I am a PE Teacher by profession and this meant that for at least half my working day which could be anywhere from 8 to 11 hours , I would be outdoors . How was I going to keep clean enough to pump and store the milk I wondered ? The thought of sweat in my milk was revolting , or so I thought . It mattered not as I later found out as breastmilk had some properties that would keep it 'clean' enough for the baby to consume . There was no need as the Lactation Consultant said , to be surgically sterile .

Things started happening at 30 weeks gestation . For both my children their weight gain tapered off and slowed down tremendously . I had what the gynecologist called a suspected case of IUGR . Things went such that by 37 weeks I had to deliver ( for both pregnancies ) my children by C-section . I was glad for the chance to speak to the anesthetist and opted to have both C-sections under either an epidural or spinal . This meant that I felt more alert than I would have under a General Anesthetic and was glad for the chance to hold the baby immediately even as I was being sewed up !

As luck would have it , my little girl was just a 4 pounder plus ( about 2.2kg ) and had hypoglycaemia . She had to undergo a period of observation and I worried that the delay would mean problems getting the milk supply to set in . I tried pumping but got nothing more than a few drops of milk . 5 mls to be exact . This eventually got up to 15 mls but it was far from enough . I began to doubt that I would ever have enough to feed a baby . Up till today I still remember the commando of a ward nurse telling me to "Tarik" as she helped me with the pump . Tarik I did , very gingerly and I got a drop . Initially pumping was no bed of roses and it hurt . It felt like my whole breast was being sucked into the tube . "Macam lembu" was one phrase that was constantly in my thoughts . I began to feel rather depressed . She gained weight but remained small though healthy .

I finally got to hold and feed my daughter on the third day . I had sore nipples which meant blisters , pealing skin and scabs . This healed after a week of air drying after a feed and applying breastmilk on the sores . More than once I got a painful lump just under the size of a golf ball at the base of my breast near the arm pit . Most of the time I had little trouble with the actual feed . My baby latched on well and was very attached to the breast . It was no surprise that she refused to take the bottle of expressed milk when I tried to prepare her for my return to work . My period of no-pay leave was due to expire soon . It was a hard battle getting her to suck from a teat . At one stage I had to resort to deliberately 'starving' her of one feed to get her to suck from a teat . She would nose around desperately for my breast .

Eventually she did suck from a teat but went off the breast completely . My daughter must have got used to the ease of getting milk from the bottle and thus refused the breast . This was because by the time I had made my way home from work , she would have been fed her evening meal or bottle of EBM and was soon asleep for the night . She refused it even when I tempted her and tried various positions . At that time she was only about 6 - 7 months old . I resorted to pumping to continue giving her the benefits of breast milk . During the time she was on my milk she hardly got sick . Likewise when my son came into contact with chicken pox , he was lucky to have avoided infection . I now believe that it had a lot to do with the immunity provided by my milk . My son to date is still taking EBM for his afternoon bottle and nursing and on the breast directly at night on demand . He makes a faster recovery from illnesses than my girl who only got 11 months from me . As compared to my daughter , he hardly gets sick . It is a ready source of comfort when they are sick or faced with a new situation . As I am at work for almost 11 hours everyday , it is a wonderful way to reconnect .

The growth spurts were another trying period . Supply was really low then and I was feeding her ( and later him as well ) for up to an hour and a half each time . Once I had passed a fortnight however things returned to normal . Initially I was even feeding hourly and got by on pure will power . This was especially true in the first fortnight . I had started pumping once a day , then twice and as my children got older , I pumped to replace the feeds missed . This worked out well as I prepared to return to work . At work I would store the milk in the office refrigerator and transport it back in a cooler .

When my little girl was 11 months old , I was expecting again . I realised that something was up when my supply started dropping . A pregnancy test was positive . After having spoken to a couple of experts in the field , I sadly gave it up with a lot of regrets . This was because I had had some problems with the first pregnancy where I was bleeding during the first trimester . Almost within a couple of months , she came down with every cough , cold and flu that was in the air . I am a strong believer in child led weaning . Disappointed that my attempts to nurse her were interrupted , I was thus determined that when my son was born , I would start pumping for her again and aimed to total breastfeed him as well .

