10/09/00:
October second ended exactly 16 1/2 years of nothing male liking me. After a week of playing hard-to-get (and just being extremely weirded out), I ended up with my first boyfriend :) This is definitely different. But it's nice... He's prolly coming up here next weekend. And we're going to Snowball. And if this thing lasts, I won't have to worry about finding a prom date, either :)
10/11/00:
Woah, this must be some sort of record for me. Two journal entries within a few days of eachother. I finally have my first enemy at CG :) Unfortunately, that person's too cowardly to reveal his/her identity. I'm guessing it's female, though. I have challenged it to fight me via e-mail, but I don't know if that's gonna happen. So far everyone that hates everyone has been ruled out, so it's prolly either Musey, Savant, or one of Savant's few fans. *shrugs* This is definitely interesting, though. And Mike's being kinda cute. He's defending me and plotting with me and stuff... This is fun :)
10/14/00:
Bored... So bored... I'm seriously considering working on my history report. Or my english project. Or finding my Sailor Mercury keychain since my parents are finally giving me keys to the van and the Geo. I guess they got sick of me asking "Mom! Where are the keys?!" five minutes before I had to be in town for pep band. Heh. Now that I have stuff I COULD be doing, I'm not as bored. I'm just enjoying the peace of procrastination. :) God, I'm lazy!
I guess Martine read through here again the other day. And Mike did a few days before. It still amazes me that people find this stuff readable. I mean, it's me talking to myself! How boring can you get?
STILL 10/14/00:
Mad at myself. I origionally was gonna say "mad at Martine" but I'm really just taking my anger on her. I've been so goddamn lazy lately. It's bothering me now. I can't motivate myself to do anything. Plus I just finished reading another book. Have you ever found yourself almost hating a character and then wound up comparing yourself to him/her? And then, of course, you figure out all the multitude of ways you're exactly like that. Yeah. I haven't hated myself for, God, I think it's been months! I guess it's about time it happened again... Well, this'll pass. I'm just a naturally bright and cheerful person :P
Oh, more comments on the journal. "It kind of brings a whole new perspective to future unabombers." Kickass! I scare Dominique!
10/15/00:
God, I have SO much to do tonight that I'm not going to do! But as long as I'm online, I can pretend that I'm busy and put everything off until another day. God... I'm so horribly lazy. I just can't motivate myself to do anything... Okay, that's it. Right now. I'm gonna go work on something for English.
Some Wednesday in October...
Hey, I know what month it is. I even know what day it is. I'm just clueless as to the date. And too lazy to move my mouse down to the lower right hand corner of my screen and look. Which is pathetic, since I keep having to reach up and click on ICQ messages, anyway... *shrugs* What can I say? I don't make sense...
10/21/00:
It's 1:11 am. Just thought I'd say that. I'm tired. Sort of. I dunno. I can't think clearly at any rate. *laughs* No, for all you Watfordians wondering if I had joined your drunken ranks (wow, I'm gonna catch hell in school for that one :P), I'm perfectly sober. Just tired. I woke up at 7 this morning. I prolly have to get up fairly early tomorrow, too. Mike's coming up. I still have some cleaning to do (I'm lazy, goddamnit!) and... Yeah. I guess that'll be interesting enough.
*blinks* Aw, fuck it. I really am tired. Already. weird.
10/22/00:
Wow. I actually motivated myself to move the mouse to the lower right corner of the screen and figure out what day it was. Mike was here yesterday. It was interesting. I guess it went relatively well. He's not afraid of my family, at least. They're strange people... I still don't know what to think of him... So far I haven't gotten over the whole superficial of it. What he looks and dresses like and such. That's really horrible of me, I know. Just because his shirt featured a cartoon about the Y2K bug... I'm so shallow I disgust myself. I guess you find out a lot about yourself the first time you enter a relationship. I'm horribly shy and horribly shallow. Great things to be, huh? God, by the time this is over, I have a feeling I'm going to hate myself. I've been really hating myself off and on since this thing started... *sighs*
10/24/00:
God, it would be nice to see the future. To be able to say happy things are coming and know they are. Plus, it would give me something a hell of a lot better to look at than the past. Does anyone just at some random time start reflecting on fights they've had with their friends? Have you ever started wondering if it was really all your fault? Whenever anything happened, I'd pretty much believe that it was all because of me saying something wrong and apologize profusely and move on. Well, God... Could everything that anyone's ever done to upset me really be completely my fault? The two years that Martine continually got mad at me for being too loud? Now people can barely hear me half the time... I'm afraid I'll get yelled at if I get any louder... I'm afraid I'm going to get too annoying and everyone'll hate me again. I'm so fucking insecure sometimes it's funny. It's never bugged me. I thought I brought everything upon myself, though. I mean, I MUST have deserved everything I got, why else would they have done it to me?
See? I need to quit dwelling in the past.
10/26/00:
Hmm... I suck. Yeah, big revelation, huh? :P
10/29/00:
Well, I suppose I should apologize for the strangeness of the last few days' entries. I don't even think the one from the 24th is coherently typed. The sad thing is, I don't even have an excuse. I wasn't drunk, I wasn't tired, I was just a bad writer that night :P Um, anyway, having said that, I guess I can get on with tonight's entry. I watched the clock on the computer flip from Daylight Savings Time to... um... regular time! Heh. I happened to be talking to Kevin on ICQ when it happened. I usually refer to the message history a lot due to my nonexistant short term memory. Well, now I actually have to scroll down for more recent messages cuz it's an hour earlier. I found that amusing. Maybe I am getting tired... :P Yeah... Screw updating everyone on my life. I think I'll just get some sleep. Ha. Like anyone cares anyway. Wait, Mike cares... *laughs at Mike* Heh. There. That being done, I can go to bed.
