Live from the Wings Stadium in Kalamazoo, Michigan!
Your hosts are Road Dogg and Akiko Nakano!
EAW High Calibur!
Road Dogg: Hey everybody! Welcome to the first episode of EAW High Calibur! It's me! It's Me! It's that D-O-Double G!!
Akiko: And he's rollin' once again with that A-Kinky-O!!
Road Dogg: We're ready for a big night of competition, so lets get this party started!
"Wolf" by Iced Earth cues up and Nexussteps out on stage. He runs over to one side of the stage and howls, looking around crazilly and repeats on the other side of the stage before running down to the ring and howling on the turnbuckles.
Capetta: The following match is scheduled for one fall, with a 10 minute time limit, introducing first, from Jigsaw, weighing in at 300 lbs. Nexus Dogstar!
Road Dogg: This kid shows some great potential. Look at that physique!
Akiko: Too bad his brain isn't as lumpy as his body. 
"Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit cues up asChaynz appears. He pops for the crowd, keeping his eye on the ring.
Capetta: And his opponant, hailing from Venice Beach and weighing in at 235 lbs., one half of Chainsaw, Chaynz!
Akiko: And here comes Chainsaw's less sexually active half.
Road Dogg: Less Sexually active? I though him and Shade...
Akiko: Oh, they do, but when you think about the fact that Ari pimps Buzzy out...
Road Dogg: I don't think we need to go there...
Chaynz enters the ring and stares Nexus down.
Road Dogg: Chaynz, the smaller of the two, giving up alot of size and power to the Dogstar Nebula...
Akiko: Eh, my boy's got it in the bag.
Road Dogg: Let's try to stay impartial...
Singles Match
Nexus vs. Chaynz
Nexus pulls a Hogan intimidation technique as he flexes and opens his mouth for a battle cry. Chaynz shrugs it off. Nexus rushes in and Chaynz catches him with a kick, clubbing him hard in the back of the head. Chaynz clubs him a few more times and gets him on the mat. Chaynz holds Nexus' head, punching hard and causing Nexus to look a bit dazed.
Chaynz manages to fight out and stumbles up. Chaynz goes to whip Nexus to the ropes, but Nexus manages to reverse it, sending Chaynz over the top. Nexus follows as the ref begins the count. Nexus pulls Chaynz up and gives him a HARD sidewalk slam onto the outside ground. Nexus slides back in and looks cocky.
Nexus rears back and lets loose a mighty howl... just as Chaynze manages to get up, slide back in and kicks Nexus in the gut. Nexus doubles over and Chaynz underhooks the arms. Nexus eats a Crimson Wave in the middle of the ring.
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3!
Winner: Chaynz
Road Dogg and Akiko blink.
Road Dogg: That was fast.
Akiko: Faster than Kelly's first date could get his pants off!
Road Dogg: Right...
"Bitch" cues up for th enext match as Kelly steps out, looking about with a sexy smirk.
Capetta: The Following match, is scheduled for One Fall fith a 10 minute time limit! Making her way to the ring, from Minniapolis, MN and weighing in at 127 lbs. "Superstar" Kelly Connelly!
Akiko: Well, speak of the Devil... and I mean that quite literally...
Road Dogg: This match should be really interesting. A former girlfriend vs. the current girlfriend.
Akiko: You don't get a match like this short of Jerry Springer!
"Nobodies" cues as Shade steps out, looking about and then glaring at Kelly and the ring.
Capetta: And her opponant, from Roswell, NM, weighing in at 136 lbs., one half of the Girls of Goth, Shade!
Road Dogg: If looks could kill.
Akiko: Kelly's gonna be in for a tough one here. Shade knows what she's doing...
Singles Match
Kelly vs. Shade
Shade slide sin and rushes Kelly, delivering a relentless assault. Kelly is beated down hard and whipped to the ropes for a Pancake. Shade picks Kelly up and does it again. Shade drops and elbow on the chest of Kelly.
Kelly slowly makes her way up and manages to block a punch, giving Shade three snapmares in a row. Feeling cocky, Kelly goes to kick Shade in the gut, but Shade catchs her foot and spins her around, delivering a hard Rear Naked Choke Drop. She pulls Kelly up and whips her to a corner, following up with a hard clothesline and a bulldog.
When Kelly gets up again, she manages to duck under another clothesline attempt and grab Shade in a sleepr hold. Shade powers out and gives Kelly a hurricanrana. As Kelly slowly gets up, Shade gives her a snap suplex. Kelly manages to get up and as Shade is grabbing for her, Kelly manages a spear at short range.
