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The Hammock Wars

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This little page here is to tell of the misadventures of my hammock. It happened some months ago, and i was lazy and never put it up. But here it is, in full amusing detail.

The whole fiasco began when my dear x-boyfriend was going away for the weekend, to place that I shall not name because no one needs to know just how weird my x-boyfriend is ::coughSuperHeroConventioncough::. Anyway, he went away, and I was sulking around my house. My parents, for some reason, took pity on me, and told me I could get anything I wanted this weekend to get my mind off of my far off love. I replied, quite innocently, that i would really like a hammock. They exchanged a look of amusmant, and agreed.

Saturday morning, my mother and I trecked out to several stores that might sell hammocks. We finally located one at a store for a relatively low price, and bought it and the stand. Here was our first mistake- we failed to notice the words "extra large" on the side of the hammock stand box. We get it home, and bring it to the backyard, and assemble it with some ease, and then stepped back to admire our work.

The thing was the size of a sailboat.

We assume that maybe it can still be usable, but we were wrong. By the time we managed to get the hammock so that the person in it was not actually on the ground, the gaps in it were so wide that one was in danger of falling through it. So back to the store this hammock and stand went.

Feeling slightly dejected, I decided maybe I could find one online. A short time later, I found a lovely hammock that came with a stand (fit to the hammock) for a VERY low price, with little shipping and handling. Just to make sure, we decided to call instead of order the thing online. It was a good thing we did, seeing as the prices online were wrong, and not only was everything sold seperately, with each peice costing as much as the hammock and stand we had previously bought combined, but the shipping and handling was twice as much. So that idea was scratched.

My parents wanted to give up but I insisted on continueing on. The next day my mother and brother and I went out again, and bought another hammock that contained the stand with it. We brought it home, and laid out the pieces, and turned to the instruction sheet. But alas, no instruction sheet was there. We searched and searched but had to give up eventually. Assembling the hammock by the picture on the box alone was the way it had to be.

Well, we started, and picked two peices that (we hoped) went together, and tried to put them together. They wouldn't budge. We got a rubber mallot, and slowly but surely, we managed to pound them into place. This process worked for some time, unitl a tap on one of the more resistant pieces sent the head of the rubber mallot flying across the yard. Sigh.

Not to be discouraged, we got a regular hammer and pounded away until at last the reluctant peices went together. Not realizing, of course, that in doing so, we'd bend the peices out of shape. The didn't fit together now. Arg. We had to chisel them down to the right shape again. Finally, we had the thing assembled. the frame was together, the hammock itself fit, the wheels were attatched. Everything was perfect.

We moved the hammock into the place where we wanted it to be in the yard, and congratulated ourselves on a job well done. Then we looked back to see the wheels and various other pieces trailing behind us. Sigh. Reatatching the pieces that had come loose, we finally had the thing finished. It had taken days to do it, but I had my hammock I was pleased. Others would not be so pleased. As we left the store the second time with our second hammock, we saw some other poor sods purchasing the same super sized frame and regular sized hammock as we had the first time. My family being quite bitter and cynical, did not tell them, and decided to let them have their own hammock wars.