Down Below

Standard disclaimers. Permission to archive at any DP site if you feel the urge! The Dark Perks used in this story were not harmed, tortured,or abused in any way. (Apologies to any sadists out there!)


Down Below
(alternate title: I'm Baaaack!)
01/01
By.....me!*
(c) July 31, 1999



"497...498...499...500!!" The Dark Pink Ninja got up from the exercise mat after completing her last set of sit-ups for the morning, grabbed a sport towel, and dabbed at the beads of perspiration glistening on her rosy cheeks. She'd been spending a lot of time in the Ninja cave which was beneath the DP Mansion and strictly off-limits to anyone but her and her sidekick. She was in training for the upcoming war. As she flipped off the music blaring from the state-of-the-art stereo speakers (the Kung Fu Fighting song, of course!), she heard the distinct sound of bell ringing from somewhere in the cave. "What the heck...?" Ren tried to remember if any kind of doorbell or telephone installed deep in the Ninja cave made that type of ringing sound, but she realized quickly that other sounds in the cave were distinctly electronic in nature...not counting the strange sounds the Dark Perk Mansion made on it's own when it was 'in a mood.'

Just as she was about to attribute the ringing to her imagination, it sounded again. "Okay...this is just too weird," she whispered to no one in particular (since no one else was around). Ren began a search of her beloved cave. After an hour or so of devoted poking around, the bell rang again while she was in the deepest recesses of the cave. This time, the bell was accompanied by something else: a voice. A very familiar, very agitated voice.

"Ren!!! Can you hear me? I'm down here! Help!!" The voice seemed to emanate from the depths of hell, but the DP Ninja couldn't find the source...until she looked up. Actually, she found the bell. It was an old iron bell suspended from the ceiling of the cave by a rope that went from the top of the bell and into a small hole in the cave ceiling. It rang again, and the voice spoke again. "Please!! Ren!! If you're there, please answer me! I'm trapped!"

"What...I mean...HOW....I mean...Where the heck are you?!" the Ninja yelled back. She directed her question to the bell, since she wasn't quite sure where her friend was.

"I'm....well...I'm down here. Somewhere. You'll have to see it to believe it! But first...me out of this crazy place!" There was a pause and then a very meek, "Please?!"

"Maybe it would help to know how you got to where you are, because I can't see a thing but this old bell on the ceiling!"

"Yeah...isn't it a great old bell?"

"Uh...yeah. Sure. But if you want to get out of wherever it is you are, I'm going to need something to go on. A hint?"

"Oh. Yeah. Well...I was in the Ninja cave a couple weeks ago...looking for a nice quiet place to relax and unwind. I got to exploring, saw the bell, and I got curious. So...I tried to scale the cave walls...and let me tell you: cave walls are not easy to climb. Bat guano is slippery.Ew. Anyway...I put my hand on one of those...er...hangy-downy formations. Stalactites? Or is it stalagmites? I always get those confused."

Ren was getting a little frustrated at this point. "Forget about the technicalities! Just get to the point!"

"Well...that is the point. That is...the point of the hangy-downy thing. I touched it, a panel slid open in the cave wall, and I climbed inside. Then the panel closed. I've been stuck ever since! Good thing I had some handy-dandy DP war rations in the pockets of my dark pink cammo pants! Anyway....maybe if you got a ladder, you can reach the...stalag-thingy and get me out!!"

"Sure thing, Kimosabe!" And the Dark Perk Ninja went to work. She raced over to the storage cabinet in the cave, pulled out the extension ladder, and went back to the rear of the cave. Carefully climbing upward, she saw the....place...touched it, and a panel slid open, just as her friend had described. However...she saw nothing but darkness behind it. "Hello?! Are you in there?"

"Oh yeah...did I mention that after I crawled in through the opening, it had a slick slide that sent me waaaaaaay down inside a deeper part of the cave?"

"Well, no...I don't think you mentioned that part! But aren't you lucky that I just happen to have Zorro's whip with me!? I'll lower it down, you grab onto it, and I'll try to pull you up!"

"Sounds like a plan! I really need a shower..."

"One whip....coming down! Do you see it?"

"Got it!!" Ren felt the weight pull in her hands, and with her Ninja strength and training, she braced her feet against the cave (trying really hard not to knock over the ladder) as her cohort grappled with the leather whip and hoisted herself upward. Soon, Ren could see the top of a reddish-blond head appear at the opening.

"Hi!"

"You're right...you DO need a shower!" Ren said as she smiled at her filthy sidekick.

"Gee...that's a fine how-do-you-do!" Laura said, but she was smiling, grateful to be free of her prison. With the Ninja's help, she swung her legs out of the cave 'window' and let herself down slowly onto the awaiting ladder. They both descended to the cave floor, plopped down cross-legged, and began their recovery from the little athletic adventure.

"So where the heck have you been exactly?" Ren queried.

"New discovery: the Ninja cave is actually right above an old burial ground. Not a cemetery...but a family crypt of some sort! It's really cool down there! Before my flashlight batteries ran out of steam, I had a good look around. I found a couple of inscriptions. One said '..itchcock' and one said 'Vetter'! I think the "H" must have been slimed over in 'Hitchcock' -- and anyway...there are definitely some old...burials...there. Some really cool sarcophaguses! And...that's why there's a bell there! It's from the old days when they buried people and had a string attached to the bell in case the 'body' woke up. I mean...you have to admit..being buried alive would not be a fun thing! Well....for most people anyway. I kind of had fun...until my rations ran out, and I got tired of my own stench! Lots of cool research materials in there! I can't wait to get back there!"

Ren listened as Laura prattled on and on about her experience. Only Laura would find it "cool" to be trapped in a grave!

"Laura?"

"Yes, Ren?"

"You can tell me more about this later, but right now....you REALLY need to get to a shower!" Seeing the crestfallen look on her sidekick's face,she added quickly, "And there are war plans in the making that you've missed out on!. AND I'm sure you're ready for some real food, too!" Much to Ren's chagrin, Laura gave her a big hug...making it necessary for the Ninja to make a trip to the showers herself.

"And a cold Buckstar's frappuccino! And a coke...and Anne's brownies....and..." Laura continued her list as she and Ren made their way back up into the Dark Perk Mansion. As they entered the huge house, the Dark CERK Perk sighed and said to her best pal, "Man oh man....there's no place like home!"

--end--

*yep...by Laura K. Griffin.-- I'm baaaaaaack!

Yes, folks, the Dark CERK Perk is back. After all...there really is NO place like home! I've missed you guys!! You can take the girl out of the DPs, but you can't take the Dark Perk out of the girl. So the girl returned! And I'll be playing in War 10, too. And so will John-Travis. Yay!

Cousin Laura -- The Original Dark CERK Perk http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Portal/6866/Laura.htm "Even though you're refracted, you're still you." -- 'Picasso at the Lapin Agile'

Back to the Cave please