Wow! It's been almost a month since I've updated my web page. Must have been workin' hard (or hardly workin'!). I've been enjoying the "monsoon" weather, as it gives a brief rest from Tucson's blistering heat. And it gives a little humidity to the air which reminds me of the good 'ol Midwest.

I saw Goldmember last weekend and really enjoyed it. Then again, I was always an Austin Powers fan, so chances were pretty good that I would've liked the movie. The first ten minutes of the movie are worth the admission price. Groovy baby, yeah!

I hope everyone had a good 4th of July. There were no fireworks here; all the firework shows were cancelled to help avoid the possibility of fires (extremely dry weather right now). In fact, I didn't even hear any fireworks going off. Which was interesting - being from the Midwest, I'm used to having everyone celebrate the 4th with fireworks.

I had a really good time at Matt and Ami's wedding in Nebraska. On Thursday, we took Matt out and got him hammered (and if you see Matt in the near future, make sure to ask him about the super wedgie!); on Friday, we took Ami out and got her hammered; on Saturday, we celebrated Matt and Ami's wedding. I got to see a lot of people I hadn't seen in a while, have a few beers with the crew, and enjoy the nice Nebraska weather. A most excellent time.

I'm getting ready for the "monsoon" season here in Tucson. It's where it rains (sometimes) during the months of July and August. Apparently, the locals refer to the rains as monsoons.

Are you an H. P. Lovecraft fan? If so, or if you're feeling adventurous, here's an interesting link for you: Plush Cthulhu. Santa Cthulhu, indeed.

I'm heading back to Omaha tonight and will stay through the weekend. Why? Ami and Mattbo's wedding of course! I believe that the party will officially start tomorrow, and it should still be rocking at least through the new year. Stay tuned for the scoop.

It's Brazil versus Germany in the World Cup Final this Sunday. Although Brazil will win, I always root for the underdog. So, go Germany!

Here's an interesting link: The Tenth Circle of Hell. Learn about Hell's new level!

Here's a funny link: Celebrity Prank Phone Calls. Listen to a slew of celebrity prank phone calls! Make sure to check out R. Lee Ermey's (Sgt. Hartman) soundboard and calls.

Here's another funny link: The Serial Caller. The serial caller is an English man who prank calls everyone. Very funny!

Posted one new funny picture.

Quote of the Week: "I'm here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I'm all out of bubblegum." - One of the best B-movie quotes of all time uttered by Roddy Piper in They Live

Not much new this week. Been working, eating, sleeping, and watching the World Cup. There have already been some brilliant matches in the 2002 World Cup, and two more are coming up this Friday morning. The U.S. vs. Germany and England vs. Brazil. The first game should be interesting because of the U.S., and the second might be the best game of the tournament. We'll see. Tune in.

Posted eight new funny pictures.

I finally got resituated in my apartment. (The old one burned down, remember?) I unpacked the last of my boxes on Saturday evening. My new apartment is actually a little bigger than my old one, so I have a lot of unused space. Not bad, considering that I'm paying the same price. My phone was hooked up last Friday. Cable was hooked up on Saturday. It's all good.

Here's an interesting link: Porkins Tribute Page. Learn about one of the most interesting characters from the Star Wars universe!

Quote of the Week: "You know wha' they say, 'See a broad dat giv' dat boody action.' 'Lay'em down an' smack 'em yack 'em.'" - Airline passenger on Airplane

Guess what happened in my life? Last Thursday, the north half of my apartment building caught on fire! Apparently, the three alarm fire was sparked by a maintenance worker who was working on an air-conditioning unit. (Likely story, right?) So, I had the nice sight of a burned-down building and smell of a campfire upon my return home from work. I was a little shocked, a little distraught, and a little apathetic. These things happen, you know.

