Real World NC, Episode 14

::Music::

Holly's voice: This is the story
Matt's voice: Of 7 weird sawck lovers...
Jeff's voice: NO! NIPPULS AND THEYER ARE 10 OF US NAW!! Erm...ah meen...WE GAWTS LAWTS UV PEEPUL AWL HAYAVIN' ORGAYS IN DA TUB!
Ari's voice: We're 10...er...12 strangers...picked to live in a house...
Dani's voice: to find out what happens when I molest Christian
Christian's voice: LORD HELP ME!
Edge's voice: to find oot what happens when we brush our teeth.
Randy's voice: When we sleep w/ all the cast members.
Shane: When peupul stawp bein' palaht!
Shannon: and start gittin'...er....what's do awpasit uv palaht?
Holly's voice: and start getting real....
RVD's voice: Dude....and get high! Yeah....::puff::
Kristy's voice: The Real World...
All: NORTH CAROLINA!

Holly: Previously...on the real world...

Randy: "*sigh* Holly, is Ari okay?"
Holly: "Sure, why?"
Randy: "Cuz...she's been...been WITHHOLDING if you know what I mean..."
Holly: "Maybe...erm, it's her...time of the month!"
Randy: "No, no....it's not...I dunno, she seems so...distant. Holly, I think I'm losing her! :scaredrandy"

Shannon: "Kristeh..."
Kristy: "Yes, Shannon?"
Shannon: "I luv yew!"
Kristy: "Oh...erm...uh...that's nice."
Shannon: "NASS. NASS?!? NASS?!?!?!??! NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS?!?!?! I JIST TOLE YEW I LUV YEW! AN' AWLL YEW SAY IS 'THAYAT'S NASS'?!?!?!?! IZ YEW SAKO?!?!?!?"
Kristy: "=O"
Shannon: "Ughz! I cin't bileev thiyis! I iz awtta heer! :stormsoutoftheroomnakedshannon"

Ari: "I.......I............::looks up at Matt:: I don't know."
Matt: "Lissen! ::grabs Ari's face:: Either yew dew, or yew don'!"
Ari: ":shakingheadinconfusionahray"
Matt: "Oh mah gawd...I don' buleev this! Yew teyell me yew luv me, an' nahw yew don' know wut tew dew! I knew thiyis wuz tew gud tew be trew! Yew know wut...untiyil yew decahde wut yew want tew dew, Ah'll lay awff, okay? Cawll me whin yew cum tew yur seyenses. :getsupandleavesangrymatt"

Matt: "Erm...::sits down:: Uh...okay, jist ONE PUFF!"
RVD: "Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude :happyhighrvd"
Shannon: "DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWD!"
Matt: "Erm, dewd. ::takes blunt:: okay...heer we go ::takes a puff:: CAWF! CAWF! CAWF! DEEEEEEEEEWD!! CAWF, CAWF! CAWF!"

Randy: "I-I-I...I love you!"
Ari: "*sigh* Oh god. :shockedahray"
Randy: "What?"
Ari: "OH GOD!"
Randy: "What! I haven't even touched you yet!"
Ari: "Are...you telling the truth?"
Randy: "YES! I LOOOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
Ari: "Oh my God! :chokedupahray Randy..I...*sigh* I love you too!" (Holly's comment: :majorplayerahray :D)

Matt: "Yes, Kristeh?"
Kristy: "I...I...I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Shane: "ORGAY IN DA TUB!!!!!!!!! Wait, thahr's onleh three of us heer..."
Jeff: "Nah! Edge an' Chrishtun is hahdin' behand da tahwel rayack!"
Shane: "WEYELL CUM'AWN AWT! ORGAY IN DA TUB TAHME!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Matt: "Me? MAYATT HARDAY?! A PIECE OF ASS! NEVER!"
Kristy: "Well, Matt...*sigh* I think so...do you hear those noises coming from next door? Who do suppose can be making them?"
Matt: ":listeningmatt Oh no...:sadmatt"
Kristy: "Yep, so...Matt...:massagesmattsshoulderskristeh I suggest we get to know each other REAL well."

