COMMISSIONER CRASHER vs VOLCANO

It's ICW Live and "Psychopath" by Sultans Of Ping blasts out of the massive speakers in the arena. From underneath the Spikertron walks Commissioner Crasher with his suit and tie on. He marches down to the ring purposefully. Once at ringside he enters the ring and calls down to the timekeepers table for a microphone. A mic is thrown up to him and he catches it before addressing everyone in the arena.

Commissioner Crasher: Do you scumbags realise that week by week you tune in or turn up to watch the biggest load of bullshit ever screened on television???

The crowd boo.

Commissioner Crasher: When you saw Volcano pledging an alliance with Main Event, were you bunch of idiots all shocked?

The crowd chant ASSHOLE!!! ASSHOLE!!! ASSHOLE!!!

Commissioner Crasher: If you looked a little further than you shallow minds allow you to, then you would soon realise that each and every ICW wrestler that is not a part of the Royal Kliq will be victimised at our hands. That includes you Volcano. These shallow minded fans do not realise that Volcano is a pawn in the staff's wicked game against Royal Kliq. Volcano has been strategically moved to Main Event by Mr D, and why? He just simply wants to protect himself and his fed.

You see, Volcano. If I were to judge people by their strength of character, then you wouldn't even be on the list. When have you ever made a decision for yourself Cano? Ever? Or have you right the way throughout your pathetic life had someone there to hold your hand at all times.

This is what makes me a bigger man than you Cano. The have the balls to do whatever the fuck I like. You however...well...if we took a look down your pants Cano, we'd soon discover that there is nothing there. It is empty. There ARE no balls!!!

Looking back over the months that I've been here, I remember back at Christmastime, it was me and you Cano that were making the waves in ICW. You had your main eventers at the time, and then you had the people who you damn well knew, would ver soon be main eventing. Those people were us. As we climbed the ladder of success here in ICW, almost simultaneously, we both received World Title shots at two of the biggest pay-per-views in ICW history. Both of us came away from our respective matches empty handed and bitter. We were bitter because both of us believed we were screwed out of the title. So let's take a look at what has happened since shall we?

Look at me Cano, I am the federation's Commissioner and I have recently proved that I am good enough to win any title any time I want by snatching the United States Championship from under Pyro's nose with the greatest of ease. And you Volcano? You have simply been on the sidelines, crying about silly little shitty injuries which nobody gives a fuck about. Me and you have never seen eye to eye Volcano. The only way that you can hope the tension dies down between me and you, is for you to leave ICW. Coz as long as you wrestle in the ICW and are not a member of the Royal Kliq, you will be punished, and that applies for absolutely every other wrestler that falls into those two criteria. Things are about to change around here, and I plan to make an example out of Volcano on Friday Night.

In fact, I'm gonna warn absolutely everyone on the card at Friday Night Riot. EACH AND EVERY WRESTLER should keep an eye on their back, because we are just gonna strike out at random. On absolutely anyone. At anytime. Coz anyone who ain't aligned with Royal Kliq is obviously an ICW kiss-arse, and it's the ICW kiss-arses that stop this fed from improving. The reason why this fed can't improve? Because the staff are incompetent. The way to make this fed better is the Royal Kliq way. And if you don't appreciate that, we're simply gonna hurt ya. Simple.

Commissioner Crasher throws his microphone out of the ring and marches back up the ramp to the backstage area. The crowd continue to boo him all the way!!!

* * * * *

Later on in the broadcast Rebecca Thompson attempts to apprehend Commissioner Crasher backstage. She sees him walking towards his office and calls after him.

Rebecca Thompson: Commissioner?

Commissioner Crasher turns and faces Rebecca. He looks her up and down.

Rebecca Thompson: Commissioner, I just wanted to hear your thoughts on the main event at Friday Night Riot, where you will be going one-on-one with Volcano.

Commissioner Crasher rubs his chin thoughtfully.

Commissioner Crasher: You know Rebecca. You really shouldn't be speaking to me should you?

Rebecca Thompson: Shouldn't I?

Commissioner Crasher: You take pride in working for the ICW don't you?

Rebecca Thompson: Well yes as a matter of fact I do.

Commissioner Crasher: Well then you have an awful lot to learn then don't you young lady.

Rebecca Thompson: Do I?

Commissioner Crasher: Oh yes.

Rebecca Thompson: Why would you have so much against this establishment Commissioner?

Commissioner Crasher: I expect more sensible and educated questions from a woman of your position Rebecca. I'll refer to the likes of Volcano to answer this one. Volcano has all this time off that he's had recently and then suddenly he comes back and gets this big Friday Night Riot main event match with me. Now, why should he be stepping in the ring with me. He should be fighting some idiot like Rage or Cosmo Moore, not a man that slogs his guts out each and every week like me. So Rebecca, you ask me what I have against this establishment. Well, the only reason Volcano has been granted a match against the man that will be the next World Champion, that man being me, is because he is the biggest all-round kiss-arse this federation has ever know. It's "Mr D, can I do this?", "Mr D, let me do that?", "Mr D let me lick your arse clean", and he gets what he wants wen he wants. It's just too bad for him that he's too talentless to capitalise on the ridiculous amount of opportunities he gets. If it was someone like me taking time off, a man that fights for what he believes in, the biassed staff of this federation wouldn't allow me to step back into the main event scene.

