July 13, 2012

Wednesday: A column? Of course, I'm going to write a column. I always write a column almost every day. But first, I have to check my email. My inbox is overflowing, and I really need to delete the SPAM. I don't know how all those people get my e-mail address.

I'm going to write a column, but I might as well have a can of Diet Coke first. It's really too early in the morning to write a column unless I have a can of Diet Coke. I certainly can't write humor when I'm grumpy. What kind of column would that be?

A column? Yes, yes, I'm going to write a column, but it's time to do that job I've been putting off - I need to dismantle our old recliner and get it out of the house ... now! You don't expect me to put this off any longer to write a humor column? Humor writing doesn't pay the bills - doesn't pay anything. I'll think of a good idea today as I wreck the recliner and write a column during lunch.

Lunch is here. No time to fool with column-writing. I need to eat lunch and get my nap in ... er, I mean ... get back to business. You can't believe how busy we are today. Besides, my phone has been beeping all morning - the battery is low. I must have a hundred messages to check. I'll do that now and write the column later.

Gosh, what a busy day. I'm pooped. And I still need to write my column. First things first, I need to fix some supper. I promised Lady Laura I'd get supper. I cannot do without supper just to write a humor column. There will be plenty of time for writing after my post-supper nap.

What is on television? Gee, I'd really like to watch that. I know I didn't write my column yet, but I'll feel more inspired when I don't have something else on my mind. That is my favorite program and several more good ones coming on after it - then I have to get busy finishing my Castle Bisset pages. I guess the column will not get written tonight. I can always do it later.

Write a column? Yes, I'm going to write a column. Would you please quit bugging me about it? I'm tired! I have to sleep sometime you know. I can't write when I'm this tired. My head would hit the keyboard and I'd be writing in my sleep.

Thursday: Another column to write. I'll think of something to write about while I'm in the shower. But would you just look at the news! Good grief! Earthquake; Penn State cover-up; mass killings in the Middle East. I have to watch the news. I certainly cannot be writing humor when the world is about to end.

Column? Of course, I'm going to write a column. I always write a column, once per day. Just like clockwork. I can't seem to come up with a good idea. What I was going to write about doesn't seem very funny anymore. I'll think of something better while I'm walking the dog.

Now, I'm ready to write, just one small peak at email first. Oh, my goodness. Look at the news from my family and friends. A nephew quit his job because he was picked on too much. I need to write an article about this while it's hot. I can write my regular column later. Right now, I need to write about something else.

Okay, the article is done and filed, the earthquake is over and the news is too awful to watch any more. I've worked all week and been too busy to write and too tired most of the time. And okay, I'll admit it. I had to see what happened on "Hogan's Hero's" - Sergeant Shultz is about to become a hero. Sergeant Shultz a hero? Can't miss that. The world is full of distractions.

But here I am at the computer with an empty screen in front of me, a can of Diet Coke beside me, the dog is walked, the television is off, the phone is recharging, and the email inbox is empty. It's Thursday morning and I don't have to do any of the jobs Lady Laura has lined up for me. I'm ready at last to write to write a column. But for the life of me, I can't remember what it was that I wanted to write about.