03/15/01:
Beware the Ides of March.
Well, it's 1:23 am. I'm talking to a guy from Crosby who does drugs. He's talking about how he thinks intellectual people actually should be interested in them. I guess he's really smart and stuff. I dunno. I'm still not interested. I don't want to end up another casualty of small town boredom, I guess. Maybe I am afraid to try anything. I just don't want to have any consequences to live with. I hate consequences...
04/03/01:
Oops, it's April now. Yesterday was my birthday. Felt like crying for half of it. I'm too selfish. I think too much of myself. Why should I be treated special just because it's my birthday? I'm so conceited.
My mom's watching some retarded show on PAX. I don't know what the hell PAX is supposed to be, but it's seems to be some sort of Christian family channel. It sickens me. Anything that features shows like Miracle Pets is just disgusting. When I'm the all-powerful ruler of the universe, remind me to destroy Christianity. If they want to worship anything, they can worship me, the Goddess of Neurosis. Mike says I'm neurotic. Maybe I am. There has to be something wrong with me. A lot of somethings, maybe. I hate myself, and pretty much everyone else, randomly anymore. One day I'll be pissed off at Martine. The next day it'll be Mike. The next day Saby. Then myself... Oh, fuck it.
Well, that little bundle of joy wasn't even what I wanted to whine about. Funny how that happens... Now I don't really want to continue whining, though. Martine says I whine too much. She also says I'm really uncooperative. Then I say I'm a conceited, self-centered control freak. I'm so loveable.
04/07/01:
Well, I don't seem to know what day it is, what month it is, or even what year it is, anymore. I'm a moron. There. Now that that's been said, I don't have to repeat it later. I took the ACT this morning. I think I did okay. Especially for a moron. I at least managed to finish the test. I'll probably retake it at least once. But I'll hopefully have a respectable first score.
What else has happened recently? Oh, scores of things. This week has seemed like a month or two. Seriously, I can barely remember last Saturday, so much crap has happened since. I had a debate and a presentation to get ready earlier this week. Then there's Precalc homework. That never ends. I also had a speech to write. I guess it wasn't so bad in the homework department after Tuesday night. But, starting Thursday, I had to waitress at the dinner theater. All three nights. Tonight, I was stupid enough to wear one of my two pairs of black shoes, neither of which are very comfortable. I now have a sizeable blister on my heel. But I'll live. I watched the play tonight. It was really good. It was also pretty funny. I almost regret not being in it. But it was nice to just sit out and watch once. Afterwards, I had to pick my sister up from the cast party. So it's 1:40 am and I'm still awake. My mom expects me to go to church in the morning. I don't think I've been to church yet this year. And I don't think I'm attending church after next year. Yeah. I wonder at what point my parents will begin wondering where they went wrong in raising me. Wait, I think my mom already has. She really embarrassed me last night, when she started giving other people's children some of her famous "stay in school or you'll end up doing this" lectures at the dinner theater. Ugh. It's bad enough that I have to suffer through it, but burdening other kids with her parenting! Christ. It's almost as bad as Peggy telling my mom how to raise me. Or Mr. Dougherty trying to give parenting lectures... My mom is failing miserably with this whole motivating me thing. I'm the only one who do that. *sighs* Oh well. She means well. I guess that's just one more good intention paving the road to hell.
*yawns* Damnit, I'm tired. And rambling. I waws going to talk about Aaron Goddard and HAARP, but I may save that for a story if I ever get time. I think I'm going to bed now.
04/08/01:
I had an interesting dream last night. Guess what it was about? Nope! Not the internet, but close. It goes in the category of "meeting online friends." This guy I talk to frequently on ICQ (who will remain nameless) came to visit. Of course, since it's my brain, everything was a little off. Namely in the setting. Typically, the thing that's most unrealistic in my dreams is the setting. This time, I lived in kind of a big, dilapadated house. It must've been really nice a few decades ago. Also, my yard and driveway were different. And so was my church. But the time was actually pretty accurate. It took place during events kind of similar to this weekend's. Also, the characters were a bit different. I was a lot cooler than I'd ever really be, for example. But, anyway, back to the dream.
The guy showed up sort of unexpectedly. Well, not really unexpectedly, I knew he was coming, just I didn't get around to asking my parents and telling them every detail and such. Shortly after he arrived, my parents decided they hated him. I was glad he came up. I decided to show him all the interesting things to do in Watford. So, we went to the play, and I introduced him to some of the cast members afterwards. Most people looked at him pretty strangely, but he sort of hit it off with one person there he had something in common with. The next day, my parents were making me go to church for some reason or another, so he came with. We were going to just sit in the back pew and mock Pastor Tom, but I guess something really major was happening there that day, there were TV cameras and stuff, so the guy decides to go up to the front of the church and, since nobody here would ever see him again, make a fool out of himself. He went up at the front of the church, then stood by the pastor waving like he belonged there or something, then distracted the pastor and got up in the pulpit and started saying all this crap. I couldn't hear him because I was at the back of the room and the parishners were getting really angry. He ended up fleeing the church, and dragging me with him, then we ran by the house with a crowd of angry hicks chasing us, then jumped into his pickup and got the hell out of Dodge. We ended up back in his town, and he was bragging about what he did that ended up live on North Dakota TV. None of his friends gave a damn. Then my mom came in and woke me up and made me get ready for church. Stupid parents. I was actually enjoying the dream.
04/15/01:
Today's Easter. Woo.
04/19/0l:
Tomorrow is Hitler's birthday and the two year anniversary of the shooting at Columbine High School. Today was the six year anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing. So much death stemming from these two days in April. Makes you sick, doesn't it?
I feel sick anyway. April 18th can be "Emily's a Bitch Day." Basically, Martine said something mean about Mike and I flipped out. I ended up unreasonably mad, and was so mean to her last night, I don't even think I can forgive myself. Damn, I'm going to be mad if I ended up losing out on friendship with her just because I acted irrationally, stupidly, childishly, and generally immaturely. *sighs* This blows.
4/24/01:
It's 3:15. I should be working on an assignment for speech (that's what I went to the computer lab to do), but instead I'm checking my e-mail submitting really retarded stuff to various pages on Purple Pyjamas. Okay, so far I've only submitted to Prosers/Poets. I told Laura that if she ever posts anything I write, it means she's gone insane. So I'll keep testing her. Martine has also reached a new level of boredom. I can see her reading the content of one of the pages, as well.
God, I can't believe how lazy I am. I have a sonnet to write for tomorrow. I also have a speech. A three minute demonstration speech. I have to have it memorized and ready to deliver tomorrow. It has to be the best work of my life. I can't even think of anything I'm good at or anything I can demonstrate. Maybe I can show everyone how to do a math problem. Or how to write a sonnet. It's easy enough to know how to write one, it's an entirely different matter to actually write one. Sonnets suck. I think I'll write some long essay about how much I hate sonnets. Because I do hate them. I can't figure out why they exist. I mean what demented soul created the sonnet? Was this person somehow related to the inventor of calculus? Or to the person who found ways to make calculus a required course for everything? I mean, eventually colleges will offer "calculus for fry cooking." That has to be one of the signs of the apocalypse. You know, I just realized something. Everything I'm bitching about in here could go in the opinion section of my page. I'm such a retard, I swear. I'm also turning into THE typical teenage girl. I'm about that shallow and stupid...