Pain-wise , I had less problems with the second delivery . Like my girl , my son was born underweight and jaundiced . However he did not need to be in special care and I was able to feed him the very next day . Having an epidural C-section meant that I could walk comfortably within 24 hours . Once more I went through the round of sore nipples and blisters . This time around the baby proved to be a biter right until the time he had teeth . In fact he drew blood more than once but through persistence , he soon got the idea that biting meant no milk as an angry mummy would take him off . He thrived on my milk and gained weight rapidly . Both my children were fed on demand and received no water supplements until they started solid food . With my first , the pediatrician wanted me to lay off for two days . "Breastfeeding jaundice" he said . I later found out that my children's prolonged jaundice had more to do with my blood type than the milk itself . I was glad that I did not stop then .

My son also went through a stage of refusing the teat and it was yet another battle to get him to accept EBM from a bottle . I was lucky that my son did not give up the breast as I found it very much easier to keep my supply up than it was with my daughter . Once , I was readmitted during my 2nd confinement for a possible case of mastitis . I had developed a fever that rose rapidly past 39°C . I brought my son to the hospital and was very thankful that I managed to get a place in an obstetrics ward so that I had at least a cot and basin for my son . I was reluctant to be parted from him as it may have meant problems with the latch on later .

Although I was on a drip which made bathing him difficult , I did not for one moment regret having insisted on bringing my baby with me . I soon realized that the longer one breast fed , the easier it became to carry on regardless . Eventually the routine of pumping , feeding and such became part of my day even when I went back to work . Some colleagues did not understand my devotion to breastfeeding and wondered what on earth was wrong with formula . I got flack from some people who were uneasy at the thought of me feeding a toddler . I have even been told that some men on staff were possibly embarrassed or offended , by the sight of my ( I beg your pardon ) empty cooler , because they knew that it was meant for transporting BREASTmilk . I learnt how to deal with comments like :
1) Breastfeeding on demand causes obesity . ( Both my children are not obese and are relatively healthy . What's more they are on opposite ends of the growth chart . ) .
2) Breastfed children are clingy . ( My son is a nursing toddler and he is definitely more independent than my daughter who stopped nursing before she was 7 months old . ) . In fact he has a mind of his own .
3) You are too thin to breastfeed . Milk is made from blood you know . ( I have been thin since I was four and I am not even remotely anaemic . ) .
4) What's wrong with formula ? ( What's wrong with breastmilk ? ) . As far as I was concerned cow's milk was for calves and if I could breastfeed it wasn't any of their concern .
5) It is so inconvenient ! ( Frankly I feel it is a labour of love . got used to the routine and it did not in the least bother me . At night what could be more convenient than the breast ? All I had to do was roll over and my son would latch on . ) . In this was I got to rest as well . I had no need to make trips to the kitchen to mix up a bottle of formula . Once I was so sound asleep that I did not notice that my son had crawled over to help himself . I woke up to find him latched on and fast asleep ! He had obviously had his fill . I did not have to worry about carrying hot water or milk bottles when I went out with him . Thirsty ??? Welcome to Mama's Mobile snack bar .
6) Breastfed babies are more wakeful . ( Both my children are totally breastfed and my daughter was sleeping through the night from early after confinement . My son till today is nocturnal . So I believe it is an individual difference and nothing to do with the milk . ) .
7) The milk is so diluted . ( This is precisely why it is so suitable for babies and toddlers . ) . Breastmilk is made such that it automatically changes to suit the age of the child it is intended for , unlike formula . It is readily absorbed and for mothers who worry about how much their child is taking this means that your child can take in more milk and goodness . One look at my children dispels the notion that they are nutritionally deficient . My son has even come in second in a baby show .
8) The baby is constantly falling asleep ( Isn't it great that your child is feeling secure enough to do so ? You just have to keep teasing the child to wake him up . They learn early on to take their time over a feed and not to gobble , which may later be a partial cause of digestive problems with their weight later in life . ) .
9) You have to keep changing their diapers . ( Breastfed babies do pass motion more frequently . This is beneficial in the early days when their system is trying to clear the gut . Their stool is soft and easy to pass out unlike formula fed babies who may suffer from hard stools . ) .
10) Don't your feel odd when everyone else's baby is formula fed ? ( Why should I have to follow the crowd ? It is my baby and I will do what I think is best for him . ) .
11) What about teeth ? ( True I have been bitten . But if your are firm enough , the child will learn that biting is a No-No , anyway not all babies bite . ) .
12) Breastmilk is tasteless . ( Well it is I admit rather bland to the adult palette . At least the baby will not start off getting addicted to sweet drinks unless given . The degree of sweetness can be compared to dilute rose syrup for breastmilk , and concentrated rose syrup for formula . This means also a lesser chance of dental caries developing . ) .
13) Don't your feel embarrassed carrying a bottle of breastmilk about ? Not doing anything illegal am I ? ) .
14) You seem to have a lot of time to do this . ( This comment came form a former colleague who implied that I had been given a lighter workload : "Ruby if you will care to look at my time table , you will notice that we have the same number of teaching periods ." ) .

