Title: A Mile In His Moccasins 17/26
Author: Gileswench
Feedback: Constructive criticism always welcome. Praise abjectly sought.
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Joss, Mutant Enemy, etc., etc., etc. I just let them have all the fun Joss won't. I own nothing except my twisted mind which you really don't want. Please don't sue.

She picked up the teapot and hurried to the kitchen. When she got there, she leaned against a counter, her heart racing. Togetherness with Giles. She wanted it desperately. But now that she was faced with it, she found herself almost panicked at the strangeness of the concept.

Turning resolutely, she lit the burner and put the kettle on. There really wasn't anything to be scared of, she reminded herself. Giles knew her at her worst as well as her best and he still cared. And she could say the same of herself about Giles. She'd seen him well and ill, drunk and sober, determined and defeatist. Hell, at this point she'd even seen him both flaccid and erect.

Which was sort of the problem, wasn't it?

As much as she'd been curious about making love as a man, there was still the fact that she wasn't sure she wanted to make love to a woman. Herself, in fact. She wasn't even sure if the fact that it was her body she was considering making love with made it more or less skanky.

Meanwhile, out in the living room, Giles was in a twin panic.

As much as he wanted to be with Buffy, and as curious as he was about lovemaking from a female point of view, he wasn't entirely sure he could perform when faced with a penis instead of a vagina to pleasure. The fact that it would be his own penis only made matters more confusing rather than less.

And what if he got carried away as he sometimes did in bed? What if he hurt Buffy since he couldn't judge Slayer strength accurately?

What about birth control? What if she got him pregnant?

Giles sat heavily and tried to calm himself.

Making love was a completely natural thing. He loved Buffy. She loved him, as difficult as it was for him to really grasp the concept.

But she'd been with two different vampires. They had super strength and centuries of sexual experience. Even when he got back into his own skin, might she not find him a bit...disappointing?

*****

Buffy groaned. She wasn't sure she could do this. She didn't know how to control a penis. What if she couldn't find where to put it? What if she missed? What if he wanted her to try oral sex on him? Her stomach filled with a battalion of butterflies.

The kettle boiled.

*****

Giles began to pace. What if he froze up in bed? What if he didn't come for her? What if she wanted to try something...exotic?

He nibbled a cookie absently as he tried to think what Buffy might consider normal sex, considering some of the fairly abnormal partners she'd had.

*****

Buffy swallowed hard as she remembered the night of the band candy spree. Her mother had had sex with Giles that night and she'd ended up with a pair of handcuffs. Was that the sort of thing Giles liked in bed? Would he expect her to want something like that, too? And she hadn't slept with anyone but Spike since her return from the grave, so unless Giles had some condoms hidden in his suitcase, she wasn't sure what they would do about birth control.

She picked up the teapot and headed back out to the living room.

Now if she could just figure out what to say when she got there.

As Buffy walked through the door, Giles moved to take the teatray from her. Their fingers touched briefly and both started as if hit with an electric shock. Giles nearly spilled the contents of the tray to the floor, but managed to steady himself and move the tray to the coffee table. The two sat next to one another on the sofa and Giles poured the tea.

Buffy took the cup from him gratefully.

"I don't know why I'm so nervous," she laughed.

"If it's any comfort, you're not alone. This all happened so...so suddenly."

"And all backwards, bodywise."

"Which does add to the confusion, I must say."

Buffy put her teacup down and turned to face Giles more squarely.

"So what do we do? About all the stagefright?"

Giles took a sip of tea then set his cup down, too.

"Perhaps it would be best if we took things a little more slowly from now on. Take a bit of time to...adjust before we take the next step."

"Is that what you really want? To take it slow?"

"Don't you?"

"Yes. And no. You?"

"There's no rush, you know."

"No, I guess there really isn't."

Buffy's gaze dropped to her knees. Giles reached out and lifted her chin.

"What is it? Did I say something wrong?"

Buffy took his hand in hers.

"Of course not, Giles."

"But...?"

She smiled wryly.

"You know me way too well. Okay, okay, I just...there's this little piece of me that doesn't want to wait."

"In case something happens to one of us?"

"Well...yeah. That's part of it."

"And the rest would be, what?"

"Sort of really morbid curiosity?"

To her great surprise, Giles began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" she demanded.

"You," he told her. "You never fail to surprise me."

"But, in a good way, right?"

"More often than not," he grinned.

Her eyes narrowed, but her lips insisted on curling into a smile. A moment later, they were both laughing. A moment after that, Buffy pulled Giles into her arms and rested her cheek on the top of his head.