Anyways, I couldn't stay in my old apartment since they deemed the building unlivable. Luckily, my complex had an open apartment for me, and on Sunday and Monday, I moved all of my belongings into my new apartment. (I now live in #2316.) Moving in 100 degree weather isn't exactly my idea of fun, and I think that the next time I move, my lazy butt will be hiring some movers.

The fire didn't reach my apartment, for which I'm lucky I suppose. Most of my goods are intact, although I had a bit of water damage, from the gigantic hole in my bedroom roof, and most of my stuff smells smoky. That should go away though.

I am now accepting donations to the Save the Joe Fund, which is a fund dedicating to helping Joe get back on his feet. Any contributions are welcome.

I visited Las Vegas with the family over the Memorial Day weekend and had a pretty good time. We stayed in the Flamingo Hilton on the Strip. Each casino has it's own "attraction," and I visited/went on each one, including the "Fate of Atlantis Ride" at Caesar's Palace, the rollercoaster on top of the Stratosphere, and the Star Trek Museum at the Las Vegas Hilton.

The only way I can describe Las Vegas is that it's decadently extravagant. For example, the MGM Grand cost $1 billion to build. Yes, that's $1 billion. It's sad to see people gambling away their money, especially old people shoving $100 bills into the slot machines. Considering the cost and flashiness of these casinos, people should realize that you can't win the jackpot. And when you bet the bank, the house wins every time.

I did a little gambling, but no, I didn't win big at the casinos. In fact, I lost most of my life savings. Crap!

Updated the Home Life and Pictures pages.

Here's a fun link: Capoeria. Although it has a primitive AI, this online fighting game is really pretty cool.

And a scary link: N'Chink. This is an N'Chink music video, and it will probably scare your pants off.

On May 4, Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne attended a White House Correspondents' Association dinner in Washington D.C. "The thing about Ozzy is, he's made a lot of big hit recordings," Bush told the audience. "'Party With the Animals.' 'Sabbath Bloody Sabbath.' 'Facing Hell.' 'Black Skies' and 'Bloodbath in Paradise.' Ozzy, Mom loves your stuff." Later in the evening, a reporter asked, "Ozzy, what do you want to tell the president?." "Dual citizenship," said Ozzy. "I want to be American. America is the coolest place on the face of the Earth. You've got freedom of speech. You've got McDonald's." Darn straight.

Here's a fun link: The Oracle of Bacon. See how many degrees away from Kevin you can get!

Here's an interesting link: Dumb Laws. Find out about stupid worldwide laws!

And another interesting link: Totally Absurd Inventions. Read about America's goofiest patents!

Three days until the magic starts!

I visited my sister in Woodbury, Minnesota, over the weekend of the 19-21, and I had a really good time. On Friday night, we watched the Twins battle the Cleveland Indians at the Metrodome. The Twins totally demolished the Indians (sorry Drew) and Cleveland's manager was thrown out of the game in the 9th, so everyone in the stands was pleased with the outcome.

On Saturday, we went on a tour of local breweries in Minneapolis and St. Paul. Transportation (a big yellow school bus) was provided, the tour lasted from 11-6, and we went to seven different breweries. I had fourteen beers that day, and each one was really, really good. Much better than the watered-down swill you Americans usually drink. I think that I'm going to have to move somewhere with good local brews.

On Sunday, we visited the Mall of America. Let me tell you - that is one big place! It would take a couple of hours just to walk around the Mall. Good thing that I'm not a shopper. It was impressive to see though, especially the Peanuts-themed amusement park in the center of the Mall.

This past Saturday, I went to my first country bar - the Cactus Moon. Most amusing.

On the softer side of things, last Thursday, Swedish researchers reported that common starch turns into a major carcinogen (acrylamide) when heated. To avoid the carcinogen, they recommend you stay away from potato chips, french fries, fried potatoes, stir fryed vegetables, and several other fried foods.

To celebrate this momentous finding, I went to McDonald's and had a quarterpounder, large fries, and a coke. Mmm, carcinogens ...

