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Title: And In The End.... Buffy looked up, startled by the quiet knock on her door. She slipped off the bed as gently as she could so as not to wake Willow. "Who is it?" she whispered. "Just us," came a soft male voice on the other side. She smiled and opened the door. "Hey Giles, Xander. What's up? Xand? Are you okay?" The young man shook his head and moved to slump down on one of the two beds in the motel room. Buffy quirked an eyebrow at Giles in query. "Andrew insisted on another round of Dungeons and Dragons. He'd just killed off my Hobbit thief, and Xander was having a good laugh at my expense, when suddenly the killer rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail appeared...and, well. Let's just say, I don't think that will go down in history as Andrew's finest hour. Or mine." He took off his glasses and began to wipe them vigorously, his mouth set in a tight, narrow line. At the feel of a small hand on his forearm, he looked down to find Buffy smiling sympathetically at him. "You're gonna miss her, too, huh?" She gave his arm a light squeeze and went to Xander. "You okay? I guess that's a dumb question. I'm sorry. I wish I hadn't gotten her killed." "You didn't," he said dully. "It was my plan, ergo, my responsibility." "Buffy..." Giles protested mildly. "No, guys, it's time I owned up for all the things that are my fault. All this time, I thought if I didn't ever admit I'd made mistakes...pretended I didn't care...I thought that was what being a leader is all about. Guess I was wrong. And I do. Make mistakes. And care, even though I know it's hard to believe." "Perhaps if you didn't care so very much, you'd have an easier time saying it," her Watcher said. "Or, perhaps, if I had been a better teacher..." "You were the best teacher. Still are. If anything, I was a crappy student." She waited a beat, frowned, then spoke again. "Okay, you can cue up the protests anytime, here. Or not." "Are you getting all guilty-pants again?" came a sleepy voice. "If you are, then could you keep it down? That was sort of a big spell I did." "The biggest," Xander said shakily, but with clear pride. "And no veininess or Miss Clairol black-on-black," Buffy added. "You rocked, Will." She looked at her friends with suspiciously moist eyes. "You all did." "You did, too, Buff," Willow said. "Plus, extra points for making it through another Apocalypse without the whole you dying thing." "Close call, notwithstanding," she joked putting a hand to her side. "I really hate it when they kill me." "Speaking of which," Giles said, "may I?" He gestured to Buffy's injury. "Sure," she said raising her shirt so he could check her bandages. "It's still pretty sore, but I think it's going to be okay." She looked guiltily at Xander. "I wish all our injuries and scars could heal themselves. I feel like I can never say I'm sorry enough." She held still as Giles' strong, gentle hands unwrapped the gauze around her belly. She wasn't sure she'd be able to breathe. Xander looked over at her and managed a half-smile. "Hey, it's not like I didn't go into it with my eyes wide open," he said. "You trusted me. I didn't deserve it." "Yeah, you did," he told her. "Maybe not so much that night, but after all the stuff you've gotten us through in one piece each...I believed in you, Buffy. And after today, I gotta say the trust factor is rebuilding pretty fast." "Even after everything? 'Cause I gotta wonder why. I look at everything I've said and done the past two years...and I don't even recognize the person I've been." "And, of course, nobody in this room could possibly identify with that, could they?" Giles said with a slightly rueful smile. He turned his attention back to her wound. "Yes, I think that's coming along nicely. Still, I wouldn't patrol for the next couple days. Let some of the other girls have a chance." "Kennedy's already on it," Willow said. "She's all stoked that she's got the superpowers. She took a couple of the others who didn't get hurt with her." "Where's the Dawnster?" Xander asked anxiously. "Hanging with the walking wounded newbie Slayers, telling them every embarrassing story she can remember from when I got my powers. I expect some heavy-duty giggling and whispering behind hands in the morning. Not that I haven't exactly earned it." "Buffy, you've been very depressed and you had the weight of the worlds' fate on your shoulders," Giles reminded her. "Soldiers in every war from the dawn of humanity have gone mad for less reason. Eight years as the only hope of mankind against every demon and vampire in the world...well, at least now you can have a bit of a break...share the burden." He finished re-securing her dressing. "All I know for certain is that I should never have left you." She reached down and cupped his cheek in her small hand. "You came back. And you kept trying to get through to me. You didn't give up on me until after I gave up on us both." She pulled her hand back, and ducked her head in embarrassment. "Besides, after the whole Angel saga, who could blame you for not wanting to watch the rerun with Spike? I drove you all away. It didn't have to be like that." "We all got stupid, Buff," Willow said. "What was I thinking, resurrecting you in the first place?" She looked at all