Real World, NC - Episode 10


Holly's voice: This is the story
Matt's voice: Of 7 weird sawck lovers...
Ari's voice: We're 10 strangers...picked to live in a house...
Dani's voice: to find out what happens when I molest Christian
Christian's voice: LORD HELP ME!
Edge's voice: to find oot what happens when we brush our teeth.
Randy's voice: When we sleep w/ all the cast members.
Shane: When peupul stawp bein' palaht!
Shannon: and start gittin''s do awpasit uv palaht?
Holly's voice: and start getting real....
RVD's voice: Dude....and get high! Yeah....::puff::
Ari's voice: The Real World...

Jeff's voice: Preeviuslee awn da sako werld uv nippuls...ah mean da Reul Werld..

Moxie: " your new boss.....Tazz!"
Tazz: "Hellow, are yaz today!"
Tazz: "Ari! Waaaaaaasssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaap! How YOU doin'?"
Ari: "No, YOU doin'?"
Tazz: "Noooooo.........How you doin'?"
Ari: "How you doin!"
Tazz and Ari: "HOW YOU DOIN!"

Moxie (in Tazz's ear): "Good, luck, and may God have mercy on your soul."

RVD: " got nipple pictures all over the place.......ya.......I like it.........I definitely like it............ya..............want to see my office?"
Everyone goes into RVD's office.
Holly: "Wow! Nice plants!"
RVD: Ya......::straightens out the bong in the corner:: cool, huh?"

Jeff: "Is thayat me, NEKKID!?"
Holly: "Yes, great picture, eh?"

Ari: "MMhmm, and I also got this! ::opens a door:: A HOT TUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Jeff: "ORGAY IN DA TUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jeff: "Heyelp me! I'm gawnna dah! Bayad! I'm gonna be blew flawss if yew don' heyelp me awtta thiyis machine!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Tazz: "Okay, back away.......back away, let me see wut da fuck youz did..........I swear, if youz ruined dis machine.........::looks up at them:: Youz have got to be da BIGGEST FRIGGIN' IDIOTS on this Oith! ::pulls Jeff's asscape out of his back pocket:: Okay, son, yore free."

Matt: "I is hee-OH MAH GAWD! :lookingatthepicsonkristy'swallsmatt THAYAT'S ME AWN DA WALLS! AWLL OVER DA WALLS! :scaredmatt"
Kristy: " you have a problem with the fact that I have pics of you on my wall?"

Tazz: "::comes out of his office:: These people are maniacs! Where da fuck did ya find these looneys?! :sakotazz"
Moxie: "Uh.......what happened?!"
Tazz: "I dunno! I dunno! These people are way, screw dis crap! Fuggetaboutit, I'm outta heah!"

Moxie: "Folks, I don't know what happened, but I want an explanation once you are all home! :superduperangrymoxie"

RVD's voice: ::puff puff:: Tonight...on the real world...yeah... ::exhale::

That night at the house, Moxie had everyone sit down for a meeting....and she was not happy!

Moxie: I am very disappointed in all of you guys, now I have no idea what went on today...but I know that you got Tazz very, VERY pissed wants to explain?
RVD: ::puff puff:: Man...maybe he's mad 'cause I got a few dozen weed plants in my office...
Matt: Mah sawk desk?
Jeff: Ah gawt cawt up in da sako flawss masheen!
Holly: Maybe it's because we didn't work...we decorated our offices like brothels, and Jeff nearly broke our entire assembly line!
Jeff: Naw...da ayasscape did! SAKO!
Ari: Oh Holly like you have any room to talk Mrs. "Vibrating chair...bowl of condoms..."
Holly: SAFETY FIRST! :sakopissedoffhawlie
Moxie: Listen...if this is gonna work...that's what you have to do....WORK!
Edge: So I should take the big tooth shaped desk oot of my office, ey? It's kinda distracting, ey!
Christian: Yeah, ey...I think like...we're all a distraction to each other!
Moxie: Do we have to seperate you then?
Kristy: Now that would be unfair! This is supposed to be fun!
Moxie: Than prove to me you want it to be...when you goto work tomorrow...apologize to Tazz...and get crackin, we need to get the assembly line up and running in 3 days...and we need avertisement and all that good get cracking...i'm gonna assign 6 of you to the assembly 5 to designing the logo and getting the ads up and running....when you arrive tomorrow you'll know where you are ::turns around to leave, but stops:: Oh...and...Shane's umm...he's gonna be working there with you guys from now on...
Holly: WHAT!?!????!?!?
Moxie: Don't worry...he's gonna be an errand boy! Toodles... ::walks out::
Dani: Great...Hurri-Fag boy is coming back!
Holly: ::sigh:: me a favor...and don't fuck this up...
Matt: So is we gawnna make sawks? :innocentsmilematt
Shannon: Ah still say we yews mah 10 inchiz ayas a logo!
Ari: Girls...wanna go chill in my room?
Dani, Holly, and Kristy: YES!

