to the gut sets him up for... A pulling piledriver!?

DOGG: Connelly's back down, and Flair's going for a Figure Four... No, it's some variant-- There's his finisher, the Figure Four Anklelock! He's grinding that hold in! Connelly's in major pain, here, and dead center in the ring!

BG: He's not giving up! He starts making his way to the ropes, and... He does it! Flair's forced to break the hold, but the damage has been done! He's almost got victory in his reach...

DOGG: Connelly dragged into the center of the ring, and set up for a powerbomb... Lifted up--No--Reversed into a Frankensteiner whip! Connelly signalling for the finish! He picks up David Flair, sets him up... CONDITION RED! CONDITION RED!

BG: Code Red does the R-V-D Thumbs-- M! A! C! -- And does a Frog Splash onto David Flair! The cover!

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3!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WINNER: "Code Red" Michael A. Connelly

From there, we cut backstage...

Michael Cole is standing next to...NOVA!! Dressed down in comparison to his flashy wrestling/superhero gear, he maintains the same pose--upturned nose, chest thrust out...hands on hips...

COLE: We have a few words from former EAW Cruiserweight and Extreme Champion Nova here...who...well, has quite the hefty challenge to lay out here he tells me...

"Citizen Cole..." he begins, then slaps Michael on the back, "Just kiddin' ya...I ain't stealing ol' Gregory's schtick...yup. You see, I came here to lay out a challenge to Michael White...you know, the guy who came out at the beginning of the show..."

Nova then begins to mock-cry, "*sniffle* *sniffle*....I WAS SCREWED!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!! I'm a victim of a CONSPIRACY!!! GOKUO WANTS TO TAKE ALL MY TITLES, MAKE ME A JOBBER, DEPORT ME, and HE PUT A DEAD HORSE'S HEAD ON MY BED!! WAAAAAAH!!!"

He then becomes serious again, "Well, guess what, Michael? Life isn't fair...you get knocked down, dust yourself off, get up, and go after that title again...LG had his reasons--he explained them--that's good enough for me. You AREN'T winning many supporters, I'll tell you right now. Still, that's why I came here...to ask you for a shot at that Extreme Title you've defended...like...once. BUT...I changed my mind. You see...someone else won that OTHER title you used to carry.."

The crowd begins to stir.

"What's her name again...ah...BLINK!!"

The crowd pops.

"Yeah...congrats to her on that...and for taking it off of that whiny punk...anyway, she's had a lot of success--especially with a few new moves she started using...you know..."

He then points to himself with a smile.

"Now...being the fighting champion you are...and since hearing that ol' Lance isn't going to be able to make it for the match--how about I challenge instead? Kinda "teacher vs. student" deal. Now..." Nova switches to a Ben Stein impression--right on the money, if you wheeeeeeel..."Those are yours to keep no matter what happens, but" he goes back to his regular voice, "I'd love a shot at...the BIG ONE...being the fighting champion you are...that isn't TOO much to ask...is it?...well, thanks for your time, Michael--and...THANKS FOR GETTING RID OF THE REGALS!!"

Nova hugs him, and gives him a friendly noogie!

Dogg: ....You know...superheroes are usually much more reserved...

BG: That's our Nova. ^_^

**Commercial Break**

RD: We're back! And we're all set for our Main Event! The currently MPRW Regional Heritage Champ, Lady Jasmine, is in a big pickle, getting in trouble with her Salusian royals, thanks to Triple H!

BG: Yep... this is a win-or-die situation for Jasmine, literally! If she loses the title to Sasori before facing Triple H at the next event, she "curls the blade," which means she commits ritual suicide!!

RD: Man, and I thought the Marines were tough. =/

"Wish" cues up then and there... out comes the MPRW Regional Heritage Champion herself, waving to the fans as she holds the title about her shoulder, though one can tell that she has a gaze of worriment in her eyes.

RD: Man, this might be the last time we see Jasmine if Sasori wins tonight... speaking of Sasori, here he is with Pammy Paulshock!

Scene switch to Pamela Paulshock, who's with the tattoo faced Sasori; he has his arms crossed, head bowed and eyes closed.

"Sasori, in just a few moments you have to fight Lady Jasmine for the MPRW Regional Heritage Title... but if you win tonight, there's a very good chance Jasmine will commit ritual suicide because of it! Wha--"

Sasori suddenly turns his head to Pamela with a stare that unnerves the young woman. His disembodied wind-like voice echos throughout the room.

~... i shall not be a party to the execution to lady jasmine's demise... though at the same time, i shall not hold back... both her and i are beings of honor... she wishes to live... she wishes to not have herself disemboweled...~

Sasori looks to the camera as his body begins to crack.