Rob: "Well, DUDE, come on, let's go! And let's invite that babe Moxie and Tazz!"
Kristy: "Erm, Rob, I don't think that's a good idea..."
Matt: "Nah, I think Rawb hayas a poynt. We need tew make nass wit' theyem, they iz awlways gettin' upset wit' us over triviull thangs...sumbawday cawll theyem up, an' leyet's git reday tew go awt."

Shane's voice: Thiyis week...awn da orgay werld...::snicker::

That evening...

The whole crew, including Moxie and Tazz, piled into the vans and headed to the Raleigh mall....In one van Tazz was at the wheel, Rob was in the passeger seat, Matt and Kristy were in the first row of seats, and Randy, Ari, and Shane were in the last. In the other, Moxie took the wheel, while Jeff say in the passenger seat, Holly and Dani sat in the first row, and Edge, Christian, and Shannon sat in the last...

Ari felt uneasy sitting there watching Kristy feel all over Matt, and Shane, like always, cut in with something stupid to say...

Shane: ::whispers in Ari's ear:: Yew no wut yew gawtta dew Ahray?
Ari: ::rolls eyes:: What's that Shane?
Shane: Git dem awl in a orgay in da tub...dey is bawnd tew cewl deyer jeyets...
Ari: Shane...you're an idiot..
Shane: :offendedshane Welep...fahn...see neyext tahm ah heyelp yew awt yew sako! HMPH! ::crosses arms and stares out te window::

Kristy: :allovermattkristeh Oh Mattie... ::lays head in his shoulder:: I love you...
Matt: :sadandveryangrymatt ::Says super loud:: Yeah Kristeh...AH LUUUV YEW TEW! ::turns around:: AH LUV HER AHRAY! AH LUV HEEER! ::turns back around and kisses Kristy, and shoves his tongue down her throat::
Randy: ::looks at Ari:: What's that all about?
Ari: Ummm...I-I dunno...erm...maybe he ummm...::smiles and looks at Randy:: I dunno babe.... ::looks at Matt and Kristy and frowns::
Shane: ::faces Ari again:: Nahw wut diyid ah teyell yew?
Ari: :flings head around:: WHAT!?
Shane: Luk...me ayand Hawlie ayand Jeff ayand Edge ayand Crischun awl hayad ayan orgay in da tub ayand..
Tazz (from drivers seat): THAT IS UTTULEH DISGUSTIN', KIN YOUZ KEEP THAT SHIAT DOWN? Gawd...
Shane: Enehways,,,we hayad ayan orgay ayand-
Ari: You WHAT?
Randy: Sounds like fuuuun...
Ari: oh god...you guys are disgusting...don't EVEN talk to me Shane...The last thing I need to hear about is orgies...
Matt: ::turns around:: Ah'll lissen SHANE! :glaringatahraymatt
Shane: Nass...
Ari: WHO ASKED YOU?
Matt: Diyid yew hear sumpin' Kristeh? Hmm...must've bin da wiyind...
Shane: Enehwayz..Mayatt...orgays is nass tew git tew no uther peepul ayand -
Ari: ::cuts Shane off:: Excuse me, Matt, ::ghetto head swivvel:: did you just call me an airbag?
Kristy: ::swings around:: My man wasn't TALKING to you ho bag!
Ari: OH HELL NOOOOO! ::looks at Randy:: Did she? She? OH NO BITCH YOU'D BETTER BACK ON UP BEFO' WE THROW DOOOOOWN IN THIS BITCH!
Tazz: ::stops the van and turns himself around in his seat:: WHAT DA HELL IS GOIN' ON IN HEAH?
Matt: Ahray is bein' a littul trayamp...
Ari: ::being held down by Randy, swinging arms like a maniac:: OH HELL NO! LET ME AT 'IM! LET! ME! AT THAT PIECE OF TRASH!!
Kristy: THAT'S IT BITCH! ::takes out earrings:: OUTSIDE! NOW!!

At this point, both vans were stopped, and Kristy and Ari were outside, on the side of the road, nose to nose, about to rip each other apart.

