Jaida's funeral was held three days after the accident. Zane wasn't there as he was still in hospital. Kimberly sat in the front of the church, along with Jaida's parents, Taylor, Isaac and Zac. She was sitting between Taylor and Isaac. Her hand was already in Isaacs. She looked at Taylor, he was sitting with his head down, he wasn't looking at the coffin, he hadn't been up to see Jaida either. He had walked into the church and then had sat down and he hadn't moved since. He was obviously trying to be strong as he hadn't shed one tear at all, but he looked miserable. Kimberly reached over and took Taylor's right hand in her left. He glanced up and gave her a small smile. He then looked towards Jaida's casket. Her parents were standing in front of it. Doug's arm was around Charlotte's shoulders, both of their heads were down, looking at their daugher. Their only child was gone. Kimberly thought her eyes would remain dry for this day, she had cried for Jaida so much that she didn't think she had any tears left to cry. She was wrong. She had seen Jaida and had said her last good-bye to her. Jaida had looked very peaceful, there was no trace of the emotional pain she had endured during the days before her accident. Her face had surprisingly very few blemishes on it. There was only a large bruise on her left cheekbone and numerous small cuts where glass had showered over her face. With both of her hands occupied, Kimberly let the tears she had fall silently down her cheeks as she waited for her turn to talk about the girl she had known only a short while, but had become incredibly close to. Taylors head was down as he listened to Charlotte talk about Jaida. Tears streaming down his cheeks and he wiped away every one with his free hand. He hadn't spoken to Isaac for days now and Kimberly knew that Isaac was suffering his own pain and guilt over what his last words to Jaida were. There were other people there that Kimberly didn't know, but they were Jaida's family.
"We.. Doug and I, would now like for Kimberly Cameron, a very dear friend of Jaida to come up and speak." Charlotte said, giving Kimberly a teary smile. Both Taylor and Isaac squeezed Kimberly's hands and then let go. Kimberly took a deep breath and slowly stood up. The chuch was nearly full and Kimberly was somewhat pleased that this many people loved and were there for Jaida and her parents. Kimberly walked up the three small stairs that lead to Jaidas coffin. All eyes were on her.
"Jaida meant more to me than I can ever put into words." She began. "She was the first person I've met who was so trustung and she understood me... not a lot of people can do that." A few people in the church laughed, mainly her friends and family. Isaac smiled. Taylors face remained blank. "Jaida was always thinking of what she could do for other people. She never thought of herself and she disliked people who did. She was the most compassionate, thoughtful, trusting, beautiful.. well.. you get the point... but she was all that and more rolled into one person. Even when she was going though a tough time herself, she was always there for me and the people she loved. Life hasn't been a bed of roses for Jaida and what didn't break her only made her stonger. She kept fighting until the end. She fought for what she believed in, and what she wanted." Kimberly paused and took a shuddering breath. "Taylor... Jaida loved you. She never stopped loving you and I'm sure she still does love you. She also knows that you love her back just as much.. no matter what happened. Isaac.. Jaida knows you didn't mean what you said. That if you could, you would take it back. Mr. and Mrs. Robertson... you are truly blessed to have had a daughter like Jaida. You should be proud of what she accomplished in her short life. She was loved by everyone in this chruch and by many more. I'm sure everyone agrees with me... and anyone lucky enough to have known her or even just meet her for a few minutes would know what I'm talking about. There was just something about her that I still can't put into words, but it made people want to be around her. She was someone people wanted to know and be friends with. Jaida was my best friend... she still is, and I know, she's watching each and every one of us today..I can just hear her telling us to stop the crying and not to make a fuss over her." tears came to Kimberlys eyes and she could barely get the last few words out. She looked at Isaac and Taylor. "Jaida... if you're listening... I love you darlin and I'm gonna miss you a hell of a lot.. watch over us and protect us wont ya sweetie?" Once she finished, Kimberly stepped down and returned to her seat. Before she sat down, Taylor stood up and hugged her.
"Thankyou.." he wispered. Kimberly nodded, her throat to tight trying to hold back the sobs that threatened to escape from deep within her. The two of them sat down and Isaac's arm was around her. There were various other speakers, all saying how much they would miss Jaida. Emily even had the nerve to show up to the funeral. This made Taylor furious inside, but he said nothing. When Mrs. Robertson looked over at Taylor he nodded and stood up. He walked over to a keyboard that had been set up before the funeral. He cleared his thorat and then spoke into a microphone.
"Um... for those of you who don't know... I am Taylor Hanson and..... um..she was... Jaida was my girlfriend. Insted of speaking to you all about her.. I thought I'd change things a little. I wrote this song the day after Jaidas death... and this is my tribute to her." His family all shot Taylor confused looks. No one knew that he was going to be doing this apart from Jaidas parents. Taylors fingers glided over the black and white keys of the keyboard as he played the openening chords of the song. Then he began to sing.
