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Rambling About My Realization

Iíve recently come to a realization about myself. It started when I was talking to a friend I used to work with. We were never very close but we still talk when I go into my old job and I consider him a trusted friend. I will tell you he works in a store so it is easy for me to stop and talk to him whenever I go in. Well the first part of my realization is something Iíve known for a while. Itís the fact that he and I have very similar personalities. I tend to think of him as the straight version of me. We like similar movies and behave the same way to various circumstances. The only major differences are those caused because of my homosexuality.

The second part of my realization came one day when I was leaving the store. He was on the phone with someone who must have known him personally. I was ready to leave so I just waved good-bye so that I wouldnít interrupt his call. He responded to me out loud in saying good-bye as I was walking off. The person he was on the phone with must have asked him whom he was saying good-bye to because next I heard him say, ďoh, itís just this dude.Ē I donít know if he knows that I heard him say that but it hit home. After working with him and after a few years of visiting with him and trusting him with my secretes, Iím just a dude in the store. Here I was starting to think that I have a good friend who I would like to hang out with more often and Iím just a dude in the store.

After thinking about it for a while I realized that I couldnít really blame him. I already mentioned that we have similar personalities so it was easy for me to put myself in his shoes. He isnít comfortable with me as more than an acquaintance. So put both parts of this realization together and I have the key to a lot of my problems. I wouldnít want to be friends with me either. Now I understand the saying, ďYou canít make someone like you until you like yourself.Ē