Objectives:

To identify and recognize an abusive relationship
To know what God says about abuse
To be able to respond to questions people have regarding abuse, why it occurs and what can be done about it

For ease of language, the relationship under discussion will be an abusive man/husband and an abused woman/wife. While some men are abused by their wives, the vast majority (>95%) of abusive relationships are characterized by an abusive male. These concepts are also applicable in “non-intimate” relationships, such as work environments, etc.

Please keep in mind that this information is of a sensitive nature and is designed to provide a Biblical response to a difficult situation. It may be prudent to keep this study private until you have completed it. If you decide to share it with your significant other, please ensure that you are physically and emotionally safe.

I. What does an abusive relationship look like?

A. Identifying what Abuse Is

Some abusive relationships are easy to spot. Most are not. The vast majority of abusive relationships seem fine, or at least tenable, from the outside. Most abusers only abuse their spouse in private, never before another set of eyes, except, perhaps, the children. Physical abuse is preceded by verbal and emotional abuse in all but the most unusual cases involving profound mental illness. By the time a woman has a visible bruise or broken bone, significant damage has already been incurred. Abuse, verbal and/or physical, increases in intensity over time.

How do I know if a relationship is abusive? Maybe he just gets angry easily? The following is a list compiled from The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.

He seems irritated or angry with you several times a week or more although you hadn’t meant to upset him. You are surprised each time. (He says he’s not mad when you ask him what he’s mad about, or he tells you in some way that it’s your fault.)

When you feel hurt and try to discuss your upset feelings with him, you don’t feel as if the issue has been fully resolved, so you don’t feel happy and relieved, nor do you have a feeling that you’ve “kissed and made up.” (He says, “You’re just trying to start an argument!” or in some other way expresses his refusal to discuss the situation.)

You frequently feel perplexed and frustrated by his responses because you can’t get him to understand your intentions.

You are upset not so much about concrete issues-how much time to spend with each other, where to go on vacation, etc.-as about the communication in the relationship: what he thinks you said and what you heard him say.

You sometimes wonder, “What’s wrong with me? I shouldn’t feel so bad.”
He rarely, if ever, seems to want to share his thoughts or plans with you.

He seems to take the opposite view from you on almost everything you mention, and his view is not qualified by “I think” or “I believe” or “I feel:-as if your view were wrong and his were right.

You sometimes wonder if he perceives you as a separate person.

You can’t recall saying to him, “Cut it out!” or, “Stop it!”

He is either angry or has “no idea of what you’re talking about” when you try to discuss an issue with him.

If you identified with 2 or more of these statements, you are probably recognizing verbal abuse.[1]

Evans states, “If the partner shares her feelings with the perpetrator of the aggression, you can be absolutely certain, he will invalidate them. He may, for example, deride her with a sarcastic comment and then, when she protests, tell her it was a joke. The partner may then doubt the truth or her own perceptions.”1(emphasis in the original)

An abuser may be

· Irritable

· Likely to blame his mate for his outbursts or actions

· Unpredicatable…you never know what will anger him

· Angry, intense

· Unaccepting of his mate’s feelings and views

· Unexpressive of warmth and empathy…especially when no one else will recognize it. They are often good at expressing empathy when the world expects it…keeping up appearances.

· Controlling

· Silent and uncommunicative in private, or, frequently, demanding and argumentative

· A “nice guy” to others

· Critical, quick with come-backs or put-downs

· Explosive, hostile

· Demeaning of his mate’s capabilities

B. Are there abusive relationships in the Bible?

1. In the Old Testament, read about Saul and David in 1 Samuel 10-26. While these two were not marriage partners, they did share an intimate relationship which was marred and, eventually, broken, by abuse. Compare the following character traits of Saul (abuser) and David (abused) to those above.

Saul

· Blames his abusive behavior on David

· Does not take responsibility for his actions, gives excuses

· Narcissism – His wants outweigh all other considerations

· Jealousy

· Controlling of David, behavior seemed caring at first and became dangerous later

· Isolated David

· Likes to bend/break rules

· Lies

· Cycles through abuse, asks for forgiveness, abuse, asks for forgiveness, etc.

· Religion was mostly a mask put on for others to see, God rejected him

· Twists the intents and meanings of others, sees evil in others’ motives

· Lacks empathy

· Is insecure

· Uses his position of power as freedom to abuse

· Can seem possessed or “out of his mind”, Jekyll and Hyde

David

· Placated Saul, walked on eggshells

· Was frequently bewildered

· Believed the abuse was his fault, a result of his failure

· Grew up with abuse

· Was doggedly faithful and loyal, forgave, forgave, forgave

· Was good at taking care of others’ needs

· Following abuse, he had trouble making decisions, seemed to have low self-esteem2

2. Abigail and Nabal

Read 1 Samuel 25. We’ll look at her situation later.