Suddenly, Sin appears up at the stage, watching the match.
Kelly tosses Shade out of the ring and taunts her. As the Ref is at the ropes watching Shade, adn counting, Sin slips in behind Kelly and Delivers the Sin-Sation on Kelly. Kelly is knocked for a loop. Shade crawls back in and stands over the prone Kelly. Shade delivers the Nightshade and stays for a pin.
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Winner: Shade
Akiko: My girl! Heading up the ramp with Sin as a winner! And Kelly laying in the ring motionless. Life is good, Dogg!
Road Dogg: Yeah, though it took Sin's help.
Akiko: It did? I didn't see that... Did the Ref see it?
Road Dogg: ... anyway, We'll be back in a minute after a word from our sponsers.
******
******
Road Dogg: I LOVE that commercial!
Akiko: I don't get it... *whistles innocently*
Holy Sidekicks, Hurricane! It's Mighty Molly!
"Dare" by Stan Bush cues up and Mighty Molly appears onstage. She smiles and puts her hands on her perfectly formed hips and looks to the crowd. With a smile she make sher way to the ring, walking like she's ten feet tall and bullet proof (which is really half true). She hops into the ring and looks about with her hands on her hips again and gives the fans a thumbs up.
Capetta: The Following Match is scheduled for One Fall! Making her way to the ring, hailing from Mobile, AL and weighing in at an undefined weight, Mighty Molly!!
Road Dogg: Molly looking like she can take on the world!
Akiko: Notice how they didn't mention her weight? Well, her weight is like Rikishi's...
Road Dogg: ... Aki....
Akiko: 50% is in her ass!
BOOM!
HERE COMES THE BOOM!!
READY OR NOT!! HA HA! HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW!!
"Boom" by P.O.D. cues up and Fasha comes out on stage. She looks to the cheering crowd and preforms some skilled matial arts and puts her arms out, letting in all the cheers.
Capetta: Her opponant, hailing from Portland, OR, and weighing in at 125 lbs., Fasha!
Road Dogg: Like or dislike Molly's bodacious booty, she'd better watch out for this woman, or it'll get kicked!
Akiko: That Molly's ass is Ghetto Fab!... or is it Flab....
Extreme Rules Match
Molly vs. Fasha
Molly and Fasha look to each other and circle. They lock up and show incredible technical skill with a series of reversals and attempted attacks before Molly finally nails a snapmare. Molly goes for another but Fasha reverses with a Shin Breaker. As Fasha whips Molly, Molly reverses it, catching Fasha with a drop toe hold. She follows thsi up with a snapmare and a Hurricanrana. Before Molly can do anything else, however, Fasha manages to get behind her and grabs her in a Tazzmission. Molly struggles and manages to reach the ropes.
Molly starts to her feet and there's another series of reversals until Fasha manages to beat Molly's head to the mat. Fasha reaches down, but Molly kicks Fasha back and kickups to her feet and delivers a Hurricanranna. When Fasha stumbles up, Molly rolls her up with a schoolboy.
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Kickout!
Fasha manages to get back with a shinbreaker and then whips Molly to the ropes, but Molly reverses the whip and catches Fasha with a Neckbreaker. She whips Fasha to the corner and runs at her. Molly hops over Fasha, sending Fasha on her back and after scaling the rope slike nothing, delivers a Moonsault and a pin on Fasha.
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Kickout!
Molly and Fasha start to their feet but Fasha is the faster when... GORE! GORE!! GOOOORE!!! Fasha takes Molly down hard. Molly is slow to get up as Fasha beats on her. Molly begins to fight back and manages to spin Fasha around and perform a beautiful Release German Suplex and follow sup with a Mahistrol Cradle.
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Kickout!
Molly sighs, a bit frustrated and gives another Snapmare followed by a German Suplex into a Bridge
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Thr... KICKOUT!
Molly is really frustrated now and goes to lock up and is reversed. There is another impressive show of reversals when Molly ends up behind Fasha and holds on tight for a Sleeper which she soon lets go of to deliver an elbow to the back of Fasha's head. Molly grabs Fasha and whips her again, only to be reversed adn caught on the way back with another GORE!! Fasha drops to her knees and covers.
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Kickout!
Molly manages to revers a few more grappel attempts and gives Fasha a High Angle Backdrop. She climbs the Ropes again and performs another Moonsault.
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Kickout!!
Molly whips Fasha into the ropes and drop toeholds her. She picks Fasha up and tosses her to the corner. Molly steps back to the opposite corner and takes a running start, performing some impressive backflips and nails Fasha in the mush with a backspring elbow and follows it up with a bulldog as Fasha stumbles out of the corner. Molly covers again.
