The Real World, NC - episode 6

::Music::

Holly's voice: This is the story
Matt's voice: Of 7 weird sawck lovers...
Jeff's voice: NO! NIPPULS AND THEYER ARE 10 OF US NAW!!
Ari's voice: We're 10 strangers...picked to live in a house...
Dani's voice: to find out what happens when I molest Christian
Christian's voice: LORD HELP ME!
Edge's voice: to find oot what happens when we brush our teeth.
Randy's voice: When we sleep w/ all the cast members.
Shane's voice: When peupul stawp bein' palaht!
Shannon's voice: and start gittin'...er....what's do awpasit uv palaht?
Holly's voice: and start getting real....
Ari's voice: The Real World...
All: NORTH CAROLINA!

Dani's voice: Previously, on the Real World:

Jeff: "Yeah...I mean....dayum....Ahray...I'm scahred of hiyim....they wanted me tew hit awn him so thayat he cud turn me down and prewve thayat he ain't nawt a bah...."
Ari: "They did?! That's not right! How can they think of using you like that...." Ari: "Oh Shane, come here!"
Ari grabs Shane and plants a big kiss on his lips.
Holly: "OH NO SHE DIDN'T!!!!!!!!"
Shane: "WHOA MAWMMA!!!!!!! YEW IS NASS!!!!!!!! CUM'ERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ::throws Ari on the couch and tongues her down::"

Matt: "Yeah, whew wudent want tew hayave sawks made of flawss...thayat way, yew cin stuff AND hayave clean teeth! Danay, yew is so smart! :happymatt"
Edge: "Yeah! Wow....this RULES!!!!! Dani, you are one smart and sweet scorchcake!"
Dani: "Oh, Edge :blushingdani...."
Christian: "Hmpth...:jealouschristian"

Shannon: "So, Kristeh, duz thiyis meun yew git tew mewve in hahr?"
Kristy: "Yep.....I'm packed up and ready to move in!"
Shannon: "KEWL!!!!!!!!!! Yew wanna shahr a reum wit' me an' Jeyeff?"
Kristy: "=O OH HELLZ YA! :hornykristeh"

Shane: "Thayat's it...I'm tellin' everaybawday wut is goin' awn!!!!!!!!!!! ::runs into the house::"
Jeff: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAYUM DAYUM DAYUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jeff: "**sahgh** Mayatt Harday...I.....I hayave sum stuff tew thiyink 'bout rahght nahw.....an'...I neudz tahme fir mahseyelf....so....I hayave tew dew thiyis......"
Matt: "Okay Jeyeff Hardy.....I understayand....."
Jeff: "Okay.....bah......"
Matt: "Bah....."

This week....

Shannon's voice: Da hawse hayas nawt bin da same since Jeff left layast naht...this mawrnin' hayas been sahlint..ayand sako...

Randy and Matt are sitting on what used to be Jeff's bed.

Randy: To think this is all my fault ::sigh::
Matt: NAw..it ain't nawt...this bed was just a bed lahk any other...lahk Shannons over deyer...or mahn...ayand Jeff Harday is just wun soul...he will be bayack...
Randy: Wha?
Matt: I don't nawt no wut I just said...but if I did i'm sure it wud be nass
Randy: Where are the girls at? :hornyrandy
Matt: Hawlie ayand Ahray is takin' a dip in da pewl...Danay is bein' a sako dawnstayers sum weyer...ayand Kristeh is playin' wif Shannon in da kitchen..
Randy: Playin'?? :hornierrandy
Matt: Yup :evilsmilematt

In in kitchen:

Kristy: ::panting:: OH MY GOD! The rumor is true..
Shannon: Oh mah gaw ::smiles:: Shane cayant tees me no more!
Kristy: Wanna go again? :hornykristeh
Shannon: YEW GAWT IT MAWMMA!! ::throws her on the counter::

In the hot tub, Dani, Edge, and Christian are talking about "FlossySocks"

