THE AGONY & THE ECSTASY: Understanding the Gifted Artist
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THE AGONY & THE ECSTASY:
Understanding the Gifted Artist

By Victoria Gardner Placker, B.A. Ed., M.S., Spring, 1989

One of the first suicide attempts I had to deal with as a young counselor in 1972 still stands out in my mind not only because it was so puzzling at the time, but because I learned so very much from it. The youngster was only 11 years old, very intelligent (at that time, the word "gifted" wasn't in my vocabulary), creative, sensitive, and an extremely talented pianist. He was well-liked by his peers and teachers and, except for a few minor problems in Science, was doing well in school. While "Tommy" (not the child's true name) was still hospitalized, I had several sessions with his parents. I kept looking for some pathological or dysfunctional behavior to surface, but nothing about the family seemed unusual. Tommy's parents were bright, successful, and responsible, and appeared to give their child an appropriate balance of unconditional love, respect, and reasonable discipline. Their marriage seemed to be based on mutual trust, respect and open communication. No crises or unhappy events had occurred in their lives. So why would this child with so many positive qualities and from such a healthy home attempt suicide?

The first clue came with Tommy's parents' response to my question about the child's emotional state just prior to the attempt. A usually happy child, he had become quite upset when they took away most of his piano playing time. The mother explained that Tommy was having problems completing his Science homework because he wanted to play the piano constantly, and his grades were suffering. The parents decided that until his grades were up, the child would only be allowed one hour per day "practice time" to work on the classical pieces assigned by his piano teacher and no "fun time". His father explained that Tommy often spent two or three hours a day practicing the assigned pieces and two or three more hours playing his favorite pop songs plus writing and playing his own songs. He added that the child had a dozen or so original compositions that were quite good. Both parents felt playing the piano six hours a day was too much and that their child should spend more time playing outside with other children as well as doing his homework. They felt this discipline was fair, reasonable, and in Tommy's best interests, and though upsetting, not the cause of his suicide attempt. At that time, I tended to agree with them. How wrong we all were!

The answer to the riddle came during my second counseling session with Tommy. Actually, it came during our first session, but I didn't hear it (as we so often do with children). When I first asked Tommy why he had tried to kill himself, he told me, "Because my folks wouldn't let me play my music and I can't live without it". I thought this was just an excuse (after all, nobody attempts suicide just because they can't play the piano as much as they wish, right?) and that the real reason must lie in some deeper part of Tommy's psyche. I spent the rest of that first session stumbling around exploring everything from the Oedipus complex to his potty training! (Freudian psychotherapy was alive and well during the early 1970's). Needless to say, we both ended up frustrated.

Fortunately, I decided to start fresh that second session and again asked Tommy, "Why did you try to kill yourself?" Again he responded, "Because my folks wouldn't let me play my music and I can't live without it". This time, I really listened and asked, "Why do you feel you can't live without music?" He responded, "I dunno, I just need it." I kept my mouth shut and let him continue and over the course of the hour, Tommy told me in essence, "I need it to deal with my problems, with other kids, with my teachers and parents, and with all the questions I have about life and the world. Music helps me understand things. . . I need it to feel happy and alive, and, well, it's just something I have to do, like sleeping. Trying to do my homework when I haven't played the piano for awhile is like trying to do it when I'm real tired. I try to concentrate, but I just can't. But if I play the piano for awhile, then I feel ok and I can think straight again. . . Sometimes it's like being hungry; there's a big empty hole inside me that HAS to be filled, only with music, not food. . . Sometimes it's like having to go to the bathroom; the music inside me has to come out, and if I can't let it out, I hurt, and the pressure builds up inside me so much I'm afraid I'll explode."

Additional sessions revealed that Tommy's parents had made the common error of confusing cause and effect. The problems in Science had caused his need to spend more time at the piano, not the reverse. Then the pressure put on him by his parents about his grades had created more need for his source of emotional healing and renewal. However, without his "therapy", Tommy found it more and more difficult to concentrate on his homework and the problems snowballed. When his parents took away his only means of dealing with his problems, as well what was for him necessary for survival, Tommy's anxiety was unbearable. As soon as Tommy was able to play the piano to his heart's content (ever wonder how that expression came about?), he became more capable of dealing with his problems.