Breastfeeding in public has not really been a problem either . Initially I was wondering if I would expose myself unknowingly . I carried all sorts of reservations until I was seated at a salad bar in Bishan and only after 20 minutes into my meal did I notice that the woman next to me was nursing . It had been so discrete . Thereafter , I have done it in all places , restaurants , the school where I work , for a lecture and the 'telly' with no problems . I have yet to be arrested for indecent exposure .

Basically I managed to mind my own business after a period of intense curiosity and I was left alone . I have faced 3 reactions when folks learn that I am nursing a toddler . Very seldom do I get plain acceptance .
"Wahhhhhhh ! Devoted mother ."
"Is something wrong with you , what's wrong with formula ?"
"Aiyoh !" . I have actually seen people step back in horror .
None of which particularly pleased me as I just wanted acceptance or to be left alone . I felt that it was perhaps insecurity that drove them to say such things as I did not see many formula fed babies getting attacked in the same way . My right to breastfeed my child was being intruded upon . I realized that it was not so much whether I could or could not manage , but whether or not I could deal with society's perception of what babies should be fed and how . It was a everyone-is-doing-it-so-why-don't-you mentality ? Even some medical staff have told me that breast milk was "No good lah madam after 6 months" . Research has shown that the benefits of breast milk do not stop at some god given date . When one thinks about how many more things mobile toddlers come into contact with , it makes sense to carry on even if the child is three years old . My son is a living example of the benefits of extended feeding and nursing . Often I felt that I knew more about breastfeeding than they did . If not for Cynthia Pang my Lactation Consultant, it would have been difficult to have the will to carry on . When at one stage I developed a breast lump my immediate fear was that I would need surgery and have to stop nursing . This lump proved to be harmless and disappeared on it's own . I have read of mothers who have managed to breastfeed despite breast surgery .

I sometimes feel sorry for mothers who are unable to , or opt not to breastfeed . My little girl was singing nursery rhymes long before she was 24 months old , and my son is a self taught jigsaw puzzle addict . Both children are bright and lively . After almost 3 years on the breast ( to date ) my supply has dropped to a third of what it used to be at the start . This is because my son is taking very much less from the breast now and prefers to eat . At work I express just enough for his afternoon pre nap bottle .There are days too when I feel sad to think that my nursing days are numbered . I comfort myself in thinking that I have given my children the best start possible . My son who has been on longer is a very confident child and I like to think that it is because I have been able to meet his needs . At the moment I treasure every nursing session and I am proud that I have managed to carry on this long . Long Live Breastfeeding !

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