Edge: Wow, ey! This is like a dream come true!
Dani: Being here w/ me? :innocentsmile
Edge: Well...yeah, ey! But the business too!
Christian: :jealouschristian Well, ey! I bet Dani likes me more, ey!
Dani: Awww...there's enough of me for both you stud muffins!! :hornydani
Edge: Well...you are kinda sexy hot, ey!
Christian: DANI LOVES ME! :intearschristian ::stands up:: NOW YOU LISTEN, EY! I WILL NOT HAVE YOU, ADAM COPELAND, TAKING MY ONLY TRUE LOVE!!
Dani: Awwww you love me? T-that's.. ::jumps up and hugs Christian::
Just then...Shane walked in!
Shane: OH MAH GAWD! YEW SICKO! HAYAVIN AYAN ORGAY WIF A YUNG LADAY!
Edge: Woah, ey! I'm just sitting here!
Shane: WATCHIN CHRISTIAN MULEST DANAY AGIN!??!! YEW TREWLAY IS SICK!
Dani: Chill Hurri-Thief! We were just hugging!
Christian: Yeah, ey!
Shane: Sopay hugs = sex in da tub!
Dani: Oh please...like you haven't had any orgies here in the hot tub!
Shane: Naw..ah just..naw! YEW IS LAHIN!
Edge: He hasn't, ey! He's a hurri-loser!

Shane ran into the house screaming and shouting, just his luck....Holly and Ari were sitting there sexy in their swim suits on the couch in the living room drinking coffee....

Shane: ORGAY IN DA HAWT TUB!!
Holly: OOOOH REALLY!! :hornyhawlie
Ari: CAN WE JOIN IN??
Shane: NAW! CHRISCHUN IS MULESTIN DANAY WHILE EDGE WAWTCHES!!!
Holly: First of all Hurri-Fuck face...Dani molests Christian..not the other way around....so get a life and go whack off....ON YOUR BED THIS TIME!!
Shane: :hurtshane OH MAH GAWD! MAH ONLAY LUV REJCTID ME! WUT DID AH DEW TEW DISERVE DIS SAKO TREEMENT??
Holly: Back in the 'rassling world you were a Hurri-Thief!
Ari: Let's...erm....go visit Matt and Randy...Shane has issues dude!

Just then Matt and Randy walked in and sat down. Matt: Welp...I think I wanna go ayand tawlk in da camruh rum insted...ah will be bayack!

Matt (into the camera): Mah lahf is sako raht naw...ah ain't gittin no acshun! Mah brudder is down da street ayand Ahray still don't nawt luv mah sexy bawday! ::Sniffle:: Hawlie seems tew be single naw...perhaps ah kin git in dem pantays! :hornymatt Who knows...ah just know thayat mah brudder hayas tew cum bayack!!

Meanwhile:

Dani: Edge...can Christian and I have our privacy...go calm down Hurri-Orgy-Stopper or something....
Edge: You got it babe, ey! ::gets out and goes into the house::
Christian: I don't know what to do, ey!
Dani: WE CAN SCREW NOW HUH!!??? :hornydani
Christian: NO, EY! Listen...I love you...but we can't do that, ey! I don't wanna ruin your future!
Dani: YOU WHAT!?
Christian: You're so young...I'm so old...so old and Canadian!
Dani: I DON'T CARE!! EVERYONE IS GETTING SOME! EVEN KRISTY AND SHANNON HAVE HAD SEX NOW FOR GODS FUCKING SAKE!!!!
Christian: There's a shocker, ey!
Dani: JUST ONE KISS CHRISSY POO! ONE KISS!!
Christian: Well...ey...erm...ok ::closes eyes::

Dani and Christian embrace, and soon the tiny kiss turns into a full on makeout session!

Matt walked outside w/ his towel, and looked into the hot tub.

Matt: OH MAH GAWD!!!
Christian: ::jumps out of the tub:: THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!
Matt: SO SHANE WAS RAHT!!! THEY WAS JUST SAYIN HOW SAKO YEW WAS BEEIN' MULESTIN' YUNG LADEES!!!! YEW...YEW...PEDAFAHL!!!
Dani: NO! I KISSED HIM!! I...I..erm...FORCED MYSELF ON HIM!!! :savingchristiansassdani
Christian: You w -
Dani: Shut up Christian...Matt...listen...I have caused sooo many promlems for Christian...I am sorry Jay :usingrealnamedani ::walks into the house in tears::

Dani (into the camera): Christian was right ::sniffle:: WE CAN'T BE TOGETHER! Too many obsticles stand in our way..maybe i'll go visit Jeff down the street or something... ::gets up and leaves::

Meanwhile:

Matt entered the kitchen and saw Kristy and Shannon..erm...on the counter :gettingfreaky

Matt: FIRST CHRISTIAN AND DANI!! NAW YEW.....OH...OH MAH!
Kristy: ::stand up:: :nakedkristeh erm...y'see...I umm...
Matt: CAN I JOIN!!???
Shannon: Ummm...
Kristy: YES!

