Poetry Of Justin Kreutzberg
The water falls over the jagged rocks, violence in
beauty. Fish struggle against the current that forcefully tickles their
bellies. I sit so tired against the peaceful banks thinking that this
river
has all the depths of the life I ever could have wanted to live. I have
never
felt more alone in the world than now, even sheltered by the soothing
water
that falls. What is peace of mind when what you wanted so much has been
scattered in pieces? I lay on the soft, velvety carpet of moss that
has
become my resting place hoping for a moment of clarity to erupt into
my mind.
Sadness envelops me so much that the anger that seethes inside me almost
seemed to place itself into the rivers flow. The scene before me becomes
not
so peaceful as the fish are hurled back with the increasing torrent
of water.
Deep gray clouds that reflect my eyes at this moment broil over the
once calm
landscape. A small red fox trots by looking for a place to sleep somewhat
covered from the rain. I admire the fox, who’s only worry in this life
is to
find shelter for the time being. I look deep into his eyes seeing what
so
often I saw in my own eyes in the mirror. He’s hurt. He is so tired
that even
if there was a visible threat to him he would complacently lay down
and
embrace the death that ravaged him. I offer my arms to the tiny fox
and with
barely a hesitation he resigns himself to cradling in my arms. Maybe
he too
understands how much I’ve been hurt by the world and he knows that we
are
akin in that. Maybe he was just too hurt to care. I enfold the fox,
pulling
his scent deep into my lungs remembering times when I did this with
special
people. The rain has begun to soak through my jacket and deep into my
bones
leaks the cold. My shivering however does not even rise a stir from
the poor
huddled creature. I enshroud him in my clothes and offer the only warmth
I
have left to this tiny abandoned creature. My body is numb but my heart
is
warmed at the thought of finally being able to love something more than
life.
Not wanting to injure the precious fox with my passing, I lay on my
side and hold him
against my chest. My jacket covers the tiny animal completely, holding
close
like an expectant mother. As the harsh rain continues to pour down,
I think
to myself, what better last embrace of the mother could I have asked
for? As
the last breath passes through my lungs the last thing I hear is the
steady
breath of the sleeping infant. And the last thing I see is his tiny
face that
has settled into a peaceful expression of release that has come from
the love
I showed him to the last...
