To the best of my knowledge, this mulatto is currently fictional, although it may not be for long. It's the byproduct of what the asians call "sweet monkey lovin" between a negro woman -- a free negro, of course -- and a mexican -- a dirty mexican, of course. Now, these parents don't necessarily refer to anyone specific, so, let's just assume that this is all hypothetical. Anyway, thanks to the slave-rebellion black genes and the knife-fighting mexican genes, this mulatto is a paramilitarianist whose goals in life are to a) overthrow numerous governments and b) knife people to death. Which isn't completely unadmirable, I suppose.
This week's mulatto is famed golfer Tiger Woods. Tiger is a mixture of all four major races, which makes him a lot more like a mule than a tiger -- mules being the MULEattos of animals, of course. Anyway, he doesn't actually look like this picture of him, as his different colors have unfortunately blended into a somewhat ordinary brown. However, if he was spun very fast, the races would presumably differentiate, giving him a quartered appearance. Apparently, the substandard athletic abilities of whites and asians react strangely with negro's athletic prowess and the injun's love of nature, creating a Super Golfer. Go figure.
Allie Adams, a genuine mulatto, is this week's featured mulatto. She's half injun, and presumably half white. That means while every other self-respecting white man was busy killing the injuns for their land, some clown was off screwing Sacajewea, and after a few generations, there was Allie.* Kind of makes you wish Columbus sunk before he ever got here, doesn't it? HA HA HA!
*Free the Juice does not endorse killing the Indians and taking their land.
Well, once again this mulatto is fictional - or is it? If Adam Harkins mated with Yoda, the result would be similar to this. Of course, some logistical issues might be raised. For instance, neither Adam nor Yoda is, per se, female. Also, Yoda is a puppet, and is most likely devoid of genitalia - not unlike Adam himself. Plus, I'm pretty sure Yoda died. So, most likely you won't see this mulatto roaming the streets. Oh well.
Returning to the realm of nonfiction, this week's mulatto is the result of UVA founder Thomas Jefferson screwing a slave*. This mulatto has the characteristic gray skin that comes from mixing black and white, as well as powdered wig-like hair. Also, its crooked teeth prove the old adage "you can't take good care of your teeth when you're too busy working in the fields."
*Free the Juice, Inc., does not endorse slavery.
Similar to last week, this mulatto is also hypothetical. Eric Song, an asian, expressed interest in mating with Zelda, an elf, from Nintendo's "The Legend of Zelda." This is what the product of such a union would look like. Obviously, the asian and elf genes reacted badly with each other. Also, I would like to apologize to AARON BACHMANN. Apparently, AARON BACHMANN didn't find last week's mulatto very humorous. "It wasn't very funny" said AARON BACHMANN. In all likelihood, AARON BACHMANN won't find this week's mulatto funny either. Well, AARON BACHMANN, mulattos don't exactly grow on trees. Sometimes, it's hard to find a real one worthy of being featured here, and so I have to make one up. SORRY.
This week's featured mulatto is fictional. If Eric Song, an asian, did Sarah Michelle Gellar, a cracker, the product would look like this. As you can see, Sarah Michelle Gellar's far superior genes dominated Eric's asian genes, so that their child would look exactly like Sarah but nothing like Eric. We can all be thankful for that.
This week's mulatto is Rena Mukjeri, which may be her real name but I'm not sure. She's half indian, half cracker, so she looks pink. I think I only talked to her once, at some party. She seemed cool then. She hung out with sara a lot, I think. Whatever. I don't really care.
This week's featured mulatto is Dan Pinkus (not his real name). He lives with Aaron. He's half white, half asian. It's people like him who put the "asian" in "caucasian." Due to his mixture of races, he has moderate intelligence but virtually no basketball skills. Also, he most likely has an odor.
