June 1, 2012

Last Wednesday proved to be a most interesting day. I tripped over my dog, Rudy; I had to go to the doctor's for a twisted knee; I danged near got arrested! Here's the facts - just the facts. The whole truth and nuttin' but the truth.

After I got out of bed Wednesday morning I stumbled to the kitchen to get my morning shot of Diet Coke. Most people can't start the day without a cup of coffee but I hate coffee, so I make do with Caffeine Free Diet Coke. One 12 oz. can gets the juices flowing and lubricates a throat that has been dried out by the respirator I must use every night.

Whenever I or Lady Laura opens the refrigerator door Rudy has one thing on his mind. Food! We rarely give him people food but he never missed the chance to scoop up anything we might drop. So when I opened the fridge door Rudy scooted to my side. Unfortunately I was not quite awake yet and I managed to step on his paw.

Here's the math. 350+ pound man stepping on paw of 27 pound dog = problem. When Rudy yelped I tried to move my foot so as to not put my full weight on his paw. The result was a move that Pavlova couldn't do. Neither could I and I would up with a twisted knee.

Lady Laura packed ice on it and then packed me up and took me to the doctor's office. As we approached the doctor's office we noticed a car double parked just ahead of us. It was a two lane street with parking on both sides. The street was crowded and this car presented quite an obstacle. Now if I have one pet peeve it's dumb drivers - especially dumb drivers who are right in front of me. In such cases my normal reaction (no, I not proud of this but ... that's me) is to roll down the window and tell the offending dumb driver what I thought of him. Not cussing or anything like that, but I am loud!

So I rolled down the window and as we passed around the double-parked vehicle I was about to vent my feelings when Lady Laura says, "It's a cop car." That shut me up. Upon closer inspection it was indeed a cop car. Now, the cop cars in Berwick, PA don't look like normal police vehicles. They are all black with the lights hidden within the grill, the tail lights, and under the roof. Silver lettering is on the sides.

So it's not my fault I didn't notice it as a cop car at first. As we looked around we saw a total of six cop cars parked here and there. Because we were in a quite residential section of town I thought to myself that that had to be one heck of a domestic dispute.

I kept my mouth shut and we parked a few doors down the street at the doctor's office. After a couple hours of doctor stuff (with my very cute, new doctor) we returned to our car only to find that the whole street had been blocked off. Cars were parked all over the place. A fire engine and ambulance were parked near our car. We saw a cop loading a twenty-something guy in handcuffs into a cop car.

What did that guy do? Kill somebody?

Just then, before we could get into our car a cop approached, and me, being the clown, just couldn't keep my big mouth shut. I says to the cop, "At least I'm not double parked like you guys!" He didn't think it was funny.

From his expression I thought he was going to pull out his handcuffs and stuff me in a car, too. But he told us that we had to leave - which, at that point, I thought was a grand idea.

We found out later that the police had come to one of the houses to arrest a parole offender and found a meth lab in the house - with the crap still cooking. They evacuated the neighborhood which is why they chased us away. One thing I don't understand - they evacuated and shut off the whole block but they left everyone stay in the doctor's office which is just three doors from the house with the meth lab.

We left the area as quickly as we could and got the details on the evening news.

Just a short note to clarify a few things:

  1. Rudy is fine - he yelped when I stepped on him but he didn't get hurt.
  2. I twisted my knee and tore a ligament. While painful it is not too bad and the doc says it should heal in two to four weeks.
  3. After all this, I want my mommy!