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"I'm trying to be honest with you, and it hurts."
William Jefferson Clinton: Starr Grand Jury Investigation

- - - - -

(or, Hooray for "Our Side")

We're over the hill but don't feel sad
This side of the hill ain't all that bad.
So give us "five" and then a smile
To us who have been here for awhile.

With by-pass pain and mended hip
And plumbing fixtures prone to drip;
We all may seem a sorry lot,
But we rejoice for what we've got.

We have each day and what it brings
And on our pensions live like kings.
For the press that accuses what we take
To coin a phrase, "Let them eat cake."

We've paid our share for unused knowledge
As the kids are now all done with college.
We complain to them about our health
As they worry about our dwindling wealth.

And though our wardrobes may be plain
We'll suffer no more labor or pain.
Now it's with cane we do our strut
And if we can't drive - we still can putt.


Famous? Quotes

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
--David Dinkins, New York City Mayor,
answering accusations he failed to pay his taxes.

Smoking kills.
If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson
for a federal anti-smoking campaign

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
--Winston Bennett, U. Kentucky basketball

Outside of the killings,
Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

The streets are safe in Philadelphia.
It's only the people who make them unsafe.
--Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia

After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal,
the school board is extremely pleased to announce
the appointment of David Steele to the post.
--Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools,
Barrington, Rhode Island



Computer programs worst bug is Y2K, and if not solved, could result in:

Bill Clinton being eligible to run for a third term.

Chevy bringing back the Corvair and Vega.

Airlines accidentally installing seats large enough to sit in.

Your bank's phone system crashing, making you have to talk to a human
---instead of a recording.

The White House charging drug dealers the wrong rate for a Lincoln Bedroom stay.

The New Year's Eve ball in Times Square getting stuck,
meaning Dick Clark would forever be on TV.

Your VCR stops blinking MIDNIGHT, and starts blinking NOON NOON NOON.


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Email: N4NCK