"Goodbye four leaf clovers,
Hello gone awry
Don't cry the fight aint over,
Unless you let it pass you by
I'm looking for a song to sing and
I'm looking for a friend to borrow
I'm looking for my radio
So I might have a heart to follow
I've never been just longing for your loving
I've never been just wearing down to nothing
I've never been just looking for a reason
So that maybe you'd be thinking of me
All that I have found in reason
Is reason just to not believe
When all that you are left is treason
It's treason just to let it be
I'm looking for a song to sing and
I'm looking for a friend to borrow
I'm looking for my radio
So I might have a heart to follow
I've never been just longing for your loving
I've never been just wearing down to nothing
I've never been just looking for a reason
So that maybe you'd be thinking of me
Blue yonder dreams and second hand shoes
You're so far gone that you live to lose and
It's to late to go home all alone
You're the tar in that old cigar
And the worn out cable on a cable car and
You're to tired to admit you've got to chose.
I'm looking for a song to sing
I'm looking for a friend to borrow
I'm looking for my radio
So I might have a heart to follow
I've never been just longing for your loving
I've never been just wearing down to nothing
I've never been just looking for a reason
So that maybe you'd be thinking of me "
When Taylor finished, there wasn't a dry eye in the church. Without a word, Taylor stepped away from the keyboard and took his seat next to Kimberly. After the service, Jaidas parents hosted a wake at their house. The Hanson family were present and so were Kimberly and her parents, along with reletives and friends of the Robertson family. Taylor wanted to be alone, but no one was going to let that happen.
"That song was beautiful Taylor... Jaida would have loved it." Kimberly said, sitting down next to him on the sofa in the living room. It was only the two of them in there. Taylor nodded, not wanting to talk about it.
"Do you really think she knows that.... that I love her?" He asked. Kimberly was silent for a few moments.
"Yes...I do... " She told him. Nothing more was said about the subject. Kimberly got up and left the room. sencing that he wasn't going to talk anymore. Taylor was hunched down low, his hair was hanging over his face, covering his eyes. He didn't know what to do anymore. He knew that he didn't want to fall in love... ever again. When he did, he lost them. Taylor couldn't take much more of that. He didn't want to. His parents had been trying to get him to talk about how he felt. He just wouldn't talk when they did that. Eventually they had given up, claiming that when he felt ready to talk, they were there. Taylor stood up and walked out of the living room. Walking up the flight of stairs, he hesitated before opening the door to Jaidas bedroom. He pushed it slightly and it opened, revealing a neat, tidy room. It was colourful with pictures Jaida had stuck up. Most of them were of her and Taylor. He took a deep breath and steped inside. He sat down on her bed. The room smelled like her. Taylor breathed it in, savouring the sweet scent. On Jaidas desk, her diary lay. Taylor picked it up and opened it to the last entry. It was dated the day before her accident.
Dear Diary...
Geez that sounds corny... but it will have to do until I come up with something better... It's been two days since Taylor found out about Lucas... It's driving me crazy not seeing him.... I miss him so much it hurts. I wish he would just talk to me about it.. let me explain what happened that night.. let him know the accident wasn't caused by me, but by another drunk driver... I was charged because I was drunk and driving. But he wont care about that...you didn't see the look of absolute hatered in his eyes when he confronted me... it scared me.. it really did.. I've never seen him like that... it was totally unexpected...
He hates me Diary... he really does and I can't do anything about it.. I've lost the only good thing in my life... I've blown it, just like with everything else and I'm such a stupid bitch... I should have just told him from the start and save us both the misery and pain that we're going through now...
What Taylor doesn't realise is that I loved Lucas just as much as he did... we didn't know eachother but we had one thing in common... Lucas. I have to live with the fact that I killed my best friend and boyfriend because I didn't want to pay for a taxi to take me home. I think about Lucas everyday and I pray that some how he'll forgive me for taking his life when he was so young. Some days I have to give myself a reason to stay alive...up until two days ago, Taylor was that reason...but now I don't have him to live for so why do I do it? Why put myself though this pain and heartache when all it takes is a few little pills or a swipe to the wrist.... but I won't do it... I've tired... but I won't. I'm scared to die... when I do, I want it to be in my sleep or something peaceful like that... the worst way to die would be in a car accident or something violent.. I'd hate that... It's my biggest fear.... did you know that? No......you didn't. Taylor doesn't either.
All I can do is hope that Taylor will one day forgive me... and maybe even take me back if I beg him... I can't live without him for much longer... I hate being so close yet so far from him... he's only a few houses away and he wont see or talk to me...
Taylor refused to read anymore. He snapped the book shut and placed it back on the desk. What he had read affected him. It pulled at his heart strings and it hurt. He should have talked to her. Taylor hated himself for leaving that day and not listen to what Jaida had to say. Now, he would never know exactly what happened and he would never get the chance to tell her that he loved and forgave her. Taylor lay down on her bed and closed his eyes. He tried to imagine Jaida lying next to him, he tried to feel her arms around him, to feel her kisses on his neck. He couldn't. Already, he had started to forget.
