Castle Bisset









APRIL 24, 2018

In today's House Of Humoronics

Paws And Chores
How Dieting Works
Things That Make You Go Hmmm
I'll Protect You
Acts 2:38

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The Secret Of Peace






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APRIL 24, 2018

SPRING CLEANING

Ah, Spring is here! At least that's what the calendar has been telling me. Around here in Northeastern Pennsylvania it has been cold. Oh, I've seen a few of the signs of spring - we no longer have daily high temperatures that are below freezing. A robin hops around the yard once in a while but they haven't started building nests yet. Baseball season has begun.

But the furnace still gets a workout almost every day.

There are some traditional signs of spring around our house. Hormones surge ... instinct takes over ... Lady Laura's thoughts turn to ... HOUSE CLEANING! Yes, it's true! Dust is in the air. It is time to celebrate the honored ritual of spring house cleaning. I think I'll leave the house for a while ... at least until she get it out of her system.

It must be a primitive nesting instinct, the urge to renew and revive. Suddenly it becomes apparent that your house resembles a college dorm room.

Here are a few of the tell-tell signs:

Your front door has more fingerprints than the FBI.

The dust mites are having an anniversary party under your bed.

You are wearing clothes from the floor of the closet - inside out

Your family is eating off paper plates so you don't have to open the cabinets.

You need a gas mask when you open the refrigerator.

The kids can't find their toys - in fact they can't find the toy box.

The garbage disposal is coughing.

You can't find the cordless phone unless it rings.

You can't turn on the ceiling fan without creating a dust storm.

Your chore for the day is to find the vacuum cleaner bags - and the vacuum cleaner.

The remote control has been lost in a sofa crack since the end of football season.

The kitty litter is a concrete block.

The cat has been missing for three days.

There is something solid and black in the bottom of the coffeepot.

You can't decide whether to clean the windows or just buy mini blinds.

The dog has offered to loan you his doghouse.

The mail hasn't been opened since last tax season.

The piles of magazines may fall over and bury you.

You are afraid to turn on the oven because bugs may be raising a family in there.

You wonder if a hose down would ruin the carpets.

There is something sprouting in the dishwasher.

The washing machine reminds you of a concrete mixer.

You introduce your kids as the three little pigs.

You can't go outside because fresh air makes you dizzy.

It seems easier to move than to clean the house.

If any of these seem slightly familiar, you too may have spring cleaning fever. The male of the species is seldom affected. Like PMS, spring cleaning fever is exclusive to the female.

Fortunately, the cure is rather simple. Apply soap and water, disinfectant, furniture polish, scouring power, grease solvent, and plenty of elbow grease and your fever will be cured in a matter of hours, with results lasting at least till I get back home.

Sir Joseph







SIR JOSEPH
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