"She will win."

Sasori's body suddenly explodes into a mass of white scorpions which all scamper away into the shadows...

"Bad Blood" suddenly cues up in the arena as the black smoke forms quickly at the entrance, almost like a small tornado... the tornado suddenly rips away from itself, revealing the wraith-like Sasori, standing there, looking at Jasmine with unemotional eyes.

RD: Wow! Tough words by Sasori, and he's got his game face on here tonight! He doesn't want to win, but at the same time he ain't about to let Jasmine off easy tonight!

BG: He's heading to the ring! Jasmine's getting ready... and here we go!! Referee Earl Hebner's calling for the bell!!

RD: Sasori avoids a rush from Jasmine... catches her-- BELLY TO BACK SUPLEX!! Jasmine gets up quickly, avoids a clothesline! Grabbing Sasori! TAKEDOWN BY JASMINE! Sasori quickly gets up and meets her with a headlock takedown!! Now... wait, what's Sasori doing now?

Sasori picks the struggling Jasmine up around the waist, then twists her around, suplexing her face-first! Sasori quickly re-positions himself, picking Jasmine up again, and repeating the face-first suplex on her!

RD: Impressive new move on Lady Jasmine!! Jasmine struggles to get up... Sasori moves in-- OH! LUNGING CLOTHESLINE BY JASMINE! SASORI'S DOWN! Jasmine now... leg drop to Sasori's leg-- NO! MODIFIED LEG LOCK BY THE SALUSIAN!! SASORI'S IN PAIN-- WAIT, he got the ropes! Jasmine breaks the hold... Jasmine quickly takes advantage-- HEADBUTT BY JASMINE!! OUCH! And that girl has a hard head!! Jasmine moves in for the kill!! GROUND ABDOMINAL STRETCH! Sasori manages to get out of it though! He-- OHH! CLOTHESLINE BY JASMINE!! And the pin! One! Two! NO, SASORI KICKS OUT! Jasmine kicks Sasori in the gut and-- MILITARY PRESS!! SLAMS SASORI TO THE MAT!! Jasmine doesn't let up! Grabbing Sasori-- DDT!! Sasori rolls to his knees, holding his head... Jasmine scoops him up! SLAM TO THE MAT! Jasmine helps him up! Irish whip to the corner! Follow up and CLOTHESLINE IN THE CORNER!!

BG: You think Sasori is purposely holding back here?

RD: If he is Jasmine's superiors might notice... THE PIN! ONE! TWO! NO! SASORI STILL KICKS OUT! Sasori rolls to his feet... Jasmine goes to grab him-- NO! STATIONARY CORNER TRAP!! AND JASMINE DROPS TO THE MAT!! SASORI WITH THE PIN! ONE! TWO! NO! JASMINE KICKS OUT! Sasori picks Jasmine up... WAIT, JASMINE WITH A COUNTER! HAMMERLOCK!!! IRISH WHIP! SASORI DUCKS A CLOTHESLINE! AND-- VICIOUS SPEAR BY JASMINE!! BG: That'd count as a Gore if Jasmine was Rhyno, but Rhyno ain't got that much hair on him!

RD: Sasori is hurt... Jasmine stands up... charges in for another spear-- NO, SASORI WITH A BACK SHOULDER TOSS!! JASMINE GOES FLYING! JASMINE SCAMPERS UP AND GRABS SASORI'S HEAD! OOO! THAT WAS A LAUNCHING HEADBUTT!! Jasmine grabs Sasori up! Launches him to the ropes but-- OHH, SASORI WITH A SPEAR OF HIS OWN!! Sasori now, locking in a STANDING LEG LOCK! JASMINE IS IN PAIN!! HEBNER CHECKS TO SEE IF SHE'LL GIVE UP!! JASMINE'S NOT GOING TO THOUGH.. AND... YES, SHE REACHES THE ROPES! Sasori releases the hold!

BG: Y'know, if Sasori wasn't so serious all the time he could've tickled that footpad of Jasmine to see if she was ticklish... ^^

RD: ...

