i've been dreaming all my
life of going back to my old house, and it's rotting away, or maybe i live
in some slum where the ghosts are trying to scare me away..it's always
the same. i have to find my room and drag my bed there. and everytime i
find my room, it's bare and haunted. i find my mom and we have a fight,
i have to run away. i have to evade being caught or shot, and i always
do find a way out.some nights i even hit back. two nights ago i seduced
my predator and the dream ended. i woke up confused. last night i dreamed
i cleaned out a pool that was filled with scum and who knows what else.
and the previous night i went back to my old house and cleaned up the back
yard. there was at least a layer a foot thick of shit that i had to shovel
away before i could see the ground. noone else in my family wanted to help
me.i'm not mad, i just want it done. same with the pool, there was this
huge blanket at the bottom of the pool, it had decayed so badly but you
could see that it was once a beautiful blanket. did i want to salvage it?
i don't know, i woke up too soon. maybe i will tonight.
the above song quoted from Sophie B. Hawkins "Carry Me"