Quote of the Week: "What's Tony Hawk doing on the freeway?" In a drawl: "Front-side nose grind." - Tony Hawk PS3

Not much news on the homefront. If you have a chance, check out the new Pet of the Month section on Mattberg's Homepage. It's a dandy!

Here's a fun link: Asciimation. It features an ascii animation of Star Wars (not the whole movie of course). Now I can watch Star Wars at work!

Download Weezer's Buddy Holly video. It's 42.9 Mb but well worth the wait to download.

Have you ever wanted to kill a telemarketer? If so, click here.

Check out this shockwave game and go nun bowling!

Here's a funny link: Jesus Christ Superstore. Check out the superstore and buy your favorite religious figure!

Here's a fun link: Blix. It's a fun little game - great for work.

Here's an amusing link: Rom Hacks. Download your favorite rom hacks for a Nintendo emulator.

Posted twenty new funny pictures.

I am now "Joe Cool, Keeper of the Flame." So let it be written.

I just returned from my Easter vacation in Nebraska, and it was a blast! It makes me think that I should have more fun vacations! I got to see family and friends, drink beer, listen to the best live karaoke band in the U.S., watch Blade II, get reacquainted with the gaming world, and have fun, fun, fun. And the weather was an enjoyable 55 degrees to boot.

Today in Tucson, it's mostly cloudy and 90 degrees. Dear Lord!

Play some tricks. April Fools!

Happy Easter everybody! I'm headed back to Nebraska for the Easter weekend; I'm leaving on Wednesday and will stay through Sunday. It'll be a good time, and I am looking forward to it.

On Saturday, I went to a new club in Tucson. It's called Tiki Bob's, and it's marketed as a "dance" club. The place was big, drink prices were reasonable, and there were lots of young attractive women dancing on the bars. That's where my praise ends. The DJ sucked, and the speakers were overdriven. The DJ spun remixed 80's music for about a hour and half. I don't know what you think, but 80's songs like "Let's Hear It For the Boy" and "Celebration" are not dance music tunes; the crowd even cheered when the DJ played old Michael Jackson. It's like he just stuck in a Razormaid CD and let it play.

At about midnight, the DJ hit with "Let Me Clear My Throat" and "It's Tricky." Then things were really looking up, as "Sandstorm" and the Dj Skribble's version of "Kernkraft 400" played. The club started to kick.

Then it all went to the toilet. The night rounded out with crappy rap songs and the Beastie Boys. That's right folks, three Beastie Boys tunes in a row. Horrible. So much for Tucson "dance" clubs.

Flacker, I think we know enough to start DJ'ing. One of these days, I'm gonna start mixing some tunes. Then I'll quit my job, and we can travel around the world playing at raves and clubs.

Sasha and Digweed at the Quest, April 21

Rave on.

Here's a funny link: Men Who Look Like Kenny Rogers. And you thought that the Web wasn't getting any wierder.

Here's a fun link: Turntables. Take a spin on the tables and see if you have any musical talent.

Here's another questionnaire: The Ghetto Test. It told me that I'm 21-40% ghetto. I'm not amused.

How many Ron Jeremy movies can you name? Well, I found a listing of some of his movies with amusing titles. Here it is. Ron must be good at his job.

Click here and take the Belief-O-Matic questionnaire. It will tell you what religion you practice. Apparently, I am a Reformed Jew.

Did everyone have a nice St. Patrick's Day? I went with a friend to O'Malley's; quite a nice Irish name, don't you think? It was a good time - the music was good, the Irish dancing was impressive, and the beer was tasty. However, about halfway through the night, I realized that the bar wasn't serving green beer. That's right. An Irish bar not serving green beer on St. Patrick's Day. Most people weren't even wearing green either. What shite is that? Bloody wankers. Luckily, they have Guiness on tap, so I threw down some Black & Tans in honor of the day.