the glares around her and became sheepish. "I - I didn't mean it like that, guys...but it wasn't a smart thing. And I didn't think about what could go blooey with it. And I never even said I was sorry, 'cause how do you tell your best friend you're sorry you made her alive again? That's the sort of apology that's just begging for some serious misinterpretation." "Yeah, sorta like the way 'gee, thanks for saving me from Heaven' would have gone over. I get it, Will." "Does it ever occur to you guys that when it comes to dealing with emotional stuff, we all take the little bus to school?" Xander joked to lighten the mood. "And does it occur to no one that if we'd been more open about these issues, life might be very different, indeed?" Giles asked. The other three stared at him in disbelief. "Giles admits emotions need to be dealt with?" Buffy gasped in mock horror. "Next he'll be telling us computers are our friends." "Or that drinking something other than tea isn't a mortal sin," Xander added. "Or that he freezes in England now because he's used to the California climate," Willow chimed in. "That was a confidence, and not for public consumption," Giles huffed. The other three laughed affectionately. Even Giles had to grin after a moment. "It is, however, true," he admitted. "I never realized how bloody cold the place was before." All four began laughing. Once they started, they couldn't seem to stop, even when Buffy began holding her side and grimacing with intermittent pain. She stood when there was another knock at the door. "Yeah? Who is it?" "Little Bo Peep. Open up." Buffy bit back a grin and did as she was told. "Hey," she said. "Hey," Faith answered. "How's Robin?" "He's gonna be okay. The docs gave me grief for not getting him to the ER faster. He lost a lot of blood, had some nasty stuff going on inside, but he made it through surgery okay. They even let me see him, after." "So, he was fine? Did you tell him we all hoped he'd get better soon?" "Well, I told him, but I don't think he'll remember much in the morning. He was pretty doped up. Dude was making some serious nonsense there. Wish I'd had a tape recorder." "Maybe it's better that you didn't." Faith grinned devilishly. "Yeah, you're probably right. This way I can make up even worse stuff to tell him he said." They stood looking at one another awkwardly for a moment. At last, Buffy spoke again, as much to break the silence as anything. "So...Faith...you've just helped avert the Apocalypse and change centuries-old traditions...where are you going now?" "Prison." At Buffy's surprised look, she grinned and continued. "Bet you thought I was gonna say Disneyland, didn't you? Mickey Mouse ain't my style, B. Besides, I still got me some serious repenting to do. Y'know, manslaughter, murder, body theft, boffing your boyfriend, apartment stealing, attempted murder, torture, doing the nasty with your boss in your bed...that last one wasn't exactly a crime on the books, but I'm thinking the tacky factor is kinda off the charts." "You never were one for the subtle. At least with that last one, I'd already been voted off the island. It was your bed for the time being. Now it's not even there to argue about anymore. Who's been sleeping with who in my bed seems a little petty at this point. Though I'm glad I won't be sleeping in it anytime soon. So...think they'll give you time off for world saving?" "I dunno, B. After breaking out, being on the lam for a couple months, and whatever else they've decided I've been up to out here...I could be looking at a long stay in a very dingy hotel with a crap restaurant." She shrugged defensively. "At least we got the Slayer thing covered." "Yeah, F, we do." "F? Did you just call me F?" "I did, F." Faith shook her head and grimaced. "Damn," she said, "I never realized how annoying that is." The pair laughed slightly. "You...you did good," Buffy said at last. "Yeah, well. So did you." "We sorta rocked." "Rock 'em, sock 'em Slayers." Again, the silence stretched out uncomfortably. "Well, I better get back to my room. I'll stick around until Robin gets out of the hospital. Then it's back to the big house." She turned to go. Before Buffy could close the door, she turned back. "Hey, Buffy...if you're ever down my way...you think...maybe...?" "If I'm down that way. Yeah, maybe I'll drop by." "Just be sure and call ahead, y'know, in case I'm out. I'm the original social butterfly." As Faith sauntered down the hallway, Buffy closed the door and turned back to her friends. Giles stood and moved to her side. "That seemed to go well," he said. "Are you alright?" "Would it sound weird if I said I sorta wish I was her, right now?" "What do you mean, Buff?" Willow asked. "Don't worry, this is only a very temporary insanity," Buffy assured them. "It's just...she knows what's next. She knows where she's going, even if it's not a very nice place. The only where I had to go is gone. Unless you were serious about Cleveland, Giles, I don't have a clue." "I was only joking, I'm afraid," he said. "Oh," she said in a very small voice. "Then I guess I'm back to square one. Funny. I always wanted choices, and now I don't know what to do with them." "You could always go back to school," Willow suggested. "Or, if you wanted to eat and support Dawn, you could get a job," Xander