Version: The Ril Dil                                                                                                            Script By: Anonymous

scene one -
okonkwo’s childhood

*Person walks in center with card that says in big letters: “Scene 1” Then walks away. Play begins.*

*Unoka, blingin’ it, walks in with a basket of yams*

Okonkwo: Father, I have finished the chores. Do you have my egg, dearest father?

Unoka: *ffffffffffff* (takes a whiff of snuff rolled up in paper) Nigga please. I bin working ma ass off wid dem yams. How da uckf is I s’pose ta ra-memba?

Okonkwo: Is you jokin’!? You best not be.

Unoka: Aight, aight, aight, here’s a yam fo ya insted. I hit you back ta-mawra aight?

Okonkwo: You best be spittin’ the truf nigga, else I bust a cap on yo ass!

Unoka: *bitchslaps Okokwo* Who’s yo daddy itchb!?

Okonkwo: (in a disgruntled voice) You is.

Unoka: *bitchslaps Okokwo* Who’s yo daddy!?

Okonkwo: (in a disgruntled voice) You is.

Unoka: Nigga, don’t ju nevva talk ta me like dat evva agin aight?

Okonkwo: (in a disgruntled voice) A-ight.

Unoka: Here’s wun, two, tree, fo, fi cowries outta ma fitty. Go out and play while I hit it from da back wid jo mommas. An’ don’t ju come back till I sez so.

Okonkwo: Aight, peace out. (Leaves)

*Okonkwo slips the hoes a foty fo and they got in the back do’ (back door) before Okonkwo leaves, making Okonkwo stop*
*Bitches gather round Unoka and start rubbing him and stuff*

Okonkwo: amnD papa. These chicks don’t even know the name of your clan, but theys all on ya like they wanna hol’ hans! Anyways, peace out. (officially leaves)

*Camera follows Okonkwo*
*Okonkwo walks to market*

Market Man: Boi, wat is you doin’ widout jo daddy?

Okonkwo: He’s hittin’ from da back wid a bunch a itchbes an’ mah mommas, mista. Lemme tell ya, he’s pimpin’ like 6 itchbes at once! Dey’s gon’ be lil’ African pawprints on those itchbes asses when he’s dun. Dats why them itchbes have sweatpants on. Easier ta take dey pants off an ya know…

Market Man: amnD! 6 itchbes et once!
*A bunch of people who were sitting at a nearby table walk up to him.*

Guy: (says to Okonkwo) Wat did ju say?

Okonkwo: Nigga, you hurrd wat I sez. Mah pa’s pimpin 6 itchbes.

Guy: Damn itchb! She’s in fo’ sum itsh tuh-night!

Guy2, 3, and 4: (not synchronized) Yea, same wid mine.

Guy2: Is we gunna shoot that son-of-a-uckf up wid a fo’ fo’ o wat? (a fo’ fo’ is a .44 caliber handgun; refer to dictionary.)

Guy3: Uckf no nigga! We’s gunna hit’em wid my uzi!!! (pronounced “oozy”, an automatic firearm; refer to dictionary)

Guy4: Fo’ fo’s a too weak. We’s gon’ hit’em wid uzis AND AKs aight? (an AK refers to an AK-47; refer to dictionary.)

Guys: (not synchronized) Aight.

Guy: Who’s yo daddy boi?

Okonkwo: Unoka.

Guy: O, dat son-of-a-itchb. We’s gon’ git em good.

*Person goes to middle with scene card that says: “Meanwhile, back at Unoka’s obi…” and walks away.

Unoka: itchB numba wun! Where is you!?

Wife1: Rot hurr!!!

Unoka: Git jo ass over hee-a! Same wid ju itchB numba two!

*Wife1 and Wife2 go over to Unoka*

Unoka: I’m-a hit it from da back ta da front an’ side-ta-side!

Bitches: (giggles)

Unoka: Wat is all y’all waitin fo’? Strip yo close off NOW!

*They start taking clothes off, but person with scene-card walks into middle with “Censored” card and “Scene Ends” card.*

Scene 2

This is f***, I'm going home.