May 2003-- I can't tell you morons how good it is to be back writing for this pathetic web site. Incase you were wondering where has Double M been? I was in jail for the last month. That's right, the pokey, the slamer, the big house, up the river, down town, put away and any other pimply high perverlate you wanna call it. You might be asking yourself; Why were you in prison D.M.? It's quite simple really, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts frowns on sex with Girbles in pet stores. Now that I had to register as a sex offender at every Pet CO. store in New England I'm back. All I can say is Steeel Reserve is pumped and ready for Memorial Day!!! How do I know? Simple, I'm the Masked Maniac I know everything!!!!!! That and when I came home into my studio apartment, all my beer was gone, and the floor was littered with cans. Apparently the boys thought it would be funny to use my little studio apartment as their club house for last month. I guess it's a small price to pay for being the only Broadcast Journalist allowed into Steeel Reserve HQ Located 102 stories below the earths surface somewhere in the woods of North Smithfield, RI. But I digress. I can live with the trashed apartment and the beer cans but my 84 year old land lord can't. She ordered me to sex her for damages done by the team. I can even forgive them for that but I can't forgive them for using my pot holders and extra masks for toilet paper when they ran out. Well, if you all excuse me I have to go scrape the stale vomit off my ceiling, but I'll be back with an EMR update after the event Memorial Day. MM::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::March 2003-- Well, well, well, guess who's back? Back again? Double M is back tell your mother HA HA HA. That's right it's a new month and time for another Viagra chomping issue of While you were in Detox. In the beginning of the month the boys from Steeel Reserve went down to Battle of the Bulge at Skirmish, aside from the fact that they stuck me on the freakin' roof for most of the ride and the damn van broke down 500 times on the way their, and it snowed and it was mask deep and stupid PJ forgot the damn pizza in PA on the way back, and then Justin stuck my head down the toilet at a rest stop in New York and they forced me to listen to Foreghner in CT. It was a pretty good trip. They won Most Valuable team and Blouin won MVP for the team and Justin Won the Hard Core title. Now nothing is on the line until 4/12!!! I went to the freakin meeting and all they did was through beer cans at each other and swear at Cartmen. As usual no business got done but they all agreed that 4/12 is a big day. Hopefully i can get some info next month and hopefully its more productive than this months article. Until next month, suck it long and suck it hard, The Masked Maniac::::::::::FEBUARY 19,2003::::::::: Well, How Dee do to all you impotent slime balls surfing the web. I'm back like your mothers crappie meat loaf to bring you another heart stopping, snow shoveling penile erecting issue of "While you were in Detox." As by this point you should all know I'm the only broadcast journalist allowed 18 stories below the earths surface into Steeel Reserve HQ. "The Masked Maniac." For those of you reading the article for the first time; What the @#$% is wrong with you! This is the only coelum on this crappie web site worth reading anyway! Oh yeah you could read that ass article put out by Laplume once a month called ".... In all seriousness" if you were an insomniac and looking to sleep for the first time in months. But other than that why? Anyway on to business for the month upcoming. As you know from previous reports the boys are all extremely pumped up for the upcoming season. The first order of business is to go back where they left off and head to Skirmish for the battle of the bulge 10 hour scenario game. The gist of this one is simple. This is Germany's last push during W.W.II. They out number the Americans 3-1 and the their plan is to push a Bulge into the American front forcing them to let the Germans get to the much needed fuel depots. That and for those of you who have seen the movie, Telly Savalas has to get his merchandise out of some stupid named city somewhere in middle Europe. For those of you literary iliterate imbreeds I suggest you get it and watch it. It's a far cry from the usual stuff you Ham n' Eggers have in your Movie collection like: Betty does Bellingham and Fat Chick fetishes. You should watch this and get intune to your history. In a totally unrelated story this week. Steeel Reserves other hole in the wall hang out Mickey's burned down this week. Me being the great Journalist I am did some digging and found out that a combination of intense flatulation, lard and use of tobacco products might have had something to do with it, but I don't really care. I just want them to rebuild so the boys at Steeel Reserve will stop hanging around my house drinking my beer and eating my left over food when their not at the K2U in Woonsocket. Hey that's all I got for now, we'll see ya in March with another mentally stimulating issue of While you were in Detox, Double M. :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :: JANUARY 15,2003:: Hello Freaks N' Geeks welcome to my second installment of my favorite part of this grabasstic web site, "While you were in Detox". As you all know by now I'm the greatest and only broadcast journalist allowed into Steeel Reserve's HQ The Masked Maniac. As always I have a hard-on for the upcoming paintball season and so do the boys in Steeel Reserve. Everyone is getting Geeked up for the future events. Allot as happened over the last month nothing more meaningless than the annual team winter meeting. I went to the winter meeting