Christina's Story
I'm a first time 24 year old mom. When I first got pregnant the last thing
in the world I wanted to do was breastfeed my child, but with a little push
from my husband, my mother and my midwife I decided I would go to the
classes and at least try it. Who would have guessed once my son was born
it would be the only way I could imagine feeding him. I had support from
everyone in my family. There is just one thing, with all the information I
had no one ever prepared me for what would happen. The first week of
nursing I was sore just as everyone had said. The second week I was even
more sore. The third week I was screaming in agony every time my son
latched on. At that point I figured there was something really wrong with
me. So I went to see a Lactation Consultant. She immediately saw the
damage and told me I would not be breastfeeding my son for at least a week.
Apparently, he managed to rub off 1/3 of each my nipples and on top of all
that since I was in so much pain my milk supply had decreased significantly
and I had Mastitis. My injuries were so deep that it went down to my nerve
endings. But I was determined to breastfeeding and nothing was going to
stop me. At this point I started on antibiotics, my husband and I were
finger feeding my son, and I was pumping religiously every 2-3 hours. He
was getting whatever breastmilk I could pump and being supplemented with
formula. We ended up doing this for 2 weeks. Through all that time he
never got a bottle, because I was determined to breastfeed. Finally, I went
back to the consultant and I was ready to put him to the breast again.
Come to find out at this point I have a yeast infection on my breast. More
pain. But, I figure if I use the medication for the yeast I should be
feeling better in a couple of days. That didn't happen. My injuries
started all over again. We have proper latch on. My son had no problems
with his mouth, but I was still in agony. I called the consultant again
asking her if there was anything we could do. All that was left was just
tuffing it out and hoping it would not get as bad as it did before. I was
wrong again the skin on my nipples is being rubbed off. At this point I
was dreading every feeding with my son. I can't hold him close to my chest
and at no point during the six weeks of pain have I said I really enjoy
being a mother. I have a beautiful baby boy and I love him dearly, but the
pain that I was enduring was interfering with my relationship with my son.
So at this point my husband and I have decided the best thing we can do for
my relationship with my son is to start bottle feeding him. I feel as if I
failed and I'm no longer giving the best to my child, but I now know that
with my next one I would go through it all over again. Because there is
nothing that makes a stronger bond than when you can breastfeed your baby.
I cry every time I have to give him a bottle of formula, because I really,
really wanted to breastfeed. This is for all the mothers that just can't
seem to make it. Yes, sometimes it does get better, but if you feel you
have done everything in your power to breastfeed and still can't. Its ok.
Its love and affection that is the most important thing for raising happy
healthy babies.
Go back to the Breastfeeding page.
