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Thursday 12 August 1999

Dizzy. I'm so dizzy my head is spinning. Sorry, that was playing in the car on my way in to work today and I can't get it out of my head. I was one year out on gessing the year in the Mystery years - I said 1992 and it was 91 or something. I was later for work than usual, not that it mattered, cos we've got flexitime and no one else was in by the time I got in anyway. The reason for my tardiness? I couldn't decide what to wear. Isn't that trajic? I bought this pair of pin stripped trousers from the kid's section of Debenhams, because I can fit into kid's stuff, and when I tried it on the first time, it looked great, and I paired it up with my Calvin Klein black top. I brushed my teeth and decided I needed a shirt over the top of the t-shirt, because the trousers made my bum look big. So I tried it with my white shirt over the top. Then I saw my grey and black checked combat syle skirt and thought I could wear that with the CK top. Then, I didn't want to wear the CK top because it's something I like wearing in my leisure time and it would become a work thing if I wore it, so the top came off, and changed to a grey vest top coupled with a black cardigan top, but the cardigan had a stain on it, so that came off. I didn't have anything else I could wear over the top of the grey vest, I pulled out a grey v-neck top, but when I held it up it didn't look right, so I took off the skirt and tried the grey vest with my jeans. Then I didn't want to wear my jeans for the same reason as the CK top, so I tried the grey vest with the pinstriped trousers and again I looked fat in it, so the trousers vanished into a pile of clothes that was gradually accumulating on my bed and the jeans went back on, but they didn't look right with the grey top and I didn't have anything to go over the top of it, so finally I changed it for the black vest and put the white shirt over the top. By now it was nearly 9am. I usually leave around 8.30/8.45.

Dakshina and Sameeka (Sameeka is Daksina's sister) are coming to my parent's party this weekend - Yay and Argghhhh - I wish I'd stuck to my diet and exercise routine - I always feel short and dumpy around them! It's always great when they're around - get to catch up on the gossip. I was reminded of the parties at my house, when we were younger - we were like a gang - There was Dakshina - the eldest, followed by Andrew Abbey, then me, Sameeka and Andrew's sister Rachel are around the same age, then the little ones - Suran (my brother) and Phillip, Andrew's brother. We used to play murder in the dark and have midnight feasts, with loads of penny sweets bought from Chapter 1609 (a shop in the village) Once Andrew was jumping across Suran's bed and he put his foot through it and snapped one of the wooden strips holding the bed together. I remember once accidentally spilling lemonade onto one of the sleeping bags when we had them all lined up for us to go to sleep, and I had to sleep on the wet patch - not fair. Love hearts. Weren't they a great way of trying to tell people you fancied them? Not - the guys just ate them straight away without even reading them!

I am dreaming more these days. I don't know if it's a good sign or not. I still can't remember them much after I've brushed my teeth and I couldn't tell you what I dreamt last night, but I remember dreaming which is a start I guess. It's so not fair. Rob's been having lucid dreams where mirrors start stretching out around round his head and Mike's been having recurring dreams about the devil and Jon and Dave love having nightmares just to have the horror film experience. I don't even let my imagination scare me, so I don't think my dreams stand much chance!

Been so busy this morning it's gone quite quickly. I like this being busy lark! Sohphie, whiney girl, has been away for the last couple of days to sort out her house she's just moved into with her boyfriend, but now she's back and I'm trying to get used to her voice, but it is very difficult. Arghggghhh! She's a Rosamund Fisher - a girl I used to be at school with when I was about 7 - they share similar features and talk kind of similar. Sorry that just came to me. I tried to get on with Rosamund too - honest! I think maybe it's just women I have a problem with in general - I've always found it difficult to bond with women or girls. I seem much better off in a gang of blokes, I feel less self concious. Who else is there I haven't told you about? There's a bit of a Clark Kentish kind of guy called Rob, but isn't Rob who I'm friends with and finding it kind of wierd that he's around where I'm working, and Greg the hairy sporty type. There's Sarah, who's working on a book with me who cycles in to work in the morning and has a Miss Piggy air about her. Vic and Pete are the developing editors I'm supposed to be working with eventually when everything sorts itself out and calms down in other areas. I saw Rob (I'll have to call him Rob1 from now on seeing as I knew him first!) more yesterday than I have in my entire 2 weeks here at Wrox, probably the effect of the eclipse!

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