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<5:11 PM>
YIPPEE KAYAYE! that's spelled wrong just in case you don't know but o well. Ahhhh it's so refreshing to know that school is letting out soon and I still don't know what to do with it. I just know that Nicole will be leaving in late June :'( sniff sniff). OI I got a guitar from Tim. It's horrible but it works, I just need to buy new strings because I broke them. Yesterday's track meet sucked... it was 45 degrees outside and windy as all hell and I was freezing my ass off. I didn't run well in the 8(i sucked) but in the 4 I kicked ass and we won the gold =).
<10:38 PM>
UGhhhhhhh school is finally almost out! I'm so happy but sad at the same time because Nicole isn't going to be there anymore =(. Hopefully the time will pass faster so that I can finally be rid of school for another year. But now I have Nicole and I can say that I'm going to have a great summer =). LALALALALALALALALAL
<10:19 PM>
Good morning!!! Gah I'm hungry right now. I wanna do something today but I just don't know what. I sent in for an Air Force Academy brochure. Bold move but I'm just exploring my options for after highschool. On another note would someone please SEND ME AN E-MAIL!!!!! rowrrrr >:o. Hehe really please send me something!!! Make me feel special!
<12:17 AM>
Oi I just got home from Nicole's house. We saw Star Wars. Now that is a good movie. Even though some of the lines seemed out of place the action was intense!!! And seeing it with Nicole made it all the better. =) I know that I went home happy and I am happy =)!
<12:39 PM>
K. This day is going to suck. First off we gotta get back to school tomorrow. I gotta study for my physics final and I have to do my term paper. Oi at least I get to see Episode 1 today ^_^. O yes you must buy this cd!!!!! It took me a forever to find it but I finally did so get it!
The album is by a group called Tony Stark and the name of the album is High Tech Low Life.
Tony Stark!!
<6:15 AM>
Nicole broke up with me yesterday.... I don't know now. I feel horrible, the worst ever. I only slept for 2 hours last night. Even while I slept it was like a nightmare. The rest of the time I was up I was just thinking about her. I don't want it to be over. Even though it's hard to see each other I have no problem with that. So today can be the last day I ever see her. If only I could cry anymore... but I can't. I ran out of tears last night.
<5:39 M>
I'm a wreck. My mind has been just replaying last night like if it were a broken record. I can't handle this. I really don't know what to do. I saw her today and tried to act like nothing happened and she picked up on it. But that's the thing I don't know how to act. I need her. I just want to be able to talk to her and tell her how I'm feeling right now. I did write Nicole a not last night. it was a page front and back and half of another page. It just pretty much said how I really felt about her during the different times we went out. I'm just going into that phase were I hope that things will work out that everything will be ok. Oh God I don't know what to do!!! Without her I'm nothing. Everything is so out of place. I have no one to turn to except her and I don't even know if I can. She said that we can be friends... well then. I want to be great friends. And we broke up for a good reason. We just don't have the time for eachother. If only I could I would make time. And everything would work out. I never would of imagined that it would hurt this much.
I feel like I'm dying. I hope that note does do something. A visit, a phone call, or anything. I just want a sign that things will work out.PLEASE!!!!!!!
<11:00 PM>
Well it's been about 4 days since we broke up. I'm getting over it kinda. I don't see myself ever really though. I don't know how to explain it, it's just like a little piece of myself is gone now. I'd like to have it back but I like it where it is. Go on keep it! Oh yes I'm going to warped tour yesssssss.
<9:34 PM>
Heya what's happening? I finally got my Tony Stark cd today! I was so happy. It's a really good cd but Trailer is still the best. It's just so
amazing in every right. Well I feel pretty much the same but hey I just got a hit from somebody!!!! YAY
<8:46 PM>
Yes school is almost over just 4 more days and 4 exams!!! Gah and yesterday was a good day... a great day. I finally saw Karina and she signed my yearbook. Nicole was there:gasps: and she signed it too! And we talked and it was amazing. We are friends! YESSSSS. On top of that she wrote a super inspiring note in my yearbook.:joy:. Oink now we have the ACA which i will speak of no further.Hmmm o yeah Sarah thought i was trying to mack it to her online a few days ago=-P. Hehe if she only knew. Ughhhh I don't know what to type in now! I'm going to warped tour yay!
<9:54 PM>
Today was alright... I woke up and did nothing. Tim came over and we hung out for a couple o hours. Then I got home at like 9 and my mom bit my fucking head off. She's in a bad mood and I just wish I could slap her around a bit >:o. Yesssss graduation is tomorrow!!! ^_^
<10:53 PM>
Well today was the graduation. I thought it was going to be great. It was but now I'm like super low. Just like I realize that Nicole is gone. And I just can't seem to not stop feeling bad about it. Well I feel like typing alot so here's what happened:
I get there and I see Chris, Chris, Omar, and Bob. So I sit with them up on top of the bleachers. What a coincidence I was sitting next to Tracy(Nicole's sister). So the graduation went on and on. It was alright some decent speeches nothing to great. Then afterwards we get down and split up and I just try to find somebody I know. I find Karina and just hang around her because I knew that everyone would bunch up. So yes we did bunch up. Most of the other gang was there and stuff. And Tom and Joe(not sure his name just taking a good guess I hope it is though hehe) were there(Nicole's forever long friends). They're pretty cool I think they're alot like me taste wise. Easy to strike up a conversation with.
