You're not alone.  Ever since I started exploring these issues on the internet, I've heard from a lot of people looking for advice on how to deal with a loved one who said that he or she was gay.  Most often, I hear from concerned parents, but I've also heard from friends and other relatives.

If you weren't prepared for it, it can be quite a shock to hear those words, whether you're conservative or liberal.  Sometimes parents blame themselves.  I know my parents spent a lot of time trying to figure out what might have happened in my childhood to make me that way.  And if you're someone who believes that homosexual behavior is wrong, it's especially hard to know what to say or do.  How can you be supportive of a person you care about if that person is talking about doing something that you believe is wrong and will ultimately be harmful to them?

Well, I can't give you all the answers here, but I do have a few things on this site you may find helpful.

First of all, you'll probably want to check out the main page, since it has links to all the major stuff on the site.  You can pick and choose the articles you think would be most helpful to you.

If you want an understanding of what it really feels like to go through all this, I highly recommend reading my story, "How I Came to Call Myself Gay."  That's the most popular thing here, and I'm always getting email from people telling me how much it meant to them.  The more you understand, the better you can respond to your loved one.  You might even want to show that story to them and ask if it's in any way similar to what they went through.

When it comes to homosexual behavior, some Christians believe that it's okay with God, and other Christians believe that it is sinful.  If you believe that it's sinful, you're probably worried about what this all means for that person you care about.  First of all, remember that there is a difference between feelings and behavior.  Many people (like me) call themselves gay because of their feelings, but are not sexually active.  (See my article on gay Christians.)  If your loved one believes that gay sex is wrong, he/she may decide either to remain celibate or try to become straight.  It is important to respect his or her decision.  Trying to pressure someone into an ex-gay program will only damage your relationship.

Other Christians (including, perhaps, your loved one) believe that God blesses same-sex relationships as well as opposite-sex relationships.  Many people are surprised to learn that there is actually a very good biblical argument for this position, and it's important to understand this argument even if you disagree with it.  If you and your loved one are at odds over this, I recommend praying together about it.  If he or she is not a Christian, remember that you can't "argue someone to the Lord."  Pray for him or her, and trust that God will draw all people to Himself.  Remember that a relationship with God must come first.  Without God, arguments about sex amount to very little.

Above all, no matter what your situation is, emphasize that you love this person no matter what.  This is still the same person you've known and loved.

I hope the rest of this site will be helpful to you.  If you have any questions at all, please feel free to contact me.  I'll do my best to help or to answer questions.