But you can't blame me for still being asleep. I guess it is my fault for not getting to sleep 'till around 2am, mainly because I was tidying up the house before my parents get back today. Touch wood, nothing's been broken or anything while they were away, but I'm sure I'll discover that somethings gone missing. It always does. Whenever my parents go off on holiday, you can guarantee that something will happen. The time they went off to America, I got stopped by the police for crossing over one of those solid white line things in the middle of the road, got a parking ticket cos my permit fell on the floor when I breaked to stop for the policeman on his motorcycle and the burglar alarm went off at the stroke of midnight. I was going to ban my parents from going on holiday, but instead decided to invite people round, so I can't get stopped by the police (theoretically).
Anyway, I found myself in Sainsburys at 8.15am, buying the stuff that I'd finished off, but forgotten to replace, and making sure there was something in the fridge for my parents to eat once they got back from China, assuming they wouldn't really fancy a Chinese takeaway. Anyway, there I was in my suit, and I was so surprised at the number of suits shopping at that time in the morning. So, I guess if you fancy chatting up a suit, then's the best time to go!
Totally bizaral event at lunchtime. Knock at the door and it's Kerry and Kid, or should I say spawn of satan, i.e. the Webmaster's girlie and child. I say girlie, becaus she doesn't look a day over 16, but allegedly she is, and also, I can't remember whether Darren got engaged to her or not. She looked like a chubby cheerleader with frazzley blonde hair. I remember when I first started working here, she'd got preggers and Darren was in 50 different minds about it at the time. So sprog here gives me one look and bursts out crying, so I walk away. It works, the toddler shuts its yap. For some insane reason, Darren had got his bird to come in to install some computery thing. She tried locking the kid in the room with her, but you could hear the screams through the walls. So he was let out of his prison, to go and pick at the corners of pictures on the wall with stubby hands. When Kerry stopped him from doing this, the tears and shouts echoed around the office.
I think sprog shut up for long enough for foetus features to plug in what she had to. Time for them to leave, yay, a bit of peace finally, once I'd overcome the internal anger that this company is so nepotistic (nearly wrote necrophiliac then, well, it's in my list of big words beginning with 'n'!) Kerry must have left the door open or something, while she changed her mind and went to look in our merchandising cupboard to see what there was (but I think the cupboard is pretty bare these days!). So kid goes out the door. I'm back in the office by this time, and can't see anything. Suddenly I hear this crying and wailing and stuff like that. Turns out he was trying to open the door and had got his fingers trapped in the very heavy door. I couldn't see him when I went out to the corridor, so I nearly went back to my desk, because I thought Kerry wouldn't leave him on his own outside. His name by the way is Mason. Mason? Mason? What kind of name is that for a kid. I keep calling him Manson, probably Marilyn Manson. I tried holding up my fingers in the shape of a cross, but he wouldn't go away. I really don't do these kid things do I? They're great when they're quiet or asleep or looking cute, but otherwise...Arggghhh.
Maybe I still am asleep, well, my eyes hurt. Maybe my iced bun is sending me to sleep.