Jeff: ::eating Skittles, sitting on the roof of the van:: Thiyis is nass...
Holly: ::gets up from her seat next to Jeff:: I need to talk to Ari ::jumps into the dirt and walks over to Ari:: Ari...Ari!
Ari: ::pushes Holly back with arm:: Holl', let me take this bitch out and then we'll talk.
Holly: ::grabs Ari by her shoulder and swings her around:: Ari, listen to me...NO! Not here, not now...hell...WHY ARE YOU TWO FIGHTING ANYWAYS?!
Ari: SHE TOOK MY MAN! ::realizes she slipped up and covers mouth::
Randy: Babe ::touches her shoulder:: I was never with Kristy...well.that on time in the..
Ari: NO, I mean..
Randy: ::looks at Matt:: Don't tell me you and...
Matt: AHRAY YEW LAHD! YEW SED YEW LUVED ME AYAND YEW BROKE MAH HART!!!! :tearyeyedmatt

RVD: Dude... ::puff puff:: Let's go back in the van man, this is SO killing my buzz...yeah..
Shane: MAybe there wiyill be ayan orgy in da tub..
RVD: Hey...wanna toke?
Shane: Tawk? Tawk wut?
RVD: A little ::puff puff:: reefer...maryjane..weed...dope...you know man...the green stuff!
Shane: ::blank stare:: Orgay in da tub?
RVD: ::shoves blunt in Shane's mouth:: NOW SUCK...SUCK!
Shane: ::Sucks whole thing in his mouth:: oh mah. ::choking and coughing::
RVD: SHIT! YOU SWALLOWED MY BLUNT MAN! :unstonedrvd YOU KILLED MY BUZZ AND ATE MY WEED!
Shane: ::falls to ground holding throat:: AH IS DAHIN!! AH IS DAHIN!!
RVD: Man..get up ::puff puff:: You're cool...yeah...you're gonna have one HELL of a buzz though...man..you're gona be like me that time I drank the vodka and bong water, yeah....

Meanwhile, back at the scene of the battle....

Shannon: EVREHWUN HEER JIST SHUT UP!! ::throws hands in the air::
Kristy: ::being held back by Matt:: Hurry the FUCK up so I can beat this hussy down...
Ari: BITCH! ::runs past Randy and spears Kristy::

Kristy and Ari rolled around, pulled hair, and slapped each other until Matt and Randy broke them up.

Randy: BABY! NO! :angryrandy
Ari: :outofbreathahray ::brushing off dust:: What a slut
Shannon: JIST LISSEN! Ah gawts sumpin' tew say!
Matt and Randy: WHAT!?
Shannon: MAYATT! YEW STOLE KRISTEH FRUM ME! Ah luv Kristeh mawr thayan enehthang...even mah teyen inchuz!
Matt: Ah didn't nawt! She threw herseyelf ayat me! SHE'S SAKO!
Kristy: :shockedkristy I LOVE YOU AND YOU SHIT ON ME! ::storms off to the van::
Matt: BUT AH LUV AHRAY!
Randy: I LOVE ARI!
Shannon: I hayave tew go cawnsole Kristeh :runningafterkristyshannon
Holly: ::looks at Ari:: We're all gonna go get in the vans now hun, Moxie and Tazz are too pissed to even come over here for fear of what they'll do to you...we're gonna continue heading to the mall in about 5 minutes....so..hurry... :walksawayhawlie
Ari: ::looks at Randy, then looks at Matt and then back at Randy:: I...
Randy: You what!?
Ari: I don't know what to say right now Randy...
Matt: ::grabs Ari's face and turns it towards his:: Teyell hiyim..
Ari: Matt...I...I DO love you...but...::turns to Randy:: I love Randy too...and I...I can't..
Randy: What can't you do baby?
Ari: I can't make this decision right now, i'm sorry.. ::runs to the van crying::

10 minutes later:

Tazz: ::turns around:: Now, we is heah...if youz start fightin' in heah so help me gawd I will have awl ya heads...

The entire crew of 14 sakos all entered the mall...

As soon as they entered, Holly found Ari and threw her arm around her..

Holly: Talk to me, Ari...what's up?
Ari: ::sigh:: What am I going to do? Matt and RAndy are both in love with me but I love them both and Kristy loves Matt and she hates me yet Shannon loves her and -
Holly: ::cuts her off:: Woah Woah...Ari..chill...just breathe..
Ari: I'm trying to but-
Holly: Look...tonight is going to be fun, we're all here...and we need to prove to Moxie and Tazz that we CAN all get along....ok?
Ari: Well..
Holly: Come on...we'd better walk a little faster before we lose the others...

