Tuesday, July 11, 2000, 1.31

I hate having to write journal entry in a hurry but I have to. I was gonna start at about 1.13, but when I wanted to open the files of my page, my folder suddenly disappeared. After searching for a while I found it back, in another folder (???). And in this process, the computer crashed TWICE, so I had to restart TWICE.

I suppose I could say an aweful lot about what's happening with me lately. In a nutshell: I can't set one step in the house without my parents giving me suggestions for a job I could get; my Riagg therapist is coming over tomorrow and I'm afraid he's gonna ruin my life, intentionally or not; after the conversation with my therapist tomorrow, my dad will continue where my therapist left off, and make me want to kill myself. Voilą, my life nowadays, in less than three lines.

But there are also a lot of other things on my mind. I had a "job interview" today (if you can call it that; it was for a job for three weeks, every day from 16.00-18.00 so I think "job interview" is a bit of a big word for it), and on my way over there I got a newspaper. These things always start a rage inside my mind. I always get so sad, angry and frustrated when I read them.

I could give a hundred examples but I only have time for one. Which one am I gonna choose? The message that children in hopeless suffering won't get the right of euthanasia without the permission of their parents? Another Serbian-Albanian thing in Kosovo? "Riots at commemoration of riots" (Iran)? Lives of 100,000 christians on Ambon threatened? The column: "The death penalty is a sign of impotence" (which, unlike the other messages, I totally agree with)? The ridiculous story around the World Gay Pride and the pope? Yes, I'll go with that one. I'll have to keep it short though.

The past few weeks I've been reading a lot about that idiot and his braindead sidekicks. One of the things it says here in the newspaper is "The Vatican is furious about the fact that gay people are expressing themselves so openly in Rome in the year that is announced by the pope as catholic 'celebration year'" (the 6537th word of this entry that I had to look up in the dictionary, was not mentioned there so sorry for that translation). Now, who is this pope-guy to condemn the Gay Parade?

A listener of a Dutch radio station summer it up pretty well today in his e-mail to an afternoon show. "This legalized nutcase in Rome is more of a fascist than Adolf himself." Or "It's time the pope starts reading the gospel (my dictionary must be getting tired of me) and reads what Jesus said about acceptation and tolerance." He said some other great things but I would have to look up another bazillion words in my dictionary to write it down here, so I'm sorry but I can't.

Why are there so many wars and riots on earth? What causes them? I think hate does, along with not being able to control that hate or put in in perspective. Or, to put it in a different way: the fact that people condemn everything they don't understand, or everything that is different.

If the pope, who is a "role-model" (?) for millions of people in the world is participating in spreading hate, then who is he to condemn the muslims on Ambon who kill innocent people because they (the victims) are christians? He is such a g*dd*mn hypocrite! I don't like to swear, but this pope guy made me do it.

I suggest that all gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual etc. people announce 2001 as a "celebration year", and put all their efforts in forbidding catholics to go to church.

(Don't take that seriously!!! Doing that would be the exact same thing as what is happening on Ambon, in Kosovo and in way too many other places.)

Damn, I wish I was gay! :-)