I learned that the problems in Science were caused by a teacher who used him to "challenge" the other students. Tommy was embarrassed when she would say things like, "Tommy got an A on that paper; why can't you do as well?" or "I'll bet Tommy knows the answer; if you study more, you can be more like him." The other students began to resent and tease him, and Tommy began to deliberately fail so he could be liked. A session with the teacher corrected that problem. I also learned that, although Tommy was liked by other students, he had to work very hard at it, and the stress took its toll. His music was his way of coping with that stress.

But the music itself was also a source of stress. Tommy's well-intentioned piano teacher felt she was challenging her star pupil by giving him several difficult pieces each week. She didn't realize that, although Tommy could perform them to perfection, he had to practice two to three hours each day in order to do so. Limiting his practice time to an hour caused Tommy great anxiety because he simply could NOT do them imperfectly. He told me, "I'd rather not play a song at all than to play it wrong." The simple act of reducing the quantity and complexity of his music homework solved part of the problem. Helping Tommy deal with his perfectionism was much more complicated.

The process of counseling Tommy taught me a lot about the special needs of the artistically and creatively gifted. Since then, I have read everything I could get my hands on in the area, taken what few classes and workshops I could find, and worked with hundreds of artists of all ages. Everything I've learned and experienced confirms that most creative artists feel like Tommy. Whether they are musicians, singers, painters, sculpters, designers, dancers, actors, comics, writers, film/video makers, photographers, or inventors, their art is not just something they want to do, or choose to do; it's what they MUST do.

The movie, "Papallion", is based on a true story of a prisoner of war camp. One of the prisoners was a painter who spent his days happily in front of a canvas with brushes and paints. One day, he broke a camp rule, so his captors punished him by taking away his materials. A few weeks later, he went to the woodshop, placed his right hand in a vise, and savagely chopped it off with an axe. He said if his hand couldn't paint, it had no reason to exist. He said the constant ache in his hand and his soul from being unable to express himself through his art was greater than the pain of cutting off the hand. I was emotionally drained after watching the quite graphic scene, but it reminded me of my experiences with Tommy and others like him.

The following is a summary of some of the special physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual needs and characteristics of the artistically and creatively gifted.

  • 1. INTENSE NEED FOR SELF EXPRESSION: Expressing their feelings, thoughts, and indeed their very souls through their art is essential for their survival. One individual said, "My creativity cries to be let out." The primary or in some cases only way they can express their emotions, they will become extremely upset if opportunities are denied. This intense need for self-expression, sometimes called a passion, is what distinguishes the true artist from the person who simply has some artistic ability. The ability to express the very essence of their being is what makes them great; the inability to always fulfill the need is what often makes them unhappy. This double edged sword is described quite vividly in the story of Michaelangelo, "The Agony and the Ecstacy".

  • 2. EGO IDENTIFICATION WITH THEIR ART: "The art and the artist are one." For most artists, their art expresses the totality of who and what they are. It's not just a job; it's not even a career. It's not just what they do, it's what they ARE. Hundreds of individuals "parkin' cars and pumpin' gas" still are actors; what they do to earn money is irrelevant to them. Because of this, they take any criticism of their work very personally; to criticize their work is to criticize them.

  • 3. THE ART PERMEATES ALMOST EVERY AREA OF THEIR EXISTENCE: They have the ability to express themselves physically, emotionally, psychologically, socially and spiritually through the medium, and usually do. For example, a musician would probably get her exercise by aerobic dancing, deal with depression or stress by listening to music, comfort her children by singing to them, and worship God by playing the organ at church.

  • 4. EMOTIONAL SATISFACTION THROUGH THEIR ART: In addition to their ability to express their feelings through their art, they obtain tremendous satisfaction from doing so. For many, it's what makes life worth living, their primary source of love and pleasure. Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones told 20/20 correspondents in their September 22nd interview, "Friends and family are important, but if I was stuck alone, I could stop myself from going mad so long as I had a guitar." Many artists say the "high" they get from of the creative process or its end result is better than sex or any drug.