thinking I would get some insight to upcoming year, events, MVP awards, maybe a team photo or perhaps a look at the new uniforms. Unfortunately I was at the local watering hole a little too long and I got to the meeting late. All of the business had been discussed and locations for the seasons notable events had been announced. All the guys were doing was throwing beer cans at each other. Throwing beer cans at each other, and talking about William Shatner's woody about playing paintball. Once I was able to peel on of them away from the beer keg throwing contest I was informed that rather than have an MVP award for the season, they will be awarding one person an MVP belt for the team member that plays best in a Big game or featured event and a Hard Core Belt for a player that displays the quote: "Biggest set" in the face of personal injury for the team. Only the Craziest of the crazy will get the "H.C." Title right now it is being held by John the "Fre' " Fregeau. Although only playing in an off season indoor game displayed "The Biggest Set" in New Haven CT. At the Steeel Reserve Christmas party by busting his hand open on some glass early in the day and still managed to party like an animal that night. While his holding of the H.C. title won't give him the Resident Genius Award he earned the respect of his teammates by hanging tough despite the blood and deborturey. By the way the last time I checked Steeel Reserve does not have a Resident Genius Award, as a matter of fact I think I could hold my breath until I was blue in the mask and not see one. The MVP belt is being held by Kevin "Cowboy" Lisinski. Anyone who saw him play this year knows why and for once in my life I can't describe what he has done for this team. At seasons end the total number times a person holds a belt will be added up and they will be able hold the belt for the winter break. That's about all I have for you now. I know you want more but you'll have to wait until next month. Double M. ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::DECEMBER16,2002::Steeel Reserve Enjoys the Holiday Break Well Hello all of you Cretans and Ham n' eggers. As most of you know I am the Masked Maniac. For those of you who don't know, I am the Masked Maniac. I am the only link between you and everyone's favorite Paintball team Steeel Reserve. I am your only link because I am the only Broadcast Journalist that is allowed into Steeel Reserve's camp. I give you all the dirt that's fit to dish and I let you know what is going on behind the scenes at S.R. Headquarters located six stories below the earths surface somewhere in Northern Rhode Island. The Hot question that everyone is asking me is "Double M where has Steeel Reserve Paintball been since Toys for Tots day at Fox 4 paintball?" The answer fools and fags is simple. They are on their annual holiday break from mid November until after New Year's Day. This gives the indestructible force time to heal what little itty bitty bumps and bruises they may have. I had a chance to run down most of the boys over the last few weeks, but I pulled my car over and just talked to some of them instead. As it turns out allot of them are already pumped to get back at it even though they have only been off for about a month. Myles "Jesus Christ" Briggs has been in San Salvidore running a hore house of midget prostitutes and goats. Bussiness is at an alltime high according to an insider. Dave "Blue" Blouin is getting pumped up for season and is his own way. In his spare time he is hunting down various boy bands and systematically making them "disappear." Which brought me to Chris "Cartmen" Chamberland. It seems Cartmen is hard at work finding what is left of these boy bands and selling what is left to area McDonald's. The only comment I could get from him was: "We love to eat their Smiles." P.J. "P" Laplume was recently spotted in several area men's rooms stealing and eating Fecal matter and Urinary Cakes adding that "The cakes not only taste great, but make my breath winter Fresh." Kevin "Cowboy" Lisinski, Ozzy "Hollywood" Osman, and Brian "Portuguese Thunder" Lopes have been spotted all over south county doing what it is they do best; causing hate, famine and pestilence, seducing willing goats, and sticking their ding-a-lings in vacuum cleaners respectively. I have been told "Hollywood" is also eating many corn dogs and watching porn before going to bed. Bob "big Pimpin" Lanizeri has been seen as always at the Providence civic center on most Fridays. He is said to battleing depression because he has not been called for SCORO but he will be ready for the season. It is rumored he often sticks Golf Clubs up his ass to help cope with the depression but I personally have no evidence to back up these rumors. Jeremy "Fester" Chamberland was currently in the process of inventing a cure for most STD's upon realizing he probably didn't have to worry about STD's he stopped ate a corn dog with Ozzy whacked off and went to bed. Justin "Oddball" Laplume has been heard running through the woods yelling "I am the Governor touch my PeePee Please!" He is also doing his best get at what fecal matter is left behind by his older brother "P." Mark "Big Dog" Bosclair is sitting in his house with a .44 magnum praying someone trys to break into his house so he can work on moving targets for the off season. When he is not doing that we believe he is harassing Cartmen threatening to stuff him and use him as a new decoration in his house. Upon realizing Cartmen would continue to smell in death he thought better of it. That's all we know about everyone at this time. The only other comment that everyone added was that they can't wait to get back to business and they will be hitting some indoor places as soon as the new year is hear.