The 4 girls got up, and ran upstairs to Ari's room and sat down on Ari's bed...

Holly: I have a feeling that someone's gonna be dead by the end of tomorrow...
Dani: Dead...or turned into floss..
Ari: Namely...Jeff
Krisy: ::scoffs:: What is his problem?
Holly: Kinda turns me on..
Ari: Holly...EVERYTHING turns you on!
Holly: True! :hornyhawlie
Dani: Look...we're actually gonna have to work I guess...
Holly: Yeah...but...we can still like...bang WHILE working, right? like on lunch breaks and shit?
Kristy: Yeah...just don't try to work the machines AND... ::ahem:: at the same time...
Ari: Well...girls..I say we all go downstairs, get the guys together...and see if they wanna go out anywhere tonight...
Holly: Where? I mean...we are right in the middle of BUM FUCKED EGYPT!
Ari: Well...we can go...go and...and...PLAY IN JEFF'S YARD!!

The girls walked downstairs, and back into the living room, to find the guys all passed out right in the middle of the floor...

Dani: Great! The boys are out...::sits down on the couch:: It's only 6...what the hell are we gonna do now?!
Ari: Holly...get the van...bring it around front..Dani...get an industrial sized bucket of cooking oil, a bag of flour, and a frying pan...and Kristy, you help me get Jeff...we're going on a little adventure to Hardyville!
Dani: Ummm...A-Ari...I-I don't know if I wanna -
Holly: ADVENTURE!!!!!!!!!!
Ari: I'll get the loin clothes and tribal face paint...

30 minutes later:

The girls (dressed in skimpt leopard print loin clothes and covered in war paint) somehow got a very naked Jeff into the van and sprawled out on his front lawn without even waking him up.

Ari: Holly get the flour and the pan...Dani...get the cooking oil, i'll get a bungee chord and me and Kristy will tie him to the volcanoe.
Holly: Don't wake him up...
Ari: We won't...just do it...and be careful...oh..and pull your skirt down...we don't wanna...ARE YOU WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR!?!?
Holly: When do I ever?

5 minutes later:

Ari: Kristy, get his arms...yeah..ok ::ties chord around Jeff's body and onto volcanoe::
Holly: Oil! ::opens the oil:: Ladies...shall I do the honors?
Jeff: ::wakes up:: W-WUT IS YEW SAKOS DEWING TEW ME!!?!?!??! HEYELP!!!!
Dani: ::whacks Jeff with pan:: Hahahha...
Holly: ::pours oil all over Jeff's naked body:: Oooh mah gawd! :hornyhawlie
Ari: Ok..on three...we flour!!!
::The girls all throw flour on Jeff, and he comes to::
Ari: Aww....what's the matter honey..scared? :evilahray
Holly: This is what you get for falling asleep at 6 pm on our watch!

Meanwhile, back at the house:

The rest of the guys all woke up and were searching the house for the girls and Jeff.

Randy: Odd...where could they have gone?
Matt: Emergency trip tew da sawk stawr?
Christian: Is the van gone, ey?
Edge: ::picks up Jeff's clothes off the kitchen floor:: Jeff's clothes are here, ey!
Shannon: So Jeffie went tew da sawk stawr wif da gurls nekked?
Matt: Wayer is mah brudder!!? :kindaconcernedmatt
Randy: Ok, ok...calm i'm sure there is some logical explination for why the girls, and a naked Jeff disappeared at ::looks at watch:: 7 in the evening...hmmm...who knows...maybe they got frisky, and are having an orgy down the street at Jeff's...sounds good...yeah... :hornyrandy
RVD: ::puff puff:: Maybe we should walk down there...yeah... ::exhale:: After all...he might need help ::wink::
Matt: Yew gahs is sako ayand sick! Ah is gawnna stay heer ayad wait tew see if dey cawl or if dey cum bayack! Whay don't da reyest uv yew go...
Edge: Ok...Rob, and Randy and me will go, ey! The rest of you guys stay here...ey...

