You Asked For It! More Jokes!!
So You Need Some More Silly, Huh? We Got Your Silly Right Here!
Remember, The Independent Biker Does NOT Guarantee These Jokes!
Yo, Boo! Here's A Hallowe'en List For You
TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX
10) You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9) If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8) The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
7) You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
6) It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are.
5) Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.
4) If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.
3) It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2) Less guilt the morning after.
1) YOU CAN DO THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD.
Strange for the Strange -- It's A Fact!!
The venom in a Daddy Long-Legs spider is more poisonous than a
Black Widow's or a Brown Recluse, but they cannot bite humans because their jaws won't open wide enough.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
Mel Blanc (the voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.
Humans and Dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.
Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day
101 Dalmatians and Peter Pan (Wendy ) are the only two Disney
cartoon features with both parents that are present and dont die
throughout the movie.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara falls froze completely
solid.
There s no Betty Rubble in the Flintstone Chewables.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Did you know that you are more likely to be killed by a
champagne
cork than by a poisonous spider?
In Minnesota it is illegal to cross state lines with a duck on
your
head.
In Indiana it is illegal to ride public transportation for at
least
30 minutes after eating garlic.
Arizona requires its citizens to register with the state before going into the business of selling cocaine, marijuana, heroin or other
illegal drugs.
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed people do.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its
own
weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
Polar bears are left handed.
The flea can jump 350 times its body length;that is like a
human
jumping the length of a football field.
A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it
starves
to death.
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Brother Crash is Baaaad
Crash stopped by his Bro Hammer’s house. Hammer’s knock out Old Lady answered the door and said “Hammer isn’t home but you can come in and wait if you like”.
Who could resist. They went in and Crash got a spot on the couch with Hammer’s Old Lady sitting directly across form him.
“I have always wanted to see those beautiful breasts of yours”, he says, “I have a $100 bill I’ll give you to show me just one of them”.
She thinks for a minute, agrees and unleashes one for Crash’s viewing. After putting it away she picks up the hundred. Crash is very impressed and quickly pulls out another $100 bill and offers it for a second look, this time at both. Again she agrees, shows and picks up the hundred. Crash thanked her and asked if she would let Hammer know he stopped by.
Hammer arrived home a short time later and his Old Lady told him that Crash stopped by.
“Great “, Hammer says, “did he leave that $200 he owes me”?
Tough Hooker
.One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner
came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the
nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest
hooker in the Yukon" he said to the bartender.
"We got her" replied the barkeep. "She's upstairs in the
second room on the right."
The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the
hooker and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the
stairs, kicked open the second door on the right and yelled,
"I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest hooker in the
Yukon" The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said,
"You found her." Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed
her ankles.
"How do you know I want to do it in that position?" asked
the miner.
"I don't," replied the hooker, "but I thought you might
like to open those beers first."
3 Buddiesl
Three buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and
family
are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about
you?"
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great
doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful
husband and school teacher that made a huge difference in our
children
of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say...LOOK, HE'S
MOVING!!!"
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