3. In the New Testament, read about Jesus’ family’s treatment of Him once He began His ministry. Also, read of His escape from abusive situations in Luke, etc. We will look at more on this, later.

C. The abuse will escalate in the absence of intervention.

Over time, abuse tends to escalate. The more the woman tries to “fix” the problems, the angrier the man becomes. The more she tries to explain, the louder he yells or the worse names he calls her. The more she pleads for understanding, the harder he hits her. This is apparent in Saul’s treatment of David.

1Samuel 18:2 Control through isolation

1 Samuel 18:8-9 Paranoid jealousy, anger

1 Samuel 18:10-11 Attacking with a weapon

1 Samuel 18:25 Secretly arranging David’s death

1 Samuel 19:1 Publicly announces death warrant

1 Samuel 23:8 Sends an army to hunt and kill David [2]

D. What isn’t abuse?

Abuse is an on-going pattern of behavior designed to control or oppress another person. It is not a one-time occurrence followed by true repentance, never to be repeated. It is not a communication problem or a difference in opinion or theology. It is not having “passionate” arguments. It is a demeaning, belittling, spiteful, hurtful pattern of covert and overt attacks on another human being with the goal of controlling their thoughts, behaviors or sense of reality.

E. Do we ever deserve abuse? Who are we in God’s eyes?

It is never God’s will that we suffer abuse.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

God’s will is that we would be

II. What does God say about abuse?

A. God calls abuse sin.

Galatians 5:19-21 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are [these]; adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told [you] in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

Beginning at the end of the verse, who will not inherit the kingdom of God? Unbelievers. How will we know them? They will display a pattern of sinful behavior, in willful disobedience to God.

Note, Paul is not describing a one-time, out of character event. He is describing an on-going lifestyle of sinful behavior. What is he talking about? Most of these terms are self-explanatory, but consider the following from Strong’s Concordance, 2001:

Fornication: porneia - Illicit sexual intercourse, from which we get pornography

Lasciviousness aselgeia – lawless insolence, a disposition of the soul not having or bearing a struggle with remorse, no constraints.

Witchcraft: pharmakeia – the use or administering of drugs, from which we get pharmacy

Emulations: zelos – In an evil sense, envy is tormented by another’s good fortune and is active and aggressive to diminish the good in another; usually accompanied by petty complaints and fault finding.

Even in the absence of physical abuse, Paul is clear that the abuser’s fits of rage, angry words, extreme jealousy, tendency to put himself before others are all counted as sin.

Additional Scripture references follow in Appendix I.

B. God says an abusive spouse is in mortal peril.

If the abusive spouse is living a lifestyle marked by sin, then he is in real danger of condemnation.

2 Timothy 3:2-5 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; avoid such men as these.

James 1:26 If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

Proverbs 3:31-32 Do not envy a man of violence And do not choose any of his ways. For the devious are an abomination to the LORD; but He is intimate with the upright.

Matthew 5:21-22 You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, “Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.” But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, “Raca,” is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, “You fool!” will be in danger of the fire of hell.

Notice, there is no room for excuse here. Scripture does not say...But anyone who says, “You fool!” will be in danger of the fire of hell...unless his wife causes him to say demeaning things and slander her because she just isn’t submissive enough.

God places the responsibility for our own actions upon our own shoulders.

Additional Scripture references follow in Appendix I.

III. What do we do about the abuse?

A. First, we are to pray for those who mistreat us.

Matthew 5:44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.

B. Next, as believers, we are to confront sin and hold one another accountable.

Ephesians 5:11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.

Galatians 6:1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently…

Ephesians 4:15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.

**How do we “speak the truth in love” to someone who has abused us?**

Matthew 18:15-17 If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ’every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

If you confront your abuser, in love, regarding the abuse, and he does not take significant steps to end the abuse, Jesus tells you to take one or two others and re-confront him. If that does not work, then you are to involve the church (public) as a whole. Accountability is the key here.

Note: If there is a danger that you may be harmed by your partner as a result of confronting the abuse, then you need to be very, very careful about this. It may be that you will not be in a position to confront him directly; that may be best left to your pastor, counselor, the courts or a family member. It is wise to discuss the situation with someone you trust before you consider confronting your spouse if there is any chance that he will become physically violent.