The 3 of them put their shoes on and headed down the street to Jeff's house.

RVD: ::puff puff:: Can you see is anyone is in Jeff's yard? ::exhale:: :cantsee10feetinfrontofhimrob
Randy: ::gulp:: Umm...guys...

They look down the street and see the girls doing a sako tribal dance around Jeff, who is covered in flour and tied to the volcanoe screaming for his mommy.

RVD: Awesome...yeah.. ::puff puff:: Let's go join the party...yeah...
Randy: S-someone has to help him!
Edge: Don't look at me...SAVING LIVES CAUSE PLAQUE, ey!
RVD: Chill out bro...look...we'll just go down there and ::puff puff:: offer some smoke...the girls'll love us.. :extremelymellowandhighrvd
Edge: no way, ey! You guys wanna die..go ahead!
Randy: Ok...look w - OMG!!!! RUN!!!

The guys looked down the street to see Dani, Holly, Ari, and Kristy charging them with thei super sako spears.


Edge and Randy went running down the street for the house, but RVD just stood there. Ari, Dani, and Holly kept chasing, but Kristy stopped when she got to RVD.

Kristy: You're supposed to run..
RVD: No sweat man...yeah...i'm just gonna stand here and watch you girls have your fun with my boys...yeah...
Kristy: Look...I gotta go...this could get messy....

Kristy caught up with the girls and they all went on a rampage in the house, but the guys were all hiding out in various places.

Holly: ::jumps on counter in kitchen:: Ok boys....come on out...we're not gonna hurt with you!
Ari: Yeah...come one ooooout... :sakoevilahray

RVD entered the house through the front door and made his way to the kitchen where the girls were.

RVD: Woah little your jets there...i'm ::points to self:: RVD..and I just wanna get high like you...yeah...
Dani: huh?
Holly: Look...uh...he...leave 'im alone, ok? :tryingtostayincharacterhawlie

Just then, Edge, Christian, Randy, Shannon, and Matt all jumped out of the cabinets, wearing colinders on their heads and carrying frying pans...and cornered the girls.

Matt: We gawt yew naw yew sakos!
Ari: OOh Mattie ::runs finger down his chest:: I like it when you play rough!
Matt: :extremelyhornyandsoooooooinlovewithahraymatt YEW DEW!!??!?!?
Ari: me the pot and...
RVD: POT!?!? WHERE?!!?
Edge: It's a trap, ey! Don't listen....she's just trying to get you....ummm...wait....why are we doing this?

Everyone backed off and looked around for a second and shrugged.

Kristy: Who was fun..
Ari: Yeah..umm...hey...I don't know about you guys...but I am beeeeat...all I wanna do is crash..
RVD: All I wanna do is...yeah..smoke... ::puff puff::
Holly: I say we all hit the sack...we can..uh...clean up in the morning ::yawns::

With that, they were all off to bed...and it seemed that they had all forgotten about poor Jeff...who was still covered in flour and cooking oil and tied to his volcanoe...

The next morning:

Ari rubbed the sleep from her eyes and sat up in bed.

Randy: ::sits up:: Wha?
Ari: Get dressed...we gotta go...we left Jeff tied to the volcanoe...
Randy: Only you babe...only you...

20 minutes later, they were all in the vans, on their way to work. They parked one of the vans in Jeff's front yard, and Holly and Matt got out to untie Jeff....who was hunched over, and dried from head to toe.

Matt: Jeffie, is yew ok? ::wipes flour from Jeff's face with a sock::
Jeff: Nippul... :wornoutjeff
Holly: :untying Jeff:: This is no time for nippuls...we're gonna be late and Tazz is gonna be...shall I say...PISSED!
Jeff: Git mah nippul....
Matt: We gawtta go ::throws Jeff over his shoulder::

They loaded Jeff into the van and headed off to the office.
When they walked in the door of the building, Taz was standing there waiting for them.

Ari: Umm....Tazz...we can explain...
Jeff: Nippul....
Tazz: Don't tell me youz baked ole Jeffie boy...
Holly: Well..see...what happened was -
Tazz: :extremelypissedoffandghettotazz I DON'T CAYA! Just git to woik...and fa gawds sake...clean up dat weido... ::Stomps off to his office::
Ari: Rob...Holly...come help me give Jeff a shower in my office...everyone else...go find out where we're at today and just...uh...let us know...

