May 1. 2012

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned here that I had a good quarterly check-up at the VA hospital ... good except for my weight. Well, it's been a couple of weeks and I have lost a few pounds but I've come to realize a few things. While Iím excited to get healthier, Iím also mourning the loss of some of my best food friends. This column is my official goodbye (at least for a while) to those fat-filled amigos of mine.

Goodbye French fries. Youíre probably my best fried friend. I love how salty you are and how no matter how bad my day was, you always managed to cheer me up by letting me consume large amounts of you and then releasing pleasure endorphins into my brain. Boy, weíve sure had some great times, havenít we? Remember that time when I was a year old and I choked on you? That didnít stop us from being the closest of friends for 65 years. Iíll miss you the most.

Goodbye M&Ms. Those delightful candy-coated drops of chocolate enhanced by coconut and peanuts. We had such a great and close relationship while I was in the Navy. We 've friends for almost as long as french fries. I'll miss you just as much.

Goodbye potato chips. I will always love you. Youíre the best snack turned into a meal that a guy ever had. Thanks for being delicious. Itís true what the ads say, I never could eat just one. Thatís why we have to say goodbye. I donít know how to quit you.

Goodbye cupcakes. So delicious and fluffy and pretty. You were one of my favorite desserts. I loved our special times together, like when I would come home and eat 3 of you while watching Adam-12.

Goodbye Southern fried chicken. Youíre so delicious and I will always love you. Iíll always keep the memories we had together close to my heart, like when I dipped you in barbecue sauce.

Goodbye thousand island dressing. I put you on everything. You were always good to me and Iíll never forget what a deliciously good accompaniment you are. You taste good on just about everything, never forget that.

Maybe Iíll see my food friends again someday. But probably in smaller portions.