"I know this is gonna sound a little funny, but...I want to know what it's like. For you. How it feels."

"Are you sure? Because I have to admit, I'm awfully curious, myself. But it would be fine with me if you wanted to wait until...well until we're more ourselves."

Buffy lifted her head, then looked down at Giles. Her face looked back at her in nervous anticipation.

"Hey," she said, "love is not love which alters when it alteration finds."

She leaned down and pressed her lips to his.

The kiss was tentative and a bit hesitant on both sides, but warm and sweet all the same. Her hands moved to cup Giles' cheeks as his slid up to wrap around her neck, his fingers treading through her hair. Buffy pulled back from the kiss and rested her forehead against his.

"It already feels different," she laughed softly.

"Yes, it does," Giles agreed. "I never realized how large I must seem."

"Well, you're a big guy," Buffy said. She blushed deeply when she realized how it must have sounded. "I mean...tall...and...well..."

"Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"I know how big it is. It's mine, remember?"

Buffy stared at Giles for a moment before bursting into laughter. Giles joined in almost immediately. They giggled helplessly for some minutes, holding each other all the while. Whenever one began to calm, the other went into a fresh gale of laughter and set the first off again. At last, they sat sprawled on the sofa, still holding one another, the belly laughs having been reduced to the odd giggle.

Giles wiped away a tear that had formed on Buffy's face.

"That *was* a happy one, wasn't it?"

"I haven't laughed that hard in a long time," she replied. "And yes, happy tear. I can't believe you made a dirty joke."

"It wasn't a joke," he huffed. "It was an observation. And I know a great many more dirty jokes than you might think."

"Okay, okay, you don't have to prove you're not stuffy...as if you could."

"Stuffy I may be, but at least I usually know how to act my age."

"And I don't? When didn't I act my age?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Buffy."

Buffy stared at him.

"Are we having our first fight already?"

Giles sat back and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"If you'll recall, we had our first fight the day we met and we've battled it out ever since. Did you really think that was going to change?"

"Maybe? I thought at least we could get to the afterglow without a squabble."

"I wasn't squabbling."

"So that age acting crack wasn't about me?"

"No. If anything, it was directed at Spike."

"Spike? You're making out with me and thinking about Spike at the same time?"

Giles shrugged.

"I have what you Americans would call 'issues' with him, I suppose."

"Because...?"

Giles sighed. He knew Buffy wouldn't let him off the hook easily.

"He was your last lover, and he's a vampire, and he's...very unlike me."

"And you think you can't measure up? Is that it? Giles, I hated what I was doing with him. It made me feel dirty and sick. Why would I want someone like him? And what does that have to do with acting his age, anyway?"

"How old do you think Spike was when he was turned?"

Buffy shrugged.

"I dunno. I guess I never really thought about it. Thirtyish?"

"Look a bit closer and I think you'll find he looks older than that; probably closer to forty. And he still dresses like Billy sodding Idol."

"And he acts like a punk kid, yeah, yeah, I know. So what?"

"So...he looks like a prat."

Buffy's eyes widened.

"This isn't even about Spike, is it? This is about the leather suit. You think you look like a jerk in it, don't you?"

"I never said that..."

"Yes you did, a million times. And I kept on wearing it. Is it really that important to you?"

"It's just...yes, it bothers me a great deal."

"Then I won't wear it anymore. We can even donate it to Goodwill if you want. But before we go that far, do you think you could tell me what the problem is?"

She reached out to stroke his hair.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me, and I promise I won't tell anyone else. I just want to know. What's the big?"

Giles pressed himself to Buffy's side and wrapped his arms around her waist. Buffy allowed him the time to gather himself despite the growing frustration at not knowing what was going on in his mind. When he finally spoke, he didn't even look up at her.

"It reminds me of a time I'd like very much to forget."

He took her left hand and touched the long fingers gently. Buffy stared at their joined hands. She frowned, trying to connect the dots in her mind. She remembered a sunny spring day when Giles' left hand had been bandaged and splintered and Oz steered Willow in a wheelchair. All at once, she understood and squeezed his hand lightly.

"It's gone," she told him quietly.

"It's really the trousers, more than anything else," he admitted. "The jacket's actually not bad."

"But the pants make you remember. It goes in the morning."

Giles looked up at her, gratitude and relief shining in his eyes. Buffy couldn't help leaning down to kiss him again. This time she lingered longer than she had before.

*****

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