added. "You could try to find your father," Giles said mildly. "Perhaps he could at least send some financial aid to get you and Dawn on your feet again. Or, there's another possibility, if you're interested." "What's that?" "Well, between your stubborn refusal to even see a box to think inside, and Willow's magical power, there are now hundreds - perhaps even thousands - of girls the world over suddenly discovering that they have superhuman strength, prophecy dreams, accelerated healing, and so on, and nobody to tell them what's happening to them or why. Nobody to train them how to use their powers wisely." Buffy looked at him in shock. "You're not saying what I think you're saying, are you?" "That depends on what you think I'm saying." "Me...? A Watcher? But...but I'm not the smart one. That's you and Will. And I don't even have a passport. I don't think I've even got a driver's license, anymore - which, considering the way I drive is probably for the best. What can I teach a bunch of new Slayers?" "Actually, I was thinking of all three of you. These girls are going to need some guidance. All of you have something no Watcher in history has ever had: practical experience in fighting evil. Just because the Hellmouth is closed doesn't mean another won't open up elsewhere. We are the only people in the world with day-to-day experience on how to deal with one. It won't be easy, but I believe we can do a great deal of good. That is, we can if you're willing." "Think about it, Buffy," Willow enthused. "We could be a whole new kind of Watcher's Council. One that actually, y'know, does something." "One that teaches courses in advanced battle quipping and home repair for when the demons come knocking on these girls' doors and knock them down," Xander added. "I could design a website." "I could build stuff and whistle a jaunty tune as I work." "Maybe we *could* do it," Buffy said slowly. She looked up at Giles. "But only if we have you to help us. And only if I don't have to move to England." "We can rebuild anyplace you like," he assured her. "And I'm not going anywhere without you." Giles held his arms slightly apart. Buffy smiled at him, took the hint, and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Good," she said. "Because I need you guys - all of you - to do this. Not just because of the Watching, either. I need my friends. I love you all so much, and I want us together." A moment later, Buffy and Giles found themselves pushed closer together by two more enthusiastic pairs of arms. Giles felt a quiver from Buffy. "You're not being crushed, are you?" he asked a bit anxiously. "Nah," Buffy replied with a slightly soggy giggle. "I was just thinking...all this time I thought I needed space; needed people to leave me alone. This is the first time since I got resurrected that I really feel alive. And you know what? It feels...pretty great, actually." "Yes," Giles gasped slightly. "That's wonderful, but I think it would be better if I could breathe." As one, they all pulled back. Buffy's eyes danced with repressed laughter. "What?" "You," she said with a broad grin. "Who but you could take twenty words to say 'I'm suffocating'?" "It's my rather amazing lung capacity that allows for it." Willow wobbled slightly on her feet. Before the others could do anything, Xander grabbed her and lead her to the bed. "Sorry," she said thickly, "but I'm still all woozy. And I've got the munchies real bad." "It's okay, Will," Xander said. "I've got you. "We'll get you something to eat," Buffy told her friends. "We?" Giles raised one eyebrow and smiled slightly at her presumption. "I think I could use a little Watcher/Slayer bonding, too. Note, I said bond*ing*." "Noted, and appreciated." The pair walked out the door, leaving Xander staring after them. "What the hell did that mean?" ***** They walked slowly down the hall in silence. At last, Giles decided if anything was to be accomplished, he'd have to start the conversation. "How does it feel?" he asked. Buffy shrugged. "Like I just pulled the rug out from under my own feet, and got tangled up in it. You?" "I believe the phrase you coined for this feeling was 'fire bad, tree pretty'." "So...you're numb, I'm confused, and this hotel is full of teenage girls who don't know their own strength. And Spike and Anya are dead. And Amanda. And Robin's in the hospital with a nasty gut wound. And Xander...he's...it's all my fault." She began to cry. Giles handed her his handkerchief and put an arm around her shoulders. "I rather think the rest of us contributed to the situation in our own unique ways. Buffy, you can't take all the blame for everything. It simply isn't possible to be single-handedly responsible for everything that goes wrong in the world." "Maybe not, but there's a lot of badness that wouldn't have happened without me, and that's even before my brilliant encore." Her chin trembled even as she got herself under control long enough to look him in the eye. "I killed him. Spike, I mean. All that stuff about how I needed him around even after everything. The way I wouldn't let him go, no matter what. It all came down to getting him killed. I didn't mean to, but I did. I was the one who kept saying he had to stay, even if it put everyone I loved in danger. I was the one who gave him the amulet when