Most women feel unfaithful or unsubmissive in telling someone else about the abuse they have endured. This is not Biblical. Scripture requires us to call sin, sin, and to love the person enough to take sin seriously. When a husband abuses his wife through violence, he has not just sinned against her and violated her boundaries, he has violated God’s. We will address submission later.

C. We must set boundaries

1. All healthy relationships have mutually agreed upon and mutually respected boundaries. In Love Must Be Tough, James Dobson says,

“And certainly, the way husbands and wives relate is a function of their mutual respect and admiration. That’s why marital discord almost always emanates from seething disrespect somewhere in the relationship.”[3] (emphasis in the original)

In Dobson’s book, he establishes the need for setting healthy boundaries in a marriage relationship.

2. God establishes boundaries in His relationships with Israel and believers today.

In Hosea, God rebukes Israel and sets conditions for maintaining His relationship with them.

Jeremiah 3:8 God issued Israel a bill of divorce. He established boundaries for them to have a continuing relationship with Him. When they continually disregarded His limits by damaging the relationship, he broke the covenant relationship. This led to repentance on the part of Israel and the relationship was restored.

See also the book of Amos. God reveals the limits of His patience with violations against His boundaries. He holds His people accountable for their actions.

D. What about submission?

First, read 1 Samuel 25 if you have not already. We will be discussing submission and Abigail’s situation.

1. Christian wives are to submit to their husbands

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

Colossians 3:18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

1 Peter 3:5-6 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hopes in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.

2. All Christians are to submit to each other

Ephesians 5:21 …and be subject to one another if the fear of Christ.

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her

Ephesians 5:28-33 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.

1 Peter 3:7-9 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman’ and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

3. What does submission mean?

According to Strong’s Concordance, submit (hupotasso) means "a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden”.[4]

So, first, submission is a voluntary attitude. A woman can not be forced to submit, she must desire it and purpose to do so. If she wants to submit, how does she?

1 Peter 3:6 says that submission is doing what is right without being frightened. The lack of fear is discussed in 1 Peter 3:13-14, saying that you do not need to fear intimidation, etc. What is “doing what is right?”

Luke 6:9 And Jesus said to them, “I ask you, is it lawful to do good or to do harm on the Sabbath, to save a life or to destroy it?”

Here, Jesus suggests that doing good involves, or, at least, includes, saving a life. A submissive wife should be engaged in doing what she can to save or preserve her husband’s life. This includes aligning herself with God’s plan for his life and fulfilling her role as wife, helpmeet and mother to his children. Her respect for him should be so great that she is unable to sit idly by while he falls into sin.

“What does it look like to ‘do what is right’? Rather than tolerating abuse, a biblically submissive and loving wife will creatively learn to be as shrewd as a snake and as innocent as a dove (Matthew 10:16) in exposing him and letting others know about the destructiveness of his abuse, and to incite him to know the goodness of God’s mercy…”[5]

Abigail did what was right. She did what would save Nabal’s life, as well as her own, even though she knew it was against what Nabal had decreed. She was a biblically submissive wife without becoming subservient. Also, notice, that she was honest with David about the events that transpired. She did not cover up Nabal’s sin, nor did she excuse it. She simply stated the facts, what was wrong, and why she had come to rectify the situation. Later, when he was not actively in a rage, she informed him of her actions and the repercussions that had been avoided. The Lord blessed her for her faithfulness.

E. Is leaving a Biblical option?

There is a Biblical precedent for fleeing a dangerous relationship or situation. Once David knew that Saul’s violence was cyclical and that he was in physical danger, he fled.

Read 1 Samuel 19:10-18

Vs. 18 says Now David fled and escaped and came to Samuel at Ramah, and told him all that Saul had done to him. And he and Samuel went and stayed in Naioth.

Even after fleeing, David gave Saul one more chance. He confided in Jonathan, who, initially, did not believe him. They devised a safe way to determine if the situation was dangerous for David. When it was clear that he was in physical peril, he left.

Jesus and Paul also had to flee dangerous situations.

Luke 4:28-30 speaking of Jesus And all the people in the synagogue were filled with rage as they heard these things; and they got up and drove Him out of the city, and led Him to the brow of the hill on which their city had been built, in order to throw Him down the cliff. But passing through their midst, He went His way.

Acts 9:23-25 speaking of Saul/Paul When many days had elapsed, the Jews plotted together to do away with him, but their plot became known to Saul. They were also watching the gates day and night so that they might put him to heath; but his disciples took him by night and let him down through an opening in the wall, lowering him in a large basket.

