Pakistan Prime Minister Vs American Presedient

Pakistani Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif goes to Washington DC for a meeting with Bill Clinton. After dinner, Bill says to Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif :

Bill : "Well Sharif ,I don't know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all brilliant."
Sharif : "How do you know?"
Bill : "Lets see"

Bill Clinton calls Madeleine Albright over and says to her:

Bill : "Tell me Madeleine, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"
Madeleine : "it is me! very simple"
Clinton : "Well done Madeleine"

Our Sharif is very impressed.He returns to Islamabad and wonders about the intelligence of the members of his Cabinet.He calls in Sartaj Aziz (Minister ) and says:

Sharif : "Sartaj Aziz , tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"

Sartaj Aziz thinks and doesn't know the answer.

Sartaj Aziz : "Can I think about it a bit further Mr. Prime Minister?
Sharif : "Of course you've got 24 hours."

Sartaj Aziz goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his Cabinet Secretary, Chief Secretaries and Joint Secretaries, but no-one knows the answer. Eventually Sartaj Aziz thinks "I'll ask George Fernandez, he's clever, he'll know the answer."He calls Fernandez and says:

Sartaj Aziz :"tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?"
George Fernandez : "Very simple it's me!"
Sartaj Aziz : "Of course" and rings Sharif.
Sartaj Aziz :"Mr. Prime Minister, I've got the answer: it's George Fernandez".
Sharif : "No, you idiot, it's Madeleine Albright".

For Universities which offer paper degree to their students
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Memo to all students. In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taugh through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.)

We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Students who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.)

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.)

Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others.We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.)

For students who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.)

This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.)

Thank you, BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING ( B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

Thank You for your time. Sincerely,

The Director Under the Minnesota Bureau of Super High Intensity Teaching. (The D.U.M.B. S.H.I.T.)

Chewing gum
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A Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an American, typically Chewing gum, sits down beside him.
The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat:

American: Do you eat that bread-entirely?

Indian: Of course!

American: We do not. We only eat the inner part, the crust is put in a container, later processed, transformed into flour and then sold to India.

The Indian says nothing.

American: Do you eat this jelly with the bread?

Indian repeats: Of course.

American: We do not. We eat our fresh fruits for the breakfast, we keep all the peels and seeds in the containers. Later we process it, and transform it into jelly and then we sell it to India.

The Indian asks: And what do you do with the condoms after you use them?

American: We throw them away, of course!

Indian: We dont. We keep them in containers, process them, transform them into chewing gum and then sell it to the United States.