Right then, watching her walk away, I knew that I would never see her again. All of the words had been spoken, but nothing had been said. Her lip gloss still greases my lips from a half-hearted ast kiss goodbye, and I could still smell her perfume. It was the first thing I had noticed about her, the way she smelled. She always smelled good. I would be far away sometimes doing business or another and walk past a girl wearing the same perfume and I would think of her and smile, thinking of how that scent hung heavy and sweet in the air on long distracting nights. Nights in her bed or in mine that somehow turned into late nights and then into mornings. But those nights will be gone forever now. The times that we shared will fade into the past and soon I will forget the way she used to laugh when I fell down, or how she looked at me, or how we would sit and watch nothin on TV for hours, and be happy.
The happiness was collapsed from underneath us by the distance. The distance began showing itself a few months ago and had been increasing everyday since. We both noticed it but neither of us wanted to recognize or admit that it was there. I dont know where it came from and I dont think she did either. Maybe she worked too hard or maybe I was emotionally immature. In the end, I dont think that it was either, and it doesnt matter. The distance grew like the cancer that attacked and eventually overtook the lives of three of my grandparents.
The distance grew until it was impossible for us to continue looking at each other and crack a weary smile and pretend that everything was fine. The distance grew to the point that it cornered us, here in my car, in the parking lot of a movie theater. We had nowhere left to run and had to face the music. We promised each other that it was no ones fault, that we still cared for one another, that we would still be friends tying up the loose ends of two guilty consciences. I was sure that we would talk on the phone a few times, maybe a couple of emails, but I would never again hold her hand in a movie theater or kiss her outside or a restaraunt. All doors close behind you. I think that I will always remember the way she smelled.
Mark 182
(Written by Mark Hoppus of Blink 182)
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