Rebecca Thompson: But will the staff's attitude to Volcano change in the light of his shocking alliance with the Main Event stable?

Commissioner Crasher: No way!!! I believe that Main Event, for all their ruthlessness and bad-mouthing of people, are totally manipulated by Mr D. Main Event is an institution created by Mr D to rid the ICW of the great Royal Kliq. Well, people have tried their very hardest to get rid of me before, and each and every time without success. If anyone thinks that the likes of Volcano is gonna put me in my place, then you have made a very sad underestimation of my ability both in and out of the ring.

Rebecca Thompson: Regardless of what you say, Commissioner, Volcano has proved to this federation that he is capable of running with the best. It was simply down to bad luck alone why he didn't win the World Championship at WrestleRage II.

Commissioner Crasher: Bad luck my arse. If Volcano had a few more brain cells in his head, he wouldn't have made a stupid error like the one he made. This is the one thing that will ensure that Volcano will never be the great man that I am. The fact that I have brains, and he doesn't!!!

Rebecca Thompson: Volcano has stepped inside the ring with you and beaten you in the past.

Commissioner Crasher: Would you shut up Rebecca you stupid bitch. Who the hell do you think you are, trying to belittle me like that. You are just a woman that stands their trying to look pretty and act clever. Unfortunately, you have just shown the entire world how pathetically stupid you really are by trying to compare a thick and untalented bastard like Volcano to a man of great dignity and achievement as me. Volcano, you will simply be brushed aside on my route to winning the ICW World Title. And when I do win the World Title at Beach Brawl, I will come and explain to you why I am capable of winning the World Championship, and you aren't. Simply because you have no initiative.

Rebecca Thompson: Volcano has no initiative?

Commissioner Crasher: That's right. The only reason he made it to the high card is because he kissed HHH's arse for months on end. Eventually HHH saw you for the prick you really are. I mean, is it a sheer coincidence that after you linked up with HHH, his career went down the drain? I don't think so. You simply used his ability in the federation to propel yourself to the main event scene, and you wanna know why? Coz you didn't have any ability of your own to make it by yourself. You are, no less, the ICW bum!!!

Commissioner Crasher storms off before Rebecca Thompson can ask him any more questions.

* * * * *

In the Royal Kliq dressing room Commissioner Crasher is sitting alongside his wife. Insane Clown Posse is playing rather loudly in the dressing room.

Commissioner Crasher: Darling, is there any chance of you turning that shit off while I'm trying to get focussed on my match against Volcano?

Angel Devyne-Chazzeller: You never let me play my CD's. Why can't you just stop being so damn miserable and learn to lighten up?

Commissioner Crasher: Lighten up? How can you listen to that and lighten up? You lighten up to the sound of The Bachelors and Simon and Garfunkel, not that shit.

Angel rolls her eyes.

Commissioner Crasher: You know actually, it might be a good thing you playing all that shit. It winds me up. I get a bit fired up and frustrated. It makes me wanna kick someone's arse badly. Maybe Volcano is gonna get a really bad kicking from me because you've made me angry Angel, by playing that shit music.

Angel Devyne-Chazzeller: It ain't shit. You're just an old fart.

Commissioner Crasher: I ain't that old. You're just young. I'm in the prime of my life. Volcano's in big trouble when he steps in the ring with me. I am such an intense physical specimen.

Angel Devyne-Chazzeller: Yes dear.

Angel rolls her eyes again.

Commissioner Crasher: I mean, why doesn't Volcano piss off over to Japan or something. Learn about wrestling and all the different styles of wrestling. Maybe he'll stop being a boy and become a man when he learns a bit more about the world. Hey Angel, did I ever tell you about when I went over to Japan when I was 29?

Angel's reply is a very sarcastic one.

Angel Devyne-Chazzeller: Yes Chris, I think you told me once or twice.

Commissioner Crasher: Man, that experience really put hairs on my chest. Volcano is like so many others in the ICW. He knows bugger all about the wrestling industry, yet he still believes he can go toe to toe with me. Incredible. Still, you have to give him credit for that. He's ambitious. Well, either ambitious or incredibly fucking stupid. It's a pity for him that I have to kick his arse again. Then again, maybe he'll learn not to mess with people a lot bigger and stronger than him.

Angel Devyne-Chazzeller: Listen Chris, you know we were talking about you and your relationship with the ICW the other day. Did you make you mind up about things?

Commissioner Crasher: Well, it's funny you should mention that coz it's this match with Volcano that's helped me to make my mind up. The fact that he gets a main event match when he has done bugger all in the last two months in ICW, it makes me sick. It's definitely time to declare war on the ICW big time. But there are a few things that need to be sorted out before we kick everyone's arse. You know, once I've got this match with Volcano out of the way, I'm gonna make an important announcement. At an ICW Live event over the weekend, all of us from the Royal Kliq are gonna get in that ring and I'm gonna make that important announcement there and then, and Angel...?

Angel Devyne-Chazzeller: Yes.

Commissioner Crasher: My announcement is gonna shake up this entire federation. You can bank on it.

Angel smiles knowingly at her husband as Commissioner Crasher continues to get ready for his match.