Acts 14:5-6 speaking of Paul and Barnabas And when an attempt was made by both the Gentiles and the Jews with their rulers, to mistreat and to stone them, they became aware of it and fled to the cities of Lycaonia, Lystra and Derbe, and the surrounding region.

Leaving and seeking safety is not the same as abandoning your marriage or seeking a divorce. It may be necessary to remove yourself from the situation so that appropriate boundaries may be established and enforced. The Lord knows your heart and knows that you are frightened. It may be that your situation is such that you feel comfortable setting and enforcing good boundaries while staying. The decision whether to leave the situation or try to work from within is a difficult one. It should not be made lightly. It should be a matter of prayer, common sense and preservation.

Proverbs 27:12 A prudent man sees evil and hides himself, The naïve proceed and pay the penalty.

F. What about forgiveness?

More has been written on this than can be covered here. There are many good books and resources to help you work through forgiveness in “hard” situations. What follows is simply a guide.

1. As believers, we are commanded to forgive those who ask for forgiveness.

Luke 17:3-4 …If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent.’ forgive him.”

It is interesting that in the next verse, the apostles ask Jesus to “increase” their faith. Forgiveness is a difficult thing to master. What does it mean to “repent”? A good definition is “to change one's mind for better, heartily to amend with abhorrence of one's past sins.” [6]

2. We are also commanded to forgive, even when one does not ask for forgiveness.

Mark 11:25-26 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

3. What does forgiveness mean?

Forgiveness implies no longer holding the sin “against” the abuser, or no longer demanding payment for a wrong. This is a process which always takes time. It is only possible through the power of the Holy Spirit and it is not a linear course, but, instead, a process. It is very common to feel “set-backs”. That is normal. Recognizing that the abuser is caught up in sin is helpful in beginning to feel able to pray for what is in his best interest, but it will always take time to heal enough to forgive completely. Simply put, beginning the process of forgiveness allows healing to begin…and as you heal, you will be able to forgive more and more.

4. What does forgiveness not mean?

Forgiveness does not mean that the abuser will be free to continue exhibiting abusive behaviors. That would confuse forgiveness with license. Condoning what God abhors, calling evil good, is not a tenable position for a Christian.

We are commanded to forgive. We may not be required to reconcile a broken relationship. Reconciliation must not be sought until it is clear that the abusive behaviors will not be repeated. This almost never happens in the absence of professional intervention, regardless of how many times the abuser pleads and swears “It will never happen again.”

G. Overview/Review

1. There is no excuse for violence; it's never justifiable. The Bible is clear that domestic abuse is sin.

2. As a Christian, we are bound by God not to stand idly by while another falls into sin. We are required to point out the sin so that it may be dealt with, repented of and forgiven. Without the assistance of a professional with specific training and experience in spousal abuse, the abuse will probably get worse over time.

3. Most abusers cannot change without specialized professional help, no matter what the abuser says or promises.

4. Marital abuse is very damaging to children (you can't hide it from them). Most abusers themselves grew up in households with marital abuse. A majority of spousal abusers also abuse their children.

5. Though your partner may blame the abuse on your actions, there is actually very little the victim can do or not do to influence their behavior.

6. Victims should have a safety plan before taking action: abuse frequently escalates when victims try to take action. Call your local women's shelter for advice.[7]

Final note: Please keep in mind that it is very common for abuse to escalate when the victim begins to take action. Simply confronting the abuser with the facts of his behavior may be enough to cause him to become extremely dangerous. It is imperative that you have a safety plan in place before you consider confronting him. It may be necessary for you to have a third party either present or to confront through a third party while you are in a safe location elsewhere. An abuser is, by definition, irrational. Please make sure that you are protected.

Appendix I

God says that violence and verbal abuse are wrong.

Leviticus 25:17 ‘So you shall not wrong one another, but you shall fear your God; for I am the LORD your God.’

Psalm 25:3 Indeed, none of those who wait for You will be ashamed; Those who deal treacherously without cause will be ashamed.

Proverbs 3:31-32 Do not envy a man of violence And do not choose any of his ways. For the devious are an abomination to the LORD; but He is intimate with the upright.

Proverbs 19:19 A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.

Proverbs 11:17 A kind man benefits himself, but a cruel man brings trouble on himself.

Proverbs 11:29 He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind and the fool will be servant to the wise.

Proverbs 14:9 Fools mock at making amends for sin, but good will is found among the upright.