BG: Hey, just trying to fill Lilith's void. ^^;

RD: Well, Sasori with a kick to Jasmine, keeping her down! He's going to the top rope!! FLYING KNEE DROP-- CONNECTS!! Sasori picks Jasmine up now... and-- INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!! Sasori goes to pick Jasmine up again-- OH, but Jasmine squirms out of it!! She grabs Sasori and-- OH, MEETING OF THE MINDS!! SASORI'S STAGGERED AND-- COBRA STRIKE!!! SASORI'S DOWN! SHE PINS! ONE! TWO! BUT SASORI KICKS OUT! Jasmine quickly acts, whipping him to the corner! She follows through and... oohhh!! SHE LOCKS IN A HANGMAN'S SLEEPER!! Earl Hebner issues the four-count and Jasmine cleanly breaks! Sasori staggers out of the corner... Jasmine moves in and-- WHOA! SASORI WITH A PULLING WALK SLAM!! FOR THE PIN! ONE! TWO! NO! JASMINE GETS A SHOULDER UP! SASORI KIPPUPS! He grabs Jasmine and throws her to the corner! And... he's gonna... whoa! WHOA!! TOP ROPE FALLAWAY SLAM!!!! ANOTHER NEW MOVE FROM SASORI!!! And... now!! SASORI LOCKS IT IN!! HE DOESN'T CALL IT THE FATAL ENCOUNTER ANYMORE, IT'S NOW CALLED THE PARALYZER!!! IT'S LOCKED IN TIGHT!! JASMINE'S IN PAIN!! JASMINE'S TRYING TO REACH FOR THE ROPES!! AND... ANNNNND... YES!!!! YES!, SHE'S GOT THE ROPES! SASORI BREAKS THE HOLD!!

BG: Convenient... Sasori could've just pulled her from the ropes...

RD: Yeah, but Sasori pulls her away from them now... and... LOCKS IN A CAMEL CLUTCH?!! HE'S NOT GIVING JASMINE ANY QUARTER!!! JASMINE'S FLAILING IN PAIN!! AND-- WAIT!!! JASMINE WRAPS HER TAIL AROUND HIS HEAD AND YANKS HIM OFF!!!

BG: That's a hell of a counter...!

RD: Jasmine stomps Sasor! Picks him up... FACECRUSHER!!! Jasmine waits for Sasori to get up... he looks a bit dazed... and... OH, DDT BY JASMINE!! Jasmine's not letting up... she gets Sasori up and BACK DROPS HIM DOWN HARD!! Sasori manages to get up... he runs at Jasmine-- JASMINE WITH A TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM!! Sasori struggles to get up... JASMINE WITH A FLYING FOREARM SMASH!!! AND BACK DOWN GOES SASORI!!! Jasmine picks Sasori back up... she's smiling now... is she... YES!! INDISCRIMINATE JUSTICE!!! DOWN GOES SASORI!!! FOR THE PIN! ONE! TWO! THREE!!

BG: NO! SASORI HAD HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES!!

RD: And Hebner caught it in time!! Uncanny ring presence by Sasori and Jasmine can't believe it!! Jasmine forces Sasori up-- CHOPPING BLOCK!!! Jasmine picks Sasori up again... another Indescriminate Justice?! NO! SASORI COUNTERS!! SUPLEX BY SASORI!! Sasori picks the weakened Jasmine up... wraps an arm around her chest-- IS THIS-- NO! IT'S A KIND OF URANAGE SPINEBUSTER!!! YET ANOTHER NEW MOVE FROM SASORI!! FOR THE PIN! ONE! TWO! THR--NO! JASMINE GETS A SHOULDER UP!! Sasori just SLOWLY gets up... Jasmine waits, setting him up... JASMINE CHARGES! OH! SASORI COUNTERS! SLEEPER HOLD!!! JASMINE'S STRUGGLING, BUT SHE'S FADING FAST!!! SHE DROPS TO HER KNEES!!

BG: Lights out for the Salusian! Literally!!

RD: Hebner's checking to see if Jasmine's out! Raising her arm...

ONE! . . . . . . TWO! . . . . . . THR--NO! JASMINE'S STILL IN THIS!! SHE-- OHH, RAMS SASORI INTO THE TURNBUCKLE HARD!! SHE FOLLOWS UP WITH A CLOTHSLINE!! AND-- DDT DROP BY JASMINE!! SHE'S GONNA TRY AGAIN!!! INDISCRIMINATE JUSTICE!!!! IS IT ENOUGH!! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! WOW!!! WHAT A MATCH!

BG: JASMINE RETAINS THE MPRW REGIONAL HERITAGE TITLE! But DAMN! Sasori gave her one hell of a fight!!

RD: He could've beaten Jasmine easily tonight!! I gues he's lucky he didn't! And so is Jasmine!!

Winner And Still MPRW Regional Heritage Champion: Lady Jasmine

Jasmine climbs out of the ring, title in hand as she catches her breath, looking back at Sasori as he gets up, looking to the Salusian. He then nods to her in respect. Jasmine smiles wearily, nodding back.

RD: That's all the time we got tonight, gang! For BG Hyde, this here's the ROAD DOGGY DAWG, JESSE JAMMES! See ya!