January 31, 2012

Let me lay a little groundwork before I get into today's newsletter - just so you can better understand the situation. Lady Laura usually goes to bed at about midnight - I usually go to bed between 4 and 5 am. The time difference is because when I was working I usually worked nights and that's what I'm comfortable with. Those hours are my "alone time" when I get to do anything I want as long as I don't make a lot of noise. You can usually find me doing one of three things:

  1. Playing games on my computer - Monopoly is my favorite.
  2. Watching car races on TV which I have recorded on the VCR.
  3. Taking a walk when I get restless - accompanied but one or both dogs.

The other night I was playing a game of Monopoly when I started feeling really bad and woozy - my sugar level had dropped dramatically. I keep glucose tablets on hand just for such occasions. Unfortunately I had run out of them and had forgotten to buy more. So the candy hunt was on. Because I am diabetic we keep very little candy on hand so I had to really look for some.

I couldn't find anything and I was about to run to a convenience store to buy a candy bar when I stumbled upon an old, opened package of SweetTarts in the snack box on top of the refrigerator. I hate blue SweetTarts but I was feeling so badly I was getting desperate. In the bag I found four blue pieces of candy. I popped a blue flavored SweetTart into my mouth and promptly managed to start choking on it.

Most people say that when youíre about to die, your life flashes before your eyes. That didnít happen to me but I sort of wish it did because I bet it would be a really funny movie. Instead of recalling bits of my hilarious and happy life, all I could think was ďBut blue isnít even my favorite flavor, I canít die eating a blue SweetTart, that doesnít even make sense.Ē And thatís true because purple is my favorite SweetTart flavor and would definitely be my flavor choice in a SweetTart death scenario. That way, at my funeral people could say ďWell, at least he died eating his favorite flavored SweetTart.Ē and I think it would help them with their grieving.

But, I didnít die eating a blue flavored SweetTart. I managed to dislodge it in less than a second and itís a good thing too because my wife was up out of bed and was about to Heimlich the offending candy out of me. Once I realized I was OK, I couldnít help but laugh uncontrollably for about five minutes because how weird would it be to die while eating a blue flavored SweetTart?

My wife didnít think it was so funny, but thatís probably just because she didnít know it was a blue SweetTart I choked on and when she jumped out of bed she stubbed her toe on the doorway to the kitchen. When I told her what happened she got me several Hershey kisses out of her purse.

The next time I need candy I'll know where to look but I'll wake Laura and have her get it. That purse of her's is scary and I don't get into it for anything. If she dies before I do, that thing's gonna get buried with her ... UNOPENED!!