THE COLUMNS
1998

The first one, which started as a letter to the Editor. They called me up and asked me to do this on a regular basis.

 Interview with a space monkey

    Why Al Gore is our secret weapon in the war on smoking

       Why I'm not the President
 
 






     In which I have a theory about what went on in the Oval Office


 






















 In which the truth was even weirder

    The final solution to the kudzu problem

My  Christmas gift list

 The naked truth about Dr. Laura

     A  serious column about the death of Matthew Shepard

  A solution to nuclear proliferation in India.

 Why we need to get Dennis Rodman back to work NOW

     A Christmas Carol For the Impeachment Season

       1999's News in Brief: You Heard It Here First!

1999
 

A Modest Proposal to End Government Scandal

The Road to Hell

Witnesses? We Don' Need No Steenking Witnesses!

In Which I Announce My Candidacy for President

Why I'm Glad Dan Quayle is Running (INCLUDES READER MAIL!)

Why the American Economy Can Never Fail

The 1999 Impeachment Awards: May I Have the Envelope, Please?

The Pagans Are Coming! The Pagans Are Coming!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

1999 (cont)

The Millenium of Monica Begins

In Which I Reveal the True Identity of the Antichrist

An Open Letter to Vice President Gore

If the Army Wanted You To Have a Mistress, They'd Have Issued You One

Time To Get Serious About Kosovo

Beware of TV Rage

Strike Up the Bland: A Local Radio Station Goes Soft-Rock

In Praise of Country Music

Get It Now, Get It First, Get It Wrong

Star Wars, Nothing But Star Wars....

It's a Soft Rain's Gonna Fall

Knock, Knock....

Lighten Up!

Americans Beware!

Star Wars Again: America's Ink Blot

A Modest Proposal to End School Violence

A Visitor's Guide to My Area (Written for the U.S. Open)

The Government and the God Biz

The Westchester Golf Crisis

Whack That Bunny!

Sorry Seems To Be the Hardest Word

The Smell of Money

Falling Out of the Tech Tree

Congress Tries to Close the High Frontier

Ask Me No Questions....

What Now, Bill?

A Dark and Stormy Night....

The Backup Campaign Plan

Let's Talk About the Weather....

It Probably Reads Better in the Original German

More  News in Brief

Art, For Chrissakes! 

The Oldest Profession?

I Wish She Wuz in de Land of Kiwis

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