Tazz: ::stops and turns around to face the group:: Ok...no I'm gawnna let yaz all go awf to wherez eva ya wanna go....but i'm warnin' ya...if any of yaz get yaselves into trouble...it'z ya head!
Jeff: ::raises hand:: SO AH KIN GO TEW HAWT TAWPIC!?
Dani: ::jumps on Jeff's back:: Leeeet's gooo!!
Christian: WAIT FOR ME, EY!
Edge: ::running behind:: ME TOO, EY!

So Jeff, Dani, Edge, and Christian all headed off to Hot Topic...

Jeff: :beamingjeff Thiyis is gawnna be nass
Edge: ::avoiding Jeff's stare:: Umm...:uncomfortabledge yeah, ey...
Christian: ::turns back to the group:: BIG ASS GLASSES, EY!! ::puts on a pair:: What do ya think, ey? :-D
Jeff: Cum awn Danay...LEYET'S FAHND FUNKEH PAYANTS!!

Edge and Christian were left standing there in front of the big ass glasses...

Edge: ::gulp:: Christian, ey?
Christian: ::puts down glasses:: Yes, ey?
Edge: ::Whispers:: Do you feel....weird, ey?
Christian: :nervouschristian Well, ey....aboot what?
Edge: Y-you know, ey! The....tub...
Christian: Tub? :playingdumbchristian
Edge: THE ORGY, EY!!

Everyone in the store stopped and stared at Edge:

Christian: I don't k-know what you mean, ey! ::runs over to Jeff and Dani on the other side of the store::

Meanwhile:

Shannon was following Kristy around like a lost puppy trying to get her attention...

Shannon: Kristeh?
Kristy: What? ::swings around::
Shannon: :innocentshannon Ah realleh dew jist wanna see yew happeh..
Kristy: Shannon...this isn't the time nor the place...
Shannon: ::sits down on bench in the middle of the floor:: Heer ::pats seat:: Siyit dahwn..
Kristy: ::Sigh:: Fine...fine...just...make it fast...::Sits down::

Holly, Ari, Matt, and Randy were all in the food court sitting at a table for 4...

Holly: Ok, now listen, I wanted you all to be here for a reason...you may all feel uncomfortable but listen..
Matt: ::arms crossed over chest, looking down at the table top:: Wut!?
Holly: I love you all...and I know i'm not the most moral person...so...my advice may not be the best but, Ari...::turns to Ari:: hun...if you can't choose...
Ari: Yes?
Holly: Don't.
Randy: Don't?!
Holly: Yes...don't...
Matt: SO WE IS AWL LONLEH!? NAW! NAW!
Holly: NO..no....just listen...
All: ::ears perk up::
Holly: Who made the rule that you couldn't have both?
Randy and Matt: BOTH!!?
Ari: :smirkingahray Both...?
Holly: Yes...both...that way no one is hurt....
Matt: NAW! NAW!! AH JIST WANNA...
Holly: Do you want Ari or not?
Ari: Guys...
Randy: Yes, babe? ::rubbing Ari's leg under the table::
Ari: It sounds like a solution...
Matt: :poutingmatt AH AIN'T NAWT TUCHIN' HIYIM!!
Ari: You don't have to babe...just...
Holly: You guys sleep on it...or..whatever...I see Rob and Shane over there...I gotta go spit game :)

Meanwhile: Shannon: ..Ayand Kristeh..yew is da first wumun ah hayave ever luved..
Kristy: Shanny..?
Shannon: Wut?
Kristy: Can we just be friends?
Shannon: :shockedshannon WUT!? NAW! NAW! ::Stands up:: AH JIST PAWRED MAH HART AWT TEW YEW AYAND THAYATS AWL YEW GAWTTA-
Kristy: Shannon..
Shannon: WUT?!
Kristy: We can still have sex...
Shannon: ::sits down:: WE KIN?! :excitedshannon
Kristy: Of course!!

Holly skipped over to Rob and Shane and threw her arms around each of their shoulders as they stood in line at McDonalds...