Kristy lunged at Matt and ripped his shirt off

Down the street at Jeff's:

Dani knocked on the door and Jeff answered.

Jeff: Hi Danay...haw is yew??
Dani: ::hugs Jeff: I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE! Anyone...my life is so...so...
Jeff: Sako?
Dani: Yes...
Jeff: Cum insahd ayand sit bah my pawlm trees...we kin tawlk
::They sit down in the living room::
Jeff: So tell me...wut is bawtherin' yew...?
Dani: Well..Christian told me he loved me and then we hugged and Shane thought we were having an orgy w/ Edge and he told everyone and then Matt caught us kissing and he called Christian a pediaphile and then i cried and said "No I kissed him" even though it was a mutual thing and... ::Sigh::
Jeff: Slow down! Naw...yew said Chrischun luvs ya?
Dani: Yes...but he says it will not be a good thing for us to be together...
Jeff: Danay....in ah tell yew the trewth?
Dani: Yes...
Jeff: We is awl in luv w/ ya...yew is da nassest thing in dis werld...but yew is so yung...nun uv us kin dew thayat yet...lahk haw we awl bang Hawlie and Ahray...naw...we kin't dew thayat tew yew yet!!
Dani: :inshockdani WHAT!?
Jeff: Yeah...ah'd bang ya..but yew is...
Dani: ::lunges at Jeff: TAKE ME NOW!!
Jeff: Yew gawt it awl r - ::Dani jams her tongue down his throat::

Meanwhile...back at the house...

Kristy was banging Shannon and Matt :orgyinthekitchen, Edge was trying to console Christian, and Holly and Ahray were contemplating giving in and having one big orgy w/ Shane and Randy...

Holly's voice: This morning has been interesting ::Shane and Randy are shown siting by themselves in the living room::
Ari's voice: But it's too damned early for an orgy...maybe tonight who knows...

That night....7 pm:

Everyone was there gathered in the living room...even Moxie and Jeff...Holly had called an official house meeting.

Holly: Thanks guys...for all being here...now..there has been alot of conflict here in the house for the few short days we've been here!
Jeff: Da prawbum is mah nippuls were mulested bah a bah gah!
Holly: Jeff...please don't start that again!
Kristy: So...what did you call us here for?
Holly: Kristeh...we have a problem...
Kristeh: What is it?
Holly: ::looks at Shane:: it's Hurri-Jerk over there!!
Shane: Naw! It's yew ayand yer sako hawt tub sopay huggin' orgays wif little childrun!!!
Holly: Listen Hurri-Bitch....we don't need someone here trying to ruin our good time...and we think that's what you're trying to do. Now...we have enough drama w/ the Jeff/Randy situation...so...as a house...I'd like us to take a vote....on who wants Hurri-Orgy-Stopper OUT!! :)
::everyone but Shane raises their hands::
Shane: YEW GAHS SUCK!!! ::runs inot his room crying::
Ari: so...he's out...can we bring someone else in?
Moxie: You can...one person...of my choosing..and i think you'll all be happy w/ who i choose! :)
Matt: Is it a sawk?
Moxie: NO Matthew...after Shane packs his things..and he's out...I will bring your new house-mate over....have a nice night guys....

2 hours later:

Shane: Well..I is awtta heer gahs! Ah trahd..ah rilly did...but yew gahs were sako...and hated me ayand mah Hurri-Cawmik buks....so...bah!! ::walks out of door hanging head::
Jeff: Ah better git bayack tew mah haws...erm.ummm...Danay....wanna..join meh?
Christian: DANI? AT JEFF'S? :confuseandjealouschristian
Dani: :evilsmiledani Yeah...we were...umm...doing...I mean we're gonna do..umm...we're gonna...redecorate the bedroom...erm..the...umm....I...
Jeff: Yeah...umm...yew gahs...We will...I mean Danay will be bayack in a bit! ::grabs Dani and runs out::
Holly: So...when is Moxie gonna be here w/ our new house guest?
Edge: I don't know, ey! But when she gets here....we should ask her aboot FlossySocks!e need to get cracking on that, ey!
Matt: Yeah...flawssaysawks!!

Just then...the door opened, and Moxie stepped in...followed by a man they all knew very well...ROB VAN DAM!!

Moxie: Girls...meet your new house mate...and Holly....meet your new room mate :)
RVD: ::Puff puff:: Yeah.... ::exhale::

::Fade to black::