valentine's day massacre
"you look as lovely as the hoover dam today, ellen."
what we did on our summer vacation
space, geeks, and johnny unitas
"the maniac is playing polka music, son! sweaty men in liederhosen squeezing accordions!"
new year's pete
"chew my lint, grandpa!"
"blow it out your nosehole, frank!"
"ahh... free air."
day of the dot
"deal with it dipwad! take us home!"
"i am a dot...i am a dot...i am a dot..."
"music of the gods!"
"on your right, the factory that produced our hitatchi barbecue.. sally loved vegetable kabobs."
"when love comes, you better pull over to the side of the road and open your door, because there's nothing in this world that matters more."
-"isn't it a wonderful morning!"
-"dawn was better!"
--mom and younger pete
"wax my nose hairs!"
"be strong, freckle-faced boy! sleep is for the puny!"
king of the road
tool and die
when petes collide
"what if you could get your license now, but for six months, you'd have a trout head?"
"bite my neck hair!"
"drink that. it's milk."
don't tread on pete
hard day's pete
grounded for life
-"i thought you'd be shorter."
--nona and younger pete
"most other fathers have something they're good at, like business or sports. all you have is a pile of grass."
field of pete
"soon you will be as cheese, boy--melty, melty, melty."
"nona f. mecklenburg's speech patterns could cloud men's minds."
"you're pathetic. just so you know."
"see you later--when we're on a lunchbox!"
the big quiet
"buckle up, gary. it's not just the law -- it feels good."
"i never know what to talk about with my dad. so whenever he's around, i just fake falling asleep. he thinks i have a degenerative brain disorder."
"gary, wherever you are, always know that there is a hand of bob's your uncle finely dealt for you."
-"pete wrigley, you have tasted the dark side."
-"and it tastes like chicken!"
--the pumpkin eters
"hey blowhole! wherever you are, in 45 minutes, i'm gonna be famous! you know what you're gonna be? a blowhole!"
farewell, my little viking (part 1)
farewell, my little viking (part 2)
"call me a truck and slap me til wednesday!"
"you too will enjoy the pleasure ridges."
--artie (talking about aluminum siding. (= )
"pink on the inside, crisperooni on the outside."
"ladies and gentlemen, glen wurtle's bike!"
on golden pete
"if anyone needs me, just skip a stone three times."
"fishstalker, are you wearing your bubble?"
"now begins the age of pete."
"gotta go. your father's gassed himself again."
"you could break everything in the house...dig up the yard...contaminate it with nuclear waste."
the trouble with teddy
"i mock your cheese danish and all it stands for!"
-"pete? am i not a nice guy? is it bad to be angry at a friend?"
-"not if you really hate him!"
--pete and pete
the good, the bad, and the lucky
"see that krebscout turning green
someone whizzed in her canteen"
--younger pete, monica, nona and wayne's marching song
"nobody talks that way about my lucky underpants!"
"here. the yellow ones taste like summer."
--nona (giving monica her lucky candy necklace.)
crisis in the love zone
"don't be a loser
don't be a dud
don't fall in love
or you'll feel like crud"
--younger pete and nona's anti-spring fever chant
"i'm gonna punch out a symphony on his face and dedicate his pain to you."
"all i know is this shade of red looks great with my new shirt."
"glad to see you're showing a little spine, 'cause when i get you alone, i'm going to yank it out of your body and beat you over the head with it... like a... a drum!"
oh christmas pete