  • 5. HEALING THROUGH THE ART: "Music is the doctor of my soul" is a line from a song by the Doobie Brothers. The dancer expresses her despair and finds hope through her ballet; the comic heals his broken heart by creating and telling a new joke; the author deals with her anger toward injustice by writing a powerful novel; the filmmaker questions the meaning of life through his films; the actor searchs for self identity by giving a brilliant presentation of Jim's speech in REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE, "If I had one day when I didn't have to be all confused and didn't have to feel ashamed of everything; if I felt that I belonged someplace. . . " . And like Tommy, the more wounded or stressed the individual, the more time needs to be spent in the art.

  • 6. HYPERSENSITIVITY TO THE ENVIRONMENT: Many have highly developed senses of smell, taste, and touch, as well as vision and hearing. They can derive intense pleasure from such simple tactile acts as stroking a kitten. They may also be offended by odors, sounds, color combinations and intensities, shapes and forms no one else notices. Designers and painters are often extremely uncomfortable if forced to spend time in a room with clashing colors or unbalanced furniture. For musicians and singers, having perfect pitch can be as much a curse as a blessing, especially if accompanied by a slightly-out-of-tune piano. When J.S. Bach's wife was angry with him, she would pound a dissonant chord on the piano, knowing it would drive her husband crazy!

  • 7. EMOTIONAL INTENSITY: Whether it's fear, anger, sorrow, jealously, satisfaction, love, hope or joy, creatively and artistically gifted people tend to experience it deeply, passionately, and intensely. A good general guideline is to take however a "normal" person would react emotionally to an event, and multiply it by three.

  • 8. INTENSE IDEALISTS: Like other gifted kids, artists are often concerned about humanitarian and social causes, and feel them with the very fiber of their being. They can see how things could or should be and often become very frustrated with the way things are. Because of this intense idealism, around Junior or Senior High age, many turn from idealism to intense cynicism. This cynicism plus feeling "out of sinc" with the world often leads to depression and thoughts of suicide. They get depressed thinking of all there is to do in the world, all that needs to be accomplished, and how little they really can do to change things.

  • 9. PERFECTIONISM: They pay close attention to even the tiniest details in their work and are often their own worst critics. Painters and sculpters have been know to destroy beautiful masterpieces because of a tiny flaw no one else would even notice. Many actors insist a scene be shot again and again, long after the director is satisfied. One creative individual said, "My prison is imposed by own standards, yet it's a prison just the same." Expecting never to make mistakes, they tend to expect others to share their high standards and get very frustrated when reminded that society rewards mediocrity and conformity.

  • 10. LOW SELF ESTEEM: Some kids think TAG means "terrible and guilty" because that's how they feel. Being critical of as well as different than others tends to alienate them socially and lower their self esteem. This combined with their perfectionism, emotional intensity and intense idealism causes many to suffer from low self esteem.

  • 11. PERCEPTUAL DIFFERENCES: Most gifted kids see the world differently than other kids, but the creatively gifted do so even more. They are often unaware that others don't see things the way they do. Many who "don't fit in" with other kids are oblivious to it.

  • 12. INDEPENDENT: They are able to and usually prefer working alone. Being forced to work in a group is often very uncomfortable. They not only enjoy, but need solitude. Creative children seem to need more "quiet time" than other children.

  • 13. THEY GROW THORNS & SHELLS: What Barbara Clark, Ph.D., wrote in her book, "Smart Girls/Gifted Women", also applies to the artistically and creatively gifted, "They grow thorns because of their perfectionism and impatience with and bias against the ordinary and mediocre. Their intensity often expresses itself as intolerance, self-righteousness, or arbitrary insistence. Their view that many of society's expectations of them are illogical, unfair, and degrading often makes them appear rude, curt, or 'sharp- tongued'. Their intolerance and ridicule of 'social niceties' that they see as shallow and redundant often makes them appear rebellious, unmannerly, or socially inept. Those that don't grow thorns seem to grow shells instead. They retreat inside themselves and are uncomfortable around most people."

