April 5, 2012

I miss eye contact. It seems to have gone the way of yellow pages and travel agents.

Donít take this personally, but Iím having trouble connecting with the top of your head while you connect with someone else via Blackberry, iPhone, or Droid by texting.

Iíve never gotten a strong connection from the top of your head. It doesnít emote. It doesnít respond. Itís just hair. Some of it doesnít even go in the direction it should. You have a cowlick.

Besides, eyes are the windows to the soul, not the top of the head.

Itís eyes I want, not flaky scalp.

I know, itís important. Youíve got clients to tend, a boss to please and, above all, you need to tweet what youíre eating. And how could you possibly be away from Facebook for five minutes?

Itís all urgent all the time.

Itís hard not to feel miffed talking to the top of your head. Slighted. Annoyed. Overlooked.

And donít give me that phony baloney text stance where your thumbs are flying but you periodically say, ďUh-huh.Ē Then you glance up every few seconds and do that fake little laugh. I just told you about a three-legged dog that is blind in both eyes, deaf in one ear and youíre doing the fake laugh thing.

And please, save me the ďIím not checking my phone at the table.Ē Youíre checking your phone under the table. What? You thought I was born yesterday? Nobodyís napkin slides off their lap that much.

And what about those parties of eight and ten gathered around a large table in a restaurant but nobody is talking or laughing because theyíre all on their phones texting to other people who arenít there. Way to party like its 2012.

The entire world has turned into teenage girls. I take that back. It was an insult to teenage girls.

ďWhy text when you can call?Ē I ask.

ďWhy call when you can text?Ē booms the answer.

You canít do screen time and face time at the same time. OK, you might be able to do it, but you canít do it well. So what do you want? Quantity or quality?

I say we vote. All those for no texting during face-to-face personal conversations?

The eyes have it.