RVD: ::puff puff:: Man...I got the munchies...yeah.. ::exhale::
Shane: :Stillreallystonedshane Yew cayan't nawt "tawk" iyin heer dewd!
RVD: Duuuude...this is, as I have said before...an HnF fictional creation...I can do whatever I want! ::puff puff::
Holly: YOu guys are so silly ::giggles::
Shane: Yew kin? LAHK WUT!?
RVD: You know man...anything..
::The group approaches the counter to order::
Shane: Kin we hayave da Mcdawnulds ladee be Awpra Wiyinfree?
RVD: Oooof course.. ::puff puff::
Oprah: Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?
Shane: DEWD! IYIT'S AWPRA!!!
Holly: ::looks down and shoes and laughs:: And since this is fiction ::throughs RVD against counter: I can do whatever I please to you right here and now...
Shane: ORGY IN DA TUB!!!
RVD: ::puff puff:: TO THE TUB SHOP, DUDE!

Meanwhile:

IN hot Topic...

Edge: ::runs over to Christian, Jeff, and Dani:: Christian, ey! Listen ::Looking down at ground:: We need to..
Jeff: ::Says as loud as he can:: IS YEW SAKO EYEMBAWRAYASSED ABAWT DA ORGAY IN DA TUB WIT' ME, HAWLIE, SHANE, AYAND YER BRUTHER?!
Edge: ::turns bright red:: Well..ey...I..uhh...I GOOTTA GO, EY!! ::runs out of the store, knocking over the belt rack::
Dani: Ummm....ORGY AND I WASN'T INVITED!?
Jeff: Danay, yew is sako...yew no thayat yew is a big ole peec uv jayel bait!
Christian: Yeah ey...and erm...WE DIDN'T HAVE AN ORGY! ::nudges Jeff: Right..Jeff, ey?!
Jeff: Erm...yes we diyid...AYAND WHAY IS YER AH TWIYITCHIN' AYAND WHAY IS YEW HITTIN' ME WIT' YER EYELBAW!?
Christian: OH FORGET IT, EY! ::storms out as well::

As Christian walked out of the store, he saw Moxie, Tazz, and Edge in Spencer's across from him....he walked inside...

Edge: Erm...hi...ey..
Tazz: So help me gawd, please tell me you do not have some koind of nooz that is gawnna roon mah day!
Christian: Umm..no ey...everything is...peachy, ey!

Meanwhile:

Ari: So it's settled?
Matt: Yup! :beamingmatt Ah luv yew... ::kisses Ari::
Randy: Yeah babe, and I love you too ::grabs ari's face and kisses her::
Ari: ::Stands up and takes both their hands:: Let's check out thattub shop..
Matt: Ah beyet yew thayat Sako Shane is in theyer!

When the group entered the tub shop, they saw Holly, Rob, Shane, Shannon and Kristy (yes Shannon and Kristy somehow found their way there too) all naked and in a huge hot tub filled with bubbles..

Shop owner Tony Danza approached..

Ari: TONY FRIGGIN DANZA! HOW YOU DOIN!?
Tony: how YOU doin
Ari: No...how YOOOU doooin!
Tony: Welcum tah Tony's Tiny Tub shop...big tubs...tiny prices..how can I help you three today?
Shane: ::from across the store:: ORGAY IN DA TUB! REMEMBER! SOAPAY HUGS EEQWUL SEX IN DA TUB!
Randy: ::grabs Ari and Matt: COME ON!

The three also found themselves naked and in the tub moments later...when Tazz, Moxie, Edge and Christian entered..

Edge: AHH! TUB!! ::runs out screaming::
Christian: WAIT UP, EY! ::runs out also::
Tazz: WUT IN DA BLEW HELL IS GOIN' ON HEAH?
Moxie: NAKED IN THE MALL?!
Tazz: WHY I AWTTA!
Jeff and Dani: ::running into the store naked, charging the tub:: OOOORGY!!!!!!!! ::splash::

The tub was soon full of 10 sakos, all naked and ready for an orgy in the mall..

Tazz: When we get home tonight...youz all in biiig trouble! :extemerlyangryaboutthesakoswantinganorgytazz

::fades to black::