Did you visit last week's link to the website with the inspirational Catholic statues? Well, last Wednesday, I stayed up late and watched Conan O'Brien. After his monologue, Conan informed the audience that he was able to acquire all of the statues, and he brought them out! That's right, all of the Jesus statues. Even one that wasn't pictured in the ad - Taekwando Jesus! Needless to say, I was most amused.

And to think, the brochure selling the statues is given to kids right before they receive first Communion. Is that scary or what?

Take a look at this website and watch a Flash animation about everyone's favorite Drowning Pool song. Especially if you're a Megaman fan.

Posted thirteen new funny pictures.

The past weekend was a blast. My good buddy Matt came down from Chicago for a weekend visit, and he got to see just how warm and beautiful Tucson really is (Okay, just warm!). We toured the U of A campus and the college bars, and I even showed him Tucson's National Forest. He was highly impressed with the forest.

We watched a couple of good spring training baseball games, topped with fireworks, at Tucson's baseball stadium. Curt Schilling started for the Diamondbacks on Saturday's game and gave a craptacular performance; he gave up seven runs in the first three innings and was relieved. He must still be recovering from a really good off-season!

Check out the statues on this website. Don't you think that Jesus should play sports with people his own age? I'd rather have a Buddy Jesus.

Posted six new funny pictures.

Giddy-up.

It's seventy degrees here, and people are wearing their jackets. Lousy Smarch weather.

Updated funny pictures (A-Z).

I admit, these past couple of days provided the most beautiful February weekend that I have ever seen; the temperature got up to about 80 degrees on both Saturday and Sunday. In the past, I've spent most Februaries being cold and trudging through inches of snow. So, I hope the weather stays like this for a while.

My good buddy Matt is going to visit the fair city of Tucson over the weekend of March 8. Obviously, he realizes the enticing prospects of baseball, beer, and seedy Mexican border towns. Do you?

Updated funny pictures (A-Z).

To demonstrate that this is a non-gender biased website, here are some pics posted especially for the ladies: one and two.

Quote of the Week: "We gotta make a change. It's time for us as a people to start making some changes. Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live, and let's change the way we treat eachother. You see the olds ways wasn't working, so it's on us to do what we gotta do. To survive." - Tupac Shakur

Take this interesting test.

It took me one hour to get to work today. Yes, that's right - one hour. The good people at the Department of Roads decided to close down two adjacent lanes on southbound I-10. Two lanes! And I-10 is the only north-south interstate running through Tucson!

And, while driving past the "road work" area, no workers were to be seen. I thought this was President's Day - why would they be working anyways? Idiotic.

Now that Napster has been silenced, I have begun to buy music cd's again. I signed up with BMG Music Service, and I received my initial cd's late last week. Here's the scoop: Crystal Method, Godsmack, Green Day, Linkin Park, Nickelback, and Staind. Six cd's from $16. Not too shabby. Now, all I have to do is buy one at the regular price, and I get five more for free (aka shipping & handling). Again, not too shabby. If you are thinking about joining, let me know and I can send you a form. That way, you get your free cd's and I get a couple for signing you up!

I also picked up three dvd's last week. I browsed around Circuit City since they had Remember the Titans on sale for $15. Being the impulse buyer that I am, I also purchased Monty Python and the Holy Grail (2-disc special edition) and Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (Hey, it was only $10, and we all know that it's excellent!).

And I wonder where all my money goes ...

Updated funny pictures (U-Z).

Quote of the Week: "Pie Iesu Domine, dona eis requiem." - Chant from the Dies Irae slapped in the head by Monty Python

Not much to say today. If you haven't visited yet, check out Puschi-Wan's Oriental House of Dinners, and get the mongolian beef on what's happening in the world. Although, it will probably be another five years before that web page is updated again, so don't rush.

Half of the home life section has been completed and posted.

Updated funny pictures (Q-T).