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Thr... KICKOUT!!
Molly is getting frustrated and drags Fasha to the corner by the arm and still holding on, performs a springboard armdrag. As Fasha slowly gets to her feet, Molly looks to the crowd and holds her hands up similar to a Diamond Cutter symbol, except her fingers are arched to make a heart shape. She does the bang and returns to Fasha, setting up for the Valentine Neckbreaker.
But Fasha kicks Molly in the Gut, Grabs Molly's head, lifts her up and performs a viscious Dropshot DDT!! Goes for the pin.
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Winner: Fasha!
Road Dogg: Incredible match!!
Akiko: Even I gotta admit, Molly really moved that ass!
Road Dogg: And look! Fasha pulling Molly up! Shaking her hand and helping her out of the ring!
Akiko: That's cool to see! Great end to a great match.
"One Step Closer" by Linkin Park cues up and Bret Hart comes to the ring.
Capetta: The following Tag Team match is scheduled for one fall. Making is way to the ring, hailing from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, and weighing in at 235 lbs., Bret "The hitman" Hart!
OOOH YEEEAAAAH!!!!!!
"The nWo" theme cues up and Randy Savage enters the arena.
Capetta: And his tag team partner, from Sarasota FL, weighing 230 lbs., "Macho Man" Randy Savage!
Road Dogg: Here at our main event, set for Tag Team action!
Akiko: We're gonna get to see two Old Folks with a limited movelist take on a couple of young, fast and versitile atheletes. It's a no contest.
Road Dogg: Guess we know who's side you're on.
"bWo Theme" by Swamp Candles cues up and Sonic and Meanie come out, popping to the crowd.
Capetta: And their opponants, weighing in at a combined weight of 352 lbs, Sonic and the Blue Meanie, the bWo!
Akiko: Whoo Hoo!
Main Event
Tag Team Match
bWo vs. Hart and Savage
Meanie and Hart start this match off. Bret starts to outwrestle Meanie until Meanie begins to get a few forearms to Bret's face, staggering him. Meanie gets in a DDT and begins to stomp Hart down. Meanie turns, popping for the crowd and returns to Hart with a suplex. He begins to work on Hart's legs with kicks and starts to perform a Sharpshooter. Hart manages to reverse it, trying to lock Meanie in one of his own, but Meanie scampers to the ropes and breaks the hold. While Meanie's arm is on the rope, Hart stradles it and drops down. Meanie pulls the arm back to him and holds it in pain. Hart pulls Meanie up and takes him back down with a Russian Legsweep. Hart gets up and reaches down to lift MEanie up again, but is punched in the head.
Meanie lunges over to his corner and slaps Sonic's hand to get her in. She climbs in and rushes Hart with a spear. While he's down, she drops her knees on him and lifts him up, giving him a swinging DDT. Savage is leaning over the ropes, calling for a tag. While Hart's down, Sonic saunters to Savage's corner and taunts him. Hart gets up and when Sonic turns around, she walks right into a belly to belly suplex. Hart follows her and pulls her up, giving her a headbutt and tossing her to his corner. Hart tags Savage and holds Sonic's arm up as Savage gives a hard shot to her ribs.
Savage begins to get brutal on Sonic with hard chops, punches and hits followed by a large suplex. Sonic is down and Savage climbs to the top. He holds his arms up, signaling for his Elbow Drop, but Sonic Rolls just in time and Savage hits the mat hard. He grimaces in pain and begins to get up. She comes behind him and performs a Hentaiplex, with a pin.
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Kickout!
Sonic punches Savage in the head and tags in Meanie. Meanie makes a beeline to the opposition's corner, elbowing Bret in the face, sending him off the apron and face first into a barriar. While Bret's down, Meanie runs up that turnbuckle. Meanwhile, Sonic shoulderblocks Savage, sending him into the Sonic Boom up their turnbuckle! Savage get's laid out dead center in the ring as Meanie holds his hands out, popping for the crowd as he flys backward in an amazing Moonsault. As he pins, Sonic runs adn baseball slides, nailing Bret in the face, keeping him out.
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Winner: bWo
Road Dogg: Very impressive finish to that match!
Akiko: What did I tell you! WHOOO!!!
Road Dogg: We hope you enjoyed the show! Join us again next week on High Calibur! For A-Kinky-O, this is the Road Doggy Dogg saying G'night and Party Hard!
Akiko: And watch Swan's Nest!! WHOO HOO!!
™ & © EAW, Inc. 2002