Proverbs 20:3 It is to a man's honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.

Proverbs 25:28 Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.

Ecclesiastes 7:9 Hasten not your heart to anger, for anger rests in the bosom of fools.

Malachi 2:16-17 "I hate a man's covering himself (or his wife) with violence as well as with his garment,” says the LORD Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith.

Malachi 3:5 “Then I will draw near to you for judgment; and I will be a swift witness against the sorcerers and against the adulterers and against those who swear falsely, and against those who oppress the wage earner in his wages, the widow and the orphan, and those who turn aside the alien and do not fear Me,” says the LORD of hosts.

Matthew 15:19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies

Matthew 5:21-22 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.

Mark 7:21-23 “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting, and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness. All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man.

Romans 1:29-32 being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; and although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.

1 Corinthians 5:11 But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler-not even to eat with such a one.

1 Corinthians 6:9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

James 1:19-20 My dear brothers, take note of this; Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

James 1:26 If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

James 3:9-10 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praising and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.

1 Peter 3:10-12 Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

3 John 11 Beloved, do not imitate what is evil, but what is good. The one who does good is of God; the one who does evil has not seen God.

God knows that words hurt

2 Samuel 16:12 It may be that the LORD will see my distress and repay me with good for the cursing I am receiving today.

Psalm 5:9 Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit.

Psalm 12:5 Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy, I will now arise, says the LORD. I will protect them from those who malign them.

Psalm 35:15 But when I stumbled, they gathered in glee; attackers gathered against me when I was unaware. They slandered me without ceasing.

Psalm 35:20 They do not speak peaceably but devise false accusations against those who live quietly in the land.

Psalm 55:12-14 If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God.

Psalm 55:20-21 My companion attacks his friends; he violates his covenant. His speech is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart. His words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords.

Psalm 64:3 They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim their words like deadly arrows.

Psalm 69:20 You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed; all my enemies are before you. Scorn has broken my heart and has left me helpless; I looked for sympathy, but there was none, for comforters, but I found none.

Psalm 109:1-4 O God, whom I praise, do not remain silent, for wicked and deceitful men have opened their mouths against me; they have spoken against me with lying tongues. With words of hatred they surround me; they attack me without cause. In return for my friendship they accuse me, but I am a man of prayer.

Psalm 140:11 Let slanderers not be established in the land; may disaster hunt down men of violence.

Proverbs 2:12 Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse.

Proverbs 3:34-35 He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble. The wise inherit honor, but fools he holds up to shame.

Proverbs 4:24 Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.

Proverbs 9:7-8 Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you.

Proverbs 10:11 The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence overcomes the mouth of the wicked.

Proverbs 11:9 With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape.

Proverbs 11:12 A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.

Proverbs 12:18 Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Proverbs 13:2 From the fruit of his lips a man enjoys good things, but the unfaithful have a craving for violence.

Proverbs 14:7 Stay away from a foolish man, for you will not find knowledge on his lips.

Proverbs 15:4 The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.

James 1:26 If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless.

James 3:9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praising and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.

God wants to protect the victimized

Job 36:16 But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction. He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food.

Psalm 6:2-3 Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?

Psalm 6:4 Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.

Psalm 7:9 O righteous God, who searches the minds and hearts, bring to an end the violence of the wicked and make the righteous secure.

Psalm 9:9-10 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.

Psalm 9:12b For he who avenges blood remembers; he does not ignore the cry of the afflicted.

Psalm 10:12 Arise, LORD! Lift up your hand, O God. Do not forget the helpless.

Psalm 10:14 But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand. The victim commits herself to you; you are the helper of the fatherless.

Psalm 10:17-18 You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.

Psalm 11:5 The LORD examines the righteous, but the wicked and those who love violence his soul hates.

Psalm 25:3 No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse.

Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

God doesn’t expect us to “just take it”

Psalm 6:8-9 Away from me, all you who do evil, for the LORD has heard my weeping. The LORD has heard my cry for mercy; the LORD accepts my prayer.

Psalm 120:6 Too long have I lived among those who hate peace.

Psalm 129:4 But the LORD is righteous; he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked.

Proverbs 6:5 Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler.

Proverbs 11:9 With his mouth the godless destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous escape.

Proverbs 17:15 Acquitting the guilty and condemning the innocent—the LORD detests them both.

Proverbs 19:19 A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.

Proverbs 22:3 A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.

Proverbs 22:10 Drive out the mocker and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended.

Proverbs 22:24-25 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.