After awhile everyone started to leave so off we went. Only I couldn't find my uncle. So I was stuck with Nicole and the gang just waiting and stuff. This sucks because I don't know what the hell to do I don't want to wind up at Nicole's house and have my uncle still looking for me grrr. So anyway we start to walk and I'm just pretty much lost and I see Nicole in the short distance just walking off with Tom and Joe. I fell apart. She knew that I wasn't sure if I could get home or not and she's just walking away. So I have to walk super fast to catch up and stuff. And then again we just wait and wait and wait. After a bit like 5 minutes(not as long as I said hehe) she says that she's walking with Tom and Joe back to her house. There I am not knowing what to do and she is pretty much about to walk away. I know that we don't go out but that's like leaving somebody behind. You just don't do that.... ever.
So to me that rings a bell that says that she might've not have even cared about me and such. I try to disbelieve that so much. I try so hard not to think about anything we did. But then again I have the fucking prom picture right above my monitor. I know that she's been friends with them a super fucking long time. Probably longer than I can ever remember. But to pretty much walk away from any friend like that just crushed me. I'm at rock bottom right now. Like all the good times were just a giant lie. Well back to the story. I walk around and finally find my uncle (phew!). I say hang on a sec so I can tell Nicole's parents that he's there and they don't have to worry about me and I see Nicole in the van friendless. I'm guessing that they wouldn't let her seeing that it was dark already. Oi it just came to mind... I was never invited for cake afterward but Tom and Joe were!!! Gah I wish I could just bang my head into the damn refrigerator. It's a terrible feeling.
Like you missing something to work right or like a part of you is just being destroyed. My stomach hurts so much. Just thinking about everything. It was all for nothing in my eyes but I keep on trying to see past that and hang on to the good(best times of my life) I had with her. And I really don't feel comfortable with talking about this with my friends. They're great and all but I'd feel like a total fool to go to them for help. I wish I could go to Nicole but I don't know anymore it just seems that she's in her own world over there. I stepped over was welcomed warmly and rejected when I wasn't needed anymore. I feel so terrible. I haven't felt this bad since last summer and that was a total disaster. I hope I can get over this sometime soon. I want to move on but I want to move on with her. I see myself amounting up to nothing without her. Who I once thought was a person that I could confide in is no more. I really need somebody right now....
I saw Sarah and she gave me a hug!!!!
<9:51 PM>
Hey. Today sucked. I took my history exam and that blew pretty much. Uhhh went to Taco Bell. Talked to Karina for a loooooooong time. O yeah this freshman chick called me... weird I don't even know her name.....
This is just the lyrics from Blue Oyster Cult "I love the night"
That night her kiss told me it was over
I walked out late into the dark
The misty gloom seems to soak up my sorrow
The further I went on I felt a spreading calm
Then suddenly my eyes were bathed in a light
And the lovely lady in white was by my side
She said "Like me I see you're walking alone
Won't you please stay?" I couldn't look away
She said I love the night
The day is OK and the sun can be fun
But I live to see those rays slip away
I love the night
There's so much I can show and give to you
If you will welcome me tonight
If only you had been there my dear
We could have shared this together
No mortal was meant to see such wonder
One look in the mirror told me so
Come darkness I'll see her again
Yes I'm gonna go 'cause now I know
She said I love the night
The day is OK and the sun can be fun
But I live to see those rays slip away
I love the night
There's so much that I can show and give to you
If you will welcome me tonight
If only you had been there my dear
We could have shared this together
<11:15 PM>
Gah into the night again I go. Approaching the midnight hour. It's weird I feel so much better and differnt during the day. But as the night settles in I just feel like alone. It reminds me of the times when I went snowboarding and I was like wow this is so amazing, especially at twilight when the sun was almost down and the sky was so vivid and beautiful. I wish I could share that. It's an amazing thing. I can't wait till winter comes again
<10:03 PM>
Well today is the last night I will have to worry about going to bed to late. School is finally going to be over!!! I can say that this year was filled with many surprises. I lived through latin and I actually liked it. I actually had a girlfriend for a while!!! Wow for me that was like a life-ful-filling experience. I'm still trying to recover. Really though I've only day dreamed about this stuff and for that to happen... Nicole has definetly given me nights to remember that I hope to never forget. Here's hoping to that it might work out someday I really hope so ^_^.
My sports season was pretty amazing. I was just to good and next year I'm just going to be amazing. My friends. I've got so many now! It's like a self service support group. Somebody is always there for you and if they're not there's always someone else. But a big one has to go to Mike and Tim. If it weren't for them I'd be home almost everday doing nothing. A big one also has to go to Enzo for talking to me on those late nights when I felt like total shit. I'm still looking forward to that.
I don't know even know what to say to or about Sarah. She actually spoke to me today! I was like woah! hehe. Yes and here's to the summer. I'm going to try to not make it suck but to make it one to never forget!!!
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