Welcome to February! Ahh, I remember those good, snowy February days of my youth. And I see that most of you have to deal with a whole lot of snow right now. Poor Matt. Poor Dan. Poor Susan. It snowed down here last Wednesday (yes, it snowed in the desert), but it melted as soon as it touched the ground. I was most amused. Did I mention that you could visit?

Updated funny pictures (M-P).

Quote of the Week: "You're never too old to get naked, eat tacos, and pass out around 5:00 AM." - Gavin, my coworker, on taking a trip to Rocky Point, Mexico, the same weekend that U of A starts its spring break

Alright boys and girls. Since most of you haven't journeyed to Tucson to visit me yet, I have an excellent reason for you to come down. During the month of March, three baseball teams have spring training in Tucson - the Diamondbacks, the White Sox, and the Rockies. More teams even train up in Phoenix, like the Cubs. All these teams play exhibition games during March, and I'm told that you can see a game almost every day.

I know that it's going to be cold where most of you live during that month. Really cold. So fly, drive, or hitch a ride down here during March. And you can enjoy the weather and see some great exhibition games. I'll even buy the beer!

Updated funny pictures (A-L).

Due to popular demand, here is a list of all the mp3's which I have downloaded over the years. I cannot and will not post any of these mp3's on this website, so don't even ask. There are, however, other ways that I can get them to you. Right, Dan?

Go to Dan's website and give him a job!

I added funny pictures (I-L). Still working on the home life page. Sit vis nobiscum!

I added some new pictures to the pictures page and funny pictures page (E-H) and updated the person of the week. You may have noticed that the home life page is not completed yet, as I am still working on it. I have yet to decide how much personal information I want to share with the WWW!

I'm actually looking forward to Thursdays now. My company has a soccer "league," and the group scrimmages every Thursday after work. I went out last Thursday and had a blast! About twenty people played and it was a good time. However, I'm getting old - I had to hobble around a little on Friday morning ...

Congratulations to Mike and Denise, who were married last weekend in Lincoln!

It's been three years, but finally, Joe Henning has come back to the World Wide Web!!

Since I didn't update my web page during all that time, I figured that Angelfire would have deleted my web page long ago. But I recently checked the Angelfire server, and my web page was still there! So, I thought it was time to make my return to the WWW. Plus, I get to keep my old counter!

My web page has been totally revamped. It now features seven sections; some of the sections will be updated more frequently than the others, such as the funny pictures (currently A-D), person of the week, and message board pages. The other sections will be updated when I have new information pertaining to them.

Besides noting any updates which have been made to this site, I will periodically update this page to let everyone know what's going on in my life.

So what's new in my life? Well, last week was my first work week of the new year. Why didn't I work the first week of January you ask? Because as a true Nebraska fan, I took off January 2-4 and journeyed to the Rose Bowl. That's right my fellow Husker fans! Me and my friend Brett (also a native Nebraskan) got to see Miami rout the Huskers firtshand. It was a good game, although the outcome was pretty terrible. At least we didn't have to listen to the announcers talk trash about the 'skers ... My friend Dan had this to say to me the next day:

From: "Dan Fuhr" (dfuhr@cse.unl.edu)
To: "Joe Henning" (joe012345@hotmail.com)
Subject: Huskers NC
Date: Fri, 4 Jan 2002

Joe, as a husker fan, you are never allowed at the Rose Bowl when nebraska is there ever again. You know the reason.

You trip me out Dan! If you have the time, check out Dan's new homepage in the Links section. It's pretty rough, but it has one heck of an interesting name - The Drunk Yak.

We stayed at Brett's friend's place in La Jolla. He lives right near the downtown area and about five minutes from the beach. We took a quick tour of San Diego on Friday and went to places like Point Loma, Sunset Cliffs, and the Cabrillo National Park. Man, that whole area is a nice place - constant 60 degree temperature day and night, right by the ocean, great beaches, big houses in the hills - it makes me wonder what I'm doing living in a desert!

But it's back to work now, and I'm in for the long haul - no company vacation until Memorial Day. Time to suck it up!