Version: The Ril Dil                                                                                                            Script By: Anonymous

scene tree -
big nig

*Person walks in center with card that says in big letters: “Scene 3” Then walks away.*
*Flips card, now says: “15 years later…”*
*Darkness. No lights.*

Narrator: It has been ten and five years since Unoka has passed away. Undoubtedly, Unoka has influenced young Okonkwo. Is this influence good or bad for our hero? What will become of Okonkwo?

*Lights brighten*

*Scene takes place in living room*

Ikemefuna: Papa, they’s dis short hoe I like dat sits next ta me in African Literature class, but I don’t know wat ta do. Should I tell her, o wat? Maybe I’ll jist let it sit, cuz she might not like me.

Okonkwo: Look boi, I’ll git sum’a my men tagetha an kidnap her an put her in ya room. Then bang her up all ya want.

Ikemefuna: But I got morals an principles, papa.

Okonkwo: *bitchslaps Ikemefuna* Niggas don’ got morals an principles aight?! Who da hell learned ju dis itsh?

Ikemefuna: Some white guy.

Okonkwo: Always dem crackers! Well, I’ll see dat he don’ lead our children ta da dark side. I jist bout had nuff a dis white itsh.

Ikemefuna: Well, I’ma go sit out frunt an count my cowries aight. Jist holla if ya need me.
*Ikemefuna goes outside and shuts the door behind him*

Okonkwo: itchB numba wun, I like dat boi, he tells me all da itsh he thinks about. I really don’t wanna have him die.

Wife1: But ju gotta. It’s Big Nig’s order.

Okonkwo: Yea, I guess yur right.
*door opens*
*big-ass, fat-ass, black-ass (and I mean BLACK ass, freaking black all over; other niggers are just dark brown) nigger appears along with some other niggers*

Big Nig: (in a deep voice) It’s time.
*Okonkwo goes to boy outside door.*

Okonkwo: Boi, these fine men is takin’ you home, come’on

Ikemefuna: (in a confused voice) Uhhhh…..aight, but what about Nilee?

Big Nig: (in a deep voice) Let’s go. Don’t be scurred.

Okonkwo: Wait lemme git ma du-rag.
*turns his back and walks away to get du-rag*
*after Okonkwo turns his back, Big Nig and other niggers shoot Ikemefuna*
*sound effects: Boom-Boom-Boom-Boom-B-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-Bam-Bam-Boom*

Okonkwo: Ike! *Runs over to Ikemefuna’s dead body and starts crying*

Wife1: Baby, git over it. Da boi’s dead. Now git ova hee-ya an’ gimme sum shugga.

Okonkwo: *immediately stops crying and turns into molester-y face* Now dat’s wat I’m talkin ‘bout!!
*Boom! Front door slams open. Two white people appear. They speak with royal English accents.*

Priest: You are hereby to abstain frome your sexual pleasures. That means everyone is to remain vertical. We don’t want any horizontal action or anything of that nature. That is all.

Okonkwo: Aight why da uckf does I have ta listen ta you?

Priest: Because Jesus says so.
*Turns around and walks out the front door while Okonkwo is still talking*

Okonkwo: I kin screw all da itchbes an’ hoes I want! An’ it ain’t gon’ be yo bizness. Hey! Git back hurr!

Wife1: Baby, please don’t start anything.

Okonkwo: Ef they do dis agin, they’s in fuh sum muh uckfin’ G itsh!

Wife1: Forget about him Okonkwo, at least until tomorrow ok?

*Lights fade. Person walks in center with card that says in big letters: “Scene Ends” Then walks away.*

Scene 4

I'm-a kill da nigga who wrote dis. It's so bad, I'm going home.