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More ideas for helping your child(ren) get through a divorce...

Each child will react differently to a divorce, depending on various factors such as age, birth order,family circumstances, and temperament. But there is a great deal parents can do to ease the adjustment. The suggestions that follow have been distilled from published research on children and divorce, from interviews with experts on child development, and from conversations with parents and children themselves.

Take pains to reassure your kids that they are not to blame for the divorce. Children, especially younger children, often are convinced that it's all their fault, and that if they'd been better behaved, this never would have happened. They may also believe that if only they can behave perfectly now, perhaps they can bring their parents back together again. Do your best to correct these misconceptions.

Explain the divorce to your children at least every six months. One explanation is not enough. As time goes by, their ability to understand what you tell them will change, and they'll have new questions and concerns.

Don't give up on setting limits. When your children are going through a difficult time, it's tempting to relax standards of behavior--especially if you're feeling guilty about disrupting their lives. But discipline is part of love, and it's important for kids of divorcing parents to know that they're being looked after as closely as before. At such an unsettled time, consistency is especially important.

Discourage your children from taking sides. And try to refrain from making bitter remarks about your ex-spouse where they can hear you. Children usually take after both parents. So they're apt to interpret a criticism of one parent--no matter how justified--as criticism of them, as well.

Resist the temptation to confide in your children. In the short run, it may make them feel flattered and grown-up. But they don't really want to hear about your troubles, and in the long run, they're likely to resent it. You will need to talk about what's happening, so make an effort to find adult confidants.

Don't make your children feel guilty about enjoying themselves with their other parent. You may be annoyed at your ex-spouse for lavishing treats on the kids. You may feel hurt that you aren't in a position to do the same. But try to set these feelings aside temporarily when dealing with your children. Eventually they'll sort things out and draw their own conclusions.

Respect the privacy of your children's relationship with your ex-spouse. Do your best not to pry when children return from a visit. Allow them privacy for phone conversations with their other parent. Don't use the kids to carry messages, letters, or checks between yourself and your ex-spouse.

Try to help your kids maintain a relationship with relatives on both sides. When parents are in the middle of a divorce, the extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins often becomes more important to children than ever.

Establish new traditions for holiday celebrations. More than any other times, holidays and birthdays remind kids that things will never be the same. Instead of ending up with a pale imitation of occasions past, try to do something entirely different. And be sure to make it something that you'll enjoy, as well. The happier you are, the more likely it is that your kids will be happy.