Angel offered to wear it. And it got him killed. My fault. He trusted me, and now he's dead." "Would you rather it was Angel who died?" "What? Of course not! I - Giles, how can you even ask me that?" "What if it was Dawn? Or Willow?" She stared at him in horror and pulled away. "I can't believe you'd even say things like this to me." He sighed and put one hand in his pocket while the other ruffled his hair. "I'm just trying to point out to you that there were other choices you might have made. Choices that might have been still harder to accept afterwards. All you knew of that amulet was that Angel was told by a very dodgy source that it was a force against the darkness and it had to be wielded by someone with greater than human strength and a soul. For all we knew, the strength required might not have been physical, but magical. It might not have worked at all. It might have been meant for Faith." "And the Dawn riff?" "Buffy, in case you've forgotten, she was created out of a mystical energy that was meant to act as a key between dimensions. That is a strength no other human has ever possessed." "I-I never thought of that." "No. You were blinded by your obsession with Spike. It just so happened that he was able to channel the power of the amulet, and he did save the world. There were others, though, that could have done the same. Your insistence on trusting Spike became something of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Still, he made the choice to accept the amulet. I doubt that it was motivated by anything other than a wish to impress you and keep you in his debt, but he did choose to stay. He did choose to wear the amulet, even though he didn't know what would happen if he did. None of us pointed out that there were others who might well be capable of wearing it - not that there was any point in arguing with you about Spike. You wouldn't have listened." "So, who are you blaming this on? 'Cause I'm a little lost at this point." He shrugged. "No one. Everyone. I'm not certain blame is the word I'd use, anyway." "But he's dead. Someone's to blame and it looks like me to me." "Shall we blame Andrew for Anya's death? She died defending him, and I, for one, would take Anya over a dozen Andrews in this world. The fact remains, Andrew didn't kill her, and she chose to stay in the fight for good. She might have left at any time. She stayed. And, sadly, there are always casualties in war." "So, you're saying it's Spike's fault Spike got killed?" "You really are determined to pin blame on some one individual, aren't you?" "I just hate it all messy and undecided. I want a simple answer to something for once. I just want one, damn thing to make sense again. Is that too much to ask?" "Probably," he chuckled. "But let's see what we can find, anyway. Something positive, preferably. What about daisies?" "Daisies?" "Yes, the flowers." "I know they're flowers, Giles. They're just not all that simple anymore. Not since...not for a long time." "I thought they were your favorite." "Well, yeah, they were. Because of Ford. Now...they make me think of him. Not so simple." "Yes, I understand. I can't bear roses, anymore. Not since Jenny." He wiped his glasses on his shirttail. "So, even flowers aren't safe, are they?" "Nice try, though." "Ice skating shows?" "Remind me of my eighteenth birthday, now. Not so much of the good." "I won't even attempt mentioning chocolate, then." Buffy giggled. Giles smiled wryly back at her. "Nice try, though, with the cheering up thing," She said. "Not so very successful," he said ruefully. "I meant the one in the room, when you said we'd make a new Council out of us. That's not really gonna happen, is it?" "Too bloody perceptive by half," Giles grumbled. "How did you know?" "You thought this handful of rugged individualists who probably couldn't organize an orgy in a cathouse were going to turn into the worldwide support network for thousands of confused teenage girls with superpowers? Nice try." "At least it got you all thinking about what's next. That was really the purpose of the exercise. But I imagine Robson or one of the other survivors from the old Council will be in touch soon. You might want to consider what you'd like to say to them." "Y'know, this whole responsibility thing sucks." "It'll only get worse in the next twenty years or so," he grinned. "Thanks" she glared. "What would I do without my favorite ray of sunshine to make it all so much brighter and cheerier?" "Sorry. I'm out of practice at lying." Buffy looked seriously at Giles. "Yeah. I know," she said at last. "It may piss me off, but it's really one of the best things about you." "Really? There are others?" Oh yeah." She began to move down the hall again. "Lots and lots things." He followed her, intrigued. "Lots, eh? Like what?" "Not telling," she giggled. "Oh, come on. Tell me." "No." "I'll give you ice cream." "Bribery, Giles? I'm shocked...but definitely interested. What else? With the ice cream?" "More? Heavens, woman, do you think I'm made of money?" "Hey, I'm just thinking of the practical, like a good grown up should. So, what else is on the table?" "All right, I give in. Ice cream and a jelly donut. But that's my final offer." As they rounded the corner, they were still laughing.
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