100 things I hate that should be beaten, burned, and/or killed (if possible)

1) Boy Bands!!!!
2) Those little girly groups.
3) BOOTH!! (No, I'm just jokin'; I love ya, Booth.)
4) ERIN!! (No, seriously.. I hate you, Erin.)
5) When Somerville chowed down on all her candy during class and didn't give us any.
6) When DeMott's head starts spinning. (And it DID spin, didn't it, Ashley!)
7) When my parents pay this mean man to cut my poor doggie's balls off. :(
8) My brother (a.k.a. SATAN).
9) The snack machines at STJ! (You guys do realize, of course, that the only reason Arrington took the good stuff out of the machines is that he had to pay it to Mrs. Somerville or else she was going to eat him, right? And even a talented wrasler like him couldn't beat that monster.)
10) When I have to eat my babies.
11) When very, very LARGE people think they're hot!
12) Imaginary boyfriends.
13) MILK!
14) When Will pokes me (no, not THAT way, you pervert!).
15) When skank ho bitches try to move in on my man and/or my friends' guys.
16) All those damn snobs at our school.
17) Animal print clothing! (Look, guys.. if you're ALREADY fat, you DON'T wanna be wearin' clothes with cow prints on 'em.)
18) All those guys at our school that have that "stupid look" in their eyes. ("Burgers.. heh… boobies..")
19) When Callaham hits us poor girls. Gaywad. (You have it BACKWARDS, Callaham.. you hit guys, and you hit ON girls..)
20) Coach Rudd's quizzes.. (He pulled those questions outta his ass!)
21) Mrs. McIntyre's spastic multiple choice! ("Choose the best answer: A dog is A) a mammal, b) furry, C) a canine, or D) a good pet.")
22) That dude on the news that looks like a monkey.
23) When Sal won't give me a hug. :(
24) When Booth's hair grows to an immense size and smothers everyone in school.
25) When my daddy comes into my room at night and.. and… well.. you know the rest..
26) Al BORE. (Yep.. Mr. Personality!)
27) STAIRS!! (AHHHH!!!)
28) ::Scratch, scratch, scratch!!::
29) When Hailstone smacks me.
30) Bible Thumpers. (Dammit, just leave me alone, will you??)
31) Not knowing who my real daddy is. (You may think you do, but that's just what your momma TOLD you.)
32) Eytan. (Jesus Christ, boy, get some counseling.)
33) Those morons on the O'Reilly factor that have NO clue what they're talkin' 'bout.
34) Platypuses. (No.. I do not know why.. they're just so STUPID looking..)
35) Strangely shaped grapes. (Like the ones Caitlin used to have at lunch!)
36) Jehovah's Witnesses and those Mormons. (No, we do NOT want to convert.. no, we do NOT want to listen to you.. Yes, we DO want to chop you up and bury you in our backyards.)
37) Racists.. like my brother.
38) When a good black girl goes white. (I'm so sorry, Ashley.)
39) Onions.
40) Church youth group. (Look, sometimes I just ain't in the mood to sweep someone's yard for 'em. 'Specially when I got a test the next day.)
41) Math. (AHHH, I'm mathematically impaired!!)
42) Computer class. (That was the most pointless shit I ever saw. And I swear to God, the teacher can't keep a thought in his head or remember something for longer than 2 seconds.)
43) When "the water runs red with the blood of the.. PEOPLE!!"
44) When pandemonium breaks loose and runs around the classroom.
45) THE WATER IS WIDE!!!!!!! (If I were to meet Pat Conroy on the street, I'd beat the living shit outta him, make him read his own God-awful book in about 2 hours, and then make him take DeMott's Satanic test! And no matter how well he did, I'd make sure he STILL got a 56!!)
46) Politicians who invent the Internet.
47) School pictures. (Mwahaha, I skipped them.. you'll have to hunt me down and tie me up to make me take them!!)
48) The Law of Lines. (You know what I mean -- how no matter WHICH line you get in at the store, that's ALWAYS the one that takes the longest.)
49) People that are too STUPID to take a hint.
50) When my brother can't wipe his own damn ass.
51) HOMEWORK. (Dammit, it's school, not a sweatshop. Lay off.)
52) The mass orgies we were forced to have every day during AP European History. (Oops.. was I not supposed to say that?)
53) Bringing Somerville a weekly offering (FOOD) to ensure that she won't consume me.
54) When Arrington says "Hmmm, MMMMM….."
55) WRASLERS!
56) When Meghan tries to kill me. (You tried to push me down the stairs!!)
57) Stupid-ass people who think they're cool.
58) French people. (French panzies suck!!!)
59) People who don't bathe for several days in a row and then TELL you about it.
60) Having Byard too early in the morning. (She growled at us!!)
61) No COKE in the damn machines!! (Pepsi sucks.. even though it has crack in it..)
62) When I'm too po' to pay for my smack. (I'm sorry, Meghan, I promise I'll get the money!!!)
63) When my bestest buddy in the whole wide world won't admit that she loves me. (Come on, Hailstone, you know I'm your everything.)
64) WWF and TORI!! (Joking, Haistone and Jenny!! I love them both, I swear!!!! ..Don't hit me.. ::Cowers::)
65) Cheerleaders. (Like those psychos from Bring it On.)
66) White people. (Oh, wait, did I say that??)
67) Mrs. McIntyre's research papers -- thank God that's over. (What did she even count off for?? Does anyone see a minus anything anywhere?!)
68) Penis-head.
69) When Will makes of my darkie fetish.
70) When your daddy walked in on me and your mother last night.
71) Skirts. (That just makes it so much easier for someone to rape you. If I'm gon' get raped, I want the guy to have to WORK FOR IT!)
72) When certain really adorable people wear black and distract me.
73) When my mom gets mad at me and ties me up and leaves me in the trash can overnight.
74) When Hailstone wants to get kinky with me and tries to use handcuffs, whips, hot wax, etc.
75) When nice people are corrupted and become perverts. (No, Caitlin! Go back towards the light!! Don't say naughty words anymore!)
76) When I'm typing too fast and I accidentally type "nad" instead of "and" like I did a minute ago.
77) When Mayhew disses my activity.. (Look, boy, I can beat you up, so shut it!)
78) Pasty white boys.
79) My brother's Nintendo, which he turns up REALLY loud because he's deaf.
80) That man outside who watches me change clothes every night.
81) "Bye bye bye"! (Why is it that EVERYONE hates that song, and yet the whole world knows the words??)
82) Computers.
83) The aliens that rape my doggie in the middle of the night.
84) After the Black Death!!!
85) Spiders, ack!
86) The incest that goes on here in Alabama. (Hey people, your family tree is s'posed to have some BRANCHES!)
87) The government! (Die, bastards!)
88) People with no taste in music. (You guys are the same ones who wear those animal print skirts, you know..)
89) Not having any teachers to really make fun of.
90) Mrs. Smith. ("Now, children.. if you were a twee.. what kind of twee would you be?")
91) Game shows. (Oh, yeah, let's watch a bunch of retards run around and try to win money.. whoo-hoo…)
92) Seeing STJ people outside of school who I'm not with. (Here's the rule you go by in that situation: Lower your head, avert your eyes, and walk quickly in the other direction -- don't worry; they don't wanna talk to you either.)
93) Stupid people who actually think they're SMART.
94) You.
95) Mud shrimp and lobsters!!!
96) All that last minute studying.. (Guys, why do we even try? We all know we're gonna fail.)
97) Being younger than everyone.
98) Staying depressed for more than 5 minutes.
99) Fat whores who think they're smart and know how to teach.
100) Making gay-ass lists like this one.