11/3/00:
*yawns* I'm tired. It's not even 1 am yet, but I'm tired... Oh well. It's nice. I know I don't have to get up tomorrow, even though it's Friday. No school. There wasn't school today, either. God bless snow days :) I had a Chemistry test and a History test scheduled for today. I wasn't prepared for either. But the entire Junior class bitched and moaned, and if there is a God, he heard their prayers and school was cancelled. Actually, it wouldn't have mattered, since I think they managed to convince Mr. O'Connor to move his test. And it would've been funny if Dougherty had moved his, too. They were both considering it :P Yeah. So I'm tired. But you can't just waste a late night like this. I've been online for 11 hours now, off and on. Jeez... I think this is a problem.
11/4/00:
And one more name goes on the list of nuts who have asked me to help them conquer the world. There are too many to count, anymore! :P
Lindsey's talking about class rings. We're picking out a nice, plain one for me. The year I graduate and my initials. sounds good. I don't even know if I want a class ring. Do I like my town? Not really. Do I like my school? No. Do I like my class? They're okay. Do I really give a damn? No. Would I be heartbroken if I didn't get a ring? No. So why am I getting a ring? Meaningless tradition. Well, that's settled.
11/14/00:
Yeah. I'm still here. I guess I kind of forgot I had a journal. I've been sorta busy lately. And I'm pressed for time now. So, yeah. Real entry sometime later!
11/25/00:
Well, I HAVE been sort of busy lately, what with drama and all... And I've just been lazy. I haven't had too much to say here. Well, I guess I really have, I just haven't wanted to say it. I could discuss the happenings of a couple of Mondays this month. That'd be interesting. One involved a trip up to Williston for pep band. Erickson, the genius, left the bus in gear with the brake on. Or maybe it was some Freshmen playing racecar driver on the bus, like he claimed. But the general feeling is that it was Erickson. So, the bus's transmission was destroyed. And we were in the middle of a blizzard. We ended up stranded in McDonald's for close to two hours, while they tried to figure out how we were going to get home. Finally, we got a bus from Williston. Erickson told us to just leave our instruments on our bus, he'd come back for them later. I didn't get mine 'til the bus came back a week and a half later. He forgot it. Anyway, after we got on the Williston bus, it took us over two hours to get home. It normally takes less than 45 minutes. The roads were really bad.
Then, this last Monday we went up there again for this college/career fair thing at Williston State College. I discovered that all their freshman courses are a review of high school and all of Watford City wants to go into Mortuary Science :) Oh, and I saw a guy with magenta hair and a black trenchcoat. He was really friendly, though. I guess he worked at a country radio station for awhile, too. No, I was not stalking him, if that's what you're thinking... Just following him around and trying to figure out who he was :P I instinctively try to make friends with the freaks. But he seemed disappointingly normal. All smiley and stuff. This caused Martine to go off about how people should dress to match their personalities. Of course, I don't, either. If I did, I'd prolly dress a lot like that guy. I loved his shirt. "Mary had a little lamb. And I ate it." Or something like that. I could only see part of it because of the trenchcoat. *laughs* Yeah. But, anyway, ever since that trip up to Williston, I've really wanted to get out of here. I really could just take a couple classes correspondence and graduate through that... I could be out of here by the end of the school year, maybe. But I know I won't...
12/02/00:
Ugh. Painting the set today was hell... I mean, the set looks nice and all, but God! We were there for 6 hours! For the last two or three, Peggy (my former confirmation guide from hell) just suddenly showed up and started bossing everyone around! They were about halfway through painting the wood grain on the barn and then Peggy showed up and said they were doing it all wrong and had to start over. So I ended up helping her redo it. God... That sucked. And it looked worse after we were done than it did when the other girls were doing it! Then, I felt so sorry for Jamie Jokela. She was in charge until Peggy came and started bossing HER around. If I were her, I wouldn't have been able to stand it... I mean, Peggy considers herself the expert on EVERYTHING! She tells the people in charge of painting the set for our play how to paint it, she tells my parents how to raise me, she tells everyone her opinion on THIER job! Just butt the hell out, Peggy! Heh. Yeah, I know. Well, nobody else can stand her, either...
But Simpson did buy us pizza. And Mel, Gina, and I went and laughed at Schwartz's senior picture, again. That was funny. I guess it wasn't too bad.
12/25/00:
Well, I've been REALLY busy this month! With the play and Snowball and everything. And then my computer was down for a week. Ack. But, yes, I am still alive. I've had a pretty good month. Mike came up for both the play and Snowball. The weather was SO bad for Snowball, though! I went out to Martine's and we could maybe see 20 feet in front of us the whole way driving into town. That sucked. And then after the dance it was even worse. And it was SO fucking cold! Mike drove me home afterwards then didn't want to drive back into town. So he stayed out here over night. Not like anything happened. We're both complete cowards. Around 3:30 am he did work up the nerve to kiss me, though. We both need a lot of practice at that, yet. I think it lasted less than a second and I burst out laughing afterwards.
I had a good Christmas, too. I got everything I wanted. And I get to go to Bismarck the 29th! I'm looking forward to seeing Mike again. Yeah. Long distance relationships bite.