In Ari's office: RVD: ::puff puff:: we gotta shower off this... ::exhale:: yeah.....
Jeff: :bakedjeff
RVD: :bakedrvd :)
Holly: Ok...turn the water on...
Ari: ::Throws Jeff in the shower:: Ok...
::Just then Shane entered Ari's office::
Holly: ::Slaps forehead:: Look...what the FUCK do you want? ::gets in Shane's face:: We're busy...
RVD: ::puff puff:: Chiiiill dude...we're just ::exhale:: helping Jeff out man...
Ari: ::steps away from shower:: For your information Hurri-Bitch...Jeff came into work this morning covered in flour and oil...and we, being nice friends, decided to give him a little rinse...
Shane: Whay was Jeff cuvered in flawr ayand oyul?
Holly: Long you need anything?
Shane: Ah jist antid tew cum teyell yew gahs thayat yew 4 ayand Matt ayand Edge is wurkin' awn da assemblee lahn ayand Kristeh, Shannon, Chrischun, Randay, ayand Danay is wurkin awn da ayadvertasmunt ayand stuff fer day neyext few days....
Ari: get lost...please... :snobbyandannoyedahray

Later that day:

Christian, Dani, Kristy, Shannon, and Randy were all gathered around Dani's computer (in her Christian shrine of an office) trying to think up a good logo.

Shannon: Mah 10 inchiz awn a nass waht ayand silver bayack grawd!
Dani: Ummmm.
Kristy: Your ::ahem:: I highly doubt that it will seel socks made of tooth floss...
Randy: How about a picture of socks and dental floss having a biiiig ass orgy! :hornyrandy
Dani: OOOh I know! I know! A POT LEAF! :potheaddanay
Christian: Or we could stick to something more related to the product, ey!
Shannon: Haw abawt we put a nass tewth ayand din we rap it up in a sawk...lahk a sawk scarf!
::cricket noises::
Randy: S-sorry...didn't get any last night... :needssomerandy
Kristy: Ok...this is what we're gonna do...we take a picture of a FlossySock, ok? and then we put it on a foot....but also...we can have the guy pulling a piece of it off flossing with it!
Dani: I dunno...Matt'll want him to be stuffing...
Christian: Is that dork chop, Matt Hardy, here right now, ey?
Dani: No..
Christian: Well then :pissedoffchristian
Dani: What's your problem?
Christian: I don't have a problem!
Shannon: Leyet's nawt faht!
Christian: :poutingchristian
Dani: Ooook...anyways ::Looks at computer screen::

Meanwhile...back in the factory:

Holly: do we get this thing to work?
Jeff: ::whispers in Holly's ear:: It's nawt nass
Holly: ::giggles:: OOh..that tickled ::winking::
Jeff: Nass...:hornyandstillsmellinglikeabakeryjeff
Holly: You know Jeff...if we weren't working right about now...and you didn't smell like a kitchen...i'd do ya... :)
Jeff: Gawsh :blushingjeff
Holly: You know...I haven't had any in days ::blindly pushing buttons on floss machine::
Jeff: Gee nahther...ah think... :confusedjeff
Holly: Yeah...::whispers in Jeff's ear:: After work... ::winks and walks away::
Jeff: NASS! :hornyjeff

Ari: Now how do I work this god damn sock flossing type hanger ma-thingalingy... :sakoconfusedahray
RVD: ::walks over:: do it... ::puff puff:: yeah... ::pushes a few buttons, pulls a few levers and the machine starts up::
Ari: Finally....these damn machines must be a hundred years old...
RVD: They were shipped in from Taiwan specially about a week ago...yeah...
Ari: How do you know so much about the machines?
RVD: :sakosmilinghighrvd Come on...I am.... ::points to self:: RVD....yeah...
Ari: So they aren't 100 years old?
RVD: Think logically...yeah...::puff puff:: How often have you seen a sock floss mold?
Ari: Well -
RVD: Wonder if you would put weed in these things man....yeah....
Ari: Rob...I...I would...d-NO!
RVD: ::puts weed into sock floss mold:: Yeah...
Ari: Tazz is SO gonna kill you...
RVD: Yeah.... ::puff puf:: ::exhale::

::Fade to black::