It's Never Too Late
Sometimes, for no discernible reason, I am filled with a wistful yearning for years gone by. I look back on my life and see the friendships that have fallen by the wayside, and I am filled with regret. It would have cost me so little effort to have maintained them.
There were many people who had an impact on my life. They took the time to talk to me, and the time to listen. They believed in me when I didn’t even believe in myself. They saw the positive, when all I could see was the negative. They stood by me when I was ready to give up. Yet I rarely, if ever, said “Thank you.” They are only two words, but I never thought to say them.
There were those who tried to give me love, one of the most precious gifts possible. I pushed them away and ran in the opposite direction as fast as I could. The few times I began to believe in love, I usually found some way to destroy it. Barring that, I found every possible reason for it not to work out, and then made them stick.
I look at my children and see the miracles that I have been given. Yet even seeing that, I find myself always “too busy right now.” There are days my children may hear the words, “Not now,” “Mommy’s busy,” “No,” or “In a minute,” more than a dozen times in as many hours. But I have to stop and think to remember if I’ve bothered to say “I love you” to each of them, and I am filled with shame.
I see a television show on which an elderly family member dies, and I think of my grandmother. She is probably the only person in my life who has always accepted me exactly as I am and still loved me wholeheartedly. Yet I can’t remember the last time I wrote her a letter. It is such a simple thing and gives her so much happiness to hear from me. But I’m always too busy. There are only so many hours in a day.
I am now married to a wonderful man. He tries so hard to help me and to be there for me. He tries to understand me in all of my moods. He loves me, sometimes in spite of those moods. While I do tell him I love him and I do thank him for the good things, I often neglect to tell him during the rough times how much I appreciate his efforts. I am usually too wrapped up in situations to acknowledge that at least he tries. It is not his fault that things are not perfect. That is just a fact of life.
Most of the time I feel like I do pretty well, and life is good. But once in a while, this wistful yearning hits, and I realize that it is more than yearning. There is a feeling of sorrow, both for the things I have lost and the things I may lose in the future. It is then that I realize that all is not lost. Like the proverbial ray of light shining through the clouds, I see that I still have the greatest gift of all - life. As long as we have that, it is never too late.
Yes, I have made mistakes. But I have learned from them as well. So before it is too late, I am going to write to my grandmother. Then I’m going to kiss my children and tell them I love them. After that, I think I will go spend some time with my husband. After all, there are only so many hours in a day, and I do not want to miss a one of them.
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