  • 14. UNCONCERNED WITH THE PRAGMATIC: When Bob Hope received a standing ovation at the 1989 Emmy Awards, he commented, "Thank you. That's better than money." Most artists place an emotional, psychological and spiritual value on their art that goes far beyond "worldly" matters. Because of this, they are often viewed as irresponsible, impractical, "lacking in common sense", or "airheads." I have known brilliant film editers who could not manage to arrive at a job on time and musicians who could transpose extremely complicated pieces of music in their heads, yet were unable (or unwilling) to keep track of a checking account. Pragmatic things like time, money, credit, and possessions simply aren't important to them. They are more concerned with the aesthetic, the abstract, the theoretical and the creative. Thomas Edison would go for days without food while in the middle of a project, and his wife would have to interrupt and make him eat. Many artists live in abject poverty in the pursuit of their art, and the stereotype of the "starving artist" is quite true. Most of the artists who become financially successful have a good business manager who handles all the money, public relations, marketing, and other practical matters. Some artists feel trading their work for money is a form of prostitution; after all, to them it's like selling not only their bodies, but also their hearts, minds and souls.

    At the 1988 OTAG Fall Conference, a panel of six creative adults spoke of their lives and gave the following suggestions for engendering the lives of creative youngsters:

  • 1. Creativity is fluid, not rigid; it flows and it lasts. It is a complex, multifactored constant search that "cries to be let out". Sometimes the best thing to do for a child is "just let the day happen."
  • 2. Creativity also comes from knowledge and discipline. Make sure they have access to lots of BOOKS. "You cannot create in a vacuum." It's 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.
  • 3. "Being creative in a school system is like being a peace activist at the Pentagon". Make sure the youngster has other opportunities.
  • 4. Creative youngsters need to learn self direction and motivation. They need the opportunity to make their own choices and mistakes. They need an environment where they can feel safe to fail as well as succeed. Emphasize the process, not the product. Teach them to "work joyfully, not just effectively".
  • 5. Distractedness is a big problem and many need help focusing; sometimes they need "a kick in the behind". Some have a tendency to overfocus (concentrate totally on one thing) and need help balancing or rounding out their lives and in becoming whole individuals.
  • 6. Self Esteem is the biggest problem. They need to know they belong in the universe, that their lives and talents have a purpose. You need to be there fully and unconditionally for them to help break down or out of their personally imposed prison walls. "But once they do break out, get out of their way."

    Please remember that all of the characteristics and needs listed are generalizations, and that each individual is unique. Perhaps one of the most outstanding characteristics of creative and artistic individuals is that they are so unique and it's their uniqueness that makes them truly special. Some youngsters may need help focusing their energies; others may need help balancing their lives. Some need encouragement, some need a "kick in the behind", some need to be simply listened to, and some need to be left alone. Some need structure and discipline, and some need to be able to "just let the day happen". Most of them have problems with self esteem and "personally imposed prisons". And they must be allowed and even encouraged to express themselves freely through their art.

    In summary, most artists would say in essence, "Being an artist isn't something I chose to be or even want to be (sometimes it's so very painful); but it's what I HAVE to be. It's an itch I can't scratch enough, a constant monkey on my back. It's like a highly addictive drug and a lover combined; being without it is agony. I'd give up food, shelter, comfort, love, friends, family, everything if I had to, for my art. But the ecstasy of creating beauty, of doing something no else has ever done quite like it before, the expression of my very soul, the essence of my humanity; it's worth every sacrifice."

    This article was written for and printed in the Spring, 1989, Edition of the Journal of the Oregon Association for the Talented And Gifted . Thank you for taking the time to read it. It's one of my favorites. If you are interested in obtaining copies of any of the numerous articles I have written, please contact me.

    Email: cre8vity@att.net

    Email: DrVickie@att.net

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