Communication Improvement Plan

Richard Barnes

2-10-03

1. RELATIONSHIP

The relationship that I have chosen to identify with is with my girlfriend's mother.  Since

my girlfriend and I separated on 12-17-02, we have wanted to spend some time together.

However, her mother has not allowed for us to spend any time at her place. Tiffany, my

girlfriend, now lives with her mother and has had to devote more time to our newborn

son, Dakota. By being so stiff and close-minded she has caused Tiffany and I to

somewhat drift apart. On the other hand the only definitive reason to better the

relationship may be all for not if Tiffany decides to allow our relationship to fade.

2. POSITIVE ASPECTS

Communications between Deborah, Tiffany's mother, and I have been very limited to this

point due to the fact that their upbringing and lifestyle intimidate me. They come from

rich families and I came from a very poor family. These lifestyles have shown in the

relationship between Tiffany and I. Communications have been somewhat upgraded

since Dakota's arrival. After all they both want me to be a father. I have tried to just start

casual conversations that sometimes are recognized, but Deborah is still short in her

words.

3. NEGATIVE ASPECTS

There are several negative aspects of communication prohibiting this relationship to

further itself. First, Deborah is set in her ways. She does not know me that well as of yet

but still acknowledges my connection to her family. Deborah also does not attempt to talk

my direction at all. She does when I notice that she is commenting to something I have

said. Otherwise it is almost as if earning the right to speak to her.

4. DEFINE THE PROBLEM

Deborah, I have noticed, is not an outgoing person by nature. However she did raise her

daughter to have good judgement. In my opinion, Deborah should trust in her daughter's

judgement. She should believe that Tiffany has made a good choice in a father. If this is

unacceptable, then she needs to tune in that I am the father of her grandson, and the law

allows visiting rights when support is being paid.

5. GOAL

I would like to be able to visit my son freely. Every person abides by a standard of morals

and I believe that our ethics do not differ in a great way. I can accept that Tiffany does

not want to be with me, but I cannot condone the keeping of my child from me. The goal

is to establish a specific line of communication with Deborah and to familiarize her with

my being. The only way I feel like that is going to happen is to earn her trust.

6. PROCEDURE

I have already invited her to an upcoming function at my house. I feel that if Deborah can

realize that we are not so different then she may loosen up. I have also tried to talk to

Tiffany about this situation, however I am still getting no results. The procedure must be

slow and precise. I must include Deborah in any possible way so that she can get to know

me better. Our relationship to this point has been yet short, but comfort leads to defense

walls breaking down.

7. TEST OF ACHIEVING GOAL

If success occurs then Deborah will allow me to visit her home as long as I have

announced my presence. I am not asking for any miraculous turn-around, but she may be

able to become aware that I am truly a good person. As time allows I hope